by Hannah Jay
Chapter 10 | Sex Tips for the Modern Mistress
Well, yes, most mistress encounters will, eventually, proceed to the bedroom. And there may be stops along the way. While a modern mistress’s patron is paying her allowance for much more than sex, he will certainly be delighted if his girl is more than competent when it comes to the fleshy pleasures.
But that is easy to say, often more complicated in practice. What makes a mistress dynamite in the bedroom? What gives her an erotic edge worth spending thousands a month for?
Technical details will come a bit later but first remember that the main erotic organ is the brain. Long before a man flexes his gallant response he is likely thinking about the pleasures his mistress brings him. Or at least he should be.
The Erotic Attitude
From the time he was in puberty a patron has been confronted with the utter confusion our society brings to sexuality. (So, realistically, has even the most thoroughly modern mistress.) On the one hand sex is a dark and mysterious thing, on the other it is a celebration of health and beauty and, on yet another, it is often a bit of a chore.
Research suggests that men think sexual thoughts many times a day. Certainly many more times than women. But those sexual thoughts are usually out in the realm of fantasy rather than of any particular application. Imagining a pretty woman they meet naked and compliant can pass many a dull moment in an over long PowerPoint presentation.
What a patron brings to his mistress experience is a low level but constant sexual fantasy life which, for the most part, is rarely engaged with reality. However, and this is what a mistress must know, merely because that life of the sexual mind does not surface very often does not mean it is dormant.
The second thing a mistress should take into account is that men are “always on” by which I mean they are always in the mood. While older men are certainly much more continent than their 20 year old selves, they have much the same constant interest in sex even if they have learned to sub-ordinate it to other goals.
This is, while many women will deny it, very different from the female sexual impulse. For one thing, men are barely cyclical whereas a young fertile woman most certainly is. It is not just a girl’s period which comes once a month, there is also the sexually prime fertile period when a girl ovulates. There is a lot of science which suggests that when ovulation is occurring women are at their monthly sexual peak and are most receptive to sexual activity.
In a man’s normal life, if he has a partner, while he will be somewhat sexually interested most of the time, his female partner’s desire will ebb and flow on a monthly basis. As a gentleman, a patron will have accustomed himself to his partner’s patterns even if this involves prolonged periods of effective chastity. However, in his sexual fantasy life his partner’s lack of desire is often the impetus which leads him to think about taking a mistress.
For a mistress or an aspirant mistress, the challenge is to get beyond the biology. Her patron is not paying an allowance to enjoy the fading pleasures of married sex, he is paying for an entirely different, more exotic experience.
Oddly enough that more exotic experience is not about technique or kinks, it is about attitude. An erotic attitude.
Men are very different from women because, in the back of their minds, they are thinking about sex a lot of the time. They are not thinking about being swept away by romance, they are thinking about pure, wet, messy sex. Often of a mildly, or deeply, kinky sort. Now, it is not that women never think about sex or enjoy sexual fantasy, they do; but not as a constant part of their day.
To be an effective, successful, mistress a girl has to swing around to a more masculine understanding of the sexual imperative. It is a bit of mental gymnastics which separates the really modern mistress from her more traditional competitors.
For old school mistresses the fact they are willing to have sex with a man who they are not romantically involved with is seen to be enough. It isn’t. Because there is nothing in the least bit different in that attitude than what their patrons will be getting at home. It is a distinctly female attitude towards sexuality which, in short order, will reduce the pleasures of the illicit bedroom to routine. Patron or husband, the gentleman is really no better off if his mistress has much the same sexual attitude and drive as his wife. Certainly a mistress is likely to be younger but youth is fun the first few encounters, without a radically different attitude, a patron will soon tire of even the youngest mistress.
Elise: Passive No More
[A slightly naughty story about a mistress discovering a new attitude.]
I had my first sugar daddy when I was twenty. I had no idea of what I was doing but I got on a website for sugar babies and, with a cute picture, I had a lot of attention and one guy offered me $2000 a month for a few dates and I took it.
What a mistake. He was a complete dick and, after two months, without any warning, he cut off my allowance and moved on to another girl. Which was nasty but, I realized, typical of the sugar world. I was OK but I was not going to do that again. But I did like the money. So I kept researching and reading and I realized what I had got wrong and what I could improve.
First off, I made the common mistake of confusing sugaring with being a mistress. They are two wildly different things. Bluntly, a sugar baby is usually nothing more than a girl a guy hires for sex. Sex his way. Purely for his pleasure. The standard sugar daddy sees his sugar baby as an escort he pays monthly. For some girls that is fine because they want to put minimal effort in. But that means they get minimal cash out and, frankly, it is more than a little demeaning to be on call for a blow job. I mean I get it and I don’t blame the guys. They get what they pay for. I just realized that there had to be a different route.
I was right, there is. It starts with the girl’s attitude. I never wanted to be an escort. As I read I realized I wanted to be a mistress. A woman who a man enjoyed for more than just sex. Sex would obviously be a part of it, but the more I read the more I realized that mistresses were kept, at least in the past, because they engaged the whole man.
