The Butcher Boy

by Patrick McCabe

  He said what and raised his eyebrows so I said it again. No I didn’t he said. Well, I said, I’m afraid you did but all he would say then was I didn’t. If you didn’t I said, it would be in the music case then wouldn’t it? Yes he says but he wasn’t really listening to me. He was twisting the handle and looking past me again. Let me look in the case then and we’ll see, I said and then we’ll know for sure. Can I have it then Philip? He handed the case to me and looked away. I ran my fingers over its polished flakes I loved the way they peeled off and stuck to your fingers the way old paint does. He had a good lot of books in there, songs you’d never heard of before. There was one of a man singing to the moon with two palm trees behind him and another Bluebells in Spring with all these flowers swaying in the breeze and a girl in a blue dress la dee dee through the fields. Study in F, that was another one. There was a pen at the bottom of the case too. I spread them all out on the ground to make sure. Oh fuck I said I’m sorry Philip. There was a patch of water I didn’t see and one of them got a bit wet. It was the Study in F. I told Philip I was sorry over and over but he kept saying it was all right. I don’t want to get you in trouble I said. No no, he said, no. I checked them a good few times after that and then I said: Its not here Philip. He said I don’t know maybe its at home Francie I don’t know. I said no Philip it isn’t at home and you know it isn’t because you gave it to Joe Purcell maybe for a lend but you still gave it to him. Oh Francie please he said. I said all you have to do is tell me you might as well for I seen it in his house its on the piano. I don’t know Francie he starts again he could have bought his own, or maybe I did give it to him I don’t know. You don’t know now if you gave it to him or not I said. He said again maybe but I said look there’s no sense in saying maybe Philip. That’s the book you gave him for I seen it in this very case there’s an ass and cart on the front of it and mountains. And you gave it to Joe Purcell and now you’re saying you didn’t. You gave it to him didn’t you? Maybe it was only for a lend but you still gave it to him didn’t you? All you have to do is tell me Philip that’s all I want to know. Then he splutters yes yes yes and sniffles a bit. I had wanted him to say it all right but then when he did I didn’t like it. What I was going to say at first was well there we are that’s all that over, all you had to do was say that in the first place. But that wasn’t what I said in the end. I said: What did you do that for? He says I just gave it to him Francie the music teacher said. Then it came into my head, Joe and Francie standing there in the music teacher’s room. There you are Joe said Philip handing him the book. Thank you very much said Joe. And Philip smiling away. I said to Philip: This is all to do with the goldfish isn’t it? Then what does he say only: What goldfish? I don’t know what you mean Francie.

  When I looked at him saying that straight into my face, I thought: Please, Philip. Don’t go like your mother.

  I explained everything to him. It was all right him giving Joe the goldfish when I was away in the school. But that was all over now. It’s no use thinking by giving music books to Joe that you can get in with us, Philip. It wouldn’t be fair to tell you lies. I asked him did he understand what I meant? He said he did and although he was disappointed I knew it was better for him to know.

  I’ll tell you what Philip, I said. Some day we’re going tracking in the mountains you can come, OK? Only don’t tell her. You know what she’ll do. He said yes. I gathered up the books and put them in the case. Then I walked along a bit of the way with him. I said goodbye to him at the street corner and said I would see him soon. Then I went home.

  When I got home there wasn’t a whisper in the house only for the flies, nothing only da in the armchair by the radio. I was talking away to him about Philip and how it was better to be straight with people and not keep them hanging on. I made tea and I asked him did he want some. I said: What are you doing there? Looking out at the snowdrop? I said even if Philip wants to come out to the river with me and Joe, as long as he understands that its always going to be me and Joe in the end. I thought maybe da’d had a Tower bar do you remember the old days party for the house was littered with bottles and the trumpet lying over by the skirting board so I reckoned he just wasn’t fit to answer me. I gave his shoulder a bit of a shake and when the hankie fell out of his pocket I saw that it was all dried blood. Oh da, I said, I didn’t know and I felt his forehead it was cold as ice. I said: Don’t worry da. I’ll look after you. I’ll see that you’re all right. I might have let you down before but not this time! Oh no – not this time! Us Bradys – we’ll show them! We’ll show them we stick together!

