Modern Mistress

by Hannah Jay

  A wise mistress makes sure that these encounters are about far more than a roll in designer sheets for the simple reason that her patron can buy that almost anywhere. While a patron will certainly expect a good deal of pleasure, a clever mistress makes sure that there is much more to the encounters.

  Part of what the patron is paying for is the company of a pretty, well groomed, pleasing young (or not) woman who puts him first. He is not just paying for sex, he is paying for intelligent, focused conversation. And the luxury of being the center of attention.

  So, while a mistress will certainly cater to her patron’s sexual desires she will also make it her business to cater to the rest of his desires: what does he love to eat? What is his favorite drink? How does he like her dressed? Does he love stockings and lacy lingerie or does he prefer her naked under a semi-sheer robe?

  What, in fact, a patron is paying thousands of dollars a month for is a few hours a week of pure relaxation in the company of a woman who understands her job to be becoming his ideal woman. A fantasy. Of course, that ideal will vary from man to man. For one man it might be nothing more complicated that watching Monday night football with cold beer at the ready and plenty of off-field half time pleasure. For another it might be a chance to really discuss the week’s business activities with a sympathetic, but uninvolved, listener.

  A good mistress learns as she goes. While the first few encounters may be a little awkward, things usually smooth out as she gets to know her patron. The point of having a mistress, along with sex, is for a man to have one woman in his life whose entire focus when he is with her is his deep satisfaction.

  The truth is that most highly successful men have endless conflicts, endless demands, on their time and their attention. Often, if they are married, their wives have morphed into high powered women in their own right. Meaning they bring their own set of demands and conflicts right into the matrimonial bed. While men may think they are taking a mistress for sex, in most cases they will keep a mistress because, alone of all the people they know, she will give him her full attention without expecting anything – except her allowance – in return.

  Recognizing that, a mistress needs to come fully prepared to her first meeting with a prospective patron. Of course she will be nicely dressed. Of course her hair will gleam and her light makeup will be perfect. For that first meeting, always in a public place, usually over a meal, a mistress is about the promise of things to come if a satisfactory arrangement can be reached.

  Before a mistress even takes a meeting with a prospective patron she will have done her homework. The internet is a wonderful tool. A successful man leaves tracks. A Linked-In profile, press coverage, company profiles: an hour’s time rooting around in Google will tell you a lot about your potential patron. If he checks out then you confirm the meeting.

  When you are going into a negotiation it is important to know what your own goal is. An allowance – great, how much? This is a business arrangement so having a figure in mind is important. What could you live with? What would make you happy? These are two different numbers. But they give you a negotiating range. How long do you want the arrangement to last before coming up for renewal? (Three months is a good minimum, a year is a good time to re-evaluate.)

  Remember that your potential patron is not in the position to keep a mistress because he is a business idiot. He has negotiated hundreds, possibly thousands, of deals. It is his element. So let him structure your arrangement. For business reasons of his own he might want to pay the rent and sign the lease corporately. He may want to have you come on as a consultant and invoice monthly. What you are looking for is the right number, how he gets to the right number is up to him. However, no matter how he arrives there you need to make sure that at least 2/3 of the money is paid directly to you. And you need to make it very clear that your allowance is a fee for service. Expenses are always extra. If he wants smoked salmon, Taittinger Champagne and you in a pretty silk nightie, he needs to make sure to leave you a few hundred dollars a week in luxury money. And he needs to know this upfront.

  It is much better for a mistress to tell her potential patron all about the costs of his mistress at the outset rather than to have money come up when the affair is launched. If he blinks, the question is whether he is blinking at the expense or because he can’t afford the expense. If the later it is time to wrap up the conversation.

  Time and Exclusivity

  The other two major terms of the arrangement are your time and the question of exclusivity. Being very clear on your time commitment makes everything go more smoothly. An evening or afternoon a week is a good starting point. But there is nothing wrong with the occasional long lunch or weekend away. The point is to be clear at the outset. (In this cyber age, it is wise to touch on calls, texts and emails: some are lovely, lots can be annoying. And make sure he has a secure phone in case you want to send him a fun little selfie.)

  Exclusivity is a bit more complicated. The truth is that there is no reason a girl cannot entertain more than one patron. Or have a real boyfriend. Or operate as an escort. A busy patron need never find out so long as his mistress is clever about her arrangements. And many patrons would prefer not to know or are even a bit relieved that they are not their mistress’s[U1][U2][U3] sole support. It depends on the patron. Of course there are some patrons for whom a mistress’s fidelity is a very big deal indeed. Building that fact into your compensation package is not a bad idea. A businessman understands that an exclusive supplier agreement means that you would be giving up additional income. If that’s what he wants he needs to be willing to pay for it.

  A final note: a great mistress is a wife’s secret best friend. The reality is that a man who answers a “seeking arrangement” ad is already looking around. By taking a mistress he is committing to a purely financial relationship which does not threaten his wife, his home or his reputation. A mistress is discreet by nature and the very opposite of the dramatic intern arriving at midnight crying her eyes out. “No drama” is one of the things a patron pays for and a mistress delivers.

