Weakness

by Shelley Michaels

  ‘Yeah, now shut the fuck up!’ He speaks in between gritting his teeth. ‘Five minutes!’ He yells to whoever it is on the other end of the phone before throwing it in the door of the car.

  ‘Stop. The. Fucking. Car!’ I growl, aiming for aggression, even though I am trying with all my might not to cry.

  I don’t expect, so, therefore, don’t see the back of his hand as it strikes me across the side of my face. A sound similar to a screech emerges from my lips as my head is flung sideways against the window. One hand reaches up to touch the stinging skin on my cheek and the other to feel the lump that is growing on the side of my head.

  ‘I said, shut the fuck up,’ he reminds me, as he puts his foot down on the accelerator to get wherever it is we are going quicker. ‘Your boyfriend should have paid the price, bitch because now it will be you that pays.’

  Oh, fuck! He is one of the people who is blackmailing Ben. I feel my body begin to shake. It wasn’t a hoax at all. They were just biding their time. ‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ I inform him, shakily, ‘I work for him, that’s all. He won’t pay anything for an employee,’ I try to remain calm, despite the incessant thumping in the side of my chest and the chattering of my teeth with the shock of what is happening.

  His whiskey coloured eyes look black as he hisses towards me, ‘you’ve been fucking him, we’ve seen you leave his pad early in the morning, so don’t lie to me, you whore!’ He screams over to me, and I flinch, waiting for another strike. ‘Wasn’t going to put out for me tonight though, were you? What’s the matter, not enough money in the bank for the English rose?’ He snarls. ‘Opportunist slut! Maybe I’ll just take what I want anyway,’ he grinned at this, and I almost throw up at the thought.

  Never in my entire life had I ever been spoken to in such a condescending and insulting manner. I couldn’t find any words in my vocabulary that would resolve the situation, but I knew when we reached our intended destination, it wasn’t going to go well for me. I was trying to think of a way out, other than throwing myself out of a moving car. We were on a residential street, but it was three a.m., and no one was around if I started to scream from the vehicle.

  The way I saw it there was no other way, there would be at least two of them when we got wherever we were going, potentially more. They would outnumber me with just the two of them, and there was no way I would be capable of fighting them off.

  I try to move slowly, so as not to alert him to my intention as I drop a hand down ready to unclasp my seat belt and the other set to open the car door. I waited until Tony, or whatever his real name was, to slow as he turned into the next road and as quickly as I could I pushed the button to release my safety belt at the same time as I opened the door and fell out.

  I hear his surprise and then his curse, followed by a screech of brakes as I hit concrete on the whole right-hand side of my body. I feel the pain jolt through my body and make a sound similar to ‘oomph,’ emit from my mouth as all the air knocks out of my lungs, as my hands move up to protect my face automatically.

  When I stop rolling, and before he has a chance to get out of the car and recapture me, I jump up and begin to run as fast as I can in my ridiculously high silver strappy sandals, ignoring the pain in my hip, to a nearby house. I bang like a lunatic on the door, looking behind me to check on how near he is, as I scream for dear life for help.

  I see him, his jaw tight, his eyes wide, as he glances from side to side to check for witnesses. He steps forward, and I scream again for him to leave me alone. Finally, a light comes on from inside the house I’m standing outside, and he halts, makes an on the spot decision and turns back to the car that is still idling in the middle of the road.

  When a man opens the door with a baseball bat in his hands, I almost fall into his arms. He looks about sixty years old but appears as if he knows what to do with the baseball bat as he steps outside, still holding onto me with one arm and tries to get a lock on the vehicle that is now screeching down the road. Tony had switched the lights off on the car to prevent anyone from reading his number plate.

  ‘Come on, darlin’, let’s get you safe,’ the man murmurs to me, turning back to the house. I glance up, still sobbing, as a woman of approximately the same age as the man takes me from his hold, and together they walk me into their home.

  ********

  By the time Cam and Ben arrive, with half of Denver’s police officers in tow, I have somehow managed to pull myself together. The lovely couple, which I now knew was called Gem and Henry, had wrapped a warm blanket around me and I have a steaming cup of hot chocolate in my shaky hands. I had already given a statement to two officers that arrived shortly after Henry had dialled nine-one-one, but now there seemed to be an abundance of officers everywhere.

