by Randa Lynn
My mother eyes me curiously for a moment. “No, honey, I haven’t.”
“It freaking sucks.” A tear forms in my eye and trickles down my cheek, causing an unwarranted chain reaction. I break down and cry for all the days I’ll miss with Wes and Elli. My chest heaves, and I fall into my mother’s arms, but it doesn’t comfort me.
The only arms who will are the ones I willingly walked away from.
Wes Taylor was the one man who understood all the broken pieces of me. He made me better. He made my life brighter, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over him.
Wiping the tears from my face, I whisper to myself, “I’m tired of Ryan still having control over my life.”
My mother whips her head to face me, her flawless face contorts into a look of disgust. Her brows furrow as she halts twiddling her auburn hair.
“I know I did not hear you correctly,” she retorts.
I look up at her hesitantly. My mother has never been one to raise her voice in the slightest. Hearing her use that tone with me makes my gut twist into a million knots.
“Ma’am?” I ask sheepishly.
“You did not just say ‘I’m tired of Ryan still having control over my life,’ did you?” I nod my head slightly. “Don’t you dare let him have any governess over your life any more than he’s already had. He doesn’t deserve it. He’s going to be in prison for a long, long time, Lenni. I don’t think you’ve been told, or have cared to know, the depth of his crimes. He attacked you, Lenni. But he also stole hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars from innocent people. He was embezzling money and running a Ponzi scheme. From the way your father is talking, he won’t be out for—“
“Years,” I finish her sentence for her. There is no telling how many years he’ll be sentenced to.
How did I not think of asking this question? I let my emotions and fear over-rule my heart and common sense. I’m an attorney, I should have asked these types of questions.
I’m such an idiot.
She gives me a small smile. “Yes, sweetie. Now, tell me again why you gave up something in your life that makes you happy because of a man who’s done nothing but cause you misery?”
Why have I done this? Fear? Love?
Both.
I feared Ryan, so I let go of Elli and Wes because I loved them. I thought I was making the best decision for them.
But he’s away. He’s not getting out anytime soon.
He can’t hurt me.
He can’t….oh my God.
I gasp for air. I can’t breathe. I take huge gulps of air, trying to catch my breath.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Breathe...
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Breathe…
Breathe, Lenni.
“Mom, I made a huge mistake. Oh my God,” I spit out after calming my anxiety.
I’ve let the best thing to ever happen to me slip away.
I didn’t need to.
I didn’t have to give up my happiness, my life.
I can still have it.
I can…oh my goodness.
She stands up and grabs my hands, looking at me from her deep blue eyes. “Honey, go get a shower, get presentable and fix the mess you’ve caused. Once that’s done, I need to meet this man.”
“What if he doesn’t want me back?” I’m freaking out. I’m an impossible mess.
She grips my hand a little tighter. Her eyes crease at the corners with concern. “I can’t answer that for you. But you’ll never know if you don’t try, Lenni. Is your fear of rejection greater than your love for him or is it the other way around?”
I watch my mother for a moment, contemplating her question. I’ve lived in fear for so long. I’ve let fear control me, making me reconsider my every move in life. Do I let it continue to control my life or do I rise up and take back the life fear has stolen from me?
A smile spreads across my face. “I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
My mother’s smile mirrors my own. “Love conquers all, my dear.”
I give her a huge hug. “Thank you, Mama. I love you.”
“I love you, my Lenni Girl.”
Chapter 28
WES
“Do you know what you’re doing? Don’t make this worse on her. If she says no, you respect her wishes. You got me?”
“Yeah, Sis, I got you. But I promise you, I’m not leaving here without my woman by my side,” I snap back at Zoe on the phone.
“Calm your tits, Weston. I’m just trying to be a voice of reason here.”
“I get it. But don’t worry. She’s mine, I’m just gonna make sure she remembers where she belongs. I’m not letting that sorry bastard keep her from me. I love you, Z. See you tomorrow. Give Scooter a kiss for me.”