  I saw him smiling when I said that. I pulled his chair into the fire and said sit in there da go on now. I built it up good and high I used anything I could find in the yard it was the first time there had been a fire in the house for as long as I could remember. It was good, flickering away there and the shadows swarming all over the ceiling. I rooted about and found bread and toasted it on a fork then we had tea all we did was just sit there that was all we wanted to do. Da looked at me and when I seen those eyes so sad and hurt I wanted to say: I love you da.

  They said to me: You won’t leave me son.

  I said: I won’t da. I’ll never leave you.

  This time its going to be all right – isn’t it son?

  I said it was. We’re going to be a happy family son. I knew we would be in the end. I said we were. I’d make sure we were, I said. It was all up to me now. Me and nobody else. Then he said to me the trumpet find the trumpet. I lifted it and polished it up until it was shining just like it used to. Then I put it away in its felted case just like he did, laying it to rest like an infant after a long day. Don’t let them touch my trumpet Francie! he said.

  I told him he didn’t have to worry, his worrying days were over. Your worrying days are over, da, I said.

  I touched the back of his hand.

  Thanks Francie, he said and I was so happy that we were able to say these things to one another that I cried, the tears just came streaming down as I sat there with my head resting on his shoulder.

  The next day I says its up to me now its all up to me and nobody else they’ll soon see what the Bradys are made of!

  I went up the town and into the shop, shopping basket and all. I could see Mrs Connolly pointing to it and the other women crinkling up their foreheads its not too often you see Francie Brady with a shopping basket. Indeed it isn’t ladies I said but you’ll be seeing it plenty from now on, I’m going to be a busy man! I don’t know where to start with all these jobs Mrs Connolly, I says.

  I think she thought I was joking for a minute but when she seen I wasn’t laughing her face changed and she went all serious oh yes she says no one likes doing them but they have to be done ha ha. That’s right says the other women that’s very true. When I got my things I said well ladies I can’t delay have to get back to the grindstone oh now Francie they said its near time we went home ourselves we’d stand here gossiping half the day if we were let. Ha ha I said.

  When I was cleaning out the coalhouse what did I find only the old television. I put it sitting on the table in the same place it used to be. By the time I was finished the shed was spotless. Now what will I do I said. I made da tea and tidied the upstairs. I always made sure never to miss Friday Night Is Music Night!

  That was da’s favourite programme. He used always come home from the Tower to listen to it and dare you talk while it was on. Ladies and gentlemen – here is your host, Mr Ian-Priestly Mitchell!

  No matter what I did Jeyes Fluid or anything there was still a bit of a stink and flies about after the pilchards so I went back up the street and got flypapers they were supposed to be better than the sprays and as well as that you could see how many you got.

  Every so often I checked the flypapers and counted them. It didn’t take long. In no time at all I had eleven. I went up to get another paper just in case that one got full up too quick. Well well says Father Dom. Francis he says you’re a man with things to do I think tha
t’s the fifth time I’ve seen you go up and down that street today. Who did Dom think he was – Fabian of the Yard? Oh yes Father I’m doing a bit of Spring cleaning below in the house I need this and that you know yourself. What’s that you have there he says don’t tell me you’re smoking. Oh no says I its a flypaper that’s all you won’t catch me at the smoking Father. Not yet anyhow he says. Mm mm he says you’ve quit going to school altogether I see, would that be right Francis? Yes I said I’ve quit the school now and that’s it. Isn’t that a pity now, he says, for they’ll tell you the schooling stands to you. I suppose it does ah well that’s the way then I said I had to go into the Tower for a few bottles of stout. You’re not at the drinking Francis, don’t tell me you’re at the drinking. Ah no, Father, I says, just a few bottles for the boss. Oh I see he says all relieved, they’re for the man himself. Indeed they are I said and said good luck to him and off he floated till he met some woman Father come here till I tell you. After the stout that was the end of the money. There was none left in da’s pockets and nothing in the bin only a crust. I sat with da thinking was there anything I could do then in the end I went round to Leddy. Don’t worry da, I said, I’ll start early in the mornings and get home early in the evening. It’ll be OK, you’ll see.

