by Randa Lynn
I am completely and utterly taken by this man. My heart charges in my chest, threatening to burst through from his touch. The heartache and loneliness I’ve had since the night I left Fredricks vanishes. In its place is love and belonging.
He brings his hand towards the back of his jeans and pulls something out of his pocket. He flips it between each of his fingers for a few moments, just staring at it. “This picture,” he pauses, his eyes looking to me, “holds everything good in my life. Every ounce of happiness I’ve ever had is in this picture. The only future I see is in this.” He hands me the picture and, as I flip it over, my entire world stills. My heart constricts as his truth stares back at me. The picture is of Elli and me at her birthday party. I’m holding her up as she blows out her birthday candles. Nothing but happiness emitting from my face.
I’ve doubted myself. I’ve doubted my entire existence at one point or another in my life. I’ve wanted to run away, to hide from the never ending spiral of dread that surrounded me. No more. Right here, right now, I’m thankful for every bad thing that’s happened in my life. Every long, dark, and winding road has lead me here—to the light.
I always thought Ryan had ruined everything in my life, taken everything save my beating heart from me. If it hadn’t been for him, I never would have met Wes or Elli. I never would have known what true love is. Wes Taylor is the real, gritty, passionate, and all-consuming love I had always wanted, yet never thought I’d have.
“Lenni,” he whispers. I look from the picture to him. His eyes are hungry, full of need and want and love. “I need to know that I can have all of you. Every second of every day. I want every side of you. I didn’t stop loving you because you left. If anything, it showed me how much I do love you. I love you more than one man deserves to love someone as amazing as you, but dammit I want to make you fall in love with me more every day. And I want to fall more in love with you every day. Come home, Len.”
The past no longer matters, the struggles no longer register. All that matters is who I am when I am with him. The person I want to be. The person I struggled so long to find.
I look into Wes’s eyes. There is no resentment, no anger, no emotion other than love. Unfailing love. He still loves me.
He’s no longer an illusion. He’s real. He’s here. He’s mine.
This man belongs to me, and I to him.
In an instant, our lips crash together. His tongue feverishly works against mine as he pulls me closer to him. The scent of cinnamon and mint invades my mouth. I relish in it. My stomach flips and my body shivers with need. His hands explore my body. Mine pressed against the hard ridges of his abs.
I break the kiss. Panting heavily, I plead, “Make love to me, Wes.”
Releasing me, he walks to the door and locks it. He stalks back to me with purpose until we stand chest to chest. Taking the pad of his thumb, he methodically rubs it along my lips. “Only if you promise me you won’t leave me again.”
“I p-promise. Never again.” My words falter from the intensity of his touch.
Wes picks me up in one fluid motion and carries me to my bed. Gently lowering me onto my feet, he brings his face down to mine. “Lenni,” he whispers in a gravely tone, “I’ve missed you so damn much.”
I’m unable to respond as his fingers graze the exposed skin on my hip bone, leaving a tingling in their absence. Slowly, he lifts my shirt over my head, uncovering my bare chest. He reaches for his own shirt and removes it quickly.
I watch as his muscles contort and ripple with the each move he makes. I gaze up at his face, watching his jaw tick in serious anticipation. The sight of him still takes my breath away. He is manly, muscular, and perfect in every single way. And he is mine. I will never make the mistake of letting him go again.
His teeth grazes against my ear, his breath sending a spiral of yearning throughout my body. He gently glides his mouth down my neck and along my collarbone, peppering kisses along the way.
“Wes, please,” I plead through heavy breaths.
“Oh, I will baby,” he smirks. “Lay down.”
I fall back on the bed, sinking into the mattress. Wes stands, staring down as I do the same. Our gazes are searing into one another, passion and need and sorrow and pain all swirled into one. His eyes never leaving mine, he climbs on top of me and scatters kisses across my stomach and up until he lands on my chest. He licks lightly along my nipple, capturing it between his teeth. I can’t take much more, I need him inside me, now, before I lose it just by his touch alone. Two weeks without being near him has my body’s reaction to him in overdrive.
