by Jill Lynn
So she was here for money.
Gage’s arm that pressed into Emma’s went rigid. “That’s what you came here for? More money? I was far too easy on you in the divorce, and you know it.”
Before Nicole could speak again, Gage released his hold on Emma, stepped around them and opened the door. “Your accusations and threats are off base, and they’re not going to work. Don’t ever ask me for more again or I will take legal action.”
Was that legit? Legal action? Or was Gage bluffing? Either way, Emma barely resisted a cheer. Or the desire to turn Nicole toward the exit and then give her a very Christian, gentle, prayer-filled nudge.
Nothing too physical. More of a “see you later, don’t come back again” exclamation point to Gage’s dismissal.
James stepped between Nicole and Gage, and a chill skated along Emma’s spine. Something about him was dark. Menacing. “Emma, you should tell your man to rethink his choice.”
Cold eyes met hers.
“Get out.” Gage’s voice ramped up to hurricane velocity. Deep. Twisting. His patience had flown out the open door, it seemed.
Anger radiated from James, and the flash of retribution that sparked constricted Emma’s lungs. No, no, no. He was going to throw her under the bus like a chewed-up apple core. She knew it. Felt it down to the marrow of her bones. “Interesting switch we’ve got going here, isn’t it?” He spoke to Gage, finger toggling between the four of them. “Don’t worry. I won’t be coming back for this one.” The jerk of his chin pointed to Emma, and then James turned and stalked outside, Nicole following behind. Gage slammed the door so hard behind them that it rattled the walls of the house. A cry from Hudson quickly followed.
Gage pressed palms into his closed eyes. “I—”
“I’ll check on him.” Emma escaped down the hall and comforted Hudson. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re all right. There won’t be any more loud noises from us.” She soothed a hand over his forehead, and his eyelids drooped. She repeated the motion as her mind whirled with the enormity of the exchange that had just taken place. Had Gage understood that comment from James? Even if he hadn’t, she’d have to tell him the truth now. And break the renewed spirit that had risen up in him over the last month.
The parting shot from James would have implications that stretched far beyond today if Gage let the revelation break him. And this time, Emma didn’t have enough faith to assure herself that it wouldn’t.
* * *
Gage couldn’t move. He hunched near the front door, attempting to steady his choppy breath. Nicole and James showing up had sent him into a state of shock. When he’d come out of Hudson’s room to find Emma face-to-face with his past, Gage had wanted to dive in front of her. Shield her.
Instead, she’d supported him. The simple gesture of Emma holding his hand had given him the strength he’d needed.
Emma returned, and Gage didn’t think, didn’t analyze—he just strode to meet her, enveloping her, holding her tight against his chest. “I’m sorry I woke him, I just...” Lost it.
Emma peered up at him, her hand landing gently against his face. “He’s fine. He went right back to sleep.”
The fact that Nicole had mentioned the baby turned Gage’s vision crimson. He would never let any harm come to Hudson. And of course Nicole had no case. No justification for any of her accusations. She was just lobbing bombs, hoping one would land and explode in just the right way that a windfall of cash would float in her direction.
When she’d first left with James, Gage had heard from a mutual acquaintance that the man had a knack for losing his shirt gambling. No doubt the money the two of them sought today would be to clear up his debts.
Emma didn’t move from his embrace. Instead, she tucked into him like she’d been meant for exactly that spot, somehow making the world right again.
“I’m so sorry, Em. Sorry you were here for that, that you had to witness...” His head shook. “I shouldn’t have made you stay.” Why had he? Because he’d needed her. Still, it had been selfish of him.
Her arms squeezed tight around his waist. “Stop apologizing, Counselor. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He shuddered, fighting the urge to shower off and wash away that encounter like he would a day of ranching. Nicole had changed so much over time. But maybe this side of her had always been present and he hadn’t realized it until they were already married.
She was a sad version of herself. Of who she could be.
After their divorce, Gage had let the aftermath of Nicole dictate his decisions.
No more.
He kissed the top of Emma’s head, inhaling her sweet scent. “I can’t believe I ever let her ruin my future. My faith. I let that hold me back from you and everything I kept hoping and trying not to hope might happen between us.”
Emma glanced up, her eyes wide and...filling with tears? Were they the good kind? Or bad?
Her smile crested. “I’m so glad to hear you say that.”
Relief nestled inside of him. “I don’t deserve you, Emma. You taught me to live again.”
“It was always in you. Someone just had to peel back a few layers.”
“You.”
“God and Hudson.”
“All three of you.”
Her cheeks crinkled. “That works.” And then her smile faded. “Gage, there’s something I need to tell you. About what James said before he left.”
He really didn’t want to talk about James anymore. He wanted to kiss his girl. His Emma. Everything about her surprised him in the best way. Gage had never expected to have Emma in his life, but now he couldn’t imagine it—any of it—without her.
He captured her lips, teasing, tasting, as if he had all of the time in the world. Because, suddenly, he did. A future that hadn’t existed now stood a chance of being resurrected.
Emma melted against him, and he buried fingers in her hair, loosening her ponytail.
