by Randa Lynn
I wrap my little princess in a hug. “Why don’t you go give my parents a hug goodbye, then? I’ll load the stuff up and call Daddy and let him know we’re heading home.”
She runs off back towards the house and I load our bags into the back of my Jeep. I retrieve my phone from my pocket and dial Wes. After three rings he picks up. “Hey.”
God, I’ve missed his voice. “Hey, handsome. Elli and I are about to head home. We’ll see you in about three hours.”
The line is silent for a few moments before he replies. “Okay. Y’all be careful.”
He’s being short on the phone, not his usual self. Unease seeps its way into my veins, causing a chill to take over my body. “Is something wrong?”
I can hear him inhale a deep breath through the phone. “No, baby. Just know I love you. I promise I’ll never let anything come between us.”
Nausea rises into my throat. “Wes, you’re scaring me.”
A strained laugh trickles from his mouth. “There’s nothing to worry about, you pretty little thing. Just be careful and get home to me. I’ve been missing you real bad.” He’s trying to hide the fact that something’s bothering him. But I know him better than that. When someone tells you there is nothing to worry about, you better freaking worry.
I want to be mad at him. I want to ask him what the hell is bothering him. I want to scream because I’m three hours away and can’t read his face to tell what the hell the problem is. But I can’t, because Elli is walking up to me, and the last thing I ever want is for her to see or hear Wes and me argue.
That will never happen as long as I can help it. My parents never argued in front of me, and I plan on keeping it that way for my daughter.
Daughter. I’m still getting used to thinking that. But she is my daughter as far as I’m concerned, and I’d move heaven and earth to ensure she’s happy and her heart is never hurt.
“We can talk when I get home. I love you.” I end the call hastily, not wanting the nagging annoyance to bellow into further anger in front of Elli.
Elli climbs in the car and I buckle her up in her booster seat and we head for the house.
The closer we get to Fredricks, the more the wheels in my mind begin to turn. Has he changed his mind about us being together? Has he decided we’re moving too fast? Did something happen this weekend?
Oh God.
My stomach starts churning. I pull my Jeep over quickly and run around to the back just in time. I hurl up the entirety of my stomach contents. After my stomach finishes its attack, I get a napkin out of my glove compartment and wipe my face.
The vomiting ends, but the nausea and worry continue. Thankfully, Elli was asleep so she didn’t catch my panic attack after I got back into the driver’s seat.
I’ve got no clue what could be bothering him. He’s never been stand-offish to me. He’s been nothing but honest and upfront with his feelings. That’s one of the many things that made me fall in love with him.
Gosh, I love that man. It is physically causing my heart to ache right now to not know what is wrong. But I can’t keep thinking about all the negative things that could happen. I just need to focus on the positive.
We’re together. We love each other. We’re happy.
God, I hope we’re happy. I know I am. What if he isn’t really happy?
Stop it, Lenni!
I turn the radio up to help drown out my ridiculous thoughts, but of course the first song that starts playing is an Adele song, and her beautiful voice isn’t depressing the hell out of me. I start to cry like a freaking baby for no reason. This isn’t even that serious, and I am letting my mind play tricks on my heart. I’m just a ball of tears. I’m driving down the back roads singing along to “Make You Feel My Love” as tears stream down my face. I’m an emotional basket case, and this is absolutely ludicrous.
Why am I even so upset? He simply wasn’t his normal self on the phone. Everyone has a bad day every now and again. Even Mr. Perfect himself.
Calm the hell down, Lenni.
I take a deep breath and wipe my tears. There is absolutely no reason to be this upset. I think my problem is I’ve been away from him too long. Yep, that’s it. When I get home and he wraps me in his arms, my every worry will just disappear into a cloud of dust.
Chapter 33
WES
Shit! Why couldn’t I keep my nerves in check for a two minute phone call? Because I’m a mother fucking idiot, that’s why.
I should have just told her what was bothering me. I should have told her I saw Vanessa last night, but I was too much of a chicken shit to say anything.