  In fact, by channeling a patron’s erotic and emotional energy, a mistress tends to keep a couple together. It is in her interest for her patron to have a home to go home to.

  Seeking an arrangement lets a girl improve her income, gain a mentor, have a bit of security and avoid some of the hazards of an uncaring world. The right arrangement can be great fun and go on for years. The very years a young woman could use the most help.

  Chapter 5 | Get Glossy­ – Level Up Your Look

  There are literally hundreds of make-up styles, haircuts, manicures and grooming tips a girl can use to change her look (see Youtube for everything and more). But if you look closely at gorgeous women – and your potential patrons want you as gorgeous as you can get – they have a sort of shimmer which comes through no matter how they are dressed or where they are. It’s an inner confidence and outer polish that adds up to a look that turns heads and attracts envy. It is this unmistakable allure which allows them to forget about themselves and focus on the world, the task at hand, and, most importantly, the person they are with. These are women who are not continually fussing, and primping and priming. They don’t need a mirror to know they look beautiful.

  How to get that glossy look?

  Gorgeous Hair

  A really good hair cut is a brilliant thing, but is of little point if your hair is damaged, dull and lifeless. I found my wonderful stylist by stopping a woman on the street to ask who did her fabulous hair. She was flattered and even gave me a card from the salon (I have a feeling she has been asked before, and is wonderfully prepared and gracious when it happens).

  A good haircut is the foundation for your look so take the time to discuss what works for your hair type and face shape with the stylist before having anything done. Book a consultation before you commit to an appointment. That way you can decide whether you and the stylist are compatible and comfortable with each other. Trusting someone with you hair is a
huge leap of faith. Tell him/her what you want and like but also ask what they recommend. A stranger can see you in an objective way you can’t and sometimes a push out of your comfort zone is just what you need to go from cute to gorgeous. Look through magazines and bring in hairstyles you like. This way the stylist will clearly understand the look you want to achieve. Another tip is to be honest about the amount of time and effort you are willing to spend on your hair at home. Happily, wash and wear hair with sexy, tousled beachy waves is very in vogue right now.

  Gorgeous Skin

  Healthy, well-cared for skin glows. It is luminous, radiant. You don’t have to spend a fortune on designer skincare products to transform your skin. In fact, less is usually best. There is however, one item that no one should be without: sun block. It is essential to apply it every day---yes, year round---to avoid skin damage like pigmentation, wrinkles, leathery skin, and skin cancer. Opt for a SPF 30 minimum, more if you are spending a lot of time at the beach. Don’t think a foundation with SPF built in is going to be enough. It’s not. Protect your lips, neck, décolletage, feet and hands as well. Buy a stunning hat and sunglasses. Sashay around the pool (and the city) like you are Greta Garbo.

  Skin care products range from remarkably inexpensive – Nivea Cream for your feet and legs – to moderate – I use organic Dr. Hauschka---to shocking – Crème d’Mer. Any product will take some time to work so be patient and don’t expect miracles after one use. In fact, you sometimes need to try a few to find the specific products which are right for you. Do ask for help (and samples) from the pros at the beauty counters and do your research on line before you buy. But best advice? Whatever you choose, be consistent. Even the best cream can’t work if you don’t use it.

  Take the time to pamper yourself by making your morning and evening skincare routine a delight rather than a chore. Splurge on a luxurious face towel, set your beauty products on a lovely tray in your bathroom, put cotton balls in a crystal dish instead of leaving them in the plastic bag… you get the idea. Remember beauty comes from within as well as skin deep. Feel as beautiful as you look.

  Make up comes off every night. Religiously. No skipping because you are tired. And in terms of application, heavy foundations tend to make you look old, not glossy. Contouring is fine in moderation and lightly used. Highlighting your best asset (eyes? lips? cheekbones?) can make you shimmer. And always do a final check in daylight not just the bathroom mirror.

  Healthy hair and glowing skin give you the basics for any look from Queen of the Night through Girl Next Door.

  Mani/Pedi Perfection

  Whether you leave it to a pro or do it yourself, keep nails short, neat, and polished. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.

  While you can have a lot of fun at the nail salon with all sorts of glittery excess, all that does is make your nails look as if they are still in high school. Which, in turn, spoils the finished, healthy look a glossy girl is striving for. Much better to go with a neutral, light, shade of polish which will not show the inevitable chips and which you can maintain yourself. If you are off to a fabulous dinner date by all means move to that sexy scarlet many men adore. As long as you have been taking care of your nails there is no reason not to.

  Whether fingernails or toenails, the darker the polish the more attention it draws. If you have pretty feet, lucky you, then a darker shade can be very effective.

  Pearly Whites

  You know the routine: brush, floss, visit your dentist. Then smile a lot.

  Routinely bleaching your teeth either with the many excellent home products or at your dentists will give you a dazzling smile. Is there any such thing as teeth which are too white?

  When you start making serious money you might want to consider cosmetic dentistry if you have dental issues. It is amazing what dentists are able to do in a non-invasive way.

  Clean

  To care properly for your skin, first figure out what sort of skin you have. The skin on your face is different from the skin on your elbow. You may have very oily facial skin but dry skin on your body. Pick your products accordingly.

