All Our Lives

by Violet Haze

  “They’re just dreams, right?” I give a hopeful look to all three of them. “I mean, yeah, they are inconvenient, but…”

  Tobias shakes his head. “The most recent one; you were awake when it came on. People dream during REM. You weren’t…well, asleep long enough for that to happen this time or the time at my parents’ house.”

  I release his hand and stand up. “Why should I believe they are anything else?” I go over and pick up a box, heading toward the door, tossing a final glance at Tobias. “Shall we?”

  They must all see it as end of discussion because they help me get the boxes into the car, no more mention of dreams. When we’re done, I tell Iris and Dexter I’ll see them some time during the week for dinner and we hug goodbye.

  But, as we drive away from the apartment, I notice we’re headed in the wrong direction. “Where are we going?”

  “Who did it?” He tosses me a look before watching the road again. “In the last one, who was it?”

  His sudden question catches me off guard. “I—I don’t know.”

  “You said you were running, that they were going to kill you. Who were ‘they,' Joce? Do you know?”

  “Y—yeah, actually, I do.” I hadn’t revealed who in the dream had talked about killing the girl. I didn’t figure they needed the grisly details but since he’s asking, I might as well. “The father told the uncle to do it. So, I guess he did. He had to’ve killed…me.”

  I feel strange saying the man killed me. It was just a dream! Yet, Tobias is shaking his head.

  “What?”

  His hands tighten on the wheel. “I’ll tell you when we get to my parents.”

  “No. Tell me now.” I rest my hand on his leg. “Why are you shaking your head no?”

  When he says nothing, I follow suit, glaring at him in hopes he’ll relent.

  After a few very long minutes, he sighs and takes my hand in his, lifting it up to his lips. Giving them a quick kiss, he returns my hand to my lap before gazing at the road once more. What he says next has my blood running cold.

  “They didn’t kill you, Joce. It was my uncle Artemis who grabbed you in those woods, and once he had you sufficiently drugged—“ he sucks in a breath but doesn’t look at me, “he convinced you we were cursed, and the only way to break the spell was to kill me.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  I’m not speechless.

  I probably should be. Instead, I’m fuming.

  “You knew? Why wouldn’t you tell me in the first place?”

  He scoffs at that, throwing me an ‘are you serious’ look. “There is no way you would’ve accepted this strange man sitting in your diner coming up to you and saying, ‘gee, I don’t know if you know this or not, but I’m your soulmate and we’ve lived six previous lives together. Give me another chance?’”

  Okay, he has a point.

  And I’m curious enough at this point to push aside the thought that even having this conversation makes me feel insane, and figure out what the hell is going on.

  “Why would the dreams start after I met you and not before?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugs, tossing me a rueful smile. “Truth is, you’ve never remembered before.”

  This is getting more interesting by the second.

  “You found me. You chased after me. You deliberately used my situation to get me to marry you.” My thoughts are going a mile a minute, finding their way out of my mouth as I try to understand. “Did you plan it all, even befriending my father? Wait, did my father know? If I’ve never remembered before, how did we end up together each time? Do you have the dreams too? Did you—“

  “Hold on,” he cuts in, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. “I have always known. Each time I would die, when I was born again I’d grow up knowing all about our history. I don’t know why you didn’t remember each time, but I’ve always believed it had to do with us having to work to break the curse.” He shrugs. “This is the first time you’ve had any notion of our past, which is strange all on its own. And no, your father didn’t know. As a matter of fact, I was shocked to discover that you were, well, you.”

  For some reason, that statement bothers me more than it should. “Why?”

  “First, neither of us look the same as we always did. We didn’t come back with the same looks; the fact you saw this face in your dreams is interesting, but the only thing either of us have kept is the color of our hair and eyes.” I nod when he throws a glance my way, then watches the road once more as he continues. “And second, in all the lives we’ve lived, you were always the rich one. You came from a rich family, which is why they were trying to keep us apart in the first place. You’ve got the hair and eyes, but your family wasn’t rich.”

  This is fascinating, so I ask the next obvious question.

  “What about your family? You guys aren’t poor. Did our positions in life switch perhaps?”

  He laughs, shaking his head. “Oh, we were poor for a long time. Any improvements to the farm are thanks to me — not that I ever mention it. We were on the brink of losing it for a while, barely able to keep up.”

  “But you’re rich now, so maybe that’s all that matters. And, after all, I was adopted.”

  “I’ve thought about that,” he says, turning onto the road that will have us at his parents in five minutes, then continues, “but we don’t have enough details. The dream has you running out of a house in which you were left alone. We don’t know where this house was or who your real parents were. But you were three and ended up being adopted, which can only lead me to conclude that nobody ever stepped forward to claim you. Don’t believe if your parents were rich, that somebody wouldn’t have stepped forward and said, ‘Hey, I know that kid.’”

  I’m not really sure what to make of this. I do, however, have one last lingering question. “How did you know I was, well, me?” I copy his earlier statement and he chuckles.

