by Randa Lynn
I pick her up out of the truck and set her down on her feet. “She’s still coming. She’s just going to be a few minutes late, so we’re going to order for her. That alright?”
She reaches up and places her little hand in mine, squeezing as tight as she can. I look down at her as she smiles at me, her wayward hair flying everywhere in the wind. “Okay, Daddy.”
I shut the truck door and we walk hand in hand through the dirt and gravel parking lot, Elli skipping in her rubber boots the whole way. When we get to the wheelchair ramp Elli releases my hand, running up it full force, her polka dotted dress flailing behind her. “That was fun, Daddy!” she cheers, dimples shining bright.
I tap my finger on her forehead. “Good deal, Scooter. How about we go grab us some food?”
We enter the diner and the smell of food fills my senses. Elli tugs at my arm, leading me over to the toy machines. “Can I have one, Daddy? Please?” She bats her eyelashes and pokes that bottom lip out, hoping to get her way.
“Well, it’s been a while since I saw you two in my place.”
I turn on my heels to see Mrs. Deena, her salt and peppered hair kept in a hair net and her white apron splattered with grease stains, carrying an empty food tray. She sets it down on the empty table and comes in for a hug, the smell of fried food saturates her hair and clothing. “How have you been, Wes?”
I release her hug, tipping my hat. “I’ve been good. Elli and I have just been doing what we always do.”
Elli comes up behind me and tugs on my leg, pointing back to the toy machine. “Daddy, can I have money to get a ring or tattoo?”
I hold my finger up, signaling for her to wait one second before turning back to Mrs. Deena. “You both look real good, son. That little Ellison is just as beautiful as ever and growin’ like a weed.”
“Yes, ma’am, she is,” I agree.
Mrs. Deena picks the tray back up. “Well, I gotta get back to work. Go sit at whichever table you can find open. Good seeing ya! ”
“You, too.”
“Daddy…”
I look down at Elli. She gives me puppy dog eyes, trying to get her way. “I don’t have any change. Maybe after we eat.”
She pokes out her bottom lip, starting to pout. “Big girls don’t pout,” I remind her. She went through a stage of crying over everything. And when I say everything I mean everything. If her food wasn’t cut up the right way, she’d cry. If she didn’t have enough bubbles in her bubble bath, she’d cry. It about made me lose my sanity, but we finally got over it. “I’m a big girl, Daddy. I don’t cry no more,” she’d say. So when she gets on her fits of wanting to pout, I remind her she’s a big girl. It always works like a charm.
She tucks her lips back in. “I know.”
We make our way to the corner booth. When the waitress comes, we order our drinks and food, and I order Zoe’s salad and tea.
She brings our drinks and the usual butter and crackers they bring out before the meal. Elli struggles to open a package of crackers, tugging at the plastic while sticking her tongue out in concentration.
“Need Daddy to help?”
She shoves the crackers at me. “Yes sir.”
I open the crackers up and listen to Elli ramble on and on about her princesses, how she’s going to be just like Zoe when she grows up, and everything in between. “Daddy, will you ever go away?”
I stop drinking my Coke mid-sip, stunned by her question. I stare at her curious little face for a long moment. Her big blue eyes are wide with innocent wonder.
“Go away? Scooter, Daddy would never leave you.”
She takes a bite of her cracker, talking with her mouth full. “But my mommy did, didn’t she?”
I choke back the lump forming in my throat, not wanting her to get upset if she sees me shaken up. I just hate that my almost five year old has to even ask these kinds of questions. “Scooter, come here.” She climbs out of her side of the booth, and crawls onto my lap. I kiss her on her forehead. I don’t know how to answer her. If I tell her the unbridled truth she’ll get even more confused, so I come up with the best answer I can give her without causing chaos in her innocent little mind. “One day you’ll have a mommy and she won’t leave you. But right now, it’s just you and me. Is that okay with you?”
She giggles and wraps her arms around my neck. “Uh huh.”
I know this will only get harder as she gets older, having to explain to her over and over again. One day she’ll think she’s to blame. I don’t know if I will be able to handle it when that happens.