I froze up. The words were right there on the tip of my tongue, ready to be said. Vanessa is back in Fredricks. But like the chicken shit that I am, I didn’t say a word.
Fuck! Lenni is going to be so pissed.
I can’t believe Vanessa was at Ernie’s last night. I knew someone was watching me. I knew it. But I never expected it to be my ex-wife. I have no idea why she is in town, and apparently making herself at home.
A delusional as hell train wreck is what Vanessa is. I’ll be damned if she barges into Elli’s life like she hasn’t been absent for ninety-nine percent of it.
Fuck that. I have the only say in this, and it won’t be for her to pretend to be mommy until she gets tired of it again. No fucking way that’s happening.
My phone buzzes, but it’s nowhere to be found. I search for it when I hear a knock on the door. Shit. Can’t find the phone. I’ll call whoever it is back.
“Hola, Señor.” Zoe barges through the back door.
“You speak Spanish now?”
She opens up the fridge and grabs a Dr. Pepper. “Damien is teaching me a little bit.” She grins.
Here we go again with my sister and one of my friends’ relationship talk.
“He’s not even Mexican, Z.”
“Uh, you’re an idiot. Have you ever seen or heard his Mom? Damien is half Mexican. And you call yourself his friend.”
Well, I am a shitty friend, ain’t I? But in my defense, I’ve been a little preoccupied for the past five years, so that’s my excuse.
I sit down at the dining table and prop my feet up on an empty chair. Zoe sits down on the other side, sipping on her Dr. Pepper. “Shut up. Just because you can’t keep your hands off my friends doesn’t mean you can pick apart how little I know about the unimportant details.”
She gives me her go to hell look as she fiddles with the tab on the Dr. Pepper can. “It’s not like that, asshole. I really, really, really like Dame. Don’t you try to be an overbearing brother and screw this up for me, okay? It’s not like my little crush I had with Cameron when I was a teenager. It’s more than that. I just, I don’t know. He’s been acting a bit different lately. Standoff-ish.”
Shit. I wish I could tell her, I really do. I don’t get Damien’s reasons for keeping it a secret, but I’ll respect them. I owe him that much, whether Zoe is my sister or not. “He’ll come around, Z. Just let him mull over whatever he needs to. Don’t nag him, alright?”
I fully expect her to nag, try to pry what she knows I know out of me, but thankfully she doesn’t. “But enough about me. You called me over here. Now spill it, Weston Charles.”
She knows I hate when she calls me by my first and middle name. Like I’m a child getting scolded or something. But like the annoying little sister she is, she pushes my buttons any chance she can get.
“I won’t be overbearing if you never call me Weston Charles again. You know I hate that shit.”
She reaches her hand across the table. “Truce.”
I shake her hand. We’ll see how long this truce holds. I call two days, if that.
“So, care to tell me why I needed to drop plans to come here ‘ASAP’?”
I drop my elbows on the table and hold my head in my hands, pulling at my hair. “Vanessa’s back in town,” I mumble.
She damn nears spits her drink halfway across the table. “Come again?”
“
You heard me. I am not repeating myself,” I bark back.
Her mouth flies open in disbelief. “What the hell would she be doing here? She’s come back what, like once since she left? Is she just visiting her parents or what?”
“Are we playing twenty questions? She was at Ernie’s last night when I was there with Damien and Cam shooting pool. That’s all I fucking know.”
Just thinking back to last night pisses me off all over again. What if Lenni flips her shit? What if she bolts out of fear? Dammit.
I slam my fists on the table in frustration. “Z, what the fuck am I gonna do if she shows her ass and throws a wrench into everything Elli knows?”
Zoe eyes are filled with nothing but sorrow and concern. “Have you told Lenni?”
Have I told Lenni? Psh. “Hell, no. How am I supposed to tell her that over the phone? What if she freaks out and runs because Vanessa has suddenly decided to show up?”
“Give her more credit than that, Wes. She’s strong as hell. If what Ryan did to her can’t split you two up, then I doubt Vanessa showing her whore ass up here will, either.”