Interesting switch we’ve got going here. Don’t worry. I won’t be coming back for this one. The last statement by James slowed his exploration. What had the weasel meant by that?
Gage inched back. Emma’s eyelids remained shuttered, her lips sporting evidence of his kiss.
A hum of contentment slipped from her throat. “When you do that, I can’t think.”
“That makes two of us.” His lips lingered against her cheek, the corner of her mouth, the curve of her ear. “What do you need to tell me?”
Her face contorted, and for a second he thought he’d shifted and accidentally stepped on her toes. But then he realized her agony was emotional. “James was...” She swallowed, eyes open and pained now. “He was referring to the fact that he and I dated for a bit. Before he had anything to do with Nicole.”
Gage went hot, then cold. If that were true, Emma would have told him. She was the most honest person he knew. She would never cheat or hide anything. Which was why he’d opened up to her.
Emma took his limp hand—he hadn’t consciously let go of her, so it must have fallen of its own accord—and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, her attention sticking there. “I didn’t tell you because we weren’t an item, you and I. And I didn’t think the opportunity for us to be would ever arise. Not with me wanting kids and you not. Plus, I wasn’t sure if you could ever feel about me the way I do about you. I mean, you’re way out of my league.”
She was the one who was too pristine, too perfect for him. And yet, here she was, shattering that theory.
Earnest eyes held his. “I would have told you sooner if you’d ever asked me out. Or done more than kiss me and regret it.” Her shoulders lifted. “But you didn’t. So I kept my embarrassing secret to myself. James was a jerk, and I felt so stupid for having dated him at all. I wanted to feel loved. Noticed. And he made me feel that way at first.” Her voice shook. “It took me a few weeks to realize he was fake. His words
. His actions. Nothing about him was true.”
Gage didn’t want to believe it. Emma wouldn’t hide something like that from him, would she? But she was admitting she had. His mind spun, and at the forefront was gut-wrenching, stepped-on-by-a-two-thousand-pound-bull pain.
“You didn’t think it was important to tell me that you’d dated the man who stole my wife?”
Emma flinched. “Ex-wife. And, honestly, I was worried about you. Afraid that knowing would crush you and negate all of the ways you’ve softened and changed since Hudson’s arrival.”
“You should have said something right away.” Before she’d let anything romantic develop between them. Gage’s hand snaked to the back of his neck, where it felt like a boulder had been dropped from ten stories up. “How could you not tell me? I thought you were different. I thought—”
“I am!” Emma’s voice sparked, and she grew a backbone right in front of him. “That relationship hurt me deeply, Gage. You have no right to demand that I should have shared it with you when up until just a few minutes ago, you did nothing but remind me that we had no chance for a future together.” The wobble in her voice traveled to her body, but her tone was made of fire. “You know what I think?” Her finger poked into his chest. “I think I’m in love with you. I have been for a while. And I think...” She squared her shoulders. “You love me, too.” Irritation vibrated from her. “You want to keep Hudson, but you let fear hold you back. And now you’re using this stupid opportunity to run and hide. Guard yourself. So you can go back to your never-going-to-have-kids, don’t-have-enough-faith-that-you-can-make-a-marriage-work cave. I think you love both of us, but you’re just too afraid to reach out and take hold. So you go ahead and keep hiding behind your excuses. Keep living in the dark because you’re afraid of the light.”
She tore over to the closet and found her things, clenching her purse and coat in front of her as she faced him again. “You’re deathly frightened, Gage. That’s why you’re blowing this hugely out of proportion. Because I did nothing wrong in not telling you about James. He was a sore point in my past. And had you reached out, had you asked anything about my dating history, then maybe I would have opened up about it. But you were too busy building fences between us, too busy tamping in immovable posts to really dive into me or my story. So you stay here with your self-righteousness to keep you company. I have better places to be.”
The door clicked shut softly behind her—of course Emma would manage to corral her anger in order not to wake Hudson. But her words stayed behind to torment him. Leaving him hollow. Shattered.
Because his biggest fear was that she was right.
Chapter Fourteen
“Aunt Emma, do you think my picture is pretty?” Ruby held up a crayon drawing that included a lot of lines...and a zebra? Emma knew better than to guess at what it contained.
“It’s about the most gorgeous piece of artwork I’ve seen all year.” She pressed a kiss to her niece’s head, feeling sentimental. “I love it.”
Ruby beamed from her kneeling perch next to the lodge living room coffee table and concentrated on adding her name to the bottom corner, tongue slipping between her lips as she worked.
See? Emma didn’t need Gage or Hudson or a family of her own. She’d just be the best aunt ever. On call for baby snuggles and teenage emergencies—like Ruby not getting along with her parents. And one day Mackenzie would meet her match, and then Emma could love her kiddos, too.
Maybe Emma’s body would hurt less if she stopped wanting so much. Then her head would stop aching and her soul would numb itself.
That’s what she needed to do—stop hoping.
But in the short time since she’d left Gage’s and the encounter with James and Nicole, Emma had only managed not to cry.
She’d known she had to help out with the group this afternoon, so she’d battled tears like crazy on her drive home. After arriving at her cabin, she’d changed into her Wilder polo, jeans and boots and then pulled herself together.