  I don’t look directly at either of them, but I feel the tension in the room at their arrival. The left side of my face feels bruised from the smack it received, and I know, without looking, the right-hand side of my body is also injured, and possibly grazed from the concrete of the road. I hear Ben and Cam speaking to Gem and Henry before the remaining officers move outside. I feel someone drop in front of me and lift my eyes to see a pair of usually very blue eyes that have somehow turned grey and stormy.

  ‘How are you doing, Queenie?’ Ben’s voice is soft and gentle. I don’t know why he is reasonable all of a sudden, I only know I don’t need him being reasonable to me right now, I am hanging on, emotionally, by a thread.

  I nod, in response, not trusting my voice to crack if I try to speak.

  ‘I’m going to take you to the hospital to get checked over, Sasha, is that okay?’ He asks.

  I have moved all my limbs and know nothing is fractured, the last thing I want to do is sit in an emergency room all night. ‘I don’t need the hospital, I need a shower and bed,’ I was right, my voice is wobbly with emotion.

  ‘You need to get checked out, baby,’ he murmurs. I can’t cope with Ben calling me baby, not now, or ever. I need to get away from here, I can’t think straight with him near me.

  ‘No,’ I look up and past him to Cam, who is looking just as pissed as Ben, but from afar. ‘Cam, I want to go home,’ I whisper. His eyes warm and he nods, pushing off of the wall and coming over to me.

  ‘Come on, sweetheart,’ he helps me up, but Ben stops him from moving me towards the door with a hand on his arm.

  ‘She needs to get checked out, Cam,’ Ben tells him, his voice menacing. What’s this, are they seriously fighting right now? I stop and look at both of their angry faces, oh yeah, they are hostile. ‘I can take care of her from here,’ Ben tells my brother-in-law.

  ‘You, fucking dumped her man, left her to your blackmailer without so much as one-man protection. I think I can safely say, I have it from here, Ben!’ It seems Cam is ultra-pissed.

  ‘You know why I did that Cam, in fact, it was you that suggested I leave her the fuck alone and there was zero evidence that the threat was real, we all agreed it wasn’t real!’ He argued. I don’t think to question why Cam told him to leave me alone, and right now I couldn’t care less. I just want to go home. ‘But, you don’t have to worry,’ Ben continues, with an edge to his voice, ‘she will have around the clock protection from here on in, starting right now. She’s staying with me, and I’m taking care of her, she’s mine, brother,’ his voice is icy but resolute.

  ‘Stop!’ I snap, ‘I just need to get home and have a shower and climb into bed, can we not do this now and here!’ I beg, on a sob.

  I watch as both men stand down, their gazes showing their regret as they look to each other and both nod.

  ‘I’m sorry, Queenie,’ Ben trails his fingers softly down my bruised cheek. I look up to see the devastation in his eyes, ‘go home with Cam, I’ll come by tomorrow, we’ll talk then,’ he promises.

  I nod, not because tomorrow we will talk, but because right now I just want to get home and shower off the trauma of the night and will say yes to anything just to get out of here. I lower my eyes from his gaze an
d feel Cam, as he wraps a protective arm around me and walks me outside to his car and drives us home to a devastated Lydia.

  ********

  Chapter Thirteen

  I wake to hushed voices. My eyes find the bedside clock to see it’s almost midday. My body is sore and achy, as is my face. I run through the previous night’s drama and feel emotion stick in my throat. I was stupid, stupid, stupid. I climb out of bed, ignoring the pain of my bruises and walk to the small mirror on the chest of drawers. Fuck, I look awful, a purple bruise is on my left cheek where the arsehole whacked me, and I lift my tank to evaluate the damage that jumping out of the car did to the right-hand side of my body, in the small reflection.

  Sitting back on the side of the bed, I allow the tears to fall. I thought I had cried myself out last night, apparently not. I wipe at my face with a tissue and blow my nose before standing up and pulling on my robe. I yank my hair up to a high ponytail to get it out of my way and taking a deep breath, I open my bedroom door and step out into the living area.

  The first thing I see is Ben, standing by the window, looking out at the view, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He turns to my approach and his jaw hardens, the bruise. His eyes move over my face, and I watch them soften, I immediately avert my eyes from his, knowing the tears will come again if I allow him to give me an ounce of compassion.

  ‘Hey, Waspy,’ my sister stands up from the sofa and walks towards me, her expression anxious. I know this is the last thing she needs. She looks pale and tired.

