Recovered

by Jay Crownover

  He tossed me his t-shirt from the floor, and I slithered into it, keeping one eye on his mom, because she looked like she wanted to throw something a lot heavier than a newspaper at me.

  “Mom . . .”

  She held up a hand and cut him off. “I don’t want to hear it, Cable. I’ve been worried sick about you. I did my best to do right by you and for you. All I wanted to do was help you, and you couldn’t even be bothered to pick up the phone. I sent someone down here to keep an eye on you, and you took her to bed. Has he really been clean all summer? Or have you been covering for him so you could continue to play house with him? You get my son and my money; it seems I underestimated you, Affton. I’m sure your father wouldn’t be as proud of you now if he could see how you’ve been taking advantage of my son.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her and followed Cable’s lead by climbing out of the rumpled bed. “You blackmailed me into giving up my summer. You threatened my dad’s job. How dare you stand there and try and lecture me about taking advantage of someone. I’m here because you forced me to be.” I saw Cable wince out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn’t take it back because it was true. I wanted to be here with him now, but I wouldn’t have been here in the first place if she hadn’t forced my hand. “And no, I didn’t cover for him so that I could spend the summer sleeping with him. He’s stayed clean, gone to his meetings with his therapist, and generally done everything he was supposed to do to stay out of prison. He’s tried to do and be better. Maybe you should stop and take an inventory before throwing all those ugly accusations around.”

  She opened her mouth to argue, but Cable moved faster than I’d ever seen him move before. He was in front of her with his hands on her shoulders before she made a single sound. He gave her a little shake and her attention snapped to him as her hands went up to circle his wrists. It wasn’t a pretty confrontation by any means, but then again, nothing with this family ever seemed to be easy.

  “Don’t. Whatever it is you think you’re going to do or say to Affton . . . just don’t. This has nothing to do with her.” His voice was rough, and I couldn’t help but be a little pleased that he was defending me. He never got worked up over much, tending to slide toward cold and icy rather than hot and heated. Now, he was all kinds of fire and flames. It clearly took his mother by surprise. I couldn’t tell if she was thrilled or terrified by his explosive show of emotion. She seemed to settle somewhere between the two.

  “She was supposed to keep you safe, not sleep with you. I promised her a small fortune. Having sex with you was not part of the deal. You don’t need any more complications in your life. You do not need some girl working her way under your defenses when you are at your lowest and most vulnerable.” She closed her eyes briefly, and I watched her pull her composure back together in a way that only really rich and really practiced people could. This was a woman used to keeping what happened behind closed doors firmly locked in a box so that no one else could see her suffering and sorrow. “You need to be focused on you, not on someone else, Cable.”

  I couldn’t argue with her there. I also couldn’t tell her that everything had been focused on him from the start. I wanted the same things she did . . . to help him. To save him from himself. The difference was that he let me in . . . all the way in. I got to the places no one else had ever seen. The places where his shadows kept everything dark.

  He swore again, and I started to slowly edge my way toward the door. They needed to work this out between the two of them. I no longer cared if she paid me or not, and if she was going to fire my dad, there was nothing I could do to stop her. There were still a few weeks of the ninety days left, and I had done my part. Cable was clean, he wasn’t going back to prison, and he could actually do his own laundry now. I honestly believed he would pass his GED test, and he was taking his sessions with the doc more seriously. He seemed to be thinking about his future more and more, so any way you looked at it, I had more than held up my part of the bargain. If she wanted to punish me for sleeping with Cable, then so be it. I didn’t regret a minute I spent with him. He was worth every tick of the clock.

  “Mom, all I’ve ever focused on is myself. That’s why I didn’t tell you I wasn’t driving that night. I wanted to pay the price for my bad choices, so I did, regardless of it being right or wrong. That’s why I didn’t tell you I was doing drugs. I wanted to escape and disappear into something that wasn’t real, so I did. That’s why I haven’t answered your calls all summer. I didn’t want to face your guilt and pity. I feel bad enough as it is . . . I couldn’t handle you feeling bad on top of it. I knew you were holding something major over Affton’s head to get her to stay with me, and I fucked her anyway because she makes me feel good.” It was my turn to flinch, but he was right. He did sleep with me even though it had way more consequences for me than for him. “It’s always been about how I feel or don’t feel, but these last couple of months, she made me see that it’s also about how I make other people feel.” He laughed, but it was nasty and sharp. “I usually make them feel shitty, and that’s something I need to change. It’s something I want to change because of Affton.”

  He had definitely made me feel like garbage at certain points this summer, but he also made me think, challenged some of the things I thought I knew about myself and him. There was no denying he made me feel really, really good, more than he made me feel bad. It twisted my heart in knots to know I was the one to open his eyes to the effect he had on others. He was his own kind of drug. Addictive and problematic. Once you had a little bit of him, you wanted more, but once you had all of him, it seemed impossible to live without him flowing through your veins.

