by J. C. Burke
'Jules told me that ages ago,' Ace continued, her eyes following Georgie to the bathroom. 'He reckoned that interview was almost as important as the selectors watching him play. If we want to stay together then you can't be shy in there. Micki? Kia? It's you two I'm worried about.'
Last night as I was falling asleep I'd rehearsed the answers I was going to give. I believe I should be selected for the team because I want this opportunity more than any of the other girls here. I would not take this opportunity for granted. The honour of representing my country and being part of a team makes me want to succeed even more than if I was competing for myself.
Yes, in a perfect – I'm talking a completely perfect – world, it'd be fantastic if the four of us were picked. But as Ace hadn't realised yet, the world was not perfect – and it wasn't my job to point that out to her.
In reality, if Ace or I didn't make the team then we'd probably never see each other again except at the odd surfing contest. That was fine with me. Some people are so different that their paths were never really destined to cross in the first place.
To be truthful, a piece, just a little piece, of my heart had forgiven her. Ace had opened my diary without even thinking about what she may find in there. But Ace never thought about anything except Ace. That's because she probably never had to. I had learnt to keep my distance. Or rather, I should say that Miss Micki had decided to keep her distance, 'cause Miss Micki trusted too easily.
'We can't be late. The selection process starts in' – Ace checked the time – 'two and a half minutes! Come on!'
'Georgie?' Kia called, knocking on the bathroom door. 'Hurry up.'
'I'll see you up there,' she answered. 'Don't wait for me.'
'Are you sure?' Ace checked. ' 'Cause we can if you want us to.'
'Don't. I'll see you up there.'
'Do you think Georgie will be okay? Maybe she's being sick?' Ace whispered. 'She started cracking with the pressure last camp. But she got it together.'
'Maybe she just needs to get today out of the way,' I suggested.
Carla's speech – 'This selection process is more than just a day's contest on Friday. It's twenty-four hours a day for the next five days' – had me feeling like I wanted to vomit too.
Last night, I'd wished I had a clock I could set, so that the ringing alarm could warn me that the contest had begun.
'Maybe I should have a psych-up chat with Georgie. I could give her some strategies to handle the pressure,' Ace said. 'That's what I did in January and it worked.'
Kia was shaking her head. 'I wouldn't. I'd – I'd just leave her.'
'Do you reckon?'
'Yeah.' Kia's head was still bobbing up and down. 'Definitely.'
*
As we filed out of the rec room after meeting the selection panel, Kia whispered to me, 'How sucking-up were those questions Laura kept asking?'
'Did you notice that every time she asked a question she'd quickly glance over at Georgie?'
'I did,' replied Kia. 'I reckon Laura got a bit of a shock when she saw Georgie surfing yesterday. She probably thinks she's a bit of hot stuff from Sydney.'
'She's good though,' I said. 'She was able to hold Ace off yesterday.'
'That Don Chambers was dead boring.'
We had just met the National Selection Panel one by one. I'd always imagined the word 'panel' to be just that. A word. But they were people, with two legs and arms and voices.
In some ways, meeting them had made me more nervous but in another way it'd made me feel better. The man with the beard, the chief executive officer, who kept trying to pick his nose when he thought no one was watching, could not be that scary.
Jake waved and called me over to where he was standing with Andy Wallace.
'Micki, your interview's scheduled for this afternoon, isn't it?' he asked.
'Straight after lunch.'
'Good. Andy wants to have a chat with you.'
'Now?'
'Is now okay with you, Micki?' Andy asked in his squeaky chipmunk voice. 'You see, I have to catch a plane in an hour or so.'
'Now's fine.' As if I was going to argue with Andy Wallace, Mr Ocean Pearl himself.
'Great,' he said.' Let's go and chat.'
Starting in my feet and creeping up my ankles was the tiniest, tiniest bit of hope. Was Andy Wallace about to offer me some sponsorship? Maybe OP wanted to be my surfboard sponsor? Getting a sponsorship deal, any sort of sponsorship deal, was what I'd put last night as my number two goal. Number one was being selected for the national team and three was getting more competitive with my paddling. I knew our goals didn't have to just be about surfing – but I'm not sure Shyan brought enough blank cards with her.