  ‘Hey, sweetie,’ I hug her softly. ‘I’m okay,’ I whisper in her ear. She had been inconsolable last night when Cam and I had arrived home. She had helped me, for a change, to shower and get into my night things, swearing that Cam would personally hunt them down and make them pay. I had repeated over and over again how it was my fault, and I should never have gotten into his car, but she had blamed Ben. Cam had also blamed Ben, funnily enough, I was the only one that didn’t. I even doubted the threat was real and had told him myself to take off my security detail.

  ‘Where’s Cam?’ I ask. My brother-in-law had been brilliant last night, taking care of me in a way that I felt safe and I could see a glimpse of how he was at work.

  ‘He’s gone to the station to see what’s happening on tracking down the fuckwads,’ she updates me, irritably.

  I nod, ‘the kidney-winks, okay?’ I ask, ‘Cam take them to school?’

  ‘Yeah, they’re fine,’ she rolls her eyes behind her in the direction of Ben. ‘Ben would like a word,’ she murmurs, robotically. I can see she is still angry with Ben.

  ‘Okay, can you give us a minute?’ I ask, squeezing her hand in thanks.

  ‘Of course,’ she cups my jaw, ‘love you,’ she calls, softly.

  ‘Love you too,’ I force out a small smile.

  It isn’t until Liddy has left the room that I allow my eyes to move up to Ben’s. He is watching me, his eyes alert to my every move.

  ‘I’m okay,’ I tell him, in the same comforting way I just told Lydia.

  He steps forward until he is in my personal space, ‘you are not okay,’ he murmurs, softly. His glorious blue gaze moves over my face. ‘I’m so sorry, Sasha,’ I can both see and hear the sincerity of his words, in the desolation of his face.

  ‘It’s not your fault, Ben,’ I glance up and watch as he closes his eyes for a second or two in what is probably a relief. It’s as if he has been waiting for me to forgive him after beating himself up about it all. ‘Is your mum okay?’ I ask I had laid worrying about her last night, reflecting that if they had gone through on their promise of abducting me, then they may also try to hurt her.

  ‘She’s fine,’ he nods, gratefully. ‘I had kept security on her, I should have kept it on you,’ he announces, regretfully.

  ‘I told you to take it off, I didn’t believe it was real either,’ I admit. ‘You don’t have anything to feel guilty. It’s fine. I attach no blame to you, for all of this,’ and I don’t.

  ‘You think that’s what this is?’ He asks, his face showing irritation at my assumption.

  ‘Look, it doesn’t matter, none of it matters. We now know that the threat is real, I’ll be more careful,’ I declare, staring him down.

  He shakes his head, ever so slightly, ‘what I need for you to do, Queenie, is not fight me on this and let me take care of you. I am struggling to cope with the thought of something happening to you because of me, and the only way I can ensure it never happens again, is to keep you with me,’ his voice sounds almost desperate, ‘so I am keeping you with me.’

  ‘I am not your responsibility, Ben,’ I remind him, stiffly. ‘Cam will take care of us all.’

  ‘You are mine, Sasha, therefore you are my responsibility,’ he announces, calmly, as if the past week hasn’t happened.

  ‘I know I’ve had a bang on the head, Ben, and correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we finish this thing between us? Or, rather, you did?’ I mutter in disbelief.

  ‘We are not done!’ He scowls. ‘I came around last night to resolve it, but you ran out the door before I had a chance. I made a mistake. I miss you, and I have to tell you, baby, I’m not used to that feeling,’ he confesses, with a scoff.

  My heart skips a beat at his words and hope builds inside me, but I know this can never be more than it ever was. This is me. I don’t do permanent for a reason. ‘I’m not looking for a relationship, Ben, I never was. This thing that was between us was sex, pure and simple. You had your fill, and it's finished, you were right to end things when you did,’ I shrug. ‘You are not culpable for last night, I behaved recklessly, and this will serve as a lesson for me in the future in keeping a clear head when I’m out alone, late at night. I should never have agreed to let that arsehole drop me home, I know better.’

  ‘It wasn’t just sex,’ he steps one-foot closer, and his eyes blaze down as he appraises me. ‘I can get sex anywhere, as I’m sure, can you. Me and you, are different,’ he insisted, ‘I ended it because Cam was getting worried about how it was going to affect his family. I respect Cam and thought I was doing it for the best, but there's no fucking way I’m going to give up the best thing that ever happened to me through loyalty to a brother.’

