The Butcher Boy

by Patrick McCabe

  I thought it was Joe whee-hoo I said but it was someone I didn’t know who it was. I wasn’t sure what to do then or where to go then I says what am I on about I’ll go down to Joe’s where else would I go. I blew my nail hopping about on the step then out comes Mr Purcell. Well Mr Purcell I said is the man himself there. He looked at me for a minute then he looked over my shoulder and waved at somebody some neighbour getting out of a car with a box of groceries. No, he says, Joe isn’t here. The neighbour called something and Mr Purcell laughed. Oh now, he says. They went on yapping there for a while, about the weather and all this. Ah sure the farmers will never be pleased says your man. No, says Mr Purcell, now you said it. There was a fair crowd at the match Sunday. There was. Marty Dowds had a good game. He had. Marty’s shaping up to be a right wee player. He is.

  I just stood there on the step waiting for your man to go in. Right he says I’ll see you and then he’d start into something else cars or some other shite. Then he says right so good luck now. He waved and next thing Mr Purcell smiles and closes the door behind him it just happened he didn’t slam it or anything. I’d been waiting so long I forgot what I wanted to say and when I remembered it was too late and the door was closed. I waited there on the step for a minute then I just went away.

  I went round to Roche’s house a few times and waited for him but he never appeared I think he must have went on holidays.

  They said I had to stay at the primary school even if I was older than the rest. I didn’t know any of them. My class had gone on ahead to the secondary school along with Joe. I sat at the back and did nothing. No – that’s not true. I played Oxo and wrote Francis Brady was here with a penknife. The master says to me who put the Vikings back into the sea I says Daniel O’Connell come out here he says and gave me a crack of the stair rod across the arm. I’ll give it to you, he says, you needn’t think you’ll try any of your tricks with me Brady! Leddy’s the man for you, that’s the only place you’ll ever be any good for!

  I knew why he was doing that, he heard them saying in the jakes Brady was going to batter the master. I don’t know how they got that into their heads I had more to do than batter doddery old masters with whiskey noses and hands that wouldn’t stop shaking so I thought the best thing to do was quit going to school altogether. They were all getting fond of this fellow Leddy. Da looks at me and says: Its either school or Leddy’s! You’d be as well to make up your mind!

  Leddy was the butcher who owned the slaughterhouse. There was always jobs there for no one wanted to do it. To hell with Leddy and his pigs, I said. Its good enough for the likes of you da said lying about here morning noon and night! and went off mumbling to the Tower.

  Sometimes I’d just lie there on the sofa until Joe got out of school. After a while you didn’t even notice the smell only if someone else mentioned it. There was an old chicken da took home out of the Tower after a do one night. It was all flies and maggots so I fucked that out. I think Grouse got it out of the bin the crafty bastard.

  I always met Joe at the bottom of Church Hill. There was no more talk about the school for pigs or anything that went on there, that was all finished now and soon it would be all back the way it used to be.

  I got things for him, not comics he didn’t read them much any more, fags or sweets maybe. I got the fags from behind the bar in the hotel I knew the barman went out to change the barrel at the same time every day. I got the sweets in Mary’s but I paid for them I’d never lift anything on her. Then we’d head off out to the river. I told him I could get him anything he wanted. We had some laughs out there. It was no different to the old days. It was just the same only better. Isn’t it Joe? I’d say. He said it was. I says its better than the school and exams and all that shite isn’t it Joe. I asked him to put on the cowboy voices like he used to. He said he couldn’t do them any more. Go on, try Joe I said. I can’t do them, he said, that’s a long time ago. I know it is Joe I said but I’ll bet you can still do them. No, he says I can’t. But I knew he could. Try it Joe I says. Then he said it – OK fellas we’re ridin’ out!

  You see Joe, I said, you can do it!

  It was just like John Wayne. You’d swear it was him. I was over the moon when he did that voice. He used to spin his silver colt and say it just like that – OK fellas we’re ridin’ out! Say it again Joe I said, say it again! I couldn’t stop asking him to say it again. But I had to in the end for I could see him getting red under the eyes and I didn’t want to annoy him anyway he’d said it enough he was tired he said he had to get back. I left him in town and then I came back out myself. I’d try doing the voice but I could never get it as good as Joe. I’d lie there on the flattened yellow grass where he had been but no matter how I tried it I always got it arseways. It didn’t sound like John Wayne at all. It sounded more like the bird what do you call him – I taught I taw a puddytat.

  I kept at Joe to come tracking in the mountains. We’ll pray to the Manitou like we used to – it’ll be a good laugh I said. Oh come on Francie – for god’s sake! Joe said.

  The Manitou, I said – yamma yamma yamma death to all dogs who enter here! For fuck’s sake Joe!

  He laughed when I said that and then he said OK it was the best day yet you’d think Nugents or the school for pigs or Tiddly and all that had never happened. We spun stones across the lake and when I looked at Joe doing that I nearly wanted to cry the feeling I got was so good. Everything was so clear and glittering and polished I said to myself: Those days in the lane. We didn’t imagine them. They were just like this.

