by Pam Howes
‘Alice, are you okay?’ Millie asked, concern in her voice.
‘I’m fine. Just thinking about when I first held Cathy in the air raid shelter and how lucky you both are that Jimmy isn’t abroad like Terry was. At least you get to share these first precious days together.’
‘We are, very lucky. Jimmy is over the moon. He wanted a boy, but deep down it wouldn’t have mattered what it was.’
‘As long as it was healthy,’ Sadie finished for her, looking at Alice, who was blinking hard.
‘I’m just glad it’s over,’ Millie said, fidgeting to get comfortable. ‘And I can’t wait to have my stitches out tomorrow. So painful. Don’t think I want any more.’
‘Me and you both,’ Sadie said, raising an eyebrow at Alice, who chewed her lip.
Millie stared at the pair. ‘Something’s going on. I can feel it in my water. Alice, are you…?’
Millie’s question hung in the air as tears ran freely down Alice’s cheeks. She nodded her head.
‘I wasn’t going to bother you while you’re laid up, but yes. Ten weeks. I just found out.’
‘Oh, congratulations,’ Millie squealed. ‘I bet Jack’s thrilled to bits, like Jimmy was.’
‘Er, well that’s the problem,’ Alice said quietly. ‘He doesn’t want it. Told me to get rid.’
Millie’s eyes widened. ‘No. Oh my God. Why would he say that?’
‘Because he hates kids.’
Millie shook her head. ‘Even so. I can’t believe he would want that. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. But you’re not going to, are you?’ She lowered her voice. ‘Get rid of it, I mean.’
Alice shrugged and handed Paul over to Sadie for a cuddle. ‘I’ve no idea what to do. I need to talk to him again, when he’ll speak to me.’
‘Well good luck,’ Millie said and leant over to give Alice a hug. ‘Please keep me up to date with what’s happening.’
‘I will.’ But after holding little Paul and feeling a rush of love for a child that wasn’t even her own, Alice knew she couldn’t get rid of her baby, no matter what Jack thought, said or did.
* * *
Cuddling Millie’s baby boy had decided Alice’s own baby’s fate. He, or she, was entitled to a life, no matter how it was conceived or what its selfish father thought. Alice had come home from visiting Millie in the hospital with an air of determination and her mind made up. As soon as Jack locked up the bar she was ready to talk to him. She made herself a mug of cocoa and sat with her feet up until she heard him coming up the stairs.
‘Thought you’d be in bed, gel,’ he said as he flopped down on the sofa next to her.
‘I’m going soon, but we need to talk, Jack.’
‘Oh aye? How was Millie by the way?’
‘Millie’s fine and so is baby Paul.’
He sighed and tapped his fingers on the arm of the sofa. ‘Look, I’m sorry for what I said, Alice. It was a shock and after we’d decided no kids, it was the last thing I was expecting.’
She nodded. ‘It was a shock for me too, but I want this baby, Jack. It deserves a chance.’
She offered him an ultimatum. He either stuck by her decision or he gave her back the money she’d handed over to run the Legion, and she and the kids would move out. ‘If you don’t agree then I will go and see a solicitor. I’ve still got the paperwork from the house sale, proof that I put the money in.’
She knew full well Jack would never be able to pay her back. Taking some control over the situation was giving her strength. Her confidence was growing as she looked at his stricken face. If he wanted to keep the Legion, he had no choice but to agree to her ultimatum.
‘Okay, gel. Whatever you want. I’ll do my best, but you’ll have to bear with me at times.’
She half-smiled in reply. That would do for now. She’d give him this chance and see how things worked out. As long as he accepted the baby and kept his anger under control, she could cope.
22
August 1948
Alice eased her aching back onto the sofa and Cathy brought her a padded footstool from under the window. She swung her feet up onto it and wiggled her toes. Her ankles were swollen, her legs throbbed and her head was banging. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift over the last few weeks. No one could ever accuse her of not pulling her weight. She’d worked her final day at Lewis’s today and it was longer than she should have continued working.
Her thoughts turned back to the surprise tea party thrown in her honour today. Mid-afternoon, Sadie had placed a blindfold over her eyes and, linking her arm through Alice’s, had led her to the canteen.