My fingers twisted over into a cross and I followed Andy and Jake into Carla's office. Please, please, please, the voice in my head whispered.
We sat around the desk. I was psyching myself not to look at Jake 'cause I had a feeling he was smiling. If I looked up and saw that he wasn't, then that tiny piece of hope would slide all the way back down to my feet.
I concentrated on my breathing. That's what Kia would tell me to do.
'Hey, Miss Micki!' Jake said. 'You look like you're about to get into trouble. Chill. It's all good.'
I peered up. Jake was smiling.
'I've been really impressed with you, Micki,' Andy Wallace told me. 'You've got spirit and guts. A big heart – and that's what Ocean Pearl is looking for.'
I swallowed.
'As I said before,' Andy explained, 'I have to catch a plane in a couple of hours. Unfortunately I won't have as much time here as I'd planned. So this is not exactly the way I would normally do things.'
I nodded. Or at least made an attempt to but my neck was not co-operating.
'Ocean Pearl would like to offer you sponsorship.'
'Really?'
'Full sponsorship.'
I slapped my hands over my mouth 'cause that was the only way to stop myself from bursting into tears.
'Micki, we'd actually like you to be the new Ocean Pearl girl.'
'What?' I almost skyrocketed out of my chair. 'I – I – isn't Ace the Ocean Pearl girl?'
'Ace will still be fully sponsored by us. So you don't need to worry about her. She's aware that we're injecting a whole new vibe into the brand. That's why we want a new face. And we want it to be you, Micki.'
'I – I can't believe it.'
The shock had gobbled down the tears and I think it'd taken my voice with it.
I would never, ever have had the guts to dream of anything this amazing. This sort of thing didn't happen to me.
'Happy?' Jake gave my shoulder a squeeze. 'Hey, you're shaking, Micki.'
My hands, my back, my knees, my legs were jumping up and down. It was like each little part of my body was partying for me.
'Although Ace knows there are going to be changes I would've preferred to have discussed this change with her first. However, I have to go overseas tomorrow and I'll be away a few weeks. The contracts need to be sorted while I'm gone. That's why I'm talking to you now and not in two weeks,' Andy told me. 'What I'm concerned about is that Ace is here at camp and I didn't expect her to be. Can you see how it makes things complicated? I don't want her to become . . . distracted by this.'
'Yes.' How the sound was coming out of my mouth was a miracle to me. I was virtually having one of those out-of-body experiences. Me, the new Ocean Pearl girl?
'I want to give Ace every chance to succeed and be selected for the team. I don't want to bum her out beforehand. Do you know what I'm saying?'
Andy was right. Ace would be shocked, devastated. She'd hardly coped with not being selected for this camp. Her hair had even fallen out with the stress. But being dropped as the Ocean Pearl girl – that had to be worse. Heaps worse.
I tried to swallow but my mouth was suddenly too dry. 'So, um.' I gulped. 'You don't want me to say anything?' I didn't think Andy Wallace would be interested in the no lies, no secrets policy Georgie, Kia an
d I had sworn to.
'You can say OP are sponsoring you,' Andy answered. 'I would hope it's exciting news.'
'Exciting? You have no idea how exciting this is.'
'We're really delighted to have you on board.'
I said goodbye and a few more thank yous then glided out, leaving Andy and Jake in the office.
The corridor was empty. The only sound was my trainers scuffing across the carpet. The girls were surfing. Carla and the selection panel were down at the beach watching them. Brian must've been in the kitchen 'cause the smell of ginger and soy sauce was wafting through the walls. Through the glass doors at the very end of the hallway, I could see one of the cleaners mopping the walkway, while another emptied a garbage bin. There was no one in this big building except me.
Me – the Ocean Pearl girl!
In a panel of the door I caught the reflection of my arm in my faded blue hoodie. My stitches sat along the sleeve where I'd tried to mend it.
I stopped, almost tripping into the glass.