  I was thinking that with my eyes closed when I heard Buttsy’s voice. He was standing in front of me with his thumbs hooked in his belt.

  Devlin was chewing a match and carrying a fishing rod.

  Well well. If it isn’t our lucky day, says Buttsy.

  Devlin was rubbing away at the hands like he’d won the sweep. Buttsy looked at Joe.

  I want no trouble with you, Purcell, he says. Its him we want, says Devlin. You’re going to be sorry now. You’re going to be sorry for what you done, Brady.

  Who’s going to make me sorry I says. Buttsy got all pale when I said that.

  Joe says: Don’t Francie. Don’t start any trouble.

  We’ll make you sorry, says Devlin and took a swing at me. When I was ducking I twisted my ankle on a rock.

  Then Buttsy drew a kick at me and knocked me to the ground.

  Devlin says Come on! and got stuck in with his big farmer’s boots. Next thing Buttsy has the hunting knife out it was trembling away in his hand. You’ve had it now, Brady, said Devlin, we’ll gut you like a pig.

  What you done on my sister, Buttsy says. Her nerves have never been the same since.

  He was as white as a sheet and I could see the sweat gleaming on his forehead. Do you hear me! he says. She had to go to the doctor after what you done! Roche has her on three different kinds of tablets – three different kinds of tablets!

  Devlin kicked me on the bad ankle. You fucking cunt, he says. When he said that I started to cry.

  Ha! says Buttsy, and he got all excited then . . .

  Look at him now, says Devlin.

  That’s more like it, says Buttsy.

  You see, Devlin, I told you, says Buttsy, slipping the knife back into his pocket, coming back to himself, he can dish it out but he can’t take it. I said: I know what I done was wrong Buttsy. I know! I was trying to catch Joe’s eye to give him the signal but he couldn’t see me he was all on edge;

  Women, says Devlin, that’s all he’s able for, women, he can give it to the women all right but when it comes to you and me its a different story, eh Buttsy?

  Then they started whispering between themselves, what they were going to do with me.

  I’ll do anything I said. You should have thought of that before you broke into people’s houses says Devlin and hit me another dig.

  For fuck’s sake, would you look at him! Look at him now! There’s your buddy now Purcell. There’s your buddy from the Terrace
!

  Buttsy took out a fag and lit it.

  Then he goes over to Joe and says to him: What are you doing hanging about with him? What does your old man say?

  Then Joe said it: I’m not hanging around with him. I used to hang around with him!

  All I could see was the lit fag going up to Buttsy’s mouth and his head nodding as he said something else to Joe. He was blowing out the smoke and tapping the ash then he ran his arm across his forehead and that gave me my chance bumph! he didn’t know what hit him. I don’t know how many times I clocked him with the rock if Devlin and Joe hadn’t managed to get me off I’d have finished him off it wouldn’t have cost me a thought he made Joe say it Joe wouldn’t have said it only he goaded him into it. I tried to get another kick at him but they pulled me back no no! Francie! Devlin says Francie its gone far enough he was scared shitless I was going to start into him but I didn’t give a fuck about Devlin I wanted to talk to Joe. I threw the rock over the ditch Joe I says what do you mean why did you say that?

  The way Joe looked at me then I couldn’t think at first who it reminded me of then I knew, it was Doctor Roche, looking right through you. Joe, please, I said but he wouldn’t let me talk. I could feel my knees going and I had to drag the words up out of my stomach, please Joe!

  But he still wouldn’t listen he was backing away with his palms pressing a glass wall, No Francie, not this time, not after this!

  Any time I tried to say anything he just put up his hand: No!, he said. I shouted after him Joe – come back, please! I’ll do anything. Anything you want! But all I could see was him climbing the railway gate and when I looked again he was gone. Devlin looked at me with the lip trembling: Please Francie!

  I was going to but then I said what’s the use what’s the fucking use I just left him there please Francie and Buttsy crawling along the ground uh! uh! help me yeah sure.

  I went round to the carnival you’d think the swingboats were going to take off into the sky altogether. I never heard so many screeches, girls holding on to their boyfriends Save me! and all this. There was Jim Reeves and big pink teddybears and dodgems sparking but I didn’t want to see any of that I went over to the shooting gallery to see the goldfish. I don’t know how many there was in the tank. Fifty maybe. Every time they swerved there was a little flash of silver. I watched them for a good while just swimming away there. I could see these girls over by the dodgems they were just sitting there swinging their legs and giggling behind their hands. They’d look over at me and nudge each other then they’d start giggling again. There was a small blondie one and they were trying to push her over to say something to me. The older one says go on and blows this pink gumbubble the blondie one says no I won’t!

  They kept at this for a good while then in the end what did they do didn’t the three of them come over. They stood there linking each other and you say it no you say it I didn’t know where to look I was as red as a beetroot, I didn’t know what they were doing or what to say to them. They knew my face was going red and I knew they were laughing at that too. Look at him, he’s going all red. What’s he going all red for? I thought that’s what they were thinking but I think now maybe they weren’t thinking it at all. All they wanted to talk about was Joe. They said: You’re a friend of Joe Purcell’s aren’t you? Do you want to know something? She likes him!

