Please Don't Take My Baby

by Cathy Glass

  ‘Yes. The police brought her home and they’ve taken away bags of things she’s stolen. Why, Jill? Why did she do it? I give her her allowance each week, and I buy whatever she and Courtney need. Jade also has her benefit money now. She shouldn’t have had to steal!’

  ‘I know, Cathy, I know. She’s acted very irresponsibly. She knew what was at stake. Look, I need to come and see you as soon as possible. What time will you be back from school in the morning?’

  ‘Nine fifteen.’

  ‘I’ll be there then. Where’s Jade now?’

  ‘In the kitchen, feeding Courtney.’

  ‘Make sure she stays in tonight.’

  ‘I will.’ Then I steeled myself to ask the question I probably didn’t want to hear the answer to. ‘Jill, how will this affect Jade’s parenting assessment? The police officer thought it might be overlooked as it’s her first prosecution.’

  Jill went quiet before she said, ‘I don’t know. Rachel is calling an emergency case conference for the professionals as soon as possible. She has other concerns as well.’

  ‘Has she? What concerns? Rachel hasn’t said anything to me.’

  ‘I’ll explain when I see you tomorrow. But don’t blame yourself, Cathy. You’ve done your best.’ Which held an unsettling ring of finality, as though Jade’s fate had been sealed.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Shaken to the Core

  The following morning Jill was sitting in her car outside my house when I returned home from taking Paula to school. She was early. As soon as she saw me she got out and said what seemed to me a stiff and reserved, ‘Good morning, Cathy.’

  ‘Good morning,’ I said.

  We went up the garden path and I opened the front door. ‘Would you like a coffee?’ I asked in the hall.

  ‘Yes please. And I should like to look at your log notes while you’re making coffee.’

  I was slightly taken aback by both the formality of Jill’s request and the fact that she wanted to see my notes straightaway. Usually she read and then signed them at the end of her visit – after I’d updated her on the child I was fostering and we’d discussed any other business in relation to the child. But I fetched the folder as she’d asked and handed it to her. Then I went into the kitchen to make coffee while she went into the sitting room.

  In the kitchen I could hear Jade moving around above me, as her room was directly overhead, and I was expecting her to come downstairs at any moment. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to her the evening before, as she’d gone straight to bed after dinner, and this morning I’d only had time to wake her and tell her Jill was coming before I’d left to take Paula to school.

  When Jade hadn’t come down by the time I’d finished making the coffee I took the mugs into the sitting room, where Jill was still poring over my notes, and then went up to Jade’s room and knocked on her bedroom door.

  ‘What is it?’ she asked a little grumpily.

  ‘Are you ready? Jill’s here.’

  ‘Courtney is but I’m not. Can you take her?’

  The door opened and Jade, still in her nightwear and looking tired and drawn, passed Courtney to me. Courtney grinned as usual and snuggled against me.

  ‘I didn’t sleep,’ Jade said, rubbing her forehead.

  ‘I’m not surprised. Neither did I. Come down as soon as you’re ready. I’m sure Jill will have some suggestions that will help us.’ Although Jade had acted stupidly I knew she loved Courtney and I hoped that this would count so much in her favour that her behaviour in the mall and the likely prosecution could be worked through.

  Jade nodded and closed her door.

  With Courtney chuckling and babbling in my arms, I went downstairs and into the sitting room, where Jill was still reading my log notes. I sat on the sofa and placed Courtney in her bouncing cradle so that she could see us. At eighteen weeks of age she was awake and playful for most of the morning and she continued babbling and chuckling as Jill turned the pages of my log notes and absently sipped her coffee. A couple of times – when Courtney made an especially loud noise – Jill glanced up and smiled. But her smile, usually full of warmth and enthusiasm, now seemed perfunctory and almost indifferent, as though her thoughts were a long way from darling little Courtney.

  When Jill had been reading my notes for about fifteen minutes – scanning them from start to finish – and we’d both finished our coffee, she flipped through the last couple of pages and then closed the folder and placed it on the coffee table.

  ‘Where’s Jade now?’ she asked sombrely.

  ‘Getting ready. She’ll be down soon.’

  Jill paused. ‘You do a lot for the baby, don’t you?’ she said thoughtfully, looking at Courtney.

  ‘Well, yes, I help Jade. I’m happy to.’

