Hard To Stay

by S. Jones

  I peeled my eyes off of him and walked away. I needed a distraction and tried to keep myself busy with getting ready.

  After we settled into the room, the guys found a shady spot on the front porch and grabbed a few beers. Faith and I left to run down to the local shopping area in search of a bathing suit for me.

  We wandered down the tree-lined sidewalk into a cute and trendy boutique and quickly found the swimwear section. There was a very modest simple white bikini that hugged my butt perfectly, showing off a good amount of cleavage. The material was smooth and silky and would look great once my skin got tanned.

  Faith’s head popped in through the curtain, as I turned my body in front of the mirror. “Wow, you look hot. Brad’s going to shit himself when he sees you.”

  I tore my eyes away from my reflection and leveled my gaze on her. “Faith, we’re just friends.”

  She shook her head while waving a hand in front of her face. “So you both keep reminding me.” She rolled her eyes, like that was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. “Who are you both trying to convince? Me or yourselves?”

  I groaned at her comment. I liked Faith, I really did, but I was starting to get annoyed with how she kept bringing this up. Seeing that I had just met her, I decided it was in my best interest to not offend her. So I chose my words carefully. “We both have a lot of baggage we’re trying to work through. He’s been a great friend who’s only trying to help me out. Neither one of us is ready for anything more than friendship.” I explained, picking my water bottle up off the bench and taking a long sip.

  “I see,” she said grinning. “What about fucking?”

  I choked on the last sip of my water.

  “I mean, that can be pretty casual, right? Sawyer and I started out as friends with benefits and look at us now almost five years later.”

  After taking a huge swallow, I screwed the cap back on my water bottle and set it down. “I’ll keep that in mind.” I waved her off dismissively.

  When I stepped out of the changing room to go pay for my purchases, I saw Faith winding her way through the racks of sundresses. While scanning the selection, she held up a pale blue, halter-style sundress. “This would look good with your eyes.” She advised holding it out between her fingers for my consideration.

  The dress was gorgeous, and it was definitely something I would wear, but I just wanted to get the beach and soak up some sun while it was still daylight.

  She lifted a perfectly arched brow. “Do you have something to wear for dinner tonight?”

  Her comment caused me to pause. “I was planning on something casual. Is that going to be a problem?” When Brad told me to pack light, I didn’t put much thought into it.

  “We have reservations at one the best seafood places in town. Besides, if you want Brad to notice you, this dress will definitely get his attention.” She beamed, holding out the fabric for me to run my fingers through.

  “What makes you think I want him to notice me?” I asked, admiring the dress. Seriously, this girl was relentless.

  Her lips pulled up into a grin, “I see the way he looks at you and the way your eyes light up as soon as I mention his name.” I blushed as she continued, “Brad’s been through hell. It’s so nice to see him happy.”

  I shook my head, “You have the wrong idea about us. Besides, I know he’s still in love with Emily.” I said quietly, hoping to hide the hurt behind my voice. Just saying her name out loud felt like a kick to my heart. I was normally not the jealous type, but it was the only feeling I felt when I thought of the two of them together. It sat there just beneath the surface reminding me that she had him in a way I probably never would.

  She scowled at me. “Lexi, I was there through their whole relationship. I watched the two of them together. Did they love each other? Yes. Did they belong together? No. Looking back now you know what I find ironic?” She quizzed, perhaps thinking this was the first time she had ever thought of it. “She was his girlfriend, and they acted like they were best friends. They were always polite, always considerate, they never argued. Everything was too perfect. You know what I mean? You seem to bring out this energy in him that I’ve never seen before. It’s like he’s so attuned to you that he can’t stay away. He’s just drawn to you. I feel the energy emanate from his body the second you’re near him. I never sensed any of that with Emily. They were so plain and predictable. It’s different with you.”

  I stared at her in shock. What was I supposed to make of all that? Her comments did nothing but further stir up the battle going on between my brain and my heart. My emotions were all over the place. One minute I had myself convinced that we were better off as friends. Then the next, I was picturing something more. Something the exact opposite of what my head was telling me.

  I grabbed the dress from Faith; it really was a beautiful dress. Her grin widened when I placed it on the counter with the rest of my items for the sales lady to ring up. “I like the dress. Everything I packed is too casual.” I told her, trying to rationalize my impulsive purchase. I hadn’t treated myself in a while. Buying the dress had nothing to do with wanting Brad to notice me, right? Nope, not that reason at all.

  Her eyes sparkled with a silent understanding. “You’re welcome.”

  -

  Once Faith and I arrived back at the house, I quickly changed into my new bikini and looked in the mirror, silently reminding myself that I really needed to start hitting the gym again. I pulled my hair back into a tight ponytail as I stepped out of the bathroom to get the cover-up from my shopping bag. My feet came to a complete stop when I spotted Brad adjusting the drawstring on his board shorts. God sure did bless this man. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on his body. Everything was lean, tight and perfect. He must have sensed me gawking at him because he lifted his head with a smile. That smile quickly dropped when he caught sight of what I was wearing.

  His throat worked a deep swallow. “Ready?” He asked taking me in with his eyes.