  ‘Ben,’ I warn.

  ‘No, you’re not going to give up on this,’ he interrupts.

  ‘Like you did, you mean,’ I laugh, ironically.

  ‘I just explained to you why I did that. It certainly wasn’t because I’d had my fill of you. I don’t think I could ever have my fill of you,’ Ben's finger and thumb, on the one hand, tip my chin up so that I am looking into his soul through his eyes. The attraction that was evident since our first meeting hummed between us and I knew I had to stop this before I started to believe in a different ending.

  ‘I hate to be the one that brings this up, but I live in London. I will be returning to London as soon as Liddy is back on her feet.’ I try to move my gaze from his, but I can’t when I see a flicker of something in his clear glance.

  ‘Would you have fucked him?’ His voice drops to barely a whisper and irritation curls in my gut.

  ‘No, I fucking-well wouldn’t have fucked him,’ I snap. ‘Jesus, what do you take me for?’ I scoff. ‘I was trying to get home, I had been speaking to him in Rendezvous, and told him I wasn’t interested, why the fuck am I justifying myself?’ I turn to walk away from him, but his arm snakes around my waist and pulls me gently towards him.

  ‘Okay, okay,’ he mutters, then as something occurs to him, he frowns. ‘Fuck, what the hell were you doing in Rendezvous?’

  ‘What?’ I frown.

  ‘The place is like a meat-market!’ He almost growls.

  ‘I liked it,’ I challenged, ‘and we all had a great time.’

  ‘You had a great time?’ He repeats, sarcastically, ‘besides meeting a fucking psycho you mean?’ Yeah, he had a point there.

  ‘Well of course, besides that!’ I scowl up at him, but he tips his forehead to mine and closes his eyes.

&nb
sp; ‘I thought I’d lose my shit when I heard they'd abducted you,’ he confessed. I feel a humming of pure delight at this news. I don’t know why, because I wasn’t going to sleep with him again. ‘I wanted to kill someone with my bare hands.’

  ‘I’m not having sex with you again,’ I update him.

  He chuckles, ‘okay, baby.’

  ‘You think I will; you seriously think so goddam much of yourself, you think I’ll cave,’ I gasp. I can’t believe he finds it amusing me telling him I’m not going to have sex with him again.

  ‘No, Sasha, I am just grateful to have you back in my arms in one piece, whether you are bitching at me or not,’ he sighs. I push against his chest with the hands that are between us. I need to step away from the comfort I always feel in his bear-like embrace. ‘Don’t push me away,’ he pleads, and something in his voice makes me look up. He looks exhausted. He always looks so tired. I feel a ping in the steel-like armour I have erected to protect myself and push my forehead to his chest inhaling a deep breath. ‘Come home with me, Queenie,’ he begs, ‘please, let me take care of you, at the very least until we find this maniac.’

  ‘Lydia needs me, Ben,’ I say again.

  ‘When Lydia needs you, we will come back here, but I will be with you. I’m not leaving you alone for a minute,’ he pledges. ‘I have put security on Lydia and the kids, already, I’m worried in case anyone has followed you back here, they certainly don’t need this kind of stress right now.’

  ‘They don’t,’ I feel bad for creating more drama for my family during such an emotional time. Then something enters my mind, ‘they are watching your loft,’ I suddenly recall the words of Tony. ‘He said they saw me coming out of your house in the early morning, that was right at the beginning when you lost your grandfather.’

  ‘You tell the cops this?’ He probes, his face on the alert.

  ‘I don’t know; I can’t remember,’ I admit. ‘Everything was so fuzzy last night,’ I express.

  ‘I’ll call Cam, get dressed,’ he orders, as he steps away and pulls his phone out of his pocket. I instantly feel less safe and wrap my arms defensively around myself as he puts his phone to his ear. I ignore his instruction and listen as he updates Cam, ending the call by telling him as soon as he gets back, he is taking me home with him. Then I hear Ben sigh deep as though Cam is giving him grief and then he loses his cool. ‘Look, I get it okay,’ his teeth clench, ‘she’s your family, but she’s my woman, Cam. You can put your point across as harshly as you like, that isn’t going to change, man, so I suggest you get your head around it and fast.’ He disconnects the call and runs a hand through his short hair, and then he looks up at me standing there, ‘you’re not getting dressed, baby,’ he notices.