Please Don't Take My Baby

by Cathy Glass

  ‘Oh, Jade, what have you done?’ he said quietly, not demanding but upset. ‘My mum says they’re sure to take Courtney off us now.’ I saw his face crumple and then he too began to cry – silent tears that seemed even worse than Jade’s loud emotional sobs.

  I felt uncomfortable standing there watching their grief and unable to offer any consolation, but I didn’t want to leave them alone and they needed to express their emotion. After a minute or so I saw Courtney grow anxious because of her parents’ crying and that she was being held awkwardly between them.

  I stepped forwards. ‘Shall I take Courtney, love?’ I said to Jade.

  Pulling slightly away from Tyler and without speaking, she turned and, with a tear-stained face, passed Courtney to me. I sat in the chair with Courtney on my lap while Tyler led Jade to the sofa, where he put his arm around her and drew her close. She rested her head on his shoulder and they were both crying. Courtney looked at them from where she sat on my lap, her little face, usually so happy, now serious and concerned. After some moments Tyler reached forward and, taking a handful of tissues from the box on the coffee table, wiped his eyes and then passed some to Jade. With her head still resting on his shoulder she wiped her eyes and gave a little sniff.

  ‘Maybe it’s not as bad as Mum thinks,’ Tyler said eventually, searching for hope. ‘Maybe she’s over-reacted and has got it wrong.’

  ‘No, she’s right,’ Jade said quietly. ‘The last time Rachel was here she told me I was doing things wrong. She said I had to put them right, but I didn’t listen to her. Now I’ve made it worse. I’m sorry, Ty. I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.’

  Rachel must have issued her warnings when she and Jade had been alone together. I thought it would have been useful if Rachel (or Jade) had mentioned the concerns to me, as I might have been able to help before it was too late. Although of course from what Jill had told me it appeared I’d done too much helping already.

  ‘The social services are sure to take her,’ Jade now said, her sobs growing. ‘They’ll take my baby and have her adopted. Then she’ll have a new mummy and daddy and we’ll never see her again.’

  Tyler’s face creased with pain. It was pitiful to watch. ‘We don’t know that for certain,’ he said, still grasping at any hope.

  ‘I do,’ Jade said decisively. ‘Rachel said if things didn’t improve adoption would be the only alternative. And they haven’t improved. I’ve made them worse.’

  I didn’t know if Tyler was aware of all Rachel’s concerns but she would tell him what he needed to know when she saw him the following evening. As they clung to each other in sorrow they were like two small children in some dreadful danger, waiting for a parent to come and rescue them. Only of course they were the parents now and no one was going to appear to save them.

  After some moments Jade lifted her head from Tyler’s shoulder and looked at him. ‘Perhaps we could run away together?’ she said, her voice rising slightly at the possibility.

  ‘Yeah,’ Tyler agreed, also brightening a little. ‘We could go abroad. We could stowaway on a big liner and get off wherever it stopped. I could find work and the three of us could live together happily.’

  ‘Yes. Let’s do it,’ Jade said. ‘When shall we go? Which country?’

  My heart ached for them, and while it was unlikely their plans would ever reach fruition I knew that some parents did flea abroad with their children when they were faced with them being taken into care. I thought it was wise to stop this plan before it went any further.

  ‘You would get caught very quickly,’ I said seriously. ‘The social services would alert the police and Interpol and you’d be arrested and brought back. Then you’d definitely lose Courtney for good. She’d be in care and you two would be in prison.’

  Their faces fell but Jade hadn’t given up the idea of running away. ‘What if we stayed in this country?’ she suggested. ‘We could live in a squat. We wouldn’t need much money. Ty could get a job and I’d look after Courtney. They wouldn’t find us.’

  It was sad and pathetic, but I was aware that desperate parents made desperate decisions so I dealt with her suggestions seriously. ‘And what sort of life would that be for Courtney?’ I asked. ‘Living in a squat? Filthy dirty with rats, and no running water, heating or lighting. I thought you wanted the best for your baby. Isn’t that why Tyler’s been studying?’

