Friggin Zombies

by N. C. Reed

  “Harold, don't shoot us,” I said calmly and he turned to face me. He was all business until he saw me and relaxed a bit.

  “Drake?” Harold Falter's eyes shot up. “What the hell, man?”

  “Methie,” I pointed to the dead guy, “tried to rob this place a few minutes ago. We tried to call 911 but we couldn't get a signal. He had a gun,” I pointed to the revolver lying on the floor next to Methie. “I was gonna to try and get the drop on him because we couldn't get through to you guys, but the damn door bell rang and he turned the gun on me. Better than the kids,” I shrugged. Harold holstered his gun and keyed his radio.

  “Go ahead and send the wagon,” he ordered. “Scene secure.” In seconds an ambulance rolled into the lot.

  “I really don't think they can help him,” I told Harold. He snorted at my statement of obviousness.

  “For the girl,” he nodded to Heather. “You and Connie?” he asked, and I nodded.

  “Just wanted a pizza before the zombies hit, you know?” I said helplessly. “Fuckin' meth-head.”

  “It's all right, Drake,” Harold told me, sitting down beside me. “Never had to do this before I take it?”

  “No reason to,” I nodded. I have to admit that I was taking this pretty well. I'd never really thought of myself as a killer, you know? But I was now.

  “This won't mean much right now,” Harold said gently, “but you did a good thing, bro. Don't sweat it.”

  “I suppose you'll wanna take me to jail?” I asked and I might have tensed just a bit. I was not going to spend the start of the zombie apocalypse in jail. Not even for Harold. I looked up as two more officers came inside, one with his gun still out.

  “Normally, yeah,” Harold admitted. “Tonight is anything but normal, though. The world's coming to an end, you know?” he grinned slightly and I couldn't help but snort as I nodded.

  “Look, I'm supposed to take your gun and log it as evidence, but. . .I think you'll need it before long.” He paused and looked at the other two cops. Both of whom shrugged as if to say 'whatever you think'.

  “Let one of these guys get your statement, and Connie's, and then you guys get outta here,” Harold said suddenly. “This whole night has been crazy and it's just getting worse. We've got too much going to hold someone like you. Besides I know where to find you,” he grinned. Harold Falter had drank many a beer on my couch watching college football.

  “Yeah, you know where to find me,” I agreed. Harold slapped me on the shoulder and then got to his feet. One of his men came and sat down beside me with a clipboard as the EMTs moved in. They spared a glance for Methie and then went to check on Heather. I heard Connie telling them what she had observed, then Harold was talking to her.

  “Name?” the officer who sat down beside me asked.

  “I don't know his name,” I admitted. “Never seen him before.”

  “I meant your name, sir,” he said gently and I felt stupid. Of course he meant my name.

  “Sorry,” I told him and he waved it off as unimportant.

  “Shelton Drake,” I told him. “Everyone just calls me Drake.” I spent probably the next twenty minutes going over what had happened with Officer. . .you know, I don't know his name. I didn't think to ask and he didn't offer and I don't know who he was. Ain't that a hell of a thing? You'd think I'd remember the guy who talked to me about blowing someone's head off, wouldn't you?

  Anyway, after twenty or so minutes of that he finally stood up. Officer I Don't Know looked down at me and smiled just a little.

  “Between you and me,” he said softly, “you did the town a favor. This guy is. . .was, bad news. A predator, if you know what I mean. If what Heather said was accurate, he would probably have hurt her if not killed her outright. Rick too. I know that might not help much now, but remember it. You're free to go Mister Drake. Just don't leave town.”

  I looked up at him. Did he really just say that? Then I saw him smile and chuckled a little. This guy wasn't very old but seemed to know just how to help someone move along.

  “I've always wanted to say that,” he confided with a wink. “Go home, sir. Be safe.” With that he was gone, out the door and to another call I'd guess. I hope he made it. He was a good guy. Harold was the last to leave, waiting as the M.E. van pulled in to retrieve Methie. I never did ask what his name was. Don't really care to be honest. Fuckin' meth-head.