“Will do. Be safe. I love you too, asshole.” She hangs up.
I talked a big game on the phone with Zoe, but I’m a ball of fucking nerves. What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if she’s already moved on?
No, fuck that shit. That is not an option. It’s been two weeks. Two damn weeks.
I tried my damndest to give her time and space to think about things, to see that she made the wrong decision, but I won’t wait any longer. I can’t. Less than six months ago Elli took up my entire world, and I was fine with that. But now that Lenni has come along, she’s etched her way into my life and heart. She’s an itch I can’t scratch away.
I’ve spent the past two weeks dialing her number and erasing it before pressing send. I’ve typed out no less than two hundred text messages that have never been delivered. I’ve looked at her picture a million and one fucking times, and each time I miss her a little more. I’m going out of my mind.
Elli keeps asking, “But Daddy, I thought she was staying here?” My heart sinks every time that pitiful question falls from her mouth, and I can’t take it. Seeing her heartbroken broke mine all over again. I didn’t know what to say to her. I didn’t want to crush her any more than she already was, so I did the one thing I promised I never would do—I lied. I told her Lenni was coming back, more for my benefit than hers. If I said it enough times in my head, I’d begin to really believe it and, just for a second, the gaping hole in my heart filled.
I get why she left, but that doesn’t mean I like it. I respect it, but I won’t stand for it. Not when she’s got the other half of my heart with her. I want it back. I want her back, and I’ll do whatever I have to do to make that happen.
Having to go to work when all I wanted to do was get to my girl was brutal as hell. When I see her, I’m wrapping her in my arms and kissing her like my life depends on it, then I’m going to lay her down and make love to her like it’s our first time.
I stop at the gate and roll the window of my truck down. I press in the code Amber gave me and watch as the twelve foot wrought iron fence gradually opens. I slowly creep my truck down a winding driveway, lined with perfectly manicured shrubs and the greenest grass I have ever seen.
When I pull up to the house, my jaw drops. A humongous colonial style brick-house with white columns is in my direct line of sight. A huge circle drive sits directly in front of the house with a fountain in its center.
After I take in the colossal house, I throw my truck in park and hop out. All that stands between me and my girl is my nerves and a few walls. I take a deep breath, straighten my hat up, and make the short walk to the front door, my heartbeat getting louder with each step I take.
I press the doorbell, step back to the bottom of the steps, and wait anxiously.
After the longest few minutes of my life, I hear locks releasing and the door slowly open.
Standing before me is Lenni’s father. I remember him from the picture at Lenni and Amber’s townhouse. He’s looking at me in a mixture of confusion and, and… I don’t fucking know. I’m too nervous to even try to decipher. I stuff my hands in my pocket, anxiously fiddling with the change in them. He looks down at me from the house as I stand a
t the bottom of the steps. “You must be Wes.”
I tip my head and remove my hat, trying to be as polite as possible. “Yes, sir.” I walk up the steps and hold out my hand. “I’m Wes. You must be Mr. Blackmon.”
He looks me up and down and, for a brief moment, I think he’s going to turn around and slam the door in my face. Instead he gives my hand a firm shake. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”
I feel the tension that’s built up over the past two weeks ease slightly. “You, too, sir. I, uhm, is Lenni here?”
He opens the door wider. “Come on in, son.”
I follow him inside and, just like the grounds it sits on, the house is immaculate.
Holy shit, is that a naked statue? If Elli ever comes here, we’ll have to cover that shit up. And that dick, It’s so…small. It is not doing justice to the male genitalia. At least not mine, because I’m fucking blessed. Shit, Wes. Get your shit together and stop rambling in your head.
Lenni’s father leads me into a huge living room and I sit down on the couch. I’m in the same house as Lenni, but I don’t think I can move. I’m suddenly nervous as fuck.
