Up Close and Personal

by Kathryn Freeman

  ‘And without a towel.’

  His gaze burned into hers and she knew he was remembering their time together. Their naked time. But then he averted his eyes, and a guard came over his face. ‘Please, take a seat. I’ll grab a shirt.’

  ‘Err, it’s me.’ She watched as he darted into the bedroom and came out wearing a T-shirt. ‘What’s with all the formality?’

  He gave her a small, tight smile. ‘Forgive me, but when you say it’s you, is that the you who seems happy enough to invite me into your bed, or the you who wants to keep me at arm’s length?’

  The barbed comment ripped through her, hurting not because it was sarcastic, but because it was true. ‘The first one,’ she told him softly, taking the few steps needed to bring her face to face with him.

  His eyes lasered in on hers. ‘And once we’ve been to bed, what then, Kat?’

  That, she thought despairingly, was the one question she was terrified to answer.

  ***

  Zac watched the shadows cross Kat’s face with mounting despair. She clearly didn’t want what he wanted, so now the only question remaining was why she’d come here at all, instead of leaving things as they were.

  ‘I don’t know what comes next.’

  Her quietly spoken words took a moment to permeate through to him. ‘Do you want to know, or are you too afraid to find out?’ Maybe that was a dumb question, because Kat wasn’t afraid of anything. ‘Let me rephrase. Do you want to give us a try, or is this goodbye?’

  The thought of saying goodbye tore at his heart, yet he wasn’t sure he could manage what he knew Kat would see as the alternative: a short-term fling based on nothing but scorching-hot sex.

  ‘I didn’t have you down as a poet.’ Her smile, cautious and uncertain, didn’t diminish his mounting frustration, a fact she must have sensed because she gave him an apologetic look before walking towards the sofa and sitting down in the middle of it. ‘Sorry, that was me trying to deflect the question because I’m too much of a chicken to think about the answer.’

  ‘You, a coward? Give me a break.’

  She curled her feet under her, giving him a lovely flash of her bare legs – she was wearing jeans shorts with ragged ends and a white T-shirt instead of the usual black. ‘Physically, I’m brave.’ When her eyes met his, he ached at the sadness lurking there. ‘Emotionally, I’m a train wreck.’

  Aware she was finally going to open up to him, he moved to sit next to her. ‘Does this have anything to do with the tough personal stuff you mentioned happening in Afghanistan?’

  She stared back at him. ‘You remember me saying that?’

  ‘I remember everything you’ve said.’ Because he wanted to ease some of the tension, he added, ‘Though some parts are more of a blur than others.’

  She let out a short huff of laughter, then sighed, leaning into him slightly. ‘The short answer is yes, my tour of Afghan did scar me, and I don’t just mean the one I have—’

  ‘On your right knee.’ He shifted her legs so they rested across his, and traced the outline of her scar. ‘I remember kissing it.’ His gaze travelled up to her face. ‘I remember kissing all of you.’

  Her breath hitched, and though he desperately wanted to kiss her again now, he wasn’t sure where he stood, so he gave her legs a gentle squeeze. ‘Will you tell me what happened?’

  ‘I want to, but I might not be able to get through it without it turning really messy. It’s been years since I voiced it out loud.’

  Once again he gave her calves a squeeze. ‘I’ve got you. I’m not afraid of your mess.’

  That received a wry smile. ‘Okay, don’t complain I didn’t warn you.’ Her shoulders rose as she took in a breath, and then the words tumbled out, each one causing his heart to break for her that little bit more. ‘I did what you’re not supposed to do and I fell for this guy in my regiment. And by fell for, I mean the whole thing. The mind, the body, the heart. I’d had a few boyfriends before but this was the first time I’d felt this way, like the day was dimmer, duller, when I didn’t see him. It wasn’t against the rules, he wasn’t my superior officer, but it’s not ideal. You want to be one of the guys, to be treated equally, and part of that deal includes giving and receiving a lot of flack. Wes didn’t like the guys giving me shit, so it created a bit of tension.’

  Wes. Zac stored the name away. He now had a name for the man responsible for hurting her.