“Emma.” Luc came from upstairs, which functioned as a conference area, square dancing and multipurpose room. “The group is about to stop for their afternoon break. Do you have the snacks and drinks set out for them?”
Nope. But that was why she’d headed over to the lodge thirty minutes ago. Not to sit and color with Ruby. When she’d “pulled herself together” earlier, she must have forgotten her brain.
“I’ll get right on it. How long until they break?”
“Five minutes. What have you been doing?”
She worried her lip. “Coloring?” No use in covering it up since the paper in front of her held plenty of evidence—two hands clenching a fistful of flowers. Come to think of it, the whole thing looked a bit too much like a simple bridal bouquet.
Emma crumpled the paper and stood. “Sorry. Not sure what I was thinking, but I’ll get it taken care of.” She jogged into the kitchen and started brewing regular and decaf, then filled a pot with hot water for tea.
Thankfully, the treats Joe had made earlier were already on platters and the table was up in the hallway outside of the dining room. She could whip things into shape quickly.
Hopefully.
Emma grabbed a tray of snacks from the stainless steel countertop and almost ran into her brother as she exited. “What are you doing?” Her voice snapped, and Luc’s eyes flew wide.
“Helping. Are you okay?”
“Of course!” Her perky was broken, resulting in a cracked assurance, so Emma kept moving. She deposited the food and returned to the kitchen to retrieve the variations of sugar and fill a service carafe with creamer.
Her brother stacked napkins and small plates, working silently, questions he thankfully didn’t ask brewing along with the coffee. So much for handling the afternoon break. They took shifts for a reason, and Emma had just majorly bombed on hers.
By the time they finished setting up, the group had already begun filtering out, using the restrooms. They’d gotten everything out in time—barely—thanks to Luc’s help. The ladies—all in women’s ministry—came downstairs, chatting, voices a level of happy Emma wasn’t sure she could still access. A baby’s cry rose above the hubbub. Agitated. Fussy.
Hudson?
Emma scanned the crowd. Was Gage here? Maybe he—or more likely Hudson—needed her.
She finally spotted the munchkin. A little girl with curls covering her head. Around six months old or so. She must have come with her mama for the day. Emma hadn’t expected that. The girl continued to fuss as her mother took her into the lobby area. Probably to calm her without an audience watching.
Emma’s ribs squeezed so tightly that passing out would be a relief. It hurt too much.
Despite the fact that she should stay and greet people, watch the supplies and make sure everything went okay, Emma ran. Luc would handle it. He always did. Was she even needed around here?
The lobby had people in it, so Emma sought cover in the kitchen as the tears she’d penciled in for later broke loose. She’d planned to wait until after tonight’s dinner to break down. Then she could hole up in her bathtub or bed and indulge in an ugly cry. But here? With all of the guests milling around? Horrible timing.
Emma strode to the back of the kitchen—past the stainless steel industrial counters—and dropped to a sitting position on the floor along the back wall shelving. She’d wait it out until the guests resumed their afternoon session. Then she could escape without bumping into anyone.
The door to the kitchen whooshed open, sound filtering inside and then fading. Emma resisted the urge to curl up in the fetal position and wish herself invisible. But no one would know she was back here.
“Emma?”
She winced. Cate. What was she doing over here? Before Emma could decide whether or not to answer, Cate rounded the countertop. “Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” She sank to a sitting position by Emma’s feet,
stretching her legs out parallel, her shiny red flats the perfect exclamation point to her stylish jeans and white maternity shirt. Cate had bought the outfit online to tide her over until the two of them could go shopping. “Did something happen with one of the guests? I came over to grab Ruby, and Luc said you’d disappeared all of a sudden.”
“I just needed a moment.”
“On the kitchen floor?”
“You don’t have to sit here with me. I have no doubt it goes against everything in you to be sitting on an industrial kitchen floor.” Cate wasn’t much for germs. Or dirt. Or anything out of place.
“And I have no doubt Joe runs a tight ship. I’m sure this place has been bleached recently.” Amusement creased her cheeks. “Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. And you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
Except then Cate did push herself up. She rose on her tiptoes to reach the shelf above Emma and snagged a box of napkins. After ripping it open, she dropped a stack onto Emma’s lap. Then she lowered herself to her previous position.
“Thank you for these.” Emma picked up a napkin, wiped her tears and blew her nose. “I should get back out there. Help.”
“Luc’s out there. He’ll host and clean up. You sit right here and take a minute. Or ten.”
“I accused Gage of loving me.” That was one way to spill the beans.
Cate’s jaw unhinged. “I didn’t know love was on the table. I thought we were still worried about you getting attached to Hudson.”
Everything tumbled out of Emma, her feelings for Gage, The Kiss, the encounter with Nicole and James.
“So what happened after they left?”
Emma shut her eyes. Rubbed fingertips across her temples. “Gage told me he didn’t want to let Nicole hold him back anymore. From me.” That revelation had turned her inside out. If only he hadn’t slipped through her fingers so fast. “And then he kissed me again.” And what a kiss it had been, with Gage not holding back part of himself. But it had been short-lived. “And then I told Gage that I’d dated James once upon a time.”