Her father sits down on the high-back chair in front of the couch I’m sitting on. “You can call me Gary. Mr. Blackmon is for business use only.”
“Alright, Gary. Thank ya.” I’m as nervous as a whore in church. Fuck me. His intense stare is about too damn much for me.
“Why are you here, Wes?” he asks in a clipped tone.
I stop and consider his question for a minute. Why am I here? Why is Lenni here? Why are any of us here? “Honestly?” I ask. He nods his head, so I continue. “Because when your daughter left me two weeks ago she took a part of me that I don’t want to live without. She thought she was being chivalrous by ‘saving’ me and my daughter, but we don’t need saving, sir. We just need her.”
He stares at me emotionless for far too long. I’m about to say something I shouldn’t and tell him to take his judgmental ass straight to hell when he finally breaks his silence. “You know, she told me about you a time or two.” He brings his hands together underneath his chin and pauses before continuing. “And before I start my father talk, let me say this. My Lenni Girl has been through hell and back way too many times at the hands of someone she thought loved her. I know you were there when she was attacked. I know you are the reason Ryan’s attack didn’t go near as far as he intended to go. From one father to another—thank you, thank you for saving my little girl. She might be grown, but she’ll always be my baby.”
I nod my head in agreement. “I love your daughter Mr. Black…Gary. I’d never hurt her and I’d do anything in my power to protect her from those that would.”
“Up until two weeks ago, when she showed up here, I’ve never seen my daughter happier. It’s taken me far too long to realize that what I have always wanted for her wasn’t what she needed. I’m man enough to admit that. I will also say I think she made the wrong decision in coming back here.” He stands up and continues, “I just want her to be happy. I want her to be treated like she deserves. If you can promise me you’ll do that, then you and I will be on the best terms.”
I stand up and straighten my jeans. “I love her more than I can explain to you in one day. Just know, I’d absolutely want to kill any man who tried to disrespect my daughter, so I’d never disrespect yours. I can’t promise you that I will never piss her off, but I can promise I’ll never lay a hand on her out of anger.”
He looks at me with resolve and starts to walk away. He pauses and turns his head back to me. “Go up the stairwell, take a right, and it’s the last door on your left.”
And what do I do? I haul ass up the stairs to find my girl.
Chapter 29
LENNI
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
No, I can’t believe I ever left him to begin with. I’ve spent two weeks being completely ignorant, letting my fear of Ryan cloud what my heart was longing for.
I’m an idiot.
My brain is so frazzled and my feelings are contradicting one another. I am nervous, yet peaceful. Scared, yet excited.
I brush out my wet hair as I dry it with the hair dryer. I let the noise drown out all the fears I have about seeing Wes again. I’m terrified I’m too late. What if he refuses to lay his heart on the line again? I wouldn’t blame him if he did, but I would be completely crushed.
I grab the straightener, running it through my hair to kill the frizz. My hands are so shaky with nerves that I lose my grip. The straightener falls to the floor, but not before singeing my hand. “Crap!” I shout, running my hand under cold water to help ease the pain. I give up on fixing my hair more than it already is, not wanting to hurt myself anymore.
I make my way out of the bathroom, nursing my burn, and walk to the vintage off-white dresser that I’ve had since I was a little girl. It used to house collectible dolls that I would gaze at for hours, wondering why my mother never let me open them. Now it houses my suitcase. I throw clothes out left and right, rushing to get dressed and get to Wes as quickly as possible. Once again, I’ve yet to unpack, but I hope I don’t have to unpack, here at least. I’m so nervous that Wes isn’t going to accept my apology. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if he and Elli are forever gone from my life. These past two weeks have just about killed me, and now I know I was stupid for ever leaving them, I don’t want to go another second without them.
He was right all along. I shouldn’t have decided for him. But I did, and I can’t take that back, but I can try to fix this. I hope it’s repairable. I’ve made one monumental mistake, even if it was with good intentions.
