Sweet Nothing

by Jamie McGuire

  He gripped my hips and thrust once into my slick entrance until he was completely inside me. I cried out, waiting for him to pull back and rock into me again.

  He didn’t move. Instead, he ran his palm over my backside, pulling back on my hip with his other hand, keeping himself submerged, savoring the moment.

  After a few seconds, he began moving against me, slow and controlled.

  “I love the way we fit together.” He pressed his lips between my shoulder blades as he rocked his hips. “I love how your body moves in sync with mine.” He pulled back again, this time almost out of me entirely before slowly rocking forward. I whimpered, arching my back. He ran the tip of his tongue just under my ear as he rolled his hips a little faster this time. “I love those sexy fucking sounds you make when you’re turned on.” His voice was strained. I wasn’t the only one feeling tortured. His breath hitched and he groaned. He was at his limit.

  “What else?” I panted, rocking at a steady rhythm with him.

  “You, Avery,” he breathed. “I love you … so fucking much.” He pulled out and flipped me onto my back, but before I could protest, he was inside me again, this time cupping my jaw and staring into my eyes while he came. He leaned down, pressing his lips hard against mine, kissing me deeply, as if he didn’t know what else to do while the moment consumed him.

  Once he stopped trembling, he leaned back, a tired grin on his face. He kissed me once more and then began rocking against me, still looking into my eyes. He reached down with one hand and hitched my knee to his hip, and then he tensed, sinking himself deeper inside me. He didn’t pull back, instead moving his hips in small, slow circles, making my sensitive parts beg for more.

  My eyes involuntarily rolled back and I sighed. “You feel so good,” I whispered. At that rate, it would take me a long time to finish, but I could feel something boiling deep inside me, building slowly, something I wasn’t sure I could handle.

  Josh kissed and licked my neck, tasting my mouth, using a free hand to caress my face and hair. I hooked my ankles at the small of his back, allowing him even deeper, and he moaned. “Fuck, I think I’m going to come again.”

  Those words sent me over the edge, and I bucked against him, reaching around to press him deeper inside me, faster, harder. I cried out, and so did he, climaxing at the same time.

  When the moment passed, his eyebrows shot up. “Holy shit,” he said, panting. “That’s definitely a first for me.”

  I covered my face, feeling overwhelmed and emotional. We were just having the best sex of my life, and now I was crying. It was humiliating, yet I couldn’t stop.

  “Avery?”

  I shook my head, feeling hot tears fall down my temples.

  “Baby.” He pulled my hands away. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Please ignore me. I feel so stupid.”

  He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Tell me.”

  “Have you ever been so happy you don’t know whether to laugh or cry?”

  He shook his head. “Have you ever had something so amazing, you were terrified to lose it?”

  I nodded, sniffing. He said exactly what I was feeling, even if I couldn’t explain it myself.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, using his thumb to wipe my tears.

  My mind flashed back to the crash, feeling his hand in mine. “You’ve said that before … after the accident.”

  Josh thought for a moment and then breathed out a small laugh. “See? I meant it.”

  “Even if you didn’t know it at the time.”

  “I meant it then.” He bent down to kiss my lips. “And I mean it now.”

  I smiled. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone promised to stick around. Sometimes you have to let go, whether you want to or not.”

  “Not me.” He gestured toward the frame on my nightstand. “Why don’t you ever talk about them? Why don’t they call?”

  I thought carefully about my answer. Giving away that part of me was a bigger step than key rings or cars. “My dad was driving my mom and me to dinner after high school graduation. We were laughing, making plans. All I remember after that was flashing lights.”

  His eyebrows turned in, and he swallowed. “How bad were you hurt?”

  “Concussion. I was unconscious for twenty or so minutes.” The news bothered him. I touched his face. “What?”

  He shook his head. “The thought of you being hurt and alone in the car with your … your parents.”

  I looked away. “They were ejected. Mom died instantly. Dad went quickly. I didn’t see them until the firefighters cut me out of the car.”