“Now,” I beg.
He brings his mouth up to my ear and whispers, “Did you miss me?”
“Yes.”
In one instant, he rips my shorts off of me, throwing the remnants to the floor. He unbuttons his jeans and slides them, along with his boxers down to his feet, discarding them to the side. His erection comes to life right in front of me, leaving me speechless. He inches his way up to me and lays a feather-light kiss on my lips. He stares at me, eyes full of primal need, and it’s driving me absolutely crazy.
“I can’t wait to do this at home. Home. ‘Cause your home is with me.”
“Mmm hmm,” I squeak out, my euphoria too high to form any other coherent word.
“Good. So I’m gonna make love to you. I’m gonna make sure you know where you belong. Got it? Don’t try to be a heroine. I don’t need saving, Lenni. I just need you.”
He glides himself up and down my opening. “You’re mine.”
“And you’re mine. Always.”
“Nothing will ever come between us again.” He kisses me gently, lovingly, passionately. “You and me, baby. We are one,” he whispers as he enters me.
A dimpled smile flares across his face, and I lose myself in his eyes. I lose myself in his smile. I lose myself completely to this man.
Wes Taylor is my heart’s home.
Chapter 30
WES
We got a late start home today. I wanted to spend some time with Lenni’s parents, since I hadn’t met them before yesterday. I’ll admit, I was nervous as fuck waking up this morning walking out of Lenni’s bedroom. I’m damn near twenty-eight years old, but I felt like a sixteen year old sneaking out of my girlfriend’s window. To my surprise, I didn’t get the first “I’m going to rip your throat out” stare from her father or mother. Turns out, they’re pretty cool people.
Lenni’s Dad did give me the “you take care of my girl” talk again. Her mother is as sweet as could be. I see where Lenni gets it from.
They asked questions about Elli, and they actually seemed interested in wanting know about my daughter. They weren’t just asking out of kindness. I like that. Because if someone doesn’t want to get to know Elli, they don’t want to get to know me.
It made me feel real good when they said they’d like to make a trip down to Fredricks soon to meet her and visit Lenni and me.
“You ready to see our girl?” I grip Lenni’s hand as we walk up to the back door.
The sweetest smile splays across her face. “I am. I’m glad I’m finally home.”
Home. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to her saying that.
“Say it again,” I request. I need to hear it again to make sure my ears aren’t fucking with me.
“I’m glad I’m finally home,” she repeats, reaching up to give me a kiss on my lips.
Sweet fuck, I’m a lucky man.
I have got to be in a dream. Two weeks ago I was going out my mind thinking I would never see her again. I thought I had lost her for good. Two weeks ago half of my heart was three hours away in Atlanta.
“Let’s do this,” I say, opening the back door.
When the door swings open I spot Elli sitting in the living room with her princess dress and rubber boots on. Her little head turns our way, a huge snaggle-toothed grin spreads across her face as she jumps up to head towards us. “Daddy! Mommy!”
And once again, my heart stills
in my chest.
I turn my head slightly towards Lenni, who’s just as stunned as I am. Elli has called her Mommy once, but that was a while ago and when she was thanking Lenni for throwing her birthday party. I didn’t expect her to ever call her that again, at least for a long, long time. I know she’s seen her as her mom for quite some time, but her viewing her that way and actually using the word is freaking…it’s just... wow.
Elli runs straight to Lenni as she bends down and scoops my daughter in her arms. “Hey, my beautiful girl,” Lenni says as she gives Elli a little tap on the nose. She giggles and squirms in Lenni’s arms.
“I missed you. I didn’t want you to go away.” Elli snuggles her head into the crook of Lenni’s neck.
Lenni runs her hand down Elli’s hair and whispers, “I didn’t want to go either.”
Elli’s little head pops up. Her blue eyes stare directly into Lenni’s. Her hands, with pink polished nails, reach up and lightly lay over Lenni’s heart. “Hand, heart.”