  His mom softened a little, just a little, but it was enough that he let go of her shoulders and took a step back from her. He shook his head and took one of her hands in his. “Leave Affton’s dad alone, Mom. If you mess with his job or his future employment, you won’t hear from me again. When I turn twenty-one, you can’t hold the trust over my head anymore. I’ll be free to do what I want with that money, and if you toy with an innocent man, I promise you I will use it to disappear.” His tone was soft, but the threat in it was very real. He meant it. She could tell and so could I.

  I felt tears burn at the back of my eyes. I thought hating Cable James McCaffrey was overwhelming. Hating him had nothing on loving him. I felt the heat and weight of the shift in my emotions completely consume me. I felt it overtake me. I felt it spiral, uncontrollable and wild throughout me. It was the only thing I could feel, and that was scary because I could see the end of us staring at me directly in the face. He was wandering, and I was settled.

  I darted out the door as he called my name.

  I was running.

  Running from what I was feeling. Running from his defense of me and my father. Running from his reunion. Running from his self-realization and redemption. Running from an empty goodbye and tearful parting. I needed to get away from everything that was Cable James McCaffrey before he really did ruin me.

  He told me he would. I should’ve listened.

  Blindly, I pulled on a pair of shorts so I was covered up. Then I threw open the closet in the guest room and started throwing dresses and t-shirts into the open duffel bag I tossed on the bed. I was cramming stuff into the bag by the fistful when Cable came into the room, still looking pissed and slightly shaken up.

  “She’s not going to mess with your old man, Reed. She promised me she wouldn’t.”

  I kept on shoving clothing and miscellaneous things into bags. I could only glance at him for a minute, or I would fall apart. “Thanks for that.”

  “What are you doing, Affton?” His voice was gruff.

  I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and cut him a look out of the corner of my eye. “Packing. I think it’s time I go back to Loveless. You made it almost the entire summer without a single slip up. You did a good job, Cable. You don’t need me anymore, and I don’t think I can do this with you any longer knowing it’s going to end anyway. I miss
my dad, and I miss Jordan.”

  “What is ‘this’ exactly, Reed? You can’t fuck me anymore knowing it’s going to end, or you can’t care anymore? Which is it?” Mean Cable was back. I’d still take him over chilly, vacant Cable any day. Mean Cable wanted a fight; ghost Cable didn’t care about anything.

  “Either. I’m all kinds of tangled up in you. Right now, if I struggle to free myself at the end of summer, I’m just going to get even more stuck. If I cut myself free right now, you can go do whatever it is you need to do to find your way, and I can get myself back on track.” I couldn’t remember how to travel that road anymore. I had my path all mapped out, and Cable had tossed the directions out the window. I heaved a sigh and closed my eyes briefly. “You need to be okay for you, not for me or for anyone else. You need to want that for yourself, Cable.”

  I heard him grunt, and when I opened my eyes, he had both my bulging bags in his hands and was headed out the door without a word. It shattered my heart, but I told myself it was for the best. It was better to pull the Band-Aid off quick. Not that a Band-Aid would help heal the wounds that leaving him sliced across my heart.

  I grabbed my last little bag filled with my toiletries and makeup and followed him to my car. He already had my bags stashed in the tiny trunk and was leaning against the side, arms crossed over his chest, and a thunderous scowl etched across his handsome face. There was a lock of blond hair hanging over his forehead I wanted to brush away, but if I touched him now, I wouldn’t be able to let go. I would be the one clinging frantically and desperately as he tried to cut himself loose. I’d tried to hold on to my mother, and having her slip through my fingers nearly ended me. Losing my grip on Cable would crush me, so letting go was the only option.

  “Would you stay if I asked my mom to leave?” His voice gave me goosebumps. He sounded as if he was in pain and I hated it.

  I shook my head in the negative. “No. It isn’t about her. It’s about me and you. Our time’s up. You told me it was bound to happen. Let’s not let our crappy start and our bittersweet ending ruin all the good stuff that happened in the middle. I loved getting to spend the summer with you, Cable. I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. I’m proud of you.”

  Throwing caution and my heart to the wind, I pushed up on my toes so I could wrap my arms around his neck in a hug that had to strangle him. His arms wrapped around my waist and his face buried itself in the curve of my neck. Neither one of us wanted to let go, but we had to.

  “I’m gonna miss you, Reed.”

  “I’m gonna miss you, too. But you know where I’ll be if you ever find yourself on the West Coast . . .” I let the sentiment trail off and pulled back even as he tried to pull me closer. I wanted to tell him to keep in touch, but that would hurt too much. Instead, I told him, “If you ever need me, Cable, I’ll be there. I will talk you through your bad choices, and I will support you through your good ones. You are not alone, ever. Remember that.”

  It was clear he wanted to say something, but his eyes shifted to almost black, and he let me go. He pushed off the car and started back up the stairs to the front of the house without a goodbye. Again, I told myself it was all for the best, but that didn’t stop the tears from breaking free or my hands from shaking so badly I could barely turn the key in the ignition. I was turning to give him one last look and maybe, hopefully, get a wave or a smile to remember him by, but what happened next was anything but a memory I wanted to have forever.