  “I won’t say you were lucky, but …”

  “Good. Don’t. I hate it when people say that.”

  He kissed my forehead. “Okay. Then I’ll say I’m lucky. You survived. Twice. And now you’re here.”

  I bit my lip. “You don’t have to keep saying all of these perfect things. All you have to do is stay.”

  He scanned my face, staring down at me like he wanted to pick up every broken piece anyone had ever left behind. “I’ll do both.”

  “Happy birthday to you,” Deb sang, handing me a cupcake with pink icing.

  I sniffed. “Strawberry shortcake?”

  “You know it.” She winked.

  “Thank you, Deb.”

  I stopped in the center of the hallway, mid-step, closing my eyes tight. “Damn it.”

  “What?” Deb said, frozen.

  “I’m either going to have to wear a pad or start bringing a change of panties.”

  “Was that Josh’s present to you?” Her nose wrinkled. “Maybe you should stop being a cum dumpster.”

  “Actually, it was breakfast in bed, a scarf, and a heart key ring, and four months ago, you were begging me for details!” I said, offended.

  “Four months ago, I wasn’t getting laid. I have my own dirty sexcapades to get me through the day now, thank you very much.”

  I pointed at her. “You and Quinn? Since when?”

  “Since I fucked him that one time.”

  “That one time,” I deadpanned.

  “Do you feel that?” she asked.

  “Feel what?”

  “The jealousy you’re feeling for my amazing and very regular sex life. No, it’s okay. Keep at it. It feels nice.”

  “I’m, um … going to the fourth floor.”

  Deb shot me a look of disgust. “For someone who hates babies, you sure like hanging out in the maternity ward.”

  “I don’t hate them. The newborns are actually kind of calming. I make up stories about what kind of lives they’ll lead and what they’ll do when they grow up.”

  “You’re freakin’ weird,” she said, and then headed for the waiting room.

  I stopped at the elevator and pressed the up button. Dr. Rosenberg was already inside, holding a tall Yeti mug full of coffee. Steam puffed from the spout, and he waved it away with the thin stack of papers in his other hand. He was immediately uncomfortable, and he stepped aside, giving me plenty of room.

  “Doctor,” I said.

  He nodded, pretending to look over the papers in his hands.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  “Yes, of course,” he said, still staring at the papers. He wasn’t reading them; they were upside down.

  “Did I do something to upset you?” I asked. My mind went over every possible scenario. Maybe he was angry I was still seeing Josh, or maybe I had pissed him off during that morning’s code. I couldn’t think of anything.

  “Reid,” I said quietly.

  He looked at me, and the elevator dinged. The doors opened to the maternity ward.

  Dr. Rosenberg stepped out into the hall, stopping at the line of windows. The nursery only had a few newborns, flailing their arms or sleeping.

  “I need to tell you something, but I’m not sure I should,” Dr. Rosenberg said.

  “Is it personal?” I asked.

  “Yes. It’s about Josh.”

  I sig
hed. “Doctor—”

  “He came to my home, Avery. He told me to stay away from you.”

  My head snapped in his direction, but he continued to stare at the babies without expression, as if he’d just told me it may rain.

  “You’re lying.” I didn’t bother to hide the bite in my tone. I’d become fiercely protective when it came to Josh.

  “You can ask my wife. And my daughter. They answered the door.”

  I blinked and then looked through the glass, blank-faced and feeling foolish. So many emotions swirled inside me I couldn’t sift through them. A lump formed in my throat. “I’m so sorry,” I managed to say.

  “I should stay away from you, but because I care about you, I’m going to say this one last time, Avery. Josh has become dangerous. He’s unpredictable, possessive, and emotionally immature. That can be a scary combination if you let this continue. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  I nodded, unable to look him in the eyes. My cheeks flushed. “He’s not like that with me. He—”

  “They never are until they are. You know as well as I do that it’s a process. We see it every day in the ER. You think those women get punched and kicked on their first date? You think their husbands separate them from the people who care about them right off the bat? You know how this works, Avery. You’re smarter than this.