I couldn't possibly be the OP girl.
ACE
The interview had me chucking down the toilet. What a shame I hadn't pigged out at lunch. But I could hardly eat I'd felt so nervous. The thing was, weren't you meant to be sick before an interview and not after? This could not be a good sign.
I had come so far. I was back in the running. There was no reason to be nervous.
But when the interview finished, I shook each of the selection panel members' hands and said thank you with my biggest smile, then walked out the door and straight to the bathroom, where the entire contents of my stomach plus half my throat tumbled out in one huge roar. I hope they didn't hear.
What with Kia and everything, I had spent a bit too much time in bathrooms today.
I splashed my face with the freezing tap water and rinsed my mouth. I really needed to brush my teeth but I didn't have time to go up to the bungalow.
Maybe I'd had too much time to think before my interview and I'd worked myself up into a stressed-out idiot. Because why was it that when the panel asked me 'What do you see yourself doing in five years' time?' my brain seized up? I couldn't think of anything to say.
For a second I'd wondered if it was a trick question. Maybe they were trying to quiz my knowledge on the environment and climate change. Maybe the right answer was 'None of us will be here, only the cockroaches.' But that was totally ridiculous.
The table of faces were looking at me, waiting, eyes glazed. Someone was tapping a pen and one of them even yawned. But my mind was still blank. Blank blank blank.
The only thing I could think of were the contestants in the Miss Universe contest as they stood in the glass booth with headphones on. They had all kinds of random questions thrown at them and they had a standard answer that managed to fit around anything.
'In five years' time I'll be on the Women's Dream Tour, surfing all over the world,' I'd heard myself say. 'Working for world peace among all peoples and being a role model for all young women in Australia regardless of their race or religion.'
Even thinking about it made me want to vomit again. Yet another story I wouldn't be sharing with Jules.
Watching the bathroom mirror, I fixed up the pins in my hair and gave my mouth another rinse. It was 4.50 pm and I'd arranged to meet Jules at the rock at five. That was why I wanted some toothpaste.
We had free time till dinner at 6.30 pm. So meeting up with Jules wasn't technically breaking the rules.
Jules had sent me a text that simply said, 'I need to c u.' Poor baby, he was missing me. I was missing him too. I was just trying to be a good girl.
Luckily I still had slob clothes on. Well, slob for me but dressed up for others – meaning Laura, who seemed to think pyjama pants were daywear. But the important thing was that I just looked like I was cruising around the place, not going for a secret meeting with my boyfriend.
We were all exhausted. The girls who weren't having a rest were watching a DVD in the rec room. Slipping off to the beach could not have been easier.
My hair was under control. I had an hour and a half with Jules all to myself. If I hadn't had such a horrible interview I'd say life was almost back to normal.
Jules was sitting at the very top of the rock, which was annoying and embarrassing as I had to shout a few times before he actually realised I was there. Usually Jules waited down the bottom so he could help me climb to the top. But now he was standing up there, yelling at me to come up by myself.
'I can't get up there on my own!' I called back.
'Try.'
'What is this Jules, a test?'
'Hang on.'
Jules scaled down the face of the rock. I reached out my hand for him to grab but instead he jumped down to the sand and said, 'Let's just stay here.'
'Owh?' I meowed like a pussy cat. I wanted to climb to the top. Once we'd sat up there and watched the sunset. It was soooo romantic.
'I actually don't have much time,' Jules told me.
'I thought we had an hour and a half!' I whined. 'Didn't you read my text? I don't have to get back till six-thirty.'
'Sorry, Ace!' Jules almost bit my head off. 'I've got training in half an hour. We have a big game on the weekend, at Palm Meadows, near your house.'
'That's helpful!'
'Ace, this isn't working out.'
'Excuse me?'
'You and me,' Jules said, staring at his foot, which was kicking at the sand. 'It's not working out.'
'We just haven't had a chance to see each other. Jules?'
Jules still wouldn't look at me. His toes dug into the sand, further and further, like he was trying to build a tunnel to get away from me.
'How long have you been feeling like this?'