‘Surprise,’ everyone had shouted as Sadie removed the blindfold. Alice was surrounded by half the staff from cosmetics, who all gave her a hug and kiss and wished her well for the future and the baby’s birth.
‘The rest of the girls will be down later,’ Sadie said. ‘They’ve had to take their breaks in shifts. Now sit down and I’ll bring you some goodies over.’ She was soon back with a tray of tea cups, sandwiches and sausage rolls. ‘Get stuck in.’
Alice was surprised to find she was hungrier than she felt and wolfed down her share.
‘Eating for two, I see,’ Sadie teased, taking a sip from her cup.
After Alice had finished her food, the supervisor called her over to a table that was decorated with bunting and laden with packages. In the middle sat a wicker basket packed with baby toiletries and clothes. Alice’s eyes filled with tears as she was presented with a large bouquet of colourful flowers and a card that had been signed by all the girls she worked with.
‘Just to thank you for all the help you’ve given us over the last few months, Alice. Keeping up morale with all the work going on around us and also for staying on longer than you should have done. Now it’s time to put your feet up and enjoy a good rest, until the little one arrives to keep you busy,’ Dolores Redfern said.
Alice thanked everyone for their kindness and told them she was coming back to work as soon as she could. She smiled as a cheer went up and people came forward to give her a hug.
Marlene had made a return to work possible by kindly offering to look after the new baby as well as taking Cathy to school and picking her up afterwards. They’d agreed a small minding fee and Marlene seemed happy with it.
As Alice and Sadie sank back into their seats in the taxi that had been provided to get Alice and her presents home safely, she smiled wearily. ‘Oh, thank goodness for that. Just Cathy’s birthday party to sort out this weekend now and then I can take it easy.’
‘Well, the kids are back at school next week so you can unwind and get ready for the birth,’ Sadie had said. ‘Enjoy the peace while you can.’
* * *
Cathy’s seventh birthday party was held in the concert room and was packed with excited children from her class, who had all been invited to the event. They played noisy games of pass the parcel and musical chairs, with Brian taking charge of the music. Sheila and Polly had prepared the buffet of beef paste sarnies, sausage rolls, iced buns and pink blancmange.
They and Sadie waited on the children, insisting that Alice took it easy and sat with her feet up.
Sadie brought her a cup of tea and a bun over. ‘They’re having a lovely time,’ she said. ‘It’s great that you’ve got this huge room so they can run wild, although Brian has pretty much got them under control and doing as they’re told. He’d make a fabulous teacher, you know. Bet Jack’s enjoying himself up there listening to every squeal and popped balloon.’ She raised her eyes to the ceiling and grinned. Jack was in the flat upstairs, keeping out of the way.
Alice laughed. ‘Well, he was invited to join us but he said he’d rather stick pins in his eyes than go to a kids’ party.’
‘Ah, Polly’s bringing out the cake with the candles lit,’ Sadie said. ‘We’d best go over and sing “Happy Birthday” to Cathy.’
Alice pulled her daughter close as everyone joined in and wished Cathy a happy birthday. Cathy blew out
the candles to cheers, her cheeks flushed and her eyes shining.
‘Did you make a wish and have you enjoyed yourself?’ Alice asked.
Cathy nodded. ‘But I can’t tell you because then it won’t come true.’ She ran off to join Debbie and another little girl, who were showing Gianni how to dance.
On leaving, with a slice of birthday cake wrapped in a paper napkin and clutching a balloon on a string, every child declared it was the best party they’d ever been to. Alice smiled as she waved them all goodbye and thought of Jack sitting upstairs, listening to the happy sound of children enjoying themselves. It wasn’t his idea of fun, but to give him his due, he’d earlier set the room out ready, arranging the tables so there was plenty of room to play and run around. He’d pinned some streamers on the ceiling, and he and Brian had blown up the balloons. His efforts were better than nothing.
She and Jack were getting along better, and he was trying his best to be a part of the family. He’d got what he wanted and so had she. She could handle it, for now. Alice was pretty certain he was still sleeping with Sheila, but while he was, he was keeping his distance from her and considering how fat and whale-like she looked – and felt – she couldn’t blame him.