  Instead of looking at me or watching me drive off, Cable had stomped up the stairs and paused at the front door. I could see his back tremble from the effort he was exerting to keep it together. It wasn’t enough. In a split second, his fist landed against the heavy wood of the door. I thought I could hear the timber shudder from inside my car. I was going to pull away and leave him to vent when the sound of breaking glass made me jump out of the car. His next strike missed the wood and had gone through one of the decorative glass panels that sat in the door. It was heavy glass, hurricane rated, so there was no way his hand was okay after smashing through it.

  “Cable?” I called his name to make sure he was all right, and when he turned, I screamed because he was covered in blood. It was spurting out of his hand and running down his forearm in a scarlet river.

  The door flew open, and both Miglena and his mom appeared. They both had a similar reaction to mine. Lots of wailing and hands flapping uselessly about as I ran up the stairs, pulling his t-shirt I was still wearing over my head so I could wrap his hand. Up close and personal, it looked even worse than I imagined. There was blood everywhere, and several of his knuckles were swollen and buckled at a weird angle.

  I wrapped his hand up and realized he hadn’t uttered a sound or flinched at all. Zombie Cable had taken over, and that wasn’t good. “Call an ambulance.”

  Miglena jumped to follow the order while Melanie looked at her son as if she had never seen him before. “What did you do?”

  I wasn’t sure if that question was for me or for him, so I didn’t bother to respond. I was too worried that Cable seemed completely shut down. He was in that place where nothing could reach him, not even pain. It was ten times worse than his breakdown in Doc Howard’s office and twice as frightening.

  He was gone, and I wasn’t sure anyone was going to be able to get him back.

  Cable

  I KNEW I should be screaming in pain or freaking out at the amount of blood that was soaking through the bandages the paramedics had wrapped around my hand, but I was numb.

  Affton was leaving.

  She was going back to a life that had no place for me in it.

  I knew it was coming; hell, I had been bracing myself for that goodbye for weeks, but I wasn’t prepared for the hole it left in my chest. It was a double whammy, her taking off and my mom showing up and shoving all my selfish decisions in my face. I’d already decided when I got back access to my trust that I would repay her and my dad for the money they fronted in the civil suit. I would also cover all the legal fees. That was going to put a dent in the total sum, meaning I wouldn’t be able to live off the amount indefinitely. I was going to need to figure out my life, find something I was good at, and make money from it. I was going to have to do what Affton had been urging me to do all summer long . . . find something I gave a shit about besides her.

  I could hear the sirens overhead wailing and the squawk of the radio on the EMTs’ shoulder as they raced me to the hospital. The guy told me my hand was for sure broken, but it was the out of control bleeding that had him concerned. He was worried I nicked an artery, and if that was the case, I was going to need surgery to stop the bleeding.

  I wasn’t sure what happened to Affton. She disappeared when the ambulance showed up saying she needed to go find a shirt. I was loaded on a stretcher and racing toward the hospital before she reappeared. If I was in her shoes, I would take the opportunity to make a stealthy exit. I clearly didn’t handle our goodbye well, and if I was her, I would be worried about what might happen next. It wasn’t her fault I lost it.

  It was mine.

  All those years longing to feel something, aching for genuine emotions, but when I finally felt them, I couldn’t handle it. My chest was caving in. My skin felt too tight all over my body. My brain was two sizes too big inside my skull. Everything was swirling, chaos, and confusion. I knew I needed to tell her I would miss her, too. I needed to tell her that I believed her when she said she would be there no matter what, that I would never be alone. I needed to hear that from someone I trusted and cared about. But all I could do was feel fire and fury burning under my skin. I didn’t intend to hit the door; it wasn’t planned. The first thud pulled my churning thoughts from despair to something solid and tangible, something familiar . . . pain. I knew what to do with that, so I put my fist through the window and destroyed my hand.

  It took my attention off my destroyed heart.

  The stretcher was pulled out of the back of the ambulance, and I was immediately rushed
through the halls of the emergency room. There was a flurry of activity as I was wheeled into one of the trauma bays. Rapid fire questions were thrown at me by several nurses, and I saw a young female cringe slightly when she unwrapped the bloody mitt securing my wounds.

  “Looks like the window won, Champ?” She flashed me a smile, but it had no impact. I felt like I was watching it all happen to someone else. I was gone. Floating somewhere where nothing hurt and nothing mattered. I couldn’t even get excited or concerned about how twisted and mangled my knuckles looked. There was no way I was getting out of here without a cast, and that sucked because all the damage was done to my dominant hand, but even that couldn’t pull me out of my zombie haze.

  “Your blood pressure is a little elevated, but that’s to be expected. Are you on any medications? Do you have a history with any medications we need to be aware of?” One of the nurses tapped the bend in my arm and inserted an IV. If I wasn’t drifting, separated from myself and everything happening around me, I would have told them that I was a recovering addict . . . or maybe I wouldn’t have. Either way, I said nothing as clear bags of fluid were hung above my head and pumped into my newly clean veins.