God, I hope she’s right. I really do. I’ve lost Lenni once and got her back. I won’t be able to survive losing her again. Because how could I survive hell when I’ve already seen heaven?
I need Lenni like the air I breathe. I need her like the earth needs the sun. I fucking need her every second of every day. She is the missing piece to my puzzle. No one gets me like Lenni Blackmon does.
I can’t, no I won’t, let someone as irrelevant in my life as Vanessa ruin this. Ruin us. Ruin my family.
“I’m just scared, Z. I’m scared as hell and I’m man enough to admit it. Lenni is it for me. She’s done me in and I don’t want to know a life without her in it.”
She stands up and walks over to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “Bubb, just breathe. When Lenni gets home, you tell her. Y’all tackle this together. As a family. Because that’s what you, her, and Elli are is family. Nothing Vanessa does will tear y’all apart if you stand as a united front.”
I’m so damn worried about Elli. She’s innocent and she needs to remain that way for as long as humanly possible. I won’t let Vanessa barge back into the life of a little girl she willingly walked away from.
Elli has everything she needs already. Lenni is the only mother figure in her life, and I plan to keep it that way. It would be a completely different situation had Vanessa actually been a mother, but I’m not going to allow someone to come into my daughter’s life when I know she’ll jet just as fast as she got here.
Lenni came into our lives and loved Elli when she didn’t have to. She’s helping me raise Elli when she has no obligation to. She uprooted her life in Atlanta to move here to be with us. She’s given up her life because she wanted a life with us, me and my daughter. Not just anyone would do that. Not just anyone has it in them to take on the responsibilities someone else left behind. But Lenni does, and dammit if it doesn’t make her an angel in my life.
So yeah, Zoe is right. Vanessa won’t ruin my family. She won’t demolish everything Elli knows. I’ll make damn sure of it.
Chapter 34
LENNI
“Hey, Daddy,” Elli glees as we walk in the house from our trip to Atlanta. She jumps into his waiting arms and squeezes him tight before telling him all the things we did over the weekend. He listens intently at all the details she repeats a million times in excitement, never letting her know she’s repeated the fact that the plates and cups had flowers on them or that the servers at the “English Emborum,” as she calls it, were real British people.
I try to pick apart our conversation in my mind as I watch Elli and Wes’s conversation unfold. His face is giving nothing away. There is no sadness, sorrow, or guilt.
“Just know I love you. I promise I’ll never let anything come between us.”
Anything come between us…
Why would he say that? Why didn’t I think of that earlier? Why would anything be at liberty to hurt what we have? Ryan is in prison, he’s not coming near us. There’s no one else in our life that could or would hurt us.
I’m at a loss, but my mind won’t quit reeling. I’ve got a sinking feeling something is seriously wrong and I’m absolutely terrified to know what it is.
I look around at the clean house, knowing that I could scrub already scrubbed countertops and mop already mopped floors, but then Wes would know that something was bothering me. Because when something is bothering me, I can’t sit still. I clean things that don’t need to be cleaned.
What the hell can I do? Suitcases! Yes, I need to wash laundry. So I scurry over to where I left the suitcases by the back door and I lug them to the laundry room, all the while Zoe is eyeing me strangely.
I unzip the suitcases and throw mine and Elli’s clothes into the washer and start it. I notice there are towels in the dryer, so I take this as the perfect opportunity to stay in here a tad longer and fold them. Because that’s what normal people do is fold laundry less than five minutes after walking in from a weekend trip.
Yep. So here I am, folding the towels in a painstakingly slow fashion. Corner to corner. Corner to corner again. Fold over. Fold over. Fold over. Lay on top of the dryer. Repeat. I repeat the mantra to myself over and over to keep my mind from thinking of anything other than the task at hand. Because right now folding towels is an extremely important job that I cannot afford to not give my undivided attention.
I pull out the last few towels, I see something that doesn’t belong. Something purple. I pull it out and find Elli’s embroidered shirt I got made for her a few weeks after I first met her and Wes. I pick it up, and bring it to my face and inhale the fresh lavender scent of the laundry detergent.