  “What I’m most worried about is that I can’t help you anymore. I have a family to care for, and Josh has made it impossible for me to continue our friendship.” He turned to me, sadness in his eyes. “I wish you the best. I really do. Good luck.”

  I wanted to tell him he was wrong about everything, but what he said made sense. I couldn’t argue when part of me worried his assessment of Josh was true. “Th-thank you,” I said. I watched him walk away like it was nothing. Like he hadn’t just ripped my heart from my chest.

  Avery’s eyes were wide and full of fire as she slammed my apartment door behind her and slapped her key onto the countertop while I worked to prepare her the meatloaf she’d requested for her birthday, using Quinn’s mom’s recipe.

  I glanced over at the cake I’d made and used a clean dish towel to cover the sloppy icing. It wasn’t great, but stores didn’t sell strawberry shortcake birthday cakes, so I’d had to do some research online.

  “Bad day, baby?” I asked, tossing my oven mitt on the counter. I leaned against the peeling Formica, folding my arms over my chest.

  “Depends. Do you consider being humiliated a good thing, Josh?”

  I fidgeted to stall, trying to decide how to answer. Her question sounded dangerously close to a trap. “Um … no?”

  “I guess you didn’t think that over when you went to Doc Rose’s house.”

  “Fuck.” I rubbed my palm along my taut jaw … I’m going to beat that prick’s ass.

  “We’re lying to each other now?”

  “I didn’t lie.”

  “You deliberately kept the truth from me. Omission is lying.”

  “I definitely didn’t want you to find out today.” I wiped my hand on a dish towel and reached for her. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. I dropped off his book and we had a little chat. That’s it. I didn’t realize that the man was such a pussy he’d run and tell you. Especially not on your fucking birthday.”

  She folded her arms over her chest, and I braced for the inevitable fight, but nothing happened. She just stared at me with disappointment in her eyes.

  “Look …” I pushed from the counter and stepped in front of her. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll talk to him.”

  “You’ve already talked to him. You mean you’ll apologize.”

  I clenched my jaw, biting back the comments that came to mind. “No.”

  “No?” She glared at me, yanking her hands from mine.

  “I won’t apologize for fighting for what we have.”

  “If you already have it, you don’t have to fight for it!” she seethed. “We’ve already talked about this, Josh. Jesus!”

  I wasn’t going to back down for something so ridiculous. I had been protecting what we had by making sure Doc Rose knew I wouldn’t allow him to destroy it. She stomped into the living and I followed.

  “Avery, I’m sorry if you were embarrassed. You’re right. I should have told you. But he crossed a line. I probably did him a favor. If he keeps it up, he’s going to lose his family.”

  She turned, her eyes glassed over and the corners of her lips tugged down. She sniffed. “Damn you. I defended you, and he was right.”

  “What?”

  “We’re not kids anymore, Josh. You can’t threaten to beat someone up for eyeing your toy.”

  His face twisted in disgust. “You’re not a fucking toy, Avery. I’ve never treated you like that. And he wasn’t just eyeing you, not that it makes any of his bullshit okay. He has a family. You didn’t see him smirking at me every time he was around you. He thought it was a game. You’re not a game to me. You’re my family. He may take his for granted, but I sure as fuck don’t.”

  Avery’s bottom lip quivered. “I don’t need this.”

  “You don’t need me.” I said the words without emotion, trying to stay calm, but anger surged through me. “What the fuck, Avery? You know what? That’s fine. I need you enough for the both of us.”

  “That’s the problem,” she blurted. “You’re being irrational. You don’t think things through. This is still new, you and me, and it’s happening really fast. We need to step back for a second.”

  Slipping the penny over her head, she gritted her teeth and then shoved it at me.

  I felt broken, like the moment had come when I’d finally lose everything. “For my thoughts?”