A stray tear falls from Lenni’s eyes. She brings her free hand up and places it over Elli’s heart. “Hand, heart, beautiful girl.”
They stand, gazing at each other in silence for a few moments before Elli asks, “Did you have to go see your mommy? Aunt Zoe said you did. I was scared you weren’t gonna come back. I missed you.”
Hearing my daughter talk to Lenni, saying how much she’s missed her makes my heart ache and swell all at the same time. I hate she got her little heart hurt in the process, but what’s done is done. All that matters now is that I’ve got both of my girls back under one roof where they belong. Elli hasn’t missed a beat. I was nervous she’d be a little shy towards her at first, since it’s been weeks since Lenni left. But that’s my little Elli, spirited as ever.
“I did have to go see my mommy. When little girls grow up, they still need their mommy. I needed mine to give me some grownup advice.” Lenni squeezes Elli tighter in her arms.
Elli looks at her curiously. “Will I need you when I grow up?”
Lenni cuts her eyes to me for assistance. I hold my hands up in surrender. I have no dog in this race, and quite frankly, I am at a loss for words. Eventually, her eyes fall back from me to Elli. “I don’t know. I guess you might.”
Elli’s little brows crease in utter confusion. I’m confused, too, Scooter. She pokes her bottom lip out. “But you said you always needed your mommy. You are my mommy.” Her eyes dart to me back to Lenni. “Aren’t you?”
I’m about to chime in, but Lenni beats me to it. She looks my daughter straight in the eyes, with eyes and heart full of honesty and love, she replies, “If you want me to be.”
The look on Elli’s face causes my heart to fucking burst. Her eyes light up like I’ve never seen before. Her grin so big it leaves her dimples on full display. “Uh huh!” She spreads her arms wide and wraps them tightly around Lenni’s neck. “I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, Mommy.”
Mommy. My baby girl has a mother. Her mother is mine. This life, this family, is mine.
Lenni looks at me as tears fall from her eyes. She’s looking for some sort of sign that I’m okay with this. I give her one. “Can Daddy get in on this mommy/daughter hug?”
The smile that spreads across Lenni’s face completely cements my feelings. I’m not just in love with this woman, I’m fucking gone for her. I never want to be found.
I walk over to my girls and wrap them in a hug. The two pieces of my heart are here, draped in my arms.
My house finally feels like a home. I stand there with my entire world, thanking God for answering this sinner’s prayer. I am a man and I’m standing here crying. But real fucking men cry. At least this one does.
“Ahh hmm.” Zoe stands against the bar watching everything that has just occurred. I honestly forgot she was here.
I release my girls and walk over to my sister, wrapping her in a hug. “Thanks, Z.”
“Yeah, yeah. Don’t mention it.” I release her and notice her watered eyes.
“Are you crying?” I tease.
She turns her head away and rubs at her eyes. “Nope. A fucking bug flew in it. Next time, don’t leave the back door open for so long.”
“Uh, huh. Whatever you say.”
She checks her phone, then picks her purse up off the counter quickly. “Gotta go!” She walks away, but I’m not having that shit. She’s still my little sister, and I will always be her overbearing brother. I grab a hold of her upper arm. “Hold up there, Speedy. Where the hell are you off to so fast?”
I know exactly where this is going. I know the signs. I’ve dealt with this shit since she was fifteen.
“Oh, you know, just going to hang out with a friend.” Her cheeks redden, a dead giveaway.
A friend, my ass. That look tells me she’s going to hang out with one of my friends. Fuck, they can’t go off and find one of the other billion women in this world? Why my sister?
“With who?” I question. I swear if she says Cameron I’m going to hunt him down and cut off his dick for messing with Amber and Zoe.
“Uh, Damien. Okay, byeeee.” She runs out the door before I can say another word.
I swear to fuck, I need better friends who respect the bro code. Don’t fuck with friends’ sisters.
I feel a tugging on the bottom of my shorts. “Daddy?”
