Stern Desire Love Redeemed

by Leah Shay

  "I have the right girl. Just say yes. You set the pace to this relationship."

  "And what kind of relationship are we talking about?"

  "A complicated one," he said without hesitation.

  His eyes pleaded for an answer. How could I say no to him? I did not want to. I wanted so much to give this a try, but the fear of this relationship going bad, along with being caught and losing my job and everything I'd worked hard for, was daunting. I was terrified. After what Ella said, I should probably say no. That would have been the right thing to do.

  I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. Hoping that I was making the right decision.

  "We'll give it a try, but you better behave."

  "I should kiss you, but ... I think that I would be misbehaving." His lip were inches from mine.

  I quivered on the inside. His closeness summoned a deep ache inside my pelvis.

  I nervously cleared my throat. "Um ... that's right."

  He leaned back in the bed. "Go have a seat at the table."

  "Do you need me to help you get out of bed?"

  "I can do this," he said, and expertly maneuvered himself out of the bed and into his wheelchair.

  The window shades were up and a spectacular view of the city lights was our backdrop. The flowers on the window ledge were replaced with orchids. The table was made up with fine china and silverware. He removed a wine bottle from the refrigerator, and wheeled himself over to the table.

  "Sparkling cider," he answered my mental thought.

  He lit the candles that were on the table, opened the cider, and poured it into two crystal glasses. J.C. brought in the food, which was already plated and steaming hot. He set the plates in front of us.

  "Thanks, J.C."

  "My pleasure, ma'am," he said, and then gave us a bow and retreated.

  There were Alaskan King crab legs sliced in half, exactly the way I liked it - just scoop and eat. Also on my plate were grilled steak, sautéed potatoes, and vegetables. We ate silently. I finished my glass of cider and I began to get that fuzzy feeling in my head. This was so ridiculous, me getting drunk from sparkling cider; but I'd seen this happen before, right here at work.

  "Are you sure this is sparkling cider?"

  "Why?"

  "I feel a little buzzed."

  He laughed robustly. "Are you serious?"

  "Listen, I can handle my alcoholic beverages. This is pretty weird."

  "You'll be fine. Perrier water?" he offered.

  "No, thanks. I never acquired a taste for that. Plain water will do."

  He poured water into a glass and handed it to me. I drank half of it.

  I wiped my mouth with the napkin, folded it, and placed it on the table.

  "When I came in at the beginning of my shift, you looked a little perturbed," I said.

  He stared at the glass on the table.

  "Ella came to visit and I broke it off with her."

  "That was premature."

  "I wanted to start with a clean slate." He spun the glass around on the table. "I was concerned because she has a tendency to overreact and do crazy things."

  "So, is she okay?"

  "For now she is."

  "We came up on the elevator together. Very attractive girl. Got the attention of everyone."

  "Yes, she also has issues that she is dealing with, and I did not make things any better for her," he said sadly, as he stared out the window. "Kyra, I destroy people's lives. I'm worried and scared that even though I want to be with you so badly, I will destroy your life, too." His eyes held mine. "I want to be with you more than anything else, but at the same time, I'm hoping that you'll tell me to go to hell."

  He looked away and said under his breath, "Sometimes I feel that's where I really belong."

  "Are you trying to scare me off?"

  "Is it working?"

  "I'm scared, too — petrified. This is my first relationship in eight years, and here I am, getting involved with Jared Stern. My stomach is all in knots from nerves. No wonder sparkling cider gave me a buzz."

  He tried to hide a smile.

  "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked Jared.

  "There has only been one other person in my life who I've shared such strong feelings for."

  "Where is she?" I replied, confused.

  There was sadness in his eyes. "She died."

  I reached over and took hold of his hand.

  "She was five months pregnant. After being sick for days and not having left the house, I persuaded her to go for a walk. She was hesitant, but I convinced her." He paused and I squeezed his hand, reassuring him.