But how to make that happen? How do you go from a sugaring situation to being a mistress? The answer turned out to be amazingly simple: a girl has to go from being passive, being accepting to being active and, yes, a bit demanding. She also has to understand how men think about women and about sex.
All of which is a lot easier to say than do. Girls like me are raised to see themselves as essentially passive. The right guy will come along. Look pretty and he will pick you. If you want him you have to let him do some of the things he wants to you. All of this is, no matter what the feminists say, part of the culture a girl grows up in.
And yet, if you look around there are these beautiful, confident women who just glow with confidence and a really intriguing beauty. They are not looking pretty for men, they are enjoying their beauty for its own sake. I made a bit of a study of what seemed to be striking women. I sat in a rather nice café attached to one of the best hotels in my city and watched out for the sort of women I thought had that certain glamour. I had no idea how their lives worked, I just wanted to see if I could grab an idea of what their style, their poise, their voices and their strides could tell me.
I probably spent two weeks observing and then I began to add bits of what I had seen to my style. These women always appeared tall. Many of them were, but a fair number simply appeared that way. Heels helped but what was really important was that they were all slim and they all had remarkably trim waists. Exercise? Genes? Firm foundations? Who knows? But there is was.
Generally the women I watched were meeting someone in the hotel. Often a man, sometimes a woman and what struck me was they were always, effortlessly, in charge. They picked the table, the waiters deferred to them. They were also, from what I could overhear, unfailingly polite. All of which were clues.
The break through came one day when I was just finishing my latte and getting ready to leave and a women I had seen before came over to my little table.
“I am trying to figure something out.” I replied non-commitally.
“Perhaps I can help.” As if by magic a cappuccino appeared beside her. “You are watching women, no?”
“Yes.”
“Women like me. And you are trying to figure out how we do it.”
“Yes. Although I am not quite sure what “it” is.”
“At your age I had no idea “it” even existed.” She took a sip of her cappuccino and I noticed that, despite her slick of red lipstick not a trace touched her cup. “If I explain will you understand?”
“I’ll try.”
“The women you seem to be watching share one or two things in common. First, they are either married to or the mistresses of very successful men. It does not matter which. It is more a stage of development. Younger girls usually are wise enough to begin as mistresses. It gives them time to mature, to learn, to develop a style. Are you shocked?” she said with a very knowing smile.
“A little, I guess. I didn’t see mistresses and wives as being quite the same sort of woman.”
“A good wife, and I am one, is first and foremost her husband’s mistress. With all that implies.”
“Well that is just it…what does that imply?”
“An arrangement. An understanding. But, most of all, a seduction. Every day. Just as a mistress seduces her patron, a clever wife seduces her husband.”
I knew I was learning something important but what exactly “seduction” meant in this context was not at all obvious. I guess I looked a bit at sea.
“Let me explain a little further and then I must fly. My delightful husband does not like to be kept waiting. In ten minutes in a rather nice room on the eleventh floor of this hotel I am going to open the door to Room 910, take off my blouse and skirt, pull down my panties and kneel on the bed. My legs will be slightly parted and I have made sure that everything is nicely lubricated. A few minutes later, assuming my darling does not have a sudden meeting, my husband will use his key card, open the door drop his trousers and, assuming he remembered to take his Viagra a little earlier, take me however he wants, for as long as he wants and, when he is done, pull up his pants and leave without a word. I can’t wait.”
“That is so sexy.”
“It is isn’t it. But the part you really need to know is that thirty minutes ago, while I was shopping, I texted him the room number. I am sitting with you now because he texted back that he would be an hour rather than our usual 45 minutes. I don’t like to wait too long in that position as it is a tiny bit uncomfortable. My point being that I texted him. And that, dear girl, is the secret. All these lovely women you have been watching know that secret. How it plays out with their patrons and their husbands is a matter of taste and style. But the woman takes the sexual initiative and keeps it.”
“That’s it?”
“Pretty much. Of course men like novelty and you need to remember that. And they like to think they are in charge while secretly being relieved that they are not.” with that this kind stranger took a twenty from her Hermes wallet which lodged in a Hermes crocodile Kelly bag and put it on the table. “I really must go, but, a thought. Would you like to watch? I am quite sure my husband would love to take his wife for the edification of a pretty young girl.”
I blushed. I felt my panties moisten at the thought of watching this elegant woman taken. I couldn’t speak. I simply nodded.
We went through the lobby and up the elevator in silence. When we got to Room 910 she opened the door and went in. “Make yourself comfortable in that chair by the window.” she said putting her beautiful bag on a side table and taking off her jacket, “Look in the mini bar there are soft drinks or open one of the white wines. I like a glass of Chablis when I’m done.”