I bend down and pick Scooter up, placing a kiss on her forehead. “I’ve missed my baby girl. How about we eat popcorn and watch TV? Your choice.”
She yells excitedly. “Frozen!”
Yay! Not.
I set her back down on her feet. “Sure thing, baby girl. Go run and put on some pajamas. Because we can’t have popcorn and movies without our pj’s, can we?” She shakes her head and runs back to her room to change while I pop the popcorn.
●●●●●
Elli fell asleep midway through the movie. She must’ve been worn out because she’s usually up until at least nine. I gently pick her up off the couch and carry her to her bedroom. I lay her down on the bed and tuck her in like we do every night. Smoothing her hair, I say a silent prayer for my amazing daughter. I haven’t gotten much right in my life, I’ve made more mistakes than I can count, but Elli is the one thing in my life I got completely right.
I place a kiss on Elli’s forehead and walk out, slowly shutting her bedroom door behind me.
“Hey, handsome,” Lenni greets me as I walk into our bedroom. Our bedroom. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying that.
I embrace her in a hug and kiss the top of her head, keeping it there longer than necessary. I just need to take a second to stop and hold my girl. Actually, no. I need to take an entire fucking night.
“I think I need to hold you all night and not let you go,” I admit.
Without pulling from my grasp, she mumbles into my chest, “Why?”
Why? There are a million and one reasons why. It seems like the universe has been against us since the moment she came to Fredricks, and I have a gut feeling she’s not done fucking with our life yet.
“Because, now that I’ve got you back, I never want to let you go.” And I won’t let her go, ever.
She pulls her head back from me and gazes into my eyes. The greens and browns intertwined to make up her hazel hues shine straight through me. I could get lost in her eyes, in her touch, in her smile. “You don’t have to. I’m here with you and Elli for as long as you want me. I love you, Weston Charles Taylor. With you, I feel alive. I see what it’s like to be truly loved and adored.” She rubs her hands in circles along the small of my back. “You’ve proved my every preconceived notion about relationships wrong. There is good in the world, and the good in my world is you.”
I cup her head between my hands, gently stroking her swollen, needy lips with the pad of my thumb. I bring my lips to hers, kissing her slowly, passionately. I kiss her for all the days we missed when she was away. I kiss her for all the memories we could have made, and all the ones to come.
Sh
e’s the addiction I’ll never give up.
I take my girl to bed, and I hold her in my arms. I run my fingers through her hair until her breathing evens out and I know she’s fallen asleep.
I lightly brush my lips along hers and whisper a promise. “I’m gonna marry you, Lenora Jade Blackmon.”
Chapter 31
WES
Three months have come and gone since I finally got my girl back at home with me. I was nervous things would get a little rocky between her and Elli. I was afraid Elli would have some sort of resentment towards Lenni because she left, but she didn’t. Thank God.
Everything has been great. Better than great.
Elli started school back in August. Lenni drops her off almost every morning, then makes the thirty minute drive to Tatum to her office. She opened it up a few weeks after she got back, and her clientele has quickly grown, leaving her busy with being a lawyer. Sometimes it takes her away from us in the evenings, but I don’t mind it. She loves what she does. Her being happy makes me happy. She’s finally come to peace with what’s happened, I think. She still has nightmares sometimes, waking up in a cold sweat, screaming out in fear. When that happens, I just hold her tight and whisper in her ear that everything is okay. Every day it gets better. She still has moments of being sad and beat down, but I do my best to pick her right back up.
Lenni’s parents came down about a month ago and met Elli. I was so nervous they wouldn’t accept Elli since she isn’t Lenni’s daughter, but they fell in love with her right away, and she fell in love with them. It turns out that Mr. Blackmon, I mean Gary, is a huge softy when it comes to little girls. All Elli had to do was bat her thick eyelashes for him to fall under her adorable little spell. She had him throwing tea parties and wearing her gaudy plastic rings on the tips of his fingers just like she always has my dad doing.