  He looked at me and he said: You won’t leave me son?

  But he didn’t have to worry. I wasn’t going to leave him. I wasn’t going to let ma and da or anyone down ever again.

  There’s the man that wants no more truck with pigs, he says. I’d like a job Mr Leddy I said. The smell of piss and shit and dirty guts you never seen the like of it. At the side of the slaughterhouse there was a concrete pit where they just threw out the manure and the guts and the offal and let it pile away up. The Pit of Guts, that’s what I called that place. Grouse Armstrong was trailing a big sheet of white skin with innards attached to it across the yard stopping the odd time to tear and paw at it. There was steam coming up out of the pit and it was crawling with bluebottles. It was moving, you’d think it’d get up and just walk across the yard and away. Every two seconds Leddy’d draw in this big deep breath with the sound of snots like paper tearing. I dare say you weren’t in too many places like this he says then I could see by him he was thinking so this is the famous Francie Brady well we’ll soon see how tough he is we’ll soon see how tough he is when he’s inside Leddy’s slaughterhouse. But I smiled away and every time he told me something about it I said that’s very interesting and the worse he got about all the things I’d have to do in the place, the better I said it was. You’ll have to be up and out at the crack of dawn he says, what do you think of that? I said that’s fine Mr Leddy. Any man thinks this work is easy needs his head examined – you want to be tough to work here! Indeed you do Mr Leddy I said and I could see he liked me calling him that so I kept on doing it. It wouldn’t have been a good idea to say I suppose you should know all these things considering you are a pig yourself with your big pink pig head but I would have liked to say it the way he was going on. Like he was some kind of visiting professor down from the Cutting Up Pigs University. The more he talked the more he wanted to talk. Pigs, by Mr Leddy. That was what I thought but I kept on nodding away. O yes. And Hmm. If you don’t pull your weight he says its down that road straight away I’ve no time for wasters. O you’ll have no trouble with me Mr Leddy I says. Good he says for I daresay they’re not falling over themselves giving you jobs about this town. Now he says what about this fellow and this little pig looks out at me through the bars, what do you think of him? I says O he’s lovely but I forgot myself for that wasn’t what Leddy wanted me to say. Lovely he says, you think he’s lovely. Good he says and scoops him up in his arms. Now he says take a good look at him. He was as pink as a baby’s bottom and he said to me with his big eyes: I’m not a big pig yet I don’t understand anything. Please – will you not let any harm come to me? And his front trotters dangling over Leddy’s tattoo it was a snaked sword. Isn’t he lovely says Leddy again he sure is he sure is and next thing what has he in his hand only a gun not a real gun it was a captive bolt pistol and what does he do only stick it into the baby pig’s head and bid-dunk!, right into his skull goes the bolt and such a squeal. Then down on the concrete plop and not a squeak out of him all you could see was him saying you said you’d mind me and you didn’t. Then Leddy looks at me haw haw haw and all this as much as to say whaddya think John Wayne huh betcha didn’t expect that! Huh! he says, huh? He was all excited and the bottom lip was starting to go I knew he wasn’t as tough as he let on, all he was saying was don’t try any of your tricks on me Brady, just the same as the master. But it was a good one all the same. What d’you think now, eh? he says. Very good, top marks Mr Leddy, top marks from the Shooting Piglets University. Or I could say why oh why did you have to do such a terrible thing to him he never harmed anyone in his whole life you’re a cruel cruel man Mr Leddy! and throw myself down on top of the poor little dead little baby pig lying there with his mouth open.