  "It was a beautiful morning and we were sitting outdoors on the patio of our favorite coffee shop. The sun was shining brightly and there was a light breeze coming off the ocean."

  Solemnly he said, "I remember my phone was lying on the table when it vibrated. It was from work. She insisted I take the call, and I did. I left her seated at the table and walked into the coffee shop to purchase a drink and a bagel for her as she has requested."

  He lowered his eyes the pain evident as his voice cracked. "I was in the shop for no more than a minute when I heard screeching from car tires. I looked up and there was a car on the sidewalk sending umbrellas, chairs, and tables flying in all directions."

  My eyes filled with tears.

  "I ran from the store to where she should be ... I could not find her. I was going crazy, calling her name, hoping and praying, as the world spun in chaos all around me."

  The tears spilled down my face and I quickly wiped them away.

  "J.C. found her. She was lying on the sidewalk, blood streaming from her mouth; and as I cradled her in my arms, I kept on repeating, 'I'm sorry ... I'm sorry.'"

  Tears continued to stream down my face. His voice was thick with remorse. His pain was very apparent. His face was etched with the torturous memories.

  "She looked me in the eyes and told me that she was sorry ... She was apologizing to me. Two lives lost because of me." He paused, fighting back the emotions. "I was responsible. A day does not go by that I do not blame myself."

  He reached over and wiped the tears from my face. "I'm so sorry that you lost her, Jared, but it's not your fault."

  "I wish I could believe that, especially coming from you."

  "Baby, I have tragically lost someone dear to me too, Nate's dad. And I would have lost Nate, too, if his dad hadn't used his body as a shield and protected him from the barrage of bullets that riddled his car."

  "Kyra, baby, I'm so sorry."

  "Jared, I know what you are going through. I've been there; and I've relived it every year, the way no one should have to. It's the day my life began, ended, and was given back to me."

  He caressed my cheek with his hand. I leaned into it. "I'm so sorry."

  "Can you imagine me explaining to Nate a few years ago how his dad died after his insisting questions, only to have him reply ... " I choked. The words could not come out.

  "What did he say, Kyra?" Jared gently asked.

  Fighting back tears, I said, "He said ... 'I remember, Mom; I remember being in the car, with Dad leaning over me, and there was red everywhere.' I was shocked. He remembered his dad's death. He was only two years old. Nate was covered in so much blood, they could not tell if he was injured." I stared out the window at the once beautiful city lights, now a field of gloom. "I know what it feels like to love, lose, and be betrayed by ..." I could not go on.

  When I wanted to do nothing more than drown in the dark depths of my pain and sorrows, Nate was my life vest. He kept me afloat, even though at any minute I could so easily slip away. We looked in each other's eyes: two lost, deeply wounded souls, hurting in ways neither of us could have ever imagined.

  I wanted to feel Jared's lips against mine. Morals had flown out the window. I leaned over to kiss him.

  "Stop," Jared said softly.

  "Why?" I asked, puzzled

  "I'm being the responsible one."
r />   To heck with responsible.

  I could not resist the intense pull toward him. All I wanted to do was to kiss those lips, those full, juicy, pronounced lips. I leaned over and kissed his eyes tenderly, and planted little tender kisses down his face. I kissed the corner of his lips and froze; my heart raced. I was light-headed, shaky on the inside, and unbelievable warmth stirred on the inside. He groaned and pressed his lips against mine. Slowly and deliberately, he planted tender little kisses against my lips. He grazed his soft lips against my cheek. I closed my eyes tightly, and held my breath as my stomach went weak. His lips returned to mine. I opened my mouth slightly and he gently slid his tongue into my mouth. He softly explored my mouth with his tongue. It was a slow, heated, passionate kiss. My v-jay pulsated and I squeezed and contracted my pelvic muscles, wanting the pulsating to stop. He planted a gentle kiss on my nose, touched our foreheads together, and leaned back in his chair.

  "I've got to go," I said nervously. "I've been gone far too long." I stood up. "Thanks for dinner. Do you need help with anything ... cleaning up?"