  “Drake, time for you to go home bro,” Harold told me. “It's all right, man. If the world doesn't end we'll probably have to have a Coroner's Inquest, but. . .I wouldn't hold my breath,” he admitted.

  “That bad?” I asked. He looked around as if to see if anyone was listening then turned back to me, his face hard.

  “Lying bastards waited until whatever this thing is was in the States before saying anything. I don't know if it will get out or not but. . .the news we're getting is bad. All of it. That's why nobody gives a shit about a dead meth-head. One less zombie to kill later.”

  “Zombie,” I repeated the word.

  “No one's callin 'em that,” Harold admitted. “But I've seen the videos. Some of them anyway. New York, Boston, Baltimore and D.C. all have reported cases. There's unconfirmed reports out of Atlanta, Jacksonville and Miami. All east coast International Airports. All flight from Europe. If they had just shut down the incoming we might have been all right.” He stopped suddenly shaking his head angrily.

  “Anyway, the last report I saw, about an hour-and-a-half ago, said the situation in New York was and I quote, 'grave'. 'Serious' was the word for the others. Apparently containment is lost. So you watch yourself.”

  “Harold, if things get too bad what are you going to do?” I asked him suddenly. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “I ain't got that far,” he admitted finally. “I need to hang in as long as I can I guess. I took an oath. Can't very well just run out on that, can I?” he grinned sourly.

  “Harold, if you need anything, or a place to go when the shit gets deep, remember you know where I am,” I told him. This man was my friend and had just done me a great big fat favor. No way was I going to leave him hanging.

  “I appreciate that D. I really do. And I'll remember. Now get your fine ass woman and get the hell out of here while you still can. Be safe.” I shook his hand and waved for Connie to join me. She hugged Heather the Pizza girl and met me at the door.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, worry in her eyes. Her concern made my heart flutter a bit. I nodded, taking her hand. She squeezed my hand and we headed for Baby. I helped her inside the driver's door and then crawled in behind her. It was all my legs would do to get me in the cab.

  “Let's go home, Drake,” Connie said gently. She had moved over only enough to let me get inside and sat beside me all the way to the house. I didn't speak. I really didn't have anything to say to be honest. There was only one thing that was bothering me at the moment.

  That it hadn't bothered me to kill Methie. I mean, on the face of it, why should it, right? Nominally he was a human being, but he was also a piece of shit. A predator Officer I Don't Know had called him. Son-of-a-bitch was probably going for a two-fer in robbing the place and hurting Heather The Pizza Girl (I need to stop calling her that don't I?). And he would have shot me just for walking inside.

  World was better off without him, right? Like Harold had said, one less Zombie to kill when the time came, right?

  “Drake are you all right?” Connie's soft questions cut into that train of thought.

  “I'm fine,” I told her, meaning it. “I wish it hadn't happened,” I admitted, glancing at her with a half-ass smile. “Kinda ruined our evening. Sorry.”

  “Shut up,” she said gently and kissed me lightly. “That was a brave thing you did back there. He would have hurt Heather if not killed her. Her and Rick both. You saved them, Drake.”

  “Yeah, big hero,” I snorted. “All I did was shoot a thug. In front of a teen-age girl who'll probably need years of therapy. Assuming she doesn't get eaten b
y zombies of course,” I just had to add.

  “Drake I'm not listening to that shit,” she said more forcefully. “Harold told me that guy was well known to them and he's attacked more than one young woman. He's always been able to intimidate them into not pressing charges so he's gotten away with it until tonight.”

  “Most men would have driven away and then maybe, maybe gone to City Hall and reported it then gone home to eat pizza. Do you remember what you said when you started to get out of the truck?” she asked. I looked at here for a second, probably with a dumb look on my face. Hell all I could remember was her kissing me. That I would remember as long as I lived.