The door to the diner jingles. I turn my head to see, hoping it’s Zoe, but it’s not.
I swallow hard, trying to remain cool while Elli turns her head towards the door, then back to me. “Daddy, what is it?” She eyes me in confusion, but I can’t take my eyes off of who’s standing at the door.
I’ve never in my life seen anything more beautiful. She’s been stuck in my head since the other day at the lake. Her long, brown hair with those hazel eyes that could pierce right through you are almost too much. There’s something about her that radiates beauty, and not just the outward beauty, but from inside, too. And that? That is haunting my every thought and dream.
I’m knocked from my trance by Elli tugging on my arm. “Daddy! Daddy! Isn’t that the nice lady from the other day at the lake? She helped me, huh?”
I slide Elli off my lap. “Yeah Scooter—“
But she doesn’t wait to hear my reply. She storms across the diner, nearly knocking Deena over in the process.
I jump up, reacting before I have time to think. “Ellison Grace, get over here.” But it’s too late, she’s slammed directly into Lenni’s leg, startling her.
Lenni turns around instantly. “What the—“
Her eyes widen as she gazes down at Elli clinging to her leg, gasping, “Oh my gosh.” She looks up from Elli and stares straight at me, a small smile floating across her face. “Hi.”
I can’t help it. I grin like a damn fool. “Hey, uh, sorry about that. She gets excited real easy.”
“It’s okay,” she replies softly. She looks down at Elli. “Hi, sweetheart. How is that foot today?” She asks so genuinely it shocks me.
Elli shines her little dimples at her. “It’s a whole lot better. Daddy gave me ice to stick on it and he made me a big ice cream cone to make it better.” She jumps up once. “See? It don’t even hurt no more!”
Lenni bends down closer to Elli, tapping her hand on the top of Elli’s head. “I’m so glad. You had me worried when I saw you crying.”
Elli’s little hands fly up over her mouth as a giggle erupts from her. “I like you. You’re really nice. Wanna come play with me one day? I like tea parties. Oh, and I really like fishing with Daddy. Do you like fishing?”
I take Elli’s hand and lightly tug her back towards me. She’s going overkill on the talking and questions. There’s no way Lenni wants to go play with a four year old she doesn’t even know. “Well, our company should be here soon, and I’m sure you two want to go eat.”
Lenni nods her head. “Yeah, we should probably go order. Amber has been hangry all day.”
Her friend laughs loudly from behind her. “Heck yeah I have. There’s nothing to eat at that house that doesn’t require preparation.”
“What’s hangry?”
Amber butts in, “Hungry plus angry equals hangry. It’s like hunger on steroids.”
Lenni laughs and it’s music to my ears. Everything else in the place is drowned out by her.
I shake my head, remembering that there are at least twenty other people in the tiny diner, including my daughter.
“Well, that’s a new one for me,” I admit. I look down at Elli. “Come on, Scooter, let’s go wait on our food.”
“It was good seeing you two again.” Lenni looks down at Elli. “I’m glad your foot is better, Ellison.”
Elli sways side to side, grabbing at her clothes. “Thank you.”
I tip my hat. “It was real go
od seeing you, too. Enjoy your food.” I stare at her a bit longer than necessary before taking hold of Elli’s hand.
Elli and I make our way back to the corner booth, waiting for our food and Zoe. I keep glancing over at Lenni every few minutes, unable to help myself. Every time I do, I catch her glancing at me before shyly covering her face with her hand. I can’t help but smirk a little every time she does it, like I’m having some effect on her. I’ll enjoy it while we’re here. After today I’ll probably never see her again.
After what feels like forever, Zoe finally arrives in typical Zoe fashion.
The door to Deena’s slings open, the bells jingling like Christmas Carols. She storms in, making a bee-line to our booth. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I had a potential client that scheduled a phone conference, and that bastard was late.” She looks down at Elli before looking back to me. “I’m sorry, the booger was late. So, it caused me to be late getting here.” She plops down at the booth, sitting directly across from me. She gives Elli a kiss on the forehead and grabs a sip of her sweet tea. “Wasn’t my fault this time. Aunt Z is sorry.”