I did as I was told and when I had found the right wine and opened it I turned to see my new friend face down on the bed wearing pretty white lingerie including a serious looking garter belt and nude stockings. Her panties were at her knees and she had left her pretty heels on. Her bottom was high in the air her head was turned towards me. She smiled and then closed her eyes.
We didn’t have long to wait. The door to the room opened silently and a rather interesting looking, not quite handsome man came into the room. He scanned his surroundings, saw his beautiful wife ready for him and me, sitting with my glass of wine, off to the side. He grinned and then took off his jacket. Then he unbuttoned the flies on his suit trousers and pulled out his already very stiff cock. He wasted no time driving it home and reached around to play with his wife’s pussy. I had the distinct feeling his cock was pushing into her back door and, from time to time, she let out a little sigh. He kept up his pace and she was pushing back to meet him. In no more than a couple of minutes she was moaning quite loudly and bucking on his cock. And then he was done. He put his cock back in his trousers put his jacket back on and left. His wife was frantically playing with her own pussy and, in a minute or two was arching her back in satisfaction. Then, quickly and silently, she pulled up her panties, put on her blouse and stepped into her skirt. She took the seat across from me and poured herself a glass of wine.
“He’s such a showoff. I knew as soon as I suggested you watch he’d want me anally. Which I quite enjoy but men are so silly. Is everything a bit clearer now?”
“Honestly, not really. But I expect that is because I am more than a little excited and flustered.” I managed to squeak out.
“It’s too bad I don’t like girls or we could have a bit of fun. But now I must run. The room is booked until tomorrow and room service is a call away. Have a treat.” With that my nameless friend picked up her gorgeous bag and left. I never saw her again.
What was that about I wondered. Did this elegant couple often pick up a girl to watch them enjoy an afternoon break. It wouldn’t surprise me. But, and here was the thing, my new and now ex friend told me she had sent the text to get the afternoon delight rolling. And I think that had been her point.
With much to think about I stretched out on the bed and sipped my wine. You can imagine what happened a bit later and after that I took a lovely long bath and looked over the room service menu. In some senses I felt I had earned a lovely dinner and a really good night’s sleep.
In that quiet hotel room I realized exactly what I wanted and how my friend had shown me the way. She kept he husband enthralled by wanting him, by inviting him, by completely surrendering to him while knowing that, realistically, she was in charge. My stupid sugar daddy wanted to be in charge, to tell me what to do. That was not the formula I was looking for. But this, this was something I could do. I took a piece of creamy hotel stationary and what I have to say was a very cheap pen, and made notes.
The next day I placed a very discreet ad suggesting that I was looking for a mistress style relationship in an actual print newspaper and asked for gentlemen to write me care of a box number. A dozen did and two are now my patrons.
While each has his evening a week, both also enjoy happy surprises. More than once I have knelt down on an anonymous hotel room bed and thought of my friend as I waited for my patron. But never once have I done that or anything else because my patron required it; I call the shots and my gentlemen love me all the more for it.
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Take Away
The modern mistress doesn’t just provide sex as part of the package. She embraces her sexuality and, as importantly, works hard to understand how men generally and her patron in particular, are wired sexually.
Living in a pornified world means that men are exposed to a lot of rather de-contextualized sexual activity. This bit goes there or perhaps here. The further reaches of bondage, S&M, sex toys and a variety of other supposedly sexual activity are only a mouse click away. But for the modern mistress all of that is largely beside the point.
Her great sexual gift is to enthusiastically embrace and initiate
the many things her patron wants, needs, craves. At the same time she entirely endorses Jerry Hall’s famous maxim "Even if you have only two seconds, drop everything and give him a blow job. That way, he won't really want sex with anyone else.” But, and it is huge but, the modern mistress makes it her business to be in complete control of the sexual end of the relationship.
Which means, and this is critical, that she has to begin to think of sex both as a woman and as a man. Where a woman might go for days without giving sex a second thought, a mistress thinking like a man, will learn to at least consider sex at least as often as she thinks about her lipstick or fixes her hair. To be a successful mistress is to anticipate rather than respond to what her patron might enjoy.
At the same time, the reality of the mistress world is that most patrons are considerably older than their mistresses. While they are certainly interested in sex it is not with the urgency that a man in his twenties might be interested. Yes, Viagra and its dups are wonderful things; but they are purely physical. For these aids to have full effect a man has to be erotically engaged.
How a modern mistress accomplishes engagement depends on her patron. For one man a glimpse of a stocking top or a single extra button undone on a shirt will be all it takes. For another a bit of suggestive talk will get the ball rolling.
Here, of course is an essential difference between a mistress and even the most expensive escort: an escort will have a repertoire of sexual moves which hit the sweet spots of the relatively wide cross section of men she deals with on a day to day basis. Call it a toolbox. As importantly, the escort operates at an impersonal distance from the client she is seeing at the moment. For a mistress “impersonal” is not an option. And her sexual toolbox needs to be focused on the desires of a single, long term, patron. With the escort it is all about the act, with a mistress sexuality is much more deeply contextualized.