  Jade shrugged. ‘But at least we’d have her with us,’ she said, still not completely giving up the idea.

  However, I could see Tyler was starting to realize the impracticality of the plan. They were both silent for some time, holding each other and occasionally glancing over at Courtney, who was on my lap and gurgling quietly. Then Tyler took his arm from Jade’s shoulder and, leaning forward slightly, looked at me in earnest.

  ‘Cathy, I have an idea,’ he said, his expression lightening. ‘If we’re not allowed to keep Courtney, will you have her? I mean for good. You could adopt her and then we could visit and see her whenever we wanted. You like kids and you’re a good mother. Please say yes.’

  I felt my eyes mist. Tyler was so sincere but naïve in his request, I could have wept.

  ‘It’s not that simple, love,’ I said gently. ‘I will certainly look after Courtney for as long as the social services want me to. But where she will live permanently won’t be my decision. It will be up to the court to decide. Adoptive families are usually younger than me and have two parents.’

  ‘We don’t mind if it’s just you,’ Tyler said. ‘Do we, Jade?’

  Jade shook her head in agreement.

  ‘It’s not my decision, love,’ I said again. ‘I’m the foster carer and the social services will have lots of prospective adoptive families to choose from if Courtney doesn’t stay with you.’

  Painful though it was to talk about the possibility of adoption, as Tyler had raised the subject they deserved an honest response. They both fell quiet again and I dearly wished I could give them some encouragement, but based on what Jill had told me earlier I wasn’t hopeful any more than she had been.

  ‘We need to wait and hear what Rachel has to say,’ I said, which was the best I could offer.

  Tyler stayed for about another hour. He and Jade looked after Courtney and gave her lunch while I made our lunch, for we still had to eat despite the unhappiness that we all felt. Once Courtney had finished her lunch and bottle, Jade and Tyler changed her nappy and then settled her in her cot for a nap while we ate. They were both understandably subdued over lunch, but I managed to persuade Tyler to return to school for the afternoon revision session. After we’d eaten Jade saw him to the front door while I cleared the table.

  When she returned she said: ‘I’m going to have a lie-down, Cathy, I don’t feel so good. Can you wake me when Courtney wakes, so I can look after her like Rachel told me to? I know I need to take more responsibility.’

  My heart went out to her, for I knew that taking responsibility now had come far too late. ‘All right,’ I said quietly. ‘Have a lie-down and I’ll wake you. And Jade, love, you know I’ve always been positive in what I’ve said about you looking after Courtney, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes, I know. Don’t worry. I know I’ve been stupid. It’s not your fault.’

  So why did I feel it was my fault, I wondered?

  Later, when I heard Courtney wake from her nap, I went upstairs and woke Jade. She got out of bed straightaway and changed Courtney; then she brought her downstairs, where she looked after her all afternoon and evening. She was trying so hard to improve her parenting; I just wished she’d done it sooner. Dinner that night was sombre and not enjoyable. Adrian and Paula talked a little but there were big silences in between that were heavy with a sense of loss and foreboding. We all felt it, though no one said.

  When Jade left the table to bath Courtney, Paula asked, ‘What’s wrong with Jade? Is it about the police coming?’

  ‘Sort of,’ I said. While I didn’t want to burden Paula or Adrian with all the details, I did
need to prepare them. ‘Rachel is having to make some very difficult decisions about Jade and Courtney,’ I said to them both. ‘It’s possible that they may be leaving us soon.’

  ‘I don’t want Jade and Courtney to leave,’ Paula said passionately.

  ‘I know. But they were always going to leave us some time, weren’t they? Like all the other children we’ve fostered, who left us for new homes. It’s just that it might be sooner than we expected.’

  ‘I don’t like fostering,’ Paula said, pulling a face.

  ‘Yes you do,’ Adrian said. ‘It’s saying goodbye you don’t like. It’s horrible.’

  And not for the first time I wondered about the impact – positive and negative – fostering had on my family.