  ‘Anyway, we were on tour in Afghan when our team was sent to meet a guy who’d agreed to give us some intel. Trouble is, when we got to his village, we were ambushed. As the sniper, I was supposed to provide cover for the guys as they went in, but I … but—’ Suddenly she broke off, burying her head in her hands. When he reached for her, she shrugged him away. ‘No. Bollocks to this.’ Sitting bolt upright, she stared back at him, swatting at the few stray tears that trailed down her cheeks. ‘I failed him, okay? I was the one there to protect them, but I didn’t.’

  The torment in her eyes sent anguish hurtling through him. ‘I know you well enough to be certain you did everything you could possibly do.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s what everyone told me. “Parker, you got three of them. You weren’t to know there was a fourth.”’ To his despair, she shifted her legs off him and drew them up and under her chin, clasping her arms around them in a protective, defensive gesture. ‘Well guess what, it doesn’t help. Not when you know that instead of checking for a fourth, you were checking if the man you loved was still on his feet. And especially not when you see that man drop dead in front of you from a bullet you were supposed to stop.’

  He felt useless, utterly unable to think of anything he could say or do to help, though at least now he understood some of her motivation behind keeping him at arm’s length.

  ‘Would Wes be happy to see you blaming yourself like this?’ he asked after a while.

  She snorted. ‘Of course not. He was so laid back it was a wonder he managed to stand upright. He’s probably up there rolling his eyes and telling me to take a chill pill.’

  ‘He sounds like a good guy.’ Zac held off on the obvious observation, that laid back Wes also sounded like the sort of guy who wouldn’t mind mess, creases in his trousers or being late. In other words, the total opposite of him.

  ‘He was the best,’ she agreed softly.

  And there it was. Finally, he had the reason why he’d never be anything more than a brief fling to her. She was still in love with Wes.

  Chapter 29

  She hadn’t intended to tell Zac all that. Gripping tightly to her legs, Kat waited as the heartache that always took hold when she thought of Wes, began to recede. All the while she was acutely aware of Zac sitting next to her, and of the compassion she knew was in his eyes, if only she dared to look into them.

  ‘Sorry. I didn’t come here to give you a history lesson in the life and loves of Kat Parker.’

  He angled his body towards her. ‘Then why did you come?’

  Oh God, this was so flaming hard. Jumping up from the sofa she walked over to the pathetically small kitchen and filled a glass with water she had no desire to drink. ‘I came to tell you I won’t accept being shrugged off, like a coat that’s no longer needed.’ Gripping the glass, she turned to face him. ‘Your safety is my responsibility, damn it. Not Mark’s, mine.’

  He gave her an incredulous look. ‘I think you’ll find I’m responsible for my safety. Not you, not Mark, not the police. Me.’

  ‘I’m your bodyguard.’

  ‘You were.’

  Anger began to take hold and she welcomed it. Far better to vent than to spill her guts and cry. ‘How can you claim you’re falling for me, when you don’t even respect me, or what I do?’

  ‘Don’t respect you?’ He cursed under his breath. ‘I’m in awe of you, Kat. Have you forgotten it was only a few days ago your observation skills, your quick thinking, saved my life?’

  ‘Then why won’t you let me be there for you now?’ To her dismay, her voice started to crack. ‘
What if you’re shot at and I’m not around to stop it? I’ve already failed one guy I was in a relationship with. Don’t make me fail again.’

  He sat very still, only his eyes moving as they searched her face. ‘Saving me won’t bring Wes back.’

  ‘You think I don’t know that? Nothing will bring him back, a fact that haunts me every single day.’

  Zac visibly flinched. ‘I’m sorry for what you went through, truly sorry.’ When his eyes locked onto hers, they were full of sadness. ‘But don’t ask me to put your life in danger, just to protect mine.’

  ‘I want to be there for you. I need to be there.’ She didn’t know what was happening between them, but she knew that.

  He rose swiftly to his feet and marched over to her, cupping her face. ‘And I need you to be safe.’

  The emotion churning in his eyes snatched her breath away, but she couldn’t let his needs drown out her own. ‘Then we’re at an impasse, but I should warn you that I’m not a quitter. And I’m certainly no good at being told what to do. Wes tried that, tried to get me to leave the army. I didn’t quit for him and I’m not going to quit for you.’