  Jill held my gaze. ‘Cathy, there’s no easy way to say this but it’s not looking good for Jade. I don’t think the assessment will come out in her favour. I don’t think she will be allowed to keep her baby.’

  I felt as though an ice spear had just pierced my heart. ‘Why not?’ I gasped. ‘Jade made one silly mistake and she’s sorry. It won’t happen again. Surely that’s not sufficient to take Courtney away?’ I looked at Courtney and a lump rose in my throat.

  Jill chose her words carefully before she spoke. ‘Stealing from the mall isn’t the only reason,’ she said. ‘Rachel has other concerns, about Jade’s ability to parent her baby, some of which are confirmed by your log notes.’

  ‘What? I haven’t written anything detrimental about Jade looking after Courtney. Far from it. I’ve praised the way she looks after her.’

  ‘I know,’ Jill said with a small sad smile. ‘I can see how positive you’ve tried to be, but I don’t think you realize just how much parenting of Courtney you’re doing. You’ve shown Jade what to do many, many times but you’re still having to do it. You’re doing far too much because Jade hasn’t taken responsibility. She’s not meeting Courtney’s needs.’

  I felt hot and flustered. I went to interrupt but Jill continued. ‘Courtney would never be fed at night if you didn’t wake Jade and tell her to warm the bottle. In fact there would never be any bottles sterilized and made up ready if you didn’t repeatedly remind Jade to do it or do it yourself. And how many times have you looked after Courtney in the evening and then put her to bed because Jade said she was too tired? Or given Courtney her late-night and early-morning bottle because Jade couldn’t or wouldn’t be woken? To be honest, Cathy, you, and Tyler when he’s here, do more for Courtney than Jade ever does. At the professionals meeting Rachel and the others present from children’s services will have to ask themselves if Jade could parent Courtney alone, and to be honest I don’t think she could and neither does Rachel.’

  Shaken to the core, I stared at Jill. My mouth was dry and my stomach churned. Apart from the shock of what Jill had told me, I felt responsible; clearly I’d been doing too much for Courtney when Jade should have been doing it. It was my fault.

  ‘I’ll stop doing what I do and make Jade do it,’ I said, desperation creeping into my voice. ‘She’s only been here a few months. There’s still plenty of time for Jade to take more responsibility. I’ll make sure she does.’

  ‘It’s not your fault,’ Jill said quickly. ‘A mother-and-baby assessment placement – which is what this has become – usually only lasts for twelve weeks. That is normally considered sufficient time for an assessment to be made of whether a parent can meet the needs of their child or baby. Courtney is eighteen weeks old now. Rachel has already extended the placement because of Jade’s age to give her more time. It can’t continue indefinitely. And there are other issues as well.’

  ‘Like what?’ I asked, my voice rising and shaking slightly.

  ‘I take it you didn’t know Courtney missed her last vaccination?’

  ‘What?’ I stared at Jill, horrified. ‘She didn’t?’

  Jill nodded.

  ‘I went with Jade to the clinic for Courtney’s first vaccination, but then Ja
de said she was all right to go alone for the second and third. She told me she’d been.’

  ‘It’ll be recorded in the red book. Where’s that?’

  ‘Jade has it.’

  ‘Have you seen it?’

  ‘Not since Jade started going to the clinic alone, no.’

  ‘Courtney’s second vaccination was two weeks late, and she hasn’t had the third one yet,’ Jill said. ‘And Cathy, all those times Jade told you she was spending the day at her mother’s, she wasn’t. The last time Jackie saw Jade was over a month ago and then it was only for ten minutes to borrow some money, although Jade did text her last week.’

  I was shocked and numb. I felt hurt that Jade had lied to me and foolish for being taken in.

  ‘So where has Jade been going when she was supposed to be at her mother’s?’ I asked quietly after a moment.

  ‘Various places,’ Jill said. ‘The mall, friends’ houses, and she’s been seen hanging around the leisure centre. A couple of times she went to the cinema with Chelsea. She left Courtney in the care of Chelsea’s younger sister, who is eleven years of age.’

  I gasped in dismay. ‘Oh no, eleven? Anything could have happened.’