  That night Jade stayed up so that she could give Courtney her late-night bottle, and in the morning she woke when Courtney did. She fed and changed her and then kept her amused in her room while I showered and dressed. For the first time in a long while Jade had breakfast with us and then when I returned from taking Paula to school she said quietly to me: ‘Cathy, you will remember to tell Rachel how well I’ve been looking after Courtney, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course, love. I always do,’ I said and my heart clenched. I feared it was far too late for Jade’s model parenting to have any effect on the outcome.

  Rachel was due to arrive at twelve noon, which was the time Courtney usually had her lunch. I thought this was no bad thing, as it would give Rachel a chance to see first hand Jade feeding Courtney, which would I hoped remind her that Jade was doing some things right.

  Before Rachel came I made sure the house was spotless; I vacuumed and dusted into every corner. Jade helped me, which was a first, although I wouldn’t be telling Rachel that. We also tidied Jade’s bedroom, which like many teenagers’ bedrooms was as usual a tip. We then dressed Courtney in her best clothes and brushed the little hair she had. There was a conspiratorial nature to our work, for we had a common aim: to try to show Rachel (and the social services) that Jade could look after her baby and deserved another chance to prove herself.

  Just before Rachel was due to arrive I quickly popped upstairs for a final check and it was just as well I did, for I found that Jade had left Courtney’s last dirty nappy unbagged and on her bed. Had Rachel looked into her room, which she usually did during her visits, she would not have been impressed. I quickly picked it up and stuffed it into a nappy bag, which I knotted and took downstairs.

  ‘You must remember to put Courtney’s nappies in the bin,’ I said curtly to Jade, as I returned from disposing of it outside in the wheelie bin. ‘I’ve shown you what to do many times. It’s unhygienic to leave them lying around and they’ll smell now the warmer weather is here.’

  The poor girl looked as though she was about to burst into tears, so anxious was she. ‘I’m sorry, Cathy,’ she said. ‘How could I have been so stupid?’

  ‘It’s not the end of the world,’ I said with a reassuring smile. ‘I’m on edge too. Just try to remember what I’ve told you for next time.’

  It was something of relief when at 12.10 the doorbell rang. Jade was spoon-feeding Courtney creamy chicken and vegetable baby food.

  ‘You carry on,’ I said. ‘I’ll answer it.’

  Going down the hall I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before I opened the front door. Rachel was dressed smartly in black trousers and a white shirt – too smartly: her outfit seemed to emphasize the formality of her visit rather than the casual dress of a friendly social worker.

  ‘Hello, come in,’ I said with forced lightness. ‘Jade is just giving Courtney her lunch.’

  ‘Hello, Cathy,’ Rachel said a little stiffly. I sensed the distance she was placing between us.

  ‘They’re through here,’ I said, leading the way down the hall and maintaining my bright positive attitude. ‘Can I get you something to drink? It’s a warm day.’

  ‘Just a glass of water, please.’

  Rachel followed me into the annexe to the kitchen, where Jade was sitting at the dining table feeding Courtney. She glanced anxiously at Rachel as she came in.

  ‘Hello, Jade,’ Rachel said. ‘How are you and Courtney today?’ She didn’t go over and make a fuss of Courtney as she usually did.

  ‘We’re doing well, aren’t we, Cathy?’ Jade said, looking to me for support.

  ‘Yes, very well,’ I said.

  I ran the glass of water Rachel wanted and passed it to her.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, taking a sip.

  I noticed she was carrying a smart leather briefcase. Possibly she’d had it with her before but I couldn’t remember seeing it. Now it seemed to emphasize the formal nature of her visit.

  ‘I’ll wait in the sitting room until you’ve finished feeding Courtney,’ Rachel said.

  This wasn’t what I’d planned, not at all. Rachel was supposed to watch Jade feed Courtney and see the love between mother and daughter. Then, making matters worse, Rachel said: ‘Cathy, if Jade’s all right in here alone with Courtney can you come in the sitting room too so we can have a chat?’