  His gaze roamed her face, skirting over her eyes, her nose, her cheeks before settling on her mouth. ‘What if I asked you to kiss me? Would you at least do that?’

  The plea in his voice tugged hard on her heart, and the husky tone tugged places much lower down. ‘I might.’

  ‘Only might?’

  ‘It depends on what happens after the kiss.’

  His eyes turned a shade darker. ‘Whatever you want to happen.’

  Because she knew it would drive him crazy, she licked her lips. ‘Do I get to see you naked?’

  ‘Only if you reciprocate.’

  Maybe it was wrong to dive into sex when there was so much still hanging between them, but Kat had done enough talking for now. All she wanted to do was lose herself in him. ‘I’m down for that.’ She smirked. ‘As long as you go first.’

  He didn’t immediately reach for his T-shirt, like she’d expected him to. Instead he continued to stand still, his eyes blazing into hers. ‘Christ, Kat.’ His voice turned gruff, his eyes hooded as he placed a hand on the small of her back and pulled her against him. ‘I want you. I can’t imagine a time when I won’t want you.’

  Desire burned through her, heating her blood and weakening her knees. ‘Then take me.’

  It was all the encouragement he needed. Immediately his mouth captured hers, devastating in its intensity. As his tongue swept across her lips, then plundered, the kiss turned from hot to scorching, from hungry to greedy.

  ‘Bedroom,’ she panted, grabbing at his hand, but he shook his head.

  ‘Here. Now.’

  He reached for the hem of his T-shirt and yanked it off in one fluid, X-rated gesture that left her staring, trance-like, at the defined muscles of his chest.

  ‘Eyes on mine.’

  She licked at her lips again. ‘Nope, no way. I prefer this view.’

  Suddenly she found her shirt being dragged off and her bra unclasped. As he bent to run his tongue across her nipple, he let out a deep, heartfelt groan.

  After that, there were only moans, and sighs, and the exquisite feel of skin on skin.

  ***

  Zac knew nothing was settled between them. Knew too, that despite the wholehearted way she’d just made love with him, Kat was still holding onto the part of her he wanted the most. Her heart. A part he now suspected he’d never touch.

  But she was here now. Tomorrow he might find himself at the mercy of a paid killer, so really, now was all he had. And he was determined to make the most of it.

  ‘How long can you stay?’

  At some point after the first round of what he knew had been desperate-to-have-her sex, they’d moved from the living room to the bedroom. There he’d managed a more dignified, more elegant, repeat. Now she was tucked against his side, his arm around her waist, his hand trailing circles on the soft skin of her stomach.

  ‘Debs is at Anna’s for the weekend, if that’s what you’re asking.’

  His fingers dipped further, and he felt her muscles twitch. ‘Okay, I’ll reword. How long will you stay?’

  ‘This might sound like I’m not answering your question, but stick with me. Mark says you need to go to a charity ball tomorrow evening.’

  ‘Yes. I’m supporting a local event in aid of Cancer Research. I’m apparently part of the auction.’

  She leant back, amusement on her face. ‘Holy moly, are they going to auction you off to the highest bidder?’

  ‘Not exactly. They’re auctioning off the first five dances.’

  ‘Wow, very Jane Austen. What’s the going rate for a dance with Zac Edwards?’

  ‘For you?’ Her lips were soft and slightly swollen from his kisses, her flawless skin flushed, those eyes dark and mysterious. ‘For you, nothing.’

  She huffed out a laugh. ‘Oh boy, you’re such a charmer. I’ll have to save my dance for later though, because I’ll be working.’

  ‘You have a new assignment?’ Please let it be a woman. Or a man over fifty. No, Clooney was in his fifties and still making women swoon. A man over seventy.

  She gave him an impatient look. ‘Weren’t you listening to me earlier? I already have a client. He’s obsessively tidy but easy on the eye.’

  Slowly the penny began to drop. ‘I told you, Kat—’

  ‘No,’ she interrupted. ‘I told you. I’m not quitting.’ She turned her head away from him and, to his shock, he felt her body tremble. ‘I won’t be responsible for the death of another guy I … I … oh crap, okay, I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want to fall for you, but it looks like it’s happening anyway.’ When she faced him again, her eyes glistened. ‘If you go and die on me I’m going to be so pissed off with you – so no, you’re not getting rid of me. I need to keep you safe, and I need to prove to myself that I can do this.’