  “You said, and I quote, 'I can't let him kill that kid'. Exact words. You never thought about your own safety. That I'm not too thrilled over to be honest,” she frowned. “But you walked right in there because of those two teenagers. I'm pretty sure Heather has a little hero crush on you already,” she teased gently and I snorted again.

  “I'm taken,” I said without thinking and she leaned against me.

  “You damn sure are,” she whispered into my ear, her voice husky. My spine tingled at that along with a few other things as well.

  My head was still spinning when I pulled into the yard and closed the gate behind me. Ram was barking his little head off in the garage, happy to see his mommy. We carried the now cold pizza into the house and I took a quick shower while Connie played with Ram and cleaned up after him. I came into the kitchen still drying my hair. Connie had the pizza heating in the oven and went to shower and change, telling me to watch the pizza.

  I sat down at the table and did just that. While I sat there I played the events over one more time and realized there really wasn't anything I could have done different. As I thought back to my conversation with Harold I remembered what he'd said about some cases already being in the States. I got up and went to get my laptop, setting it on the kitchen table. Soon I was perusing news sites looking for new information.

  There was a lot of newly posted stories but so far the media was downplaying the cases of the 'virus' already present in the States. True, they reported the 'incidents', but made no effort to challenge the official story. They took it at face value and passed it on to Joe Six-pack without even trying to investigate.

  “What are you looking at?” Connie asked as she came back into the kitchen. She smelled like roses and looked even better. I just showed her the screen as I flipped through the pages from the large cities news stations.

  “Harold told me things were pretty bad already,” I informed her as she took the pizza from the oven. “Says that the Feds sat on things until the virus was already loose. He doesn't know if they can contain it now. There are reports of outbreaks in New York, D.C., Baltimore, Boston, Atlanta, Jacksonville and Miami. He noted they were all eastern International Airports. All with flights direct from Europe.”

  “So it's already here,” she said stoically and I nodded.

  “'Fraid so.” I shut the laptop and sat there. Connie was back and forth for a few moments and then suddenly she was standing right in front of me.

  “All right, mister,” she said sternly. “You owe me a movie.” She held out her hand and I couldn't help but laugh a little. I let her pull me out of my chair and lead me to the den where she already had a movie playing. We ate a little pizza while we watched Iron Man kill terrorists, then ate some more while we watched Paul Bettany kill vampires. By the time that one was over Connie was almost in my lap, kissing gently on my ear. I don't recall if Bettany killed the last vamp or not if you know what I mean.

  Before I realized what was happening we were in Connie's room, kissing pretty hotly. As things progressed I realized that I was about to see my dream girl completely naked and ready for some serious contact sports if you get my meaning.

  “Wait,” I heard someone say and was shocked, shocked I tell you, to realize it was me. (I can say now that I had lost my fucking mind. There's no other explanation.) It dawned on me that she might be doing this because of what had happened. Because she thought it would distract me from killing Methie. (Connie Kane naked in my bed, hell in any bed, would distract me from a dinosaur attack. Just thought I'd throw that in there). I was afraid she was doing this just to comfort me. The thought was priceless, but. . .it would be dishonest to take advantage of her like that. As bad as I wanted what she was obviously offering I just couldn't take advantage. And I really wanted to take advantage I'm telling you right now. I've never had a lot of willpower and it was strained to the breaking point along with some other things.

  “What?” she asked a little breathlessly.

  “Connie, you know I want. . .I mean but not because -” she cut me off with another kiss, this one so deep that I think she examined my tonsils while she was at it.

  “It's not,” she whispered huskily. “Got nothing to do with it. Now stop talking.”

  I stopped talking.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  I woke up the next morning to a sun brightened room and realized that I had slept later than I had in. . .well, I don't know how long. There was an entirely pleasant pressure on my chest and I had a face full of wonderful smelling black hair.