  “No. I don’t even want to know what you were thinking.” She set the necklace down on the coffee table.

  I stared at the necklace like she’d put a poisonous snake on my table. “Avery,” I said, swallowing down the sudden panic. “You can’t … you can’t just tell me you love me and then bail at the first sign of trouble.”

  She hesitated, mulling over what I’d said. I relaxed a tiny bit before she shook her head. “You wanted a girl like me, didn’t you?” she said, wiping her cheek with her wrist. “Sensible, selective, and worthy? This is what girls like me do, Josh. We pay attention to the red flags, and you are a giant fucking red flag.” She turned on her heels, slamming the door behind her.

  “Fuck,” I growled. I pushed up on the edge of the coffee table, flipping it onto its side before collapsing back onto the couch and burying my face in my hands.

  I’d never let anyone in like I had Avery, and now I’d let her down. I knew going to Doc Rose’s had been a dick move, and that was exactly why I hadn’t told her what I’d done. But that didn’t make it okay for her to just walk out on me. That wasn’t what love was about. At least, that’s what I thought.

  I picked up the table and her necklace. I decided to try to distract myself with housework, but I kept running across things that reminded me of Avery. One of my pillows smelled like her shampoo, her razor was in the shower, her toothbrush in the holder, even the dish soap, which I changed because she preferred the green kind over the blue. I scrubbed harder and moved faster, but nothing worked. I kept thinking about the hurt in her eyes before she walked out, and guilt consumed me.

  My apartment was cleaner than it had ever been, but it had never felt lonelier. Dax was sniffing at my feet, sensing something was wrong. I dug my phone from my pocket as I pushed to my feet and began pacing the floor, careful not to trip over Dax, who was anxious to get my attention. I hovered my finger over the screen, trying to decide who to call. If I called Avery and she didn’t answer, I knew I just may lose my fucking mind.

  I dialed Quinn’s number instead. Being alone with my thoughts was never a good idea.

  He answered after three rings.

  “I fucked up, man.” I ran my hand over my messy hair and continued to pace.

  He groaned, and I could tell I’d woken him. “What did ya do now
, dumb fuck?” he asked during a drawn-out yawn.

  “She left me. Avery fucking left me.”

  “What?” he yelled. I could hear a female’s voice grumbling in the background.

  “That Deb?”

  After a scuffle, Deb’s voice was crystal clear on the other end of the line. “It better be Deb or your friend here would be two apples short of a picnic if you smell what I’m stepping in.”

  I closed my eyes, keeping my voice low and even. “Please put Quinn back on the phone.”

  With an exasperated sigh, there was some muffled noise before Quinn was back on the line.

  “I went to the doc’s house, Quinn.”

  Quinn chuckled. “You did what? Because if I heard you right, that was idiotic, brother, even for you.”

  “I know,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck, pacing while I spoke. “But he’s married. His fucking wife answered the door.”

  “Whoa, Josh. You need to think about this. Doc Rose’s family is none of your business. I love you, man, but you crossed the line.”

  “He crossed the fucking line!” I snapped.

  “Josh,” Quinn said, keeping his voice calm. “You have to trust Avery to handle it. You can’t control everything.”

  “I know,” I said. My lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen, and I sat, struggling to breathe as Dax pawed at my leg.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Quinn promised. “She’s mad now, but she’ll forgive you. Deb is nodding her head. She agrees with me. She loves you.”

  “Yeah?” I said. I covered my face, unsure whether he was placating me or being sincere.

  “Yeah, man. Get some rest. It’ll be better tomorrow.”

  We hung up, and I trudged to the bedroom, falling onto the mattress fully dressed. The coils squeaked, and I groaned. Something else to remind me of Avery: her sighs when we were naked about where I was lying now. I stared at the ceiling, praying to fall asleep, and then glanced through the doorway at the hutch in the living room. I promised myself never to drink for any other purpose than entertainment, but getting just drunk enough to sleep was very fucking tempting.