Elli giggles at Zoe as she takes a bite of her cracker. “It’s okay,” she mumbles with a mouthful of crumbs.
“Hey, Wes,” Zoe says, “I saw Damien at the store earlier. He said for you to call him one day soon.” She grins.
“Uh, okay. Will do. Thanks.”
Our food comes, and we catch up. I keep glancing over at Lenni, but don’t catch her glancing my way any longer.
I see her and Amber get up to leave and I wave bye, wishing I could have spoken to her one more time, just to see that megawatt smile, but I don’t get anything more than a small, forced wave.
●●●●●
LENNI
“Want to go home and get drunk?” I look over to Amber, who’s smiling mischievously, and roll my eyes.
I slap her arm. “I’d rather not. Hangovers are a bitch.”
She sighs exasperatedly. “Whatever. You’re such a buzzkill.” She pauses for a second. “See what I did there? Buzzkill? Get it?”
She laughs loudly at herself, beating her hand against the steering wheel. I laugh at her, not with her, because that was by far the most ridiculous pun I’ve ever heard. I’m about to open my mouth with a clever comeback when I’m jolted in my seat as Amber slams on her brakes. “What the hell?” I yell.
She pulls off on the side of the road in silence, coming to a stop right before a small bridge with old, rusty guard rails.
She throws the car in park and throws her head against the steering wheel. After a moment of deafening silence she mumbles, “Holy shit. I just saw my life flash before my eyes.”
“What the crap happened?”
She sits up and looks at me, white as a ghost. “A fucking deer or something. I swear, it almost hit my car. Why are those things running across a road? That is not supposed to happen!” She throws her hand over her chest.
“That was scary,” I whisper.
“Terrifying,” she corrects me. “It’s about time I get back to Atlanta, this entire country and wild animals isn’t for me. Unless that Mr. Wes guy wants to come to our rescue again, then I’m all for it.”
I throw my head back against the headrest and look up through the sunroof and sigh. The sky is clear, the stars starting to peep through in the evening sky. “Why is he so cute?” I ask, more to myself than Amber.
“Cute? Uh, did you get a good look at him? He’s freaking hot, and I swear he’s got his eye on you.”
I roll my eyes at her ridiculousness. She must have not seen that gorgeous girl that barreled in the diner and sat down with him. “Clearly he’s not. He was just being polite when he spoke. Let’s not try to paint a picture on a canvas that isn’t even there.”
She laughs sarcastically. “You and your metaphors.”
“Yeah, me and my metaphors.”
She pulls out, and cautiously makes the drive back to the lake house. I crank the music up and watch the trees out of the window as we zoom by them.
Chapter 4
LENNI
I love waking up early to watch the sun rise when I come to the lake house. There’s just something magical about seeing the morning sun hit the surface of the still water with a beautiful force. The pinks and blues of the eastern sky twinkle and echo off the water’s surface while the western sky is still dark, void of the sun’s splendor. The quiet peace that flows throughout the lakeside is beautiful; birds chirping and roosters crowing in the distance is the essence of serenity.
Watching the fisherman snag a fish from the water, I wonder what could have been, what should have been, had the greatest love in my life loved me in return. Would I be searching for my sense of self? Or would I have a sense of direction, a sense of belonging?
I guess those questions are futile, because that great love of my life didn’t love me back. Even though I’m the one who ended it, his actions were the reason for it all. I made the right decision, this I know. I just wish I knew where to go from here. But where do you go when you came from such a dark place?
I don’t want to go back to Atlanta. I don’t want to go back to a city full of people who look at me with pity in their eyes, sorrow seeping from their voices. Everyone thinks that my broken engagement is the end of the world, they think that my life was crushed because I’m no longer the “future Mrs. Hastings.” People think I’m lost, and maybe I am. But I don’t need their pity, nor do I want it.