  She was falling for him. Joy hummed through him. ‘Okay.’

  ‘Okay?’ She eyed him suspiciously. ‘That’s it? No more argument about keeping me tucked safely out of the way?’

  ‘If I say I don’t want you put at risk, will you take any notice of me?’

  Her mouth lifted in a cute little smirk. ‘A good point, well made. If I say you should cancel tomorrow and stay here, where it’s safe, would you do it?’

  ‘I’ve made a commitment to attend.’

  ‘And I’ve made a commitment to protect you.’

  He sighed, aware he was never going to win the argument. Deciding it was altogether more enjoyable to make peace instead, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her against his side. ‘Fine.’ He could trust her to keep them both safe, but if the worst happened, and a bullet headed their way, he’d make damn sure he took it. ‘Did I ever get an answer to my question? How long will you stay?’

  ‘Now we’ve cleared that matter up, I can say I’m with you all weekend.’

  ‘Good.’ He let the news settle over him; an oasis of bliss in a desert of unpleasantness. It gave him an idea. ‘I won’t be a second. Don’t go anywhere.’

  ‘What, not even to pee?’

  God, this woman could make him laugh and frustrate him both at the same time. ‘Just make sure you’re still on my bed when I come back. Please.’ He let all his desire for her, his hunger, show on his face. ‘I’ve not nearly finished with you yet.’

  Grabbing his phone from the bedside table, he darted into the living area and phoned the number Mark had given him to call if he needed anything.

  ***

  ‘What is this?’

  Kat had just walked out of the shower. She had a white towel around her, her short hair was glistening wet, and she looked like the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. Her eyes weren’t on him though, they were on the table he’d set up in the corner. The one he’d covered with a white tablecloth and set with candles and a vase of red roses.

  ‘It’s dinner.’

  ‘Dinner,’ she repeated,
as if she’d never heard of the concept.

  ‘French onion chicken with Gruyère cheese is bubbling away in the oven. The chilli prawn bruschetta are ready whenever you are.’ He walked over to her and traced his finger along the top of the towel, over the gentle curve of her cleavage. ‘You don’t need to change on my account.’

  ‘You’ve made this for me?’

  He’d had quite an afternoon. After making love with Kat a third time – he’d not been kidding about not being nearly finished with her yet – she’d left him to go home and pack a weekend bag, giving him just enough time to prepare the meal. When she’d come back, she’d taken a shower; that’s when he’d laid the table. ‘I have been known to use a kitchen from time to time.’

  ‘No, I don’t mean that. I mean …’ she trailed off, shrugging. ‘You made this for me. You didn’t send out for a takeaway.’ Her eyes wandered over to the table. ‘You sent out for candles and ingredients. And roses.’

  ‘Have I overstepped some line I’m not aware of?’ He tried to read her expression, but all he could see was confusion. ‘I wanted to do something nice for you. Our last date didn’t go so well, so I thought I’d have another try at wooing you. This time without the overpriced restaurant you clearly didn’t enjoy.’

  ‘You want to woo me.’

  He brushed his thumb along the frown line between her eyes. ‘This isn’t news to you, Kat. I told Debs we were dating.’

  ‘I know, but I thought that was just your polite way of saying we’re having sex.’

  ‘And the part where I told you I was falling in love with you?’ He tried to keep his voice even. ‘Did you think that was just about sex, too?’

  Her eyes fluttered closed and she bit into her bottom lip. When she opened them again, he saw more than confusion. He saw pain. ‘I’m sorry.’ She ducked her head, resting her forehead against his chest. ‘Oh God, I don’t know what I’m doing. After Wes …’ She paused, clearly trying to rein in her emotions. ‘After Wes I closed myself off. No way was I going to go through that again. But then you came along, with your natty clothes and your gleaming good looks. Your fussy ways and your bone-dry humour. And your rare thoughtfulness.’ She tilted her head back to face him. ‘Damn it, I could ignore the others, but not that.’