  Holy shit, Connie was laying on top of me naked as the day she was born. The events of the night before came back to me then and I know, I just know, that a stupid smile made its way across my face. I had made it with my dream girl.

  I will admit to you that my very first thought after that was that I needed to find a preacher and marry her. I'm sure that sounds corny and I don't really care. All I could think of at that moment was that I wanted this to last forever. I wanted her as a part of my life for the rest of my life, however long that might be.

  The second thought was that I wanted that to be a very long time, which meant I had to make sure that we stayed safe. I knew at that moment that I would give my life to keep her safe.

  My next thought was that I had to pee so bad my bladder was about to burst.

  Ruined the moment, didn't I? Sorry about that, but it was true. I hated the thought of disturbing her she looked so peaceful and beautiful lying there, but I really, really had to pee. I very carefully eased out from beneath her and then out of the room to my own bathroom, gently closing her door behind me. I made my way into my own bath and relieved that pressure, then took a shower. Once dressed I made my way to the kitchen and started some coffee, put some biscuits in the oven and some sausage patties in a skillet. That done I got my laptop and turned on the television to see what shape the world was in this fine and wonderful Sunday morning.

  I can't really say I was surprised to see fires burning out of control in most of the major cities. Looting was widespread in the cities that Harold had mentioned as having lost 'containment' the night before and believe it or not there were protesters out in force in many of those same cities. I have no idea what exactly they were protesting and didn't bother to check to be honest. Idiots. All they were doing was making it easier for the virus to be spread.

  The smell of my breakfast cooking pulled me away from the tube as I made my way back to the kitchen. I used my tablet to scroll through various news pages looking for anything I didn't already know. There wasn't much other than reports of 'disturbances' in some new areas. None near us at the moment, at least not any zombie or virus related disturbances. The city itself was having its share of problems with looting and such but that wasn't zombies. Well, not those zombies anyway.

  I probably should have mentioned that I live in a suburb of a much larger city. Well, that's not entirely accurate. I live just across a county line from a major metropolitan area. Just twenty minutes from me was a city of over a million people. My little suburb community had about twenty thousand total I'd guess. I hadn't even considered the impact that the metro area was having on our own little slice of heaven last night but it was entirely probable that Harold and his partners were having so much action because of some metro incursions.

  That made me think of Harold and I
hoped he was okay. If the phones were working later I'd try to call him maybe.

  I heard water running and figured Connie was in the shower. I admit I had to smile again at the thought of her. I'm sure that most of you are snorting at me about that but that's fine. It just means that you've never had a dream come true and I feel sorry for you. No, seriously. I hope you get at least one dream that comes true. It's magnificent.

  As everything else finished up I scrambled some eggs and had breakfast on the table as my lovely doctor came into the kitchen wearing a tee shirt and pair of boy shorts. Oh man, I do love those boy shorts.

  I had a moment's trepidation as she walked in, wondering if last night was going to make this morning awkward or uncomfortable. I hoped not because I really didn't know how I'd handle that to be honest. I was sure that my heart would break in two if she told me that she regretted. . . .

  She walked straight to me and kissed me. I mean like she meant it, know what I mean? And I kissed her back, too. When we broke apart she smiled the sexiest damn smile I have ever seen.

  “Morning cowboy,” she breathed. God she smelled wonderful.

  “Morning ma'am,” I smiled back. “How are you this morning?” Damn it, that wasn't what I meant to ask. I might as well have asked her 'how was it?'.

  “I'm wonderful,” she literally purred and I felt a stirring somewhere south of the Mason Dixon line but fought it down. “How 'bout you?” she asked me, leaning into me and resting her head on my shoulder. I was in heaven. Might not be dead yet but was definitely in my version of heaven.

  “I slept like a baby,” I admitted. “I have made you breakfast, my lady,” I added and pulled a seat out for her. She sat down, laughing lightly. I was so grateful for the fact that things not only weren't awkward but were, in fact, just dandy.