  Soap never touches my face, but a good morning scrub with a gentle soap in the shower is a great way to start the day. You want your skin to glow after a shower with gentle exfoliation. Use a loofah sponge and use gentle circular motions. You want the layer of dead cells and oils to be lifted away from your skin but you don’t want to scrub so hard that you damage the healthy live tissue just below the surface. In addition, you want to avoid the dull, dry, flaky skin which can result if you are using harsh soaps, hot hot water and rough towels. A good, inexpensive and widely available brand is the famous Dr. Bonner’s liquid soap. Its natural formulation is nourishing to the skin, and the peppermint formula is a morning eye-opener (and the bottle gives you something to read in the shower). Even Gwenyth Paltrow uses it. Go buy some. You can even use it to wash your lingerie, your floors, your sink.

  Paying daily attention to your feet with a pumice bar at the end of your shower when your skin is soft will avoid calluses. A quick buffing and moisturizing every day means that there will be next to no build up for your next pedicure. Better still, your shoes, even your heels, will fit better and your stockings won’t snag. And speaking of smooth, Dr. B’s does double duty as a shaving foam.

  The “girl on the go” shower sets you up for your busy day, but at the close, a long soak in a hot bath is a sensual transition towards evening. While the luxury of a glorious bubble bath with a glass of Chablis and a good book usually has to be reserved for off duty days, even the busiest mistress can take fifteen minutes to enjoy a bath.

  Bath oils, bubble bath or a bath bomb is your ticket here. Epsom salts are a wonderful way to de-stress and unkink tense and sore muscles. A face cloth or soft sponge is all you really need if you had your exfoliating shower earlier.

  Put on some music, light a scented candle, and just let your thoughts drift (no making a mental grocery list). And make sure you have a gorgeous, fluffy towel within easy reach. And remember to pat yourself dry rather than vigorous rubbing. Have a bathrobe nearby and you can move on to your evening makeup and dressing.

  A Touch of Sun – Or Not?

  Glossy girls look healthy. For many that means a little – and I do mean little – sun on face, arms and legs. Of course, the truth is that even a little sun is not brilliant for your skin. However, ten minutes of morning sun followed by sunscreen will keep your Vitamin D levels up. In the winter take Vitamin D supplements. There are many high quality brands and this vitamin is relatively inexpensive. Sun-tanning itself is a terrible idea and don’t even think about a sunbed.

  To get that golden bronzed glow without inflicting sun damage, there are excellent bronzers products available for every skin tone and type. But, for Heaven’s sake be selective. First off, no glossy girl is ever orange. Or yellow or any other colour which is not her own natural tan plus at most a couple of shades darker. Try samples and test them for a day. Remember that many fake tan products will actually darken with minimal exposure to actual sunlight. Second, understand that a fake all over tan is a huge commitment. It may be worth it but it takes time. Two pro tips: wear latex gloves when applying the tan to avoid the tell-tale tanned palms syndrome. Second, get a “buffing” mitten to work the tanning solution into your skin. Be prepared to wear a loose, dark, dress while your fake tan sets.

  Critical point: with fake tanning products less is more and two shades lighter than you think you want is what you want. The era of the deep dark tan is over. Sun kissed is lovely and more than enough. If this just seems too much summertime wasted, embrace the luminous beauty of pale, perfect skin.

  Glossy Girls Dress Simply

  A famous fashion photographer, Irving Penn did most of his studio shots with just one light. Asked why, he explained that two lights were “just too complicated”.

  A girl with swishy hair, meticulous grooming and glowing skin will look her best in simple clothes, but clever designs. The fact she is a mis
tress should never ever be apparent from how she dresses---no plunging necklines, skirts up to here, cheap fabrications, or shoes only found in a sex shop. You are the attraction and should never be upstaged by your dress.

  While there are occasions where bows and frills and flounces may be called for, those are few and far between. A mistress can make a lasting impression with nothing more complicated than a little black dress for evening and a pencil skirt and white cotton shirt for day. A chic, monochromatic sundress for afternoon dates is ideal for summer. By streamlining her wardrobe to workhorse separates and coordinating colourways, a glossy girl is able to have really well-made clothes that fit (or are custom tailored to fit). (Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge is a prime example of a woman who has clothes crafted to fit. Jennifer Aniston famously has her t-shirts tailored. No, really, and you can too. Here’s the link.)

  Just as her hair, make-up and nails have that finished look, a glossy girl chooses clothes that are flattering. When selecting wardrobe staples take into account your height, weight and body type rather than merely the latest trends. Classic wardrobe staples like a trench coat, white shirt, LBD, leather boots can be worn season after season. If you look after them. Polish and protect your boots after a day out in inclement weather. Store them with a boot tree insert to retain their shape. Iron your white shirts. Yes, you. You would be amazed what a little cornstarch in warm water does sprayed lightly on a cotton shirt or linen skirt. Sticking to natural fabrics – cotton, linen, wool and cashmere if you, or more importantly, your patron, can afford it – means that your wardrobe will look rich, even if you aren’t. (Yet.)