Now everyone had gone home and Brian had walked Cathy round to Granny’s with some cake, she was planning to take Sadie’s advice and ask to look at the accounts, before Jack went down to the bar to work.
She took him some food upstairs and made a pot of tea. She sat down next to him and bided her time until he’d finished eating before broaching the subject.
‘Now I’ve finished working,’ she began. ‘I can probably take over doing the books here. I’ve been used to doing the tilling up and paperwork in my department, so it can’t be that much more difficult to do ours.’
Jack frowned and shook his head. ‘You’ve enough to be thinking about with that babby coming. You don’t want to be mithered with book-keeping on top of everything else.’
‘But I’d like to be mithered, Jack,’ she said. ‘It’s our business. I should know how we’re doing financially.’
‘Take it from me, we’re doing fine. Anyway, the books are with the accountant right now, so you’ll have to wait.’
Whether he was telling the truth or not, Alice had no idea, but she knew she’d be too busy to worry about them for the next few weeks. She’d ask again when she’d had the baby and had the time to study them properly. Brian would help her to understand them. Keeping things as normal as possible for the kids was all Alice wanted right now. Brian had one more year of college and then he could apply for university. Her job of making sure he had the best education was almost done. If she could make the marriage work for at least another few years, Cathy might get into grammar school. She was clever, like Brian, and deserved the best too. Alice would have to see how much she could stash away from her wages to help with the costs of uniforms and books, but she knew that Granny Lomax would help with all that if needed, especially for her only grandchild.
Alice, Brian and Cathy were going to Granny Lomax’s bungalow on Sunday for tea, along with Millie and Paul and Sadie and Gianni. It was to be an extra little birthday party for Cathy. Alice saw little of Granny Lomax these days, but Brian and Cathy still did a regular visit on Sunday afternoons. Alice walked with them and then went to Millie’s for an hour or two rather than trudge back to the Legion on her own. Besides which, she also didn’t want to walk in on Jack with Sheila. Leave them to it. If Sheila was willing to meet his needs with nothing promised in return, then more fool her. There was no way Jack would divorce Alice to be with Sheila, even if he wanted to. Alice held all the strings financially, as she still had the proof the bond for the Legion had been paid for with her money, and she rejoiced in feeling like she had some sort of control over her life until she could afford to move on.
Back in July the National Health Service had been formed, making care in hospital and from the doctor’s free. Having her baby wouldn’t cost a penny so Jack couldn’t even moan about that now. He seemed to have accepted his lot, but Alice still didn’t trust him completely.
* * *
‘More tea, Alice?’ Granny Lomax hovered with the tea pot as Alice opened her eyes and smiled.
‘Oh sorry, I think I dropped off for a minute,’ she said as Granny refilled her empty cup.
‘An hour, dear. You’ve had an hour. You must have needed it. You look wiped out. You shouldn’t have stayed on at work for so long. It’s time to be resting. Everybody is out in the garden on the lawn.’
‘Are they? I’ll join them in a minute.’ Alice shuffled upright on the sofa. ‘And I will rest now. I wanted to make sure I had everything I needed before I finished work. I’ve nothing left from Cathy’s baby days. Didn’t think I’d need them any more.’
Granny’s answering smile didn’t reach her eyes. ‘Yes, I did wonder about that. I thought you and Jack wouldn’t be bothering to extend the family. Seems I was wrong. I, er, I got the impression he doesn’t really like children.’
Alice raised an eyebrow. ‘He’s changed his mind.’ There was no way she could ever admit to Terry’s mother how she came to be pregnant again.
‘Really?’ Granny’s tone was disbelieving. ‘Ah, here’s Sadie. Hello, dear, are you coming in to keep Alice company? I’ll just go outside and see if anyone else wants a refill.’
Sadie sat down beside Alice. ‘How are you doing?’
Alice shook her head. ‘I’m so very tired.’
Sadie nodded. ‘I’m sure you are. Was she giving you the third degree then? I caught the tail end of the conversation.’