  ‘Exactly. Fortunately Courtney came to no harm, but it was highly irresponsible of Jade to leave her baby with such a young child. Sadly, it’s another indication that Jade can’t put the needs and safety of her baby before her own wishes. Rachel wants to see Jade as soon as possible and she’s asked if she can come here tomorrow at twelve o’clock. Is that all right with you?’

  I nodded absently. ‘I’ll be here,’ I said.

  ‘And make sure Jade is here too, please. Rachel will go through all her concerns with Jade then, but I thought I should tell you first so it didn’t come as such a shock.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said numbly. I didn’t know what to say. ‘Jade loves Courtney but I can see that after all this …’ My words fell away. ‘Shall I prepare Jade for what Rachel is going to tell her?’

  ‘No, leave it to Rachel. There are other issues that Rachel will talk to Jade about – mainly about money. I haven’t got the details but Rachel will explain it to Jade tomorrow.’

  I nodded again, overwhelmed by the enormity of everything I’d heard and deeply saddened by Jade’s behaviour.

  Jill stayed a while longer and tried to reassure me that I’d done my best with Jade, while we waited for her to come down. Without any realistic hope of Jade being allowed to keep Courtney, Jill’s words sounded hollow and were of no comfort to me. Jill asked if I wanted her to be present when Rachel visited tomorrow, but it would have meant her cancelling an important meeting so I said there was no need and I’d manage, for I knew how busy Jill was. She said she’d phone me tomorrow afternoon to find out how Rachel’s visit had gone and that she’d also speak to Rachel.

  Five minutes later Jill said she’d have to go. Jade still hadn’t come downstairs so, leaving Jill in charge of Courtney, I went up to Jade’s room. I was disappointed Jade hadn’t come down as she was supposed to and I knew Jill would see this as another indication of Jade’s unreliability.

  ‘Jill’s going soon,’ I said, knocking on Jade’s door. ‘Come down, please, and at least say hello.’

  ‘Do I have to?’ Jade moaned from inside.

  ‘Yes please.’ I opened the door so that I could see into the room. Jade was dressed and sitting on her bed, looking glum. ‘Now, please,’ I said.

  With a sigh she reluctantly hauled herself off the bed and then came with me downstairs and into the sitting room, where Jill was cuddling Courtney. Jill looked up and smiled at Jade as we entered. ‘How are you?’ she asked her kindly.

  Jade shrugged, but Courtney, seeing her mother, immediately reached out her arms and wanted to be held by her. Jill passed her up to Jade. I was pleased Jill had seen this, for it reinforced what I’d been saying about the strong bond that existed between Jade and her baby.

  ‘I’m going to get a drink,’ Jade said, holding Courtney and eager to be away.

  ‘All right,’ Jill said. ‘Take care. I’ll see you soon. Rachel’s coming tomorrow.’

  Jade didn’t say anything but disappeared into the kitchen. ‘It’s OK,’ Jill said to me. ‘I’ve seen her. That’s enough for now for my records. She’s got a lot on her mind.’

  I saw Jill to the front door and before she left she called goodbye to Jade, but Jade didn’t answer. ‘I know it’s difficult,’ Jill said compassionately to me. ‘But you really have done your best and I know Rachel thinks so too.’

  I shrugged despondently.

  ‘I’ll phone tomorrow,’ Jill said and, giving my arm a reassuring pat, left.

  As soon as I closed the front door Jade came out of the kitchen carrying Courtney. ‘She needs changing,’ she said, going past me and upstairs.

  I went into the sitting room, picked up the empty coffee mugs and took them through to the kitchen, where I dumped them in the sink. The front doorbell rang and I thought it must be Jill, having forgotten something. I went down the hall and opened the front door. It wasn’t Jill but Tyler, and I could see he was annoyed.

  ‘I don’t believe her!’ he thundered, coming into the hall. ‘What the fuck does she think she’s playing at?’

  ‘Tyler –’ I began.

  ‘She can screw up her life if she wants, but she’s not screwing up my baby’s.’ So I guessed he’d been told about Jade’s arrest.

  ‘Calm down,’ I said, closing the front door. He was breathing fast and his breath sounded heavy and laboured. ‘Are you all right?’

  He shook his head. ‘Na. I get asthma when I’m upset.’

  ‘Come through to the kitchen and sit down and I’ll pour you a cold drink.’

  He followed me down the hall and into the kitchen, where I ran a glass of cold water. I could see he was finding breathing difficult and I knew from other children with asthma I’d fostered that he needed to calm down to avoid a full asthma attack.