  “I didn’t know when I met your father. Like I said, we spent a lot of time together, but neither of us had a clue, until that day we went fishing and he described you.” He pulls into his family’s driveway. “When I saw you in that diner once I came back, I recognized you. There was no doubt.” Once he parks the car and shuts it off, he turns to me and takes both my hands in his. “You were different than I’m used to, though. Here you were…this shy, distant, and to be honest, a bit dowdy woman, when you’ve always been a vivacious, fiery, and formidable woman. A warrior to be reckoned with who died for me. Many times, apparently.”

  Lifting my hands to his lips, he kisses each of them before locking his intense gaze on me. “Then I met you as Luna — deliberately, so you’re aware — and saw that you’re exquisite as you’ve always been. You’re beautiful inside and out; stubborn, devoted, and a gigantic — albeit adorable — pain in my ass.”

  “Wow, I almost liked you there for a second.” The words have no heat, a smile stealing over my face at his compliments. Nodding at the house, I lift a brow, inquiring, “So…why are we here, exactly?”

  “You’ll see.” He gives me a quick kiss on the mouth and releases my hands. “Let’s go.”

  As he gets out of the car and I exit out my door, I have the sudden feeling that what I’ve learned is merely the beginning.

  And I don’t know whether I’m more intrigued…or terrified.

  But when he takes my hand once more and leads me to the front door, I know one thing for sure: I’m one very lucky woman to have him.

  I just hope I can love him like he deserves.

  ~*~

  Randolf is the first to see us enter the house.

  “Mom! Dad! Munchkin and his girl—wife are here!” He shoots me a smile. “Sorry, I still can’t believe this idiot actually married someone.”

  I don’t know what to say to that, so I laugh at his use of my joke nickname for Tobias, who rolls his eyes and says, “Ran, tell mom and dad and Breena to meet us in the living room. You can handle that, right?”

  He doesn’t wait for an answer befor
e leading me away.

  We aren’t in the living room long when they all walk in. Sven and Liv are beaming, while Randolf and Breena both look tortured. Tobias stands up to hug his mother and father, while Breena goes to stand near the window and Randolf takes a seat in a nearby chair.

  As they sit down, his mother says, “We weren’t expecting you.”

  Tobias continues to hold my hand as we sit next to each other on the sofa. He clasps it tightly as he announces, “She knows.”

  In an instant, all eyes are on me.

  The room is pretty damn silent. I shift in my chair, looking at them one by one.

  When they land on Randolf, he leans forward and smiles. “It’s about damn time.”

  I don’t get a chance to ask what the hell that means because Breena pipes in, “Why isn’t she crying hysterically like she always does?” Then she laughs when I give her a confused look. “I’m just kidding. You’ve never been told before.”

  “I didn’t tell her.”

  It’s nearly comical, the way their eyes widen as they go back and forth between Tobias and I, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Which is fine with me because I’m quite lost myself. However, I get the feeling that Tobias is having a ball right now, so I decide to fill them in.

  “I remembered,” I say, using air quotes, “or, rather, they were mostly in the form of dreams. For a few weeks now.”

  Filling them in as I had my friends earlier, they go from confused to nodding their heads by the end. But before they can comment or ask me questions, I fix my gaze on Breena.

  “The girls. Their names. Was it deliberate?”

  She nods, walking closer until she’s standing next to Randolf, then sits on the arm of the chair. “When I found out it was twins, I was so excited. I thought I’d have a little boy and girl, especially since…,” She pauses, biting her lip, her eyes filling with tears, “especially since, for some reason, Tobias and I weren’t twins this time.”

  Dazed by this revelation, I turn to Tobias. “Twins?”

  “Everything is messed up.” He looks away from me to his sister. “Jocelyn has informed me that in the life she killed me…” He pauses and I wince, meeting Breena’s eyes as he proceeds, “you were killed by our uncle after you overheard his and our father’s plot to kill her.”

  Breena pales at his words.

  I frown at her. “You didn’t know?”

  Randolf puts his arm around her while she shakes her head. “No. I never saw their face. We wondered who could’ve—but we should’ve known. He had you kill Tobias; it’s so obvious now.”

  “But why? He was ordered to get rid of me, not his—“

  My statement is cut short, my hands gripping Tobias’ arm as a sudden shot of pain through my head has me closing my eyes.

  I’m screaming.

  Blood. There is blood everywhere.

  My loves eyes are empty, wide open and lifeless, his last breath drawn at my own hand.

  It was the only way, that’s what he said. He said we were cursed and the only way to break it was to kill him.

  Only I do not know why that matters.

  My heart is empty, frozen forever at the look of betrayal in his eyes as I struck true with the knife, straight to his heart.

  Love.

  What do I know of love?

  My head hurts.

  Screaming. Why am I screaming?

  Why do I feel on fire?

  I close my eyes, crouching down to the ground as I drop the knife, covering my head with my hands.

  Squeezing.

  Why won’t it stop?

  The pain. It hurts.

  He’s pulling my hair.

  “Release me!”

  My eyes meet his — my love’s uncle — and find them full of hatred.

  It matters not he’s a handsome man.

  For his soul is ugly.

  My vision blurs as he drugs me again, holding me down as I scream louder and louder into the empty woods that shall never betray secrets.

  It’s cold.