  I glanced at Jade, who looked betrayed, for it seemed that by going with Rachel I was conspiring against her, but I could hardly refuse. ‘Come through and join us as soon as you’ve finished, love,’ I said to Jade with a reassuring smile.

  I went with Rachel into the sitting room, where she pushed the door shut. We sat in the armchairs and Rachel tucked her briefcase on the floor beside her feet.

  ‘I understand Jill has explained to you the main reason for my visit today?’ Rachel said, and I nodded. ‘I’ll talk to Jade when she’s finished with Courtney and go through all my concerns then. It’s obviously going to be very upsetting for Jade and I would like you to be present.’

  ‘Of course,’ I said.

  ‘I’ve arranged an emergency professionals meeting for Monday, when a decision on Courtney’s future will be made,’ Rachel continued. ‘Based on the information we have, I think that decision is likely to be that Courtney should be removed from Jade’s care immediately. I have a baby carer on standby ready to take Courtney on Tuesday. Jade will also need to leave this placement on the same day and I shall be talking to Jackie to see if she can return home.’

  I stared at Rachel as I struggled with what she’d said. Rachel looked back, serious and concerned. I knew she was finding this difficult.

  ‘Is there really no alternative?’ I asked after a moment. ‘Jade knows she’s been silly. I’m sure she’s learnt her lesson now. She loves Courtney and she’s trying really hard to be a good mum. Is there no way she can be given another chance?’

  Rachel shook her head sadly. ‘Jade’s already been given many chances to prove herself. Now we have to think of the long-term future of her baby and what’s best for her.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  ‘Please Don’t Take My Baby’

  Five minutes later when Jade had finished feeding Courtney she came into the sitting room with Courtney in her arms. She was already in tears – not loud sobs but the pitiful silent crying reminiscent of the newly bereaved. She sat on the sofa and held Courtney very close, while dabbing at her eyes with the tissue she clenched in one hand. Courtney looked at her mother inquisitively, not understanding her tears, and then touched her face. Rachel, I noticed, had her eyes down and concentrated on the floor, as though she couldn’t bear to look at Jade or Courtney.

  Finally Rachel looked up and across the room to Jade. ‘I know how difficult all this has been for you,’ she began in a low gentle voice. ‘Having a baby is life changing, and for a girl your age the responsibility can be overwhelming. I want you to know that no one is blaming you, Jade, but we’re having to make some important and very difficult decisions in respect of you and Courtney.’ Rachel paused to allow Jade the opportunity to say something but Jade stayed silent, head lowered and fiddling with the pattern on Courtney’s little jumper.

  ‘When I’ve visited you here before,’ Rachel continued, ‘we talked about how you
needed to take full responsibility for Courtney, just as you would if you were living independently. I know you’ve made some changes, which is good, but I’m afraid those are not sufficient to convince me that you could parent Courtney without a lot of support. And I’m afraid support of the type you would need isn’t available long term.’

  I looked at Jade and wondered if she was following what Rachel was saying: that she was leading her, as kindly as possible, down the path towards the inevitable conclusion that she was taking Courtney from her.

  ‘Jade,’ Rachel said in the same kind and patient manner, ‘it’s important you understand the reasons for the decisions that we are having to make in respect of you and Courtney’s future.’

  Jade gave a small nod.

  ‘You remember the issues we discussed in relation to parenting Courtney?’ Rachel asked.

  ‘Yes, and I’m doing what you said,’ Jade blurted, desperation in her voice. ‘Ask Cathy if you don’t believe me. She’ll tell you.’

  ‘I do believe you,’ Rachel said.

  ‘Jade understands what is required,’ I said. ‘She’s making the necessary changes. I am doing less and less in respect of parenting Courtney.’

  Rachel smiled weakly. ‘Good, but there are other issues,’ she said, returning her attention to Jade. ‘Jade, you were late taking Courtney for her second vaccination and she hasn’t had her third at all yet. In order for an infant to be fully protected the vaccines must be given within a set time – otherwise the child can contract diseases and even die.’