  They pushed the blondie one again and she fell against me. I tried to say watch or are you OK or something but I started stuttering but it didn’t matter they were away off again chuckling and giggling about Joe.

  The house was littered with bottles when I got home. Da was asleep on the sofa with the trumpet beside him and there was some old lad with a cap sitting in a chair. We had a great chat tonight about the old days, all the old Tower bar crowd he says tell your father not to be worrying his head what Roche says the Bradys are tough men, hard men. It takes more than a pain in the chest to annoy them. Am I right Francie? he says. I said he was. I didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about, him and Roche I wanted to hear no more about Roche. Then he fell asleep with his head hanging on his chest like a cloth doll. I wanted to sleep now too. I knew that in a couple of days everything would be all right again. We’d have some laughs then me and Joe. I couldn’t wait to see him taking off Buttsy. Uh! Uh! Help me!

  There sure is some laughs in this town Joe I’d say. Then we’d stick our faces into the water and tell the fish what they could do with themselves. I didn’t think I’d sleep with all the things that had been going on. But I did. I slept like a top. I went curving through my dreams yamma yamma yamma right over the rooftops of the town and when I got back to the lake Joe was hunched there smiling and he looks at me and says: So what if we had an argument? We’re still blood brothers ain’t we?

  Yup, I said, and we always will. That’s the way it was meant to be Francie boy!

  I left it for a few days so that it would all be forgotten then I called to the house and says to Mr Purcell is Joe there. No, he says, he’s gone away to his uncle’s for the weekend he won’t be back till Monday. O I says I’ll call back Monday then even though I was nearly sure I seen him at the curtain upstairs. I didn’t say that because there was no sense in causing any trouble. Very well says Mr Purcell I’ll tell him. Thank you I said then off I went. But the thing was I didn’t see him on Monday either because now Mr Purcell took him home in the car and all I could see was him going past behind the steamed-up glass I never saw him looking out to see if I was at the corner or anything.

  Da said to me: I was talking to Leddy this morning then starts spluttering into this big hankie the size of a sheet.

  I didn’t bother waiting to hear what he was talking to him about.

  Another day I met Leddy himself coming flopping down the street in his wellies you could smell the pig dung half an hour before you saw him at all. I believe you might be coming round to give me a bit of a hand he says. Look at Leddy I thought, talk about pigs! Whatever about us, he was one for sure. He’d been working with them that long he’d turned into one. He had a big pink face and a scrunched-up snout. There was enough pigs round there without me I said. I’d had it with pigs. But I said thanks anyway. Right says Leddy suit yourself and off he goes flop flop flop down the street.

  I called round to Joe’s again. There you are Mr Purcell I says, I was wondering would the man himself be about? Mr Purcell didn’t say anything for a minute or two just stood there biting the inside of his lip and then he says: Didn’t you call here this morning? I did I says. And what did my wife tell you? O she said Joe was busy helping her in the kitchen I think. Well you think right he said and he’ll be busy all evening now if you don’t mind. And what does he start to do then only close the door. It was the first time Mr Purcell had ever spoke like that to me. I was just standing there staring at the blue paint of this door and I didn’t know what to think about it all. The next time I called Mrs Purcell answered it and when I asked her was Joe coming out to the river she said he was at music. Music, I said, I didn’t know he did music where is he at music? Up at the convent she said, where they all go to music. The convent I said, I didn’t know he went to music Mrs Purcell. He never went to music before did he? No, she says, he didn’t. She was starting to close the door now too. There was a petrol truck trying to turn at the end of the lane. I watched it for a minute and then I says to Mrs Purcell OK then Mrs Purcell I must call down after and maybe he’ll be here then. Very well Francis she says looking out through a crack then the door closed softly with a click. I stood there standing back from the way she said very well Francis and looking at it like the way you’d hold an envelope up to the light to see if there was anything in it. When I thought to myself: What she means is I hope he doesn’t call down here ever again. I felt like I’d swallowed a chicken bone it kept moving around in my throat and I couldn’t get it out. I looked up at the bedroom windows to see if there was anybody looking down. But there wasn’t of course. That was just rubbish, me thinking that. Just because I thought
I saw him there one other time didn’t mean he’d be there again if he was there the first time that is. I went off down the lane I was going to go for a walk but then I doubled back because I couldn’t figure out how Joe was doing music if he hadn’t a piano he must be doing guitar. But the nuns don’t teach guitar. I shone the glass of the sitting room window with the sleeve of my jumper and sure enough there it was, a new mahogany piano and sitting there on the music stand the music book with the ass and cart on the front going off into misty green mountains. I couldn’t read it but I knew what it was – Emerald Gems of Ireland.

  Philip was swinging the music case as he went by Mrs Connolly’s hedge singing to himself. I just came out from behind the gate and says well Philip. He starts the twisting again only this time at the handle of the music case and I think he said hello Francis. I said Francie, not Francis. Francie, he said, and then he got all red. I wasn’t sure how to start I thought of a couple of different things to say but none of them sounded right. In the end I just said: You gave Joe Purcell your music book, didn’t you?