  My screams cease, the calm in my brain matching the outside world, now silent.

  “You’re mine,” he whispers into my ear, confusing me as his tone is that of a lover. “And I shall make you see it’s as you were meant to be.”

  No! My brain is screaming but I cannot speak any longer.

  I am languid; frozen.

  And his kindness doesn’t last.

  For he drags me by my hair, through the snow, toward the cottage I know is nearby.

  I am not afraid.

  For now I feel nothing.

  And I never shall again.

  I am sitting in Tobias’ lap when I awake, cradled in his arms as I weep into his neck.

  “He w-wanted me,” I stutter through my tears. “Do you know where…?”

  “No,” he murmurs, understanding what I’ve left unspoken. “My father was born an only child this time.”

  “And he doesn’t want to kill me?”

  I expect a lot of reactions to my question, but not one of them involves them all laughing.

  Which they do.

  “I let you get married this time, didn’t I?” Sven’s chuckling voice breaks in through the laughter. “Not all of us are doomed to repeat the mistakes we’ve made in the past.”

  I sit up, facing him as I wipe the tears from my eyes. “He never came back, did he?”

  Sven shakes his head. “No. I sent people out to search for my son and found him dead. You and my brother were nowhere to be found, and never seen again.”

  “You thought we ran away together, didn’t you?” My words are calm even as I feel like puking. “You would’ve had no idea…”

  “Well.” He smiles at me. “My son informed me that wasn’t what happened years ago. We’ve been looking for you ever since. I’d say out of all of us, you’re the one in the most danger. You need protected.”

  My eyes widen. “You think he’ll come after me?”

  “We don’t know,” Tobias answers this time. “But we’ve no idea of knowing who he is this time. We all have to stay alert, be on guard.”

  “This is insane.”

  And it is. I don’t know why I’m sitting here, believing this is all true, but I know it is. I never ignore my instincts, so I won’t start now. But it doesn’t mean I’m not kind of freaked out.

  Because I am. A lot.

  Tobias pulls me close, hugging me once more. “Don’t worry. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

  “Isn’t that what the hero always says to the heroine in romance novels right before she’s kidnapped?”

  His family laughs again, the tension easing just a little. I relax into his arms, trusting that protecting me is exactly what he plans to do.

  Then, the doorbell rings.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I don’t like this man.

  Sven had answered the door and soon after the introductions, Tobias and I were encased with his lawyer, Brandon Cain, in his parents’ study.

  It isn’t that he’s slimy.

  On the contrary, he seems pretty smart, as well as being very charming. I estimate him as around forty with his good looks, full head of dark blond hair and green eyes. His manner is very straight forward, his eyes rarely straying from Tobias’ face as he goes over the pre-nuptial papers one final time.

  He also sits behind the desk as if owns it.

  Not doing anything to make me suspicious. Not staring at me as if fascinated, something I imagine someone whose obsessed with me, and has been for six lifetimes, would very likely do.

  Besides, Tobias wouldn’t hire someone without fully vetting them, of that I’m sure.

  I know there is no reason for my uneasiness except perhaps the conversation his family and I had right before this man’s arrival.

  Recognizing that I’m projecting my fear of an unknown assailant onto this man unfairly, I relax into the chair and focus my attention on their conversation.

  “Mrs.—“ Mr. Cain smiles at me,
his eyes meeting mine for the first time since he walked in. “Excuse me. What would you prefer to be called?”

  Tobias informed me previously that he hired Mr. Cain — who specializes in several niche areas — when he started his business six years ago, keeping him on retainer for many of his legal needs. He seems very competent, his question firm and respectful in tone. Since Tobias had sent him a message to visit us here after our unexpected detour, I keep my tone the same.

  I give him a self-conscious smile. “Please, call me Jocelyn.” I haven’t decided whether to change my name or not, but chances are I won’t, at least professionally. However, Tobias and I haven’t discussed it, and I don’t see it as of any importance at this point.

  He inclines his head. “Jocelyn, it is. Now,” he looks up at me, face serious, “you agreed to the terms and signed these papers of your own free will, after seeking private counsel of your own?”

  “Yes.”

  The terms are actually quite generous.

  The year is only the initial term. It means I spend a year as his wife, and once that year has passed, the diner is mine free and clear. After that, for every year we stay married, I am entitled to a certain sum of money; any children include an extra amount along with provisions for the future care and education of each one of them.

  Amounts that blew my mind, and even though children were nowhere on my radar, the fact such things were thought of really made me respect Tobias even more. He’s thought of everything, and for once, it’s nice not to have to worry.

  Whether we stay married or not, I am set in all the ways that count: I’ll have my diner.

  Of course, I have no intention of leaving him — not after everything I’ve learned — nor do I believe he’ll leave me, but I’m practical.

  Shit happens.

  That’s one fact of life I never ignore, and I can’t predict the future.

  I’d rather be safe than sorry.

  “It’s settled then.” He gathers up his papers, pushing back his chair to stand up, then puts the papers into his briefcase as he speaks to Tobias. “If you need anything else, you know where to find me.” With that, he grins and pulls a newspaper out, holding it out to me. “Congratulations to both of you, by the way.”