  But I didn’t bother with that, instead I went over to the pen and caught another fellow by the trotters he was even younger than the first. He was in a bad way altogether for he’d seen the whole thing. His eyes, please please don’t kill me I’ll do anything! What about this lad I said, he’s a chancy-looking customer. Give me the pistol there Mr Leddy and I’ll put a bit of manners on him. Leddy stood back with his hand on his hip and laughed. You’re a good one Brady if you think I’ll fall for that he says. But fair fucks to you for trying. You’ve a while to do here yet before you’ll be able to face the like of that ha ha. Ah no, I says, Mr Leddy, not at all. It wouldn’t be fair on this little fellow to leave him all alone now that his poor old friend is gone. So give me over the gun now and we’ll see what we can do for him. You must think I came up the Shannon in a bubble laughs Leddy. I heard about your carry-on he says but you won’t put one over on Jimmy Leddy. I was in Bangkok he says when Benny Brady hadn’t even plucked your mother. I didn’t like him saying that I didn’t like it one bit watch what you’re saying about my mother Leddy but I had promised da so I said nothing about it I just said I know, you’ve seen it all, you’ve been all over the world but let me have a look at it anyway. The piglet wouldn’t sit at rest, twisting and wriggling please Francie Francie please let me go. He hands me the pistol, here he says have a look at it but be careful, I says don’t worry Mr Leddy. I looked at it for a while there wasn’t much to it the baby pig was still looking up at me with the ear flapping over one eye please Francie? Well any other time I would have let him down or put him back in but I wanted Leddy to take me on straight away and I had things to buy for the house and everything so I just shrugged and I don’t know what all Leddy’s huffing and puffing was about. One squeal and a buck as the bolt went in and I just threw him down on the floor beside the other fellow. Leddy was rubbing his tattoo, biting his lip and staring at me. Behind him a row of pigs in muslin shirts. And a lump of a cow on a table with ribs like a half-built boat. Just you and me get one thing straight he says as I handed the pistol back to him. Then he stared me out of it and said: You’ll do what I tell you, Brady.

  Whatever you say Captain Pig I said. No I didn’t I said can I start now Mr Leddy?

  Be in here nine o’clock tomorrow he says and eyes me up and down still rubbing the tattoo. Good luck now Mr Leddy I said and kick started in the air whee-hoo away off like the clappers down the street. I was well and truly in charge now. I felt good. I’ve got a job da I said. Fair play to you, son, he said, I knew you were a good one. I was in business now I thought. I felt like I owned the whole town.

  I met the women and I said did you hear did you hear I got a job in Leddy’s! They said it was great news. Indeed it is ladies, I said, wait till you see one of these days I’ll be changing my name to Mr Algernon Carruthers Brady. They didn’t know what I was talking about but they laughed anyway. Oh now they says, you’re an awful character, Mr Algernon Carruthers Brady! Did you ever hear the like of it!

  There you
are now ladies, I said, can’t stop to talk have to be off now I don’t know what end of me’s up with all the things I have to do.

  You’ll be a busy man from now on with all this working, they said.

  I sure will, I said, but you know yourselves it has to be done!

  And you’re the man to do it Francie!

  Now you have it ladies – its all up to me now!

  Goodbye now Francie and the three hands waving like leaves in the breeze.

  Every day I’d collect my brock cart from the farmyard and off I’d go round the houses and hotels gathering scraps of potato skins and rotten food. Brock they called that and Francie the brock man collected it. When Leddy wasn’t there I said to the swinging pigs: OK Porky its the end of the road. Then I’d say blam! and take the fat head off them with the captive bolt pistol. Take ’em to Missouri men, I’d shout. O please don’t kill me I’m too fat to run away! Too bad, Piggy! Blam! Pinky and Perky – eat lead!

  Next thing what does Leddy say only you’re not the worst of them you can give me a hand behind the counter in the shop. So there you are! The way things turn out! Francie Brady The Butcher Boy! Oho but this time it was different, this old Butcher Boy was happy as Larry and you wouldn’t find him letting people down, no sir! Now, there you are missus! There’s just over a pound and a half there is that all right? Oh yes that’s fine Francis thank you very much. The next thing then was the deliveries, off I’d go on my messenger bike with J. Leddy Victualler painted on the side. Away off out the mountains and the bogs and the country lanes ting-a-ling here he comes The Butcher Boy whistling away in his stripey blue apron always in good humour. Not a bad day now, ma’am. Not too bad Francie thank God. Hello there you old bogman I mean Mr Farmer. Have you got the hay in yet? You’re hard at it! Indeed I am!