I get to a lilac-colored sundress and hold it against me, deciding this will suffice for today. I hear the click of a door, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. A magnetic current surges through my body, forcing me to slowly stand. When I turn around to see the force pulling me in, I lose all logical thought. I forget all about the burnt hand. I forget my fears. I forget about everything except who stands in front of me.
Wes.
Oh my Goodness.
As I stare at the absolute love of my life, I feel the pieces of my shattered heart start to mend, slowly making their way back into the part of my chest where they’re supposed to be. The ache slowly subsides, replaced with a sense of peace I haven’t felt since the day Ryan attacked me.
Wes is even more beautiful than I remember. Two weeks doesn’t seem like a very long time but, when you don’t want to spend another moment without someone, the 1,209,600 seconds that make up the duration of those fourteen days seems like an eternity. His beard is short, merely scruff, only enhancing the beauty of his face. He removes his hat and throws it on the bed. Taking his hands, he runs them through his hair before looking into my eyes.
“Hi,” I finally say, barely above a whisper.
Gone are the dark brown eyes, full of heartache and dread. The golden brown hues I love so much are back, causing me to weaken at the knees.
“Hey.” The low, guttural sound causes a fire to ignite in my core. God, I’ve missed his voice. He eyes my entire body intently, flames of intense yearning shoot through me with every second that passes. He takes a measured step towards me. “I think you’re the most beautiful without an ounce of makeup on.”
Another step closer.
“When you get nervous you twirl your hair,” he points to my hand that is currently in my hair, “just like that.”
Another step.
“When you’re scared, you bounce your leg up and down really fast.”
Another step.
“When you think no one is near, you sing to yourself. And you sing way off-key, but it’s the sweetest fucking sound I’ve ever heard.”
Another step.
Heart, please don’t burst out of my chest.
“When you’re being impatient, you chew on the inside of your cheek while twiddling your thumbs.”
Another step.
“You’ve got a b
irthmark right on the back of your left thigh. I’m sure you don’t even know it’s there, because it’s barely visible. But I’ve seen it, and I love it.”
Another step.
“When you get turned on, you take your bottom lip and pull it between your teeth, and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. It drives me crazy.”
Another step.
“When you sleep, you have a slight snore, but only when you’re really tired. Sometimes, you even talk in your sleep. I could listen to it for hours.”
Calm the hell down, Lenni. He’s just Wes. Here, in the flesh, like you’ve been dreaming about for two weeks. No big deal.
Another step.
“And I’ve got a confession to make.”
He takes another step. Mere inches are separating us now, causing my breathing to intensify. Tears sting my eyes at the small, intimate details he seems to know about me. Some I didn’t even realize until now. “What’s that?” I ask nervously.
He grabs me at the waist and pulls me into him. My heart beat accelerates with every passing second. My body involuntarily floods with need for this man.
A small smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth. “The first time you told me you loved me, you said it in your sleep.”
My mouth drops as embarrassment takes over. “Oh my God.”
He takes his index finger and places it over my lips. “Shh. It’s my time to talk. I just want you to listen. Got me?”
I nod my head, unable to speak. I’m mesmerized by him. The room, the noise, it all fades into oblivion. The only thing I’m focused on is him. Nothing else matters.
“I want you to yell at me when I’m being a hard headed son-of-a-bitch. I want to let you know when you’re being a royal pain in my ass. I want to come home and see those gorgeous hazel eyes looking back at me every day, and I want to lay you down and make love to you every night—in our bed. I want to tackle every fucking thing thrown my way, but I want to tackle them with you.” He brings a hand up and brushes the back of it across my cheek. “You belong with me, Lenni. I’m not gonna let that piece of shit keep my woman from me. You’re scared, and I get that, but let me be the one who protects you for the rest of your life.” Tears fall freely from my eyes, cascading in a waterfall full of nothing but love. “I’m nothing without you, but I am everything when I have you.”