‘Sort of. Just being nosy, I think. Said she thought that Jack didn’t like kids.’
‘You still haven’t told her what happened that night?’
‘God no. Only you and Millie know that. I’d be mortified if she knew. I’d never hear the end of how right she was about Jack and how I should never have married him. And she’s dead right, I shouldn’t have. But it’s too late now. I’m trying to make the best of it all for the sake of my family. There’s good days and there’s bad days.’
‘Well, we all have them,’ Sadie said. ‘But you know something, for all his faults; Jack wasn’t too bad a few years ago. You really liked him and he liked you. So what went wrong? Do you think it’s something in his past? Maybe he was treated badly in his childhood and that’s what’s made him like he is today? I mean, what he did to you was, and still is, inexcusable. And it’s not something I would ever have thought him capable of. So what’s changed him?’
Alice shrugged. ‘Taking pills and drinking makes him paranoid. But he says he needs to do it, otherwise he can’t deal with the pain in his foot. But it changes his personality. He’s not nice when he’s downed that mix.’
‘Best just keeping out of his way when he has then. You’re going to have to be careful over the next couple of weeks though now you’ve finished work. Try and keep on his best side.’
‘I will do. I’ll stay in bed until he’s gone down to the bar. Marlene will come and pick Cathy up for the next few weeks.’
Sadie shook her head. ‘What a way to live though, Alice. It’s not right.’
‘No, it’s not, but it’s all I’ve got for now,’ Alice said with a wry smile.
* * *
‘Alice, before you go, I need to speak to you in private,’ Granny Lomax said after seeing the other guests out. ‘I’ve asked Brian to take Cathy round to Marlene’s house with a bit of birthday cake for her. I didn’t want them to hear what I have to say.’
Alice, who had just been to the bathroom, waddled back into the lounge and lowered herself onto the sofa. ‘Okay, what’s up?’
‘It’s a bit delicate and I don’t want to upset you, but I’m worried about Cathy, very worried, in fact.’
Alice frowned. ‘Why? She’s okay.’
‘No, she’s not. She’s asked me if she can come and live here when you have the baby.’
‘What?’ Alice’s jaw dropped. ‘But
why?’
Granny cleared her throat. ‘Now, I don’t think she’s making this up, because she got all upset when she told me. Apparently Jack said that if she ever told tales about what happens at home he’d send her to the naughty girls’ home and you and he would have more babies to replace her. She’s never told tales to me, but I know she’s been a nervous wreck for a while now, the bed-wetting episodes tell me that. And now of course you are having a baby, so she thinks that Jack is getting ready to take her away. That’s why she got in first and asked if she could come here. Alice, it breaks my heart to think things have gone on that he doesn’t want me to know about, things that are bad enough to threaten a little girl with. I didn’t want to have to tell you this but I’ve been doing a bit of detective work after something came to light at the church coffee morning a good few months ago.’
Alice sat bolt upright and shook her head. ‘People tittle-tattle all the time, you know what it’s like round here for gossip. For all his faults Jack’s my husband, and we’re trying to do the best we can. I’ll speak to Cathy and get to the bottom of what she told you.’
‘He doesn’t like children. I know that for a fact.’
‘How… how do you know that? You don’t really know anything about him.’
Granny laughed. ‘I know more than you do, Alice. Has he ever told you about his daughter, Elizabeth, and her mother, Susan?’ She sat back as Alice’s face blanched. ‘No, judging by the look on your face he hasn’t. I met the young lady and her little girl some months ago. He gave them a hard time. Told her he didn’t want the baby. Made her try and get rid of it and even threatened to push her down the stairs if she didn’t. Susan was only just eighteen when the baby was born. He’s had nothing to do with either of them since, and Elizabeth is about five now. Your husband is a nasty piece of work, Alice. He’s not a nice man and it makes my blood run cold to think that my young granddaughter is living with him. And now you are about to give birth to his baby. I hope for you and the child’s sake he’s changed, but I won’t hold my breath. I wanted to tell you this a while ago, but I know you’d have accused me of interfering. I didn’t want to risk being cut out of Cathy’s life entirely, but she’s upset and so I’ve made it my business to say something now.’