  "I'll be fine."

  "Call me if you need anything."

  As I passed by his wheelchair, he held onto my hand and gently pulled me down for a kiss.

  "Thank you," he said, against my lips.

  J.C. was in the sitting area, making sure we were not interrupted. My coworkers did not notice my hour and a half disappearance. I called Jenn to see if she was at work.

  "I forgot that you were here tonight," Jenn said. "How is it going up there?"

  "Great. I'm calling to let you know that I've decided to take your advice and give the relationship with Jared a try."

  She was screaming joyfully. "I'm so happy for you, Kyra."

  "I want you to know that if things do not work out, I'm blaming you."

  "You can blame me all you want. I can handle it. I'm really, really happy for you."

  "I knew you would be."

  "Lunch later?"

  "Had lunch already."

  "So early?"

  "With him. He ordered lunch."

  "We'll talk later; I've got a trauma coming in."

  "Later."

  .

  "What's going on with your VIP?" Jackie, the unit secretary, asked. She was the unit's gossip columnist. She knew everything about everybody.

  "He's doing good."

  "Did you know he has been asking about you?"

  "Yeah," I said nonchalantly.

  "I heard he was upset yesterday when you did not show up for work."

  "Jackie, where are you getting your information?"

  "He was asking Claire questions about you. And she said she saw a file in his room with your name on it."

  "A file with my name? Why would he have a file with my name?" I was genuinely curious.

  "A background check, probably."

  "Maybe on me and everyone else who is taking care of him. You know how these rich people are. They do not trust anybody." I tried to play it off.

  "Why would he be so mad when you did not show up yesterday?"

  "Typical rich people, controlling. They like things their way."

  "I think there is more to this."

  "What?" I was beginning to get annoyed, but I had to play it cool.

  "I think he likes you."

  "I don't get that impression."

  "He likes you," she repeated and turned back to her computer.

  This was going to be all over the unit in no time. I worked with some of the most inquisitive people I had ever met. If Jackie knew something, it was going to be public information; she could not keep anything a secret. Thank God, I would be off until Monday. By then he might be discharged.

  I had nothing to hide; and if he did a background check, I would not be very surprised. He'd know a lot more about me than I did about him. I was debt free, no credit card bills or student loans. Both homes, cars, and motor bikes were all paid off. There was also the land in Naples. I still had the money from Rob's life insurance, and my additional savings. Holy shit! I had forgotten the numerous properties and small fortune that my sister put in my name as a contingency plan in case her marriage to the record executive did not work out. My sister never made a move without a backup plan; I, on the other hand, always dove in headfirst.

  At five-thirty in the morning, Jared called for Tylenol.

  "Morning, Kyra, how are you? You look tired."

  "And you look very uncomfortable. Are you sure Tylenol will help?"

  "Tylenol will be fine."

  "I'm missing you already," Jared said, after he took the Tylenol.

  "You'll be in good hands," I reassured him.

  "I prefer to be in yours."

  "You have my number; you can call me at any time."

  "Kyra, I've been thinking. Since I'm already here, I would like to get tested." He raised his eyebrows.

  "Tested, for what?"

  "If we are going to have ... a complicated ..."

  "Oh, what's the rush? You better not be getting any stupid ideas."

  "What ideas?" he teased. "As I said, since I am here, it would be more convenient. Not what you are thinking."

  "And what am I thinking, Jared?"

  "That I can't wait to have you, maybe even in this bed." He gave me his sneaky smile.

  "You have got to be out of your mind to think that I would get in that bed with you."

  "It could happen."

  "Just remember, I've been without for eight years. What does that tell you?"

  He pressed his lips together, trying to hold the smile in. "That you can wait even longer."

  "Why do I get the feeling that's not what you really want to say?"

  He ignored my question. "How are we going to do this?"

  "Talk to Dr. Collins when he comes in. He can arrange to have it done discretely, but I won't be getting tested until you are discharged."