  ‘Do you have an asthma pump with you?’ I asked, guiding him to a chair at the kitchen table, where I placed the glass of water.

  ‘I left it at home,’ he said, his breath rasping. ‘I don’t need it often. I was fine until I got on the bus.’

  ‘All right, don’t worry,’ I said in a calm, even voice, taking control. ‘I want you to sit quietly, relax and breathe slowly. It often helps if you lean forward slightly and rest your elbows on the table.’ He did as I suggested and I placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. I knew from experience and training that much of managing asthma was staying calm and reassuring the sufferer. ‘Now breathe in and out very slowly,’ I said, my voice slowing to the breathing pace I wanted. ‘Very slowly: in and out. In and out.’ Tyler did as I said and gradually over the next few minutes his breathing grew easier and eventually lost its rasp as the attack passed.

  ‘Well done,’ I said as he sat back and reached for the glass of water. ‘Feeling better?’

  He nodded, but as soon as he spoke he became anxious again. ‘I can’t believe Jade would do something so daft!’ he said, his brow furrowing. ‘The police are involved, thanks to her!’

  ‘I know,’ I said. ‘But try not to upset yourself. It won’t help. Jade knows she’s done wrong. She’s hardly said a word since she came home yesterday.’

  ‘Where is she now?’ he asked, his breath catching slightly. ‘I’ve been phoning and texting all morning but she’s not answering.’

  ‘She’s upstairs, changing Courtney,’ I said. ‘Jill, my support social worker, has just left, and Rachel is coming to talk to us tomorrow.’

  Tyler took a slow breath to calm himself before he spoke again. ‘Rachel phoned me yesterday evening and told me what had happened. She’s coming to see me tomorrow after school.’

  It was then I realized that Tyler should have been in school. ‘Didn’t you go to school today?’ I asked.

  ‘Na. I couldn’t concentrate.’

  ‘Tyler,’ I said gently, sitting on the chair next to him, ‘I kno
w how worried you must be, we all are, but try not to let this interfere with your studies. You’ve got important exams starting in a week. You’ve been working so hard. It would be a shame to throw it all away.’

  ‘It all seems pointless now,’ he said, rubbing his forehead. ‘I was only doing the studying for Jade and Courtney, so I could get a job and we could all be together.’ He paused and looked at me, pain in his eyes. I felt so sorry for him. ‘Cathy,’ he said, ‘you’ve fostered lots of kids. Do you think Jade and me will be allowed to keep Courtney?’

  I love fostering but sometimes it breaks my heart. I looked at Tyler and saw the desperation in his face. ‘I honestly don’t know, love,’ I said. ‘I’ve fostered many children but never a mother and baby before. We’ll have to wait and see what Rachel says tomorrow.’

  Tyler gave a small nod. ‘Can I see Jade and Courtney now, please?’

  ‘Yes, of course. You go in the sitting room and I’ll bring them down.’ I thought it was better that they were downstairs rather than Tyler going up to Jade’s room, as I could keep an eye on them and intervene if necessary.

  Tyler drank the last of the water and went through to the sitting room while I went upstairs to fetch Jade. I was anxious. I knew this was going to be a difficult and upsetting meeting for them both but nothing could have prepared me for just how upsetting.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Too Late

  ‘Tyler’s here,’ I said, knocking on Jade’s bedroom door and going in. She had finished changing Courtney and was standing in the middle of the room, holding her.

  ‘I know, I heard,’ Jade said in a flat voice, looking at Courtney. ‘Is he angry with me?’

  ‘More upset than angry, I think. You need to come and talk to him.’

  Jade didn’t make any move to come with me, so I reached out and lightly touched her arm. ‘Come on, love,’ I said. ‘I’ll be in the room with you. Tyler is your baby’s father. You owe him something.’

  I touched her arm again and then with a sad and apprehensive expression she came with me out of the room. Jade was silent going downstairs; so too was Courtney, as if she sensed the upset going on around her. Jade followed me into the sitting room, where Tyler was sitting on the sofa, looking sad and deep in thought. He glanced up as Jade entered but before either of them spoke Jade burst into tears. I was about to go to her and comfort her but Tyler stood and, crossing the room, enfolded Jade and Courtney in his arms.