Ryan became half of me and, for four years, I foolishly thought he was my better half. I don’t want or need someone to be my better half. I’m already whole. I know that now. I want a man who will make me better, love me harder, and support me deeper. I don’t want a fairy-tale. I want real, gritty, passionate, and all-consuming. I want a love so real it leaves the sun jealous of our nights and the moon jealous of our days.
I take a sip of my coffee, the morning sun now fully aglow in the Georgia sky. I breathe in the fresh air, something you don’t get to do in the city, and I breathe out all the things that have weighed me down upon my arrival to Fredricks.
I can’t change the path I took to get me here. What I can change is the path I will take. My future is solely dependent on me, and it’s time I start making my life my own.
I know it’s easier said than done. I’ll be the first to admit that I am terrified to start a new journey in life. But that’s the beauty of my journey, I don’t know where it’ll lead me, but anywhere is better than what I’ve left behind.
“Uggh.” I turn to look, Amber is leaned against the patio door. Her blonde hair is so perfectly kept in a side braid, her makeup-free face is flawless, void of dark bags underneath. She slowly makes her way to the patio chairs and sits down next to me. “Why the hell are there sheer curtains in that bedroom? And why the hell did I not bring my sleep mask?” she complains, taking a huge gulp of her coffee. She spits it out almost instantaneously. “Shit,” she fans her mouth with her hands, “that hurt. I’m going to be grouchy as hell the rest of the day.”
Evidently her drinking two bottles of wine during our chick flick extravaganza last night didn’t sit well with her head, or mood, this morning. I tried to warn her but, of course, she threw caution to the wind.
I can’t help but laugh. I’ve known Amber since we were fourteen when she moved to Georgia from New York. We met her first day of school when she had dropped all of her books in the hallway trying to stuff them in her locker. I was late for my 4th period freshman math class, but instead of rushing by, ignoring the new girl, I decided to stop and help her out. She thanked me, and we began talking and learned we had the same 4th period. Fast-forward twelve years, she’s the sister I never had. She slowly became more acquainted with the South’s way of life, but that New York temper has never gone away. She’s the yin to my yang. Where I lack in spontaneity, she makes up for tenfold. Where she lacks in rationalization, I make up for with my levelheadedness.
“So I was thinking, maybe we could run to the Gen
eral Store here and try to find something to cook for lunch? There’s some meat in the freezer we can thaw, but I don’t think we have vegetables or anything.”
Amber’s head careens in my direction. “You mean you’re going to cook? Because you know if I cook we’ll be eating either raw food or food burnt to a crisp. There is no in between to my talents,” she smirks.
I take the last sip of my coffee. “Exactly.”
●●●●●
We walk into the General Store, the cool air a shock from the blazing Georgia heat. Amber leans in close to my ear and whispers, “Really, Lenni? This place is so dingy. Can’t we make a trip to Whole Foods?”
Fredricks’ General Store is a small cinderblock building with aging tile floor. It’s not dingy, it’s… charming. You walk in and are greeted with friendly staff and patrons. Every time I’ve come in here when we’ve stay at the lake house, I’m greeted by elderly men who use the store as their daily hangout. I’ve always felt warmly welcomed.
I like it.
I roll my eyes at her utter distaste of this place. “We’re not driving two hours away just to grab food. Suck it up, Buttercup.”
She nudges me in the shoulder. “You can be such a little bitch sometimes, Len.”
“Right back at you, Am,” I wink.
We make our way through the aisles looking for stuff to buy. Amber runs her hands along the shelves. “Wow, this tiny store has basically everything. It’s like a mini Walmart,” she says in amazement.
“Yep. They even have appliances and such in the back. Dad bought a refrigerator here once when ours went out at the lake house.”
She nods her head. “I’m kind of impressed.”
I poke my tongue out. “Told ya. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Or a store by its flooring.”
We grab some vegetables, ice cream, and more junk food. I pay for it, then head to the car.
“Come on, Scooter. Let’s go pick out a prize.” I hear a familiar voice behind me as I open the car door. Chills cover my body as my heart begins to race. I place the grocery bags in the back seat of Amber’s BMW and shut the door.