  I met Dr. Collins at the door, as I left Jared's room. He was tall, mature, and always very well-dressed. He wore the nicest suits, and eye-catching watches. He was the most likeable doctor I had ever met: very pleasant, with great bedside manners, unlike most of the others, with their God complexes.

  He smiled, "Good morning, Kyra. How is our patient?"

  "He is doing pretty good."

  "Any issues, problems?"

  "No, he's doing just fine."

  "Thanks, Kyra."

  After seeing Jared, Dr. Collins found me at the nurses station.

  "He wants an STD panel, and we need to ensure complete anonymity." Dr. Collins filled out the paperwork.

  "Do you want me to do it?" I offered.

  "I'll do it. I know you guys are busy right now, but I'd appreciate it if you would get me the supplies."

  I glanced at the form Dr. Collins was filling out for the lab work and made a mental note of the name on the paperwork.

  "Do you need a urine sample, too?" I asked Dr. Collins.

  "Yes, please."

  I collected the supplies and gave them to Dr. Collins. He thanked me and returned to Jared's room to collect the lab work.

  The day shift staff began to arrive. It meant I finally got to go home and leave this stress filled place behind. I gave Sophia report and was finishing up my charting when Toni, a classmate of mine from the nurse practitioner program, came on the floor. She would write me scripts for medications, lab work, and radiographic exams after I'd done my usual self-diagnosis.

  "Just the person I wanted to see," I said to Toni.

  "What's up, Kyra?"

  "I need to have some lab work done."

  "Anything in particular?"

  I have not been to a doctor in years, and for a nurse who should know better, I should do better. The only doctor I see yearly is my OB/GYN.

  "The full work-up, including STD panel."

  "So who is the lucky guy?"

  "No one you know."

  "When are you going to leave bedside nursing? You have your Nurse Practitioner license, and you are not us
ing it."

  I have to do so many clinical hours for my Doctorate in Nursing practice program, I feel like I already have a full time position at the office of Dr. Sanchez, Jenn's longtime boyfriend.

  "I'll be finished with the DNP program in a few months and I'll go from there."

  "All the best, Kyra."

  "Thanks, Toni." She handed me the script.

  "Anytime."

  J.C. was in the sitting area as I entered. I was hoping for a quick goodbye.

  "Hold on a minute, Kyra. He's in a meeting," J.C. said.

  At seven-thirty in the morning, he was in a meeting? This guy had to be a workaholic. If he worked this hard while he was in the hospital, I couldn't imagine what he did when he was in the real world. Today was payday, so I checked my account and paid my bills while I waited. After ten minutes, I got up to leave.

  "J.C.?"

  "Yes, Ms. Harris."

  "Can you tell Mr. Stern I came by, but had to leave?"

  "Please, Ms. Harris, he's expecting you, and he will be very mad if I let you leave."

  "If you let me leave, J.C...." I stopped mid-sentence as the outer door opened and a very beautiful Indian lady, with the most gorgeous black, shiny hair and a well-tailored business suit, entered.

  "Good morning," she said pleasantly.

  "Good morning, Malini," J.C. answered.

  "Morning," I answered.

  She was carrying two briefcases that she placed next to the chair she sat in.

  The door to Jared's room slightly opened.

  "Zack, one other thing," Jared said. "Do you have a will, life insurance?"

  "Yes, sir," Zack answered.

  "Good, you face certain risks when you step into my world. Protecting me increases those risks exponentially."

  "It's a pleasure to be back, Mr. Stern," Zack said.

  "Ms. Harris," J.C. said, "you can go ahead."

  Zack held the door open for me. He was an attractive African-American man in his thirties, nicely dressed with a bad boy swagger.

  The door closed behind me. I stood at the foot of the bed. Jared was sitting up in bed with some paperwork next to him; the one on top was titled "liability release." Zack was another bodyguard.

  Jared patted the bed next to him, "Come, sit."

  "No need. There's someone waiting for you out there."