  “I’m ready when you are.” I said, trying to seem unaffected by his presence. The way his gaze lingered on my breasts had me suddenly feeling shy and I wished I hadn’t left my damn cover-up in the shopping bag.

  “Right,” he sighed, dragging his hand through his hair. “The beach, yeah. I remember now.” He uttered, seeming to scramble for words. “We should probably get going.” He held out his hand for me to lead the way. As I made my way downstairs, I felt his heated gaze on my backside, making my legs feel like Jell-O.

  When we made it to the beach, I was relieved to see that Brad and Sawyer had already scouted out a great spot, complete with chairs, umbrellas and towels. A cooler filled with beers and water sat in the shade under one of the umbrellas. Our trip to the store had taken a little longer than I had planned. Beach time was going to be limited, but it was still the perfect way to unwind after a long week.

  My body was sprawled out on a lounge chair in full view of the sun, letting the rays start to tan my pale body. I smiled hearing Brad and Sawyer complain about the poor draft picks that the NY Giants head coach made in the off season.

  “Seriously!” Faith weighed in from where we sat.

  “Yeah,” I chimed in. “It won’t matter anyways because my Packers are going to the super bowl this year.”

  Brad looked amused. “You only like the Packers because you think Aaron Rogers is cute. No offense, sweetheart but they don’t stand a chance this season. Your pretty boy is getting too old for the game.”

  “Would you like to put your money where your mouth is, city-boy?” I challenged, pretending to know what the hell I was talking about. I didn’t know much of the NFL, but I knew the Packers were a very popular team. That had to count for something, right?

  Brad grinned. He was clearly onto me. “That depends. What are we betting?”

  I thought it over for a beat and then smiled to myself. “How about your Lexus?”

  Brad’s jaw dropped open at the same time laughter rumbled out of Sawyer’s chest. �
��You want my car, huh?” He was looking at me like I was crazy. Given how knowledgeable I was about football his reaction was justified, but it only caused me to double down.

  I shrugged, hoping to sound more confident than I felt. “I am getting sick of the subway. It would be nice to not have to fight for my seat.”

  His rich brown eyes challenged me. “And what do I get if I win?”

  I chewed on the inside of my cheek and thought it over. “I’ll buy you season tickets to the Meadowlands. I’ll even throw in a few away games and cover the cost of travel.” His eyes lit up with interest, telling me that he was taking the bait.

  Sawyer rubbed his hands together and whistled, “Shit’s getting real, Bro.”

  Brad worked his tongue in his mouth then stared at me like he was thinking it over. He was so damned adorable and completely irresistible. He folded his arms across his chest with his lips tugging into a grin. “That’s a sweet deal, but my car is worth more than the ticket prices.”

  My eyebrows lifted in a challenge. “Afraid you’re going to lose?”

  His beautiful brown eyes were sparkling in the sun. He glanced over to Faith who had her sunglasses pulled down waiting for his response. He then turned to Sawyer who was leaning up in his lounge chair with a shit-eating grin on his face.

  “You’re on country-girl.”

  “Let’s shake on it, then.” I extended my hand outward. Brad leaned in and before I knew it, I was airborne over his shoulder, squealing as he rushed towards the water. He hopped through the hot sand, making his way through the beach-goers acting like a running back on a touchdown run. What was even more impressive was he acted like I weighed no more than an actual football.

  “Brad Morgan, you put me down right now.” I screamed hitting his rock-hard back with the palms of my hands. My pleas fell on deaf ears making my high-pitched shout useless.

  “Oh, you’re going down alright.” He laughed, as he pitched us both forward, our bodies crashing into the surf. When we returned to the surface, I laughed at all the amused stares from the people around us, especially Sawyer and Faith.

  Chapter Ten

  Brad

  I rested my head against the back of the headboard while Lexi changed in the bathroom. I had already stripped down to my boxers and climbed under the covers while I waited for her to finish up.

  Thinking about her in that bikini earlier made a smile break out over my face. Even though that bikini had me spending more time in the cold Atlantic Ocean than it did lounging beside her. Because let’s face it, I only had so much physical restraint and there were plenty of times where it was downright painful.

  She had no idea how beautiful she was. She was completely oblivious to all the muscle heads on the beach doing stupid shit to get her attention. Footballs and Frisbees landed near her lounge chair all afternoon, only to be retrieved by some idiot spouting a stupid pick-up line. Each time I peered over my sunglasses and made sure they saw me checking them out like I was her bodyguard. I shot them a look that said go throw your Frisbee somewhere else.

  If I thought the bikini was problematic, nothing could have prepared me for that stunning baby blue dress she wore tonight. The second I saw her it nearly knocked the wind out of me. It wasn’t just her body that had me all out of sorts though. It was her lingering smile and trusting eyes that slammed me speechless every time I looked at her. Dinner tonight was brutal. Every time she would laugh or smile I had to fight the urge to rest my hand on her thigh or rub the back of her neck.

  Apparently, I hadn’t been very discreet about it either. Whenever she would come close to catching me, I would just cough in my hand as a distraction. She was too polite to call me out, but Sawyer had my number. Every time I came close to being busted, he would raise his drink, smile and take a sip. He got pretty hammered.