He shrugged. 'A while.'
'What? Hours, days, months?'
'Weeks,' he replied.
My brain frantically tried to calculate how many weeks he could mean. It was only about eight or nine days since Georgie had delivered the photo album. So his answer couldn't be right.
Maybe I needed to talk him through it. Then he'd realise he didn't really mean what he was saying. He was just confused. He'd been playing too much baseball. Maybe the ball had hit him on the head and he was a bit concussed? Concussion can make you do strange things like dump your girlfriend when you don't actually mean to.
'Babe, you're being silly,' I explained. 'You only got the photo book last week and you loved it.'
'No, you loved it!' Jules's voice cracked. 'Remember, you were pissed that I hadn't gone on about it enough. It was you saying how fantastic it was, not me.'
'So?' I took a step towards Jules. How I wanted to get my finger and poke it at his chin so he'd look at me. I wasn't sure how much longer I could bear him staring at the ground. 'Are you saying you hated it?'
'I didn't particularly want your modelling portfolio, Ace.' At last Jules's eyes locked on mine. If I could hold his stare long enough then I was certain I could make him melt and take his words back. 'You told Georgie to say how it was a book of memories. Memories of who? Memories of you, in twenty different bikinis.'
'Well, sorreee!' I snapped. 'I'm sure there are plenty of guys who'd want it.'
Jules ignored the comment. He was being the king of cool.
'Ace, we tried – or I tried – to make it work. But every time we made an arrangement for me to come up to your place you'd give me some excuse about a modelling shoot you had to do. I was cool about it. I understood you had those commitments . . .' Keeping eye contact with Jules was tough. His stare was boring a hole between my eyes. Jules once told me I had a beautiful mouth. Slowly I ran my tongue along my lips. That'd make him blink. That'd make him stumble in his sentence. '. . . I can't remember you ever once asking me how I was doing. You only talked about you and I got tired of it. I don't want a relationship like that. I'm a long way from home, Ace. I don't need to feel any more alone than I already do.'
'I didn't know you felt alone.' It wasn't concussion. Jules was
lonely. He didn't know anyone around here. That's all it was. 'Oh, I had no idea, Jules. Now I understand –'
'Of course you didn't have any idea!' Jules shouted. Luckily there was no one on the beach watching. 'You never asked if I was feeling homesick.'
'Are you homesick?'
'Like you care!' He glared.
Now it was me that couldn't look at Jules. We were over. His eyes had just confirmed that. I kept mine on the sand, willing them not to explode into tears.
'So, that's it?'
'Bye, Ace.' Jules patted my shoulder like I was the family dog.
'So, you don't have anything else to say?' I'd give him one last chance.
'No.'
'Nothing?'
'If I stay here, Ace, I might end up saying something I don't want to.'
'Your choice.' It was my turn to be cold; I switched the Ice Queen on. If I wasn't leaving with a boyfriend then I was leaving with my dignity. 'By the way, I'd like the photo album back. I don't want to see my pictures for sale on eBay.'
Jules nodded.
'I'll send Georgie to get it from you.'
'Okay.' Jules laughed. 'I look forward to it.'
Jules's king of cool was beating my queen. Who would've known he had it in him?
Yet it was always like this. You meet someone, you get to know them, you really like them, you even fall in love with them. But you never know how horrible they really are until this exact moment.
'I know how many photos are in the album. So I'll know if any are missing,' I spat. 'I'll get Georgie to arrange a time to get it from you.'
Jules was so nasty. He was even grinning.
I'd come to meet Jules with a bad taste in my mouth. But I'd left with an even worse one. So why was I trudging along the sand back to camp crying my eyes out? Jules had been mean. He'd enjoyed it too. Even smiling at me just then, like I was some sort of joke!
So I didn't make enough effort to see him or whatever his problem was. But I don't think he would've been too thrilled about meeting up with his bald girlfriend!
He'd be sorry when he came crying to me tomorrow or next week or the week after, begging for me to take him back. And he would. He'd made a rushed decision based on nothing. He'd realise that too. I wasn't that loser anymore.