I close my eyes and see Elli running around the yard, happy and smiling, innocent and free—and I cry. I cry because I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m an emotional wreck, but that little girl, that little girl has become my life over the past eight months, and I don’t know why I feel like I’m going to lose her again. She’s here. I’m here. We’re all here—together.
“Shit!” I jump up, scared out of my mind when someone grabs my waist.
I spin around, losing my balance as I fall into Wes’s arms. The sudden motion of spinning has caused my nausea to rush back to me. “Oh God,” I mumble, holding my mouth, as I push away from him. I run to the closest garbage can and hurl up everything in my stomach.
“Are you okay?” Wes brushes back the hair from my face.
God, why is he so perfect?
I grab the rag he hands me, wiping my mouth before I gurgle some water to rinse the disgusting taste from my mouth. “I think I got food poisoning from something I ate at the restaurant last night. I’ll be fine.”
I walk over to the barstool and sit, suddenly tired from that little extravaganza. Zoe walks in the kitchen with Elli. “Damn, Lenni, you look like death.”
“Watch your mouth in front of Elli,” Wes warns her.
“Okay, because you don’t cuss like a sailor.” She rolls her eyes.
“Not in front of my daughter.”
They have a few more words, but I am too drained to try to keep up with their brother/sister squander they have going on. I fold my arms on the counter and lay my head on it, trying to will away the nausea.
“Hey, baby. You feeling better?” Wes asks as he places a kiss on the back of my head.
I lift my head up. “Yeah, a little bit. Remind me to ask my mother the name of the restaurant. I’m never going there again.”
He releases a small laugh. “I don’t blame you one bit.”
“Hey guys, I think I’m going to go bathe Elli.” I turn and see Elli with permanent marker all over her hands and feet. She looks like she’s got hypothermia they’re so black.
“Oh my goodness. What did you do?” I ask Elli in surprise.
“You don’t like it, Mommy? I painted my nails.” She flashes her fingers at me and we can’t help but break out in a fit o
f laughter.
It feels good to laugh after my emotional morning. Elli has a way of always brightening my spirits.
“Yes. I love them. But next time how about I paint your nails with real fingernail polish?”
Her eyes go wide. “Uh, huh!” She turns to Zoe. ”Come on Aunt Zoe. Mommy bought me new bubble bath the other week and I want to use it.” Elli grabs Zoe’s hand and pulls her from the kitchen.
“Well she is as demanding as ever.” Wes shakes his head.
“I’d say she gets it honestly. If my memory serves me well, her father can be pretty demanding himself,” I tease, trying to ease my nerves.
He comes closer, and I straddle his legs between mine. He reaches his arms out and I lean into them, my cheek rubbing against the smoothness of his grey shirt. I can feel the wild strum of his heart as it pounds against his chest.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, breathing him in. “Want to talk about it?” I finally ask.
He releases a loud sigh, then gently pushes me away from him and brings my chin up until I have no other choice but to look him in the eyes. “Yeah, we need to. But first, please take a damn breather. Your nerves are so shot, they’re all over the kitchen right now.”
His stunning golden hues look at me with such love, such tenderness, that it blows me away. I’ve felt a pull to him since the first time I met him, and it seems like every day that passes the pull only gets stronger. We’re two oppositely charged magnets who have no choice but to collide. But I’m terrified that one day the world is going to pull us so far apart that our unseen force will no longer be palpable.
I just want to reach up and kiss him, but I know that won’t make whatever he’s about to divulge go away. It will only pause the inevitable. But I guess there’s no time like the present. “Okay,” I breathe out.
Wes takes his ball cap off and tosses it on the counter. Suddenly, my stomach is no longer in my body. It’s on the floor about ten feet away. Because Wes doesn’t take his cap off unless it’s a serious situation. I.E., a serious conversation or when he’s turned on and plans on ravishing me. He’s not about to ravish me, which brings me back to possibility number one.