  My thoughts were interrupted when the sound of familiar footsteps made their way into the room. I pulled the comforter up to my chest and used my arm to create a visible line of separation down the middle of the bed when I felt the mattress dip slightly.

  I propped up on one elbow and turned to face her. “Did you have fun today?”

  I could see her soft smile through the glow of the streetlights peeking through the window. “I had the perfect day today. Thank you.”

  Faith had made reservations at the Sea Salt, which was one of my favorite restaurants on Cape May. We were lucky enough to get an outdoor table with an incredible view of the water. Today had turned out much better than I had ever imagined it would, considering how badly I had fucked up last night. Actually, it was a miracle that she was even here to begin with.

  I shifted my weight on my elbow and edged a little closer to her. “You look happy and relaxed. I like seeing you that way.”

  Even in the dimly lit room, I could see her start to blush. “The ocean has that effect on me I guess.”

  “Not present company?” I whispered against her ear, feeling my eyes grow heavy from her sharp intake of breath. I was so sick of fighting my feelings for her. I was sick of pretending I didn’t want her when it was the only thing I could think about.

  “I guess you could say being with you makes me happy, and the ocean relaxes me so I guess you can both take the credit.”

  “Lexi, I like making you happy. I love to see you smile and hearing you laugh.” My thumb brushed across her lips as I tried to steady my beating heart.

  “Brad, what are we doing here?” She asked, as I inched my lips closer to hers. I kept telling myself that I only needed one touch or one kiss and I would be fine.

  “Shh…” I pressed a kiss to her lips, “don’t think. Just feel.” I pleaded, as my mouth glided along her jaw, savoring the sweet taste of her skin. This wasn’t an exchange between friends, but the voice in my head told me it was right.

  She folded her hands along the back of my neck drawing me into her. I ducked my head in search of her lips. She was quickly becoming everything I could ever want but the one thing I wasn’t ready for. Her mouth opened, granting me access inside. I wanted this so badly, but I wasn’t prepared for how real this would feel. How perfect she was for me. Her kisses grew longer and more intense with each stroke of my tongue.

  This woman awakened parts of me that had been dormant for so long. It felt so fucking good to feel alive and wanted again. I’d missed having this type of connection with a woman. She had me wanting her in ways that were downright unhealthy and I would have sold my soul to the devil for just one night with her.

  Our kiss started to slow as I fought to savor the very last taste before I pulled away.

  My lips brushed along the base of her shoulder then back up to her mouth. “You’re so beautiful. Do you have any idea what you do to me? How crazy I am about you? I want you so bad I can’t see straight.”

  Her eyes continued to stare into mine as if she were seeing me for the first time and didn’t want to look away. My thumb trailed along her cheek as she pressed her face into my hand. The way she watched me felt like she could see the things that I’d hidden from all the other women before her. There were plenty of reasons why this wasn’t a good idea, I just couldn’t think of one good enough to make me stop.

  My mouth found its way down the base of her neck causing her to shudder beneath me. I reached my hand up and slipped it underneath her tank top, brushing my fingertips across her hardened nipple. “Oh God, that feels good.”

  “I want to make you feel even better, Lexi. I’ve wanted you from the first moment I laid eyes on you.” I groaned, pulling up her top, so I could plant my mouth on her pink, little buds. The fullness from her breasts in my hands had me wanting to stroke, kiss and feel her all over.

  Her soft, eager fingers dangled through my hair as I continued to memorize every inch of her smooth, silky skin. She arched her back and moaned. I swear I never heard anything more perfect in my life. “Brad,” her voice was strangled and thick with longing. “I’ve wanted you, too. It’s all I’ve been able to think about. Honestly, I want
you so bad that it scares me. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”

  Her words caused me to pull back and look her straight in the eyes. What I saw scared the shit out of me. In a moment, all the reasons I couldn’t think of to stop our advances had flooded back into my conscience.

  This girl was my dream girl. She was practically putty in my hands. Yet, I wasn’t ready to let her in, not in the way she wanted to be. Not in the way she needed to be. She wanted something different, something more, and even though it felt like life had offered me a second chance, I wasn’t emotionally strong enough to take it yet. The thought that she could break me, or even worse, I could break her was stuck in my head. Despite how I felt or how much I wanted her, it wasn’t enough to change my mind. Even though I knew waiting would come with the risk of losing her. I still knew better.

  When I started to move away, she reached out and grabbed my arm. “Brad, what’s wrong?”

  I should’ve just said the hell with it. I should’ve just fucked her right then and there, buried myself deep enough inside her to get lost in her physicality. That would have worked if this was just about sex. But when she spoke those words, I realized that this was so much more than that for both of us.

  There was no doubt that she was beginning to break down the wall I had placed around my heart. I could feel it cracking, but instead of letting it fall down I felt a sense of panic that only caused me to build the wall thicker and higher than before. Unable to meet her eyes, I looked away, feeling my walls go back up into place.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “What are you talking about? In case you couldn’t tell, I wanted that.” Her voice was uneven, and I hated myself for letting things get carried away.