Weakness

by Shelley Michaels

  ‘Cam’s not happy?’ I comment, regretfully. The last thing I want to do is cause any more problems, for Cam, or between him and Ben.

  ‘Cam will be fine, get dressed, Sasha,’ he speaks quietly, his eyes are heavy.

  ‘You okay, Waspy?’ Lydia comes back in the room and is watching us both from the door frame.

  ‘Yeah,’ I smile over at her. ‘I’m going to get in the shower,’ I tell the room, before moving directly to the bathroom. I hear Liddy shout out asking whether I need help, but I tell her I’m fine.

  ********

  I don’t know what to do for the best. Of course, Liddy and her family are my priority, but I have to question whether I am putting them in more danger by just being in the house. Tony and his moron friends believe I am with Ben. Therefore I am going to remain a target, whether we are together or not. But, if I go home with Ben, what message am I sending? I also know it would be disastrous for me to get into things any deeper with Ben than I already am.

  I shower and dress carefully, the bruises on my hip looking fierce in the cold light of day. Not wanting to have a waistband around my injury, I put on a sky-blue loose t-shirt dress and my flip flops, plaiting my hair over one shoulder. I don’t have the strength in me to cover up the bruise on my cheekbone. It would hurt too much to touch. But I do put on a layer of mascara and some lip salve and go outside to face Ben and Lydia.

  Ben is back at the window staring into the distance, and the air is full of tension. I don’t know whether they have conversed during the time I have been away, but either way, it doesn’t seem to have gone very well.

  ‘Okay, this isn’t helping,’ I say to no one in particular. Ben turns, and Lydia glances up at me from her place on the sofa. ‘Whatever is going on around us, we are a family,’ I look to Ben, ‘yes, I include you in that statement, because both of you informed me of the fact when I first arrived here. Family pull together in times of trouble, and all this hostility means we aren’t doing very well. Lydia,’ I call, and she looks at me. ‘You have to rest, honey, all this stress isn’t helping your health, you have another round of chemo next Thursday, and it is important that you keep your strength up. I am a bit battered, but I’m fine.’ I turn to Ben, ‘and you hurt me,’ I confess for the first time out aloud, ‘but whatever happened last night wasn’t on you, I’ve already asked you to drop the guilt. I will come with you when Cam gets home, but I’m only doing it to give my sister some peace. I would appreciate it if you kept security on her and the children,’ he nods, ‘until this ends. And, Ben,’ his eyes pin me, ‘when Liddy is better, I will be going home, and you and Cam will carry on the great friendship you share with no hard feelings, you hear?’

  He looks as if he is going to say something, but stops himself and nods again.

  ‘Okay then,’ I sigh, ‘I am going to get some coffee because before the grand finale to last night’s celebrations, I have to admit I downed some serious amount of Tequila. Now, does anyone else need one?’

  ‘I’ll get it, Queenie,’ Ben walks to me and cups my jaw, tenderly, his eyes warm. ‘You want one, Liddy?’

  ‘Yes please, Ben,’ she answers. Crisis averted.

  I am laying across Ben’s sofa, my head on the arm of the chair and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is playing on the huge flat screen. I had talked Ben into watching the first one before our split, a week ago, so he had brought me into his loft and told me to sit, in his usual bossy way and found the second one for us to watch.

  His phone had been buzzing, continuously, since I arrived and there was no way he was watching the film, he was trying to keep me entertained. He got up and down to take the calls, and I heard the tone of his voice was in business mode, like the very first time I met him for my kind of interview for Honour. Direct and to the point. When it started to interfere with the film, I stood, walked over to him standing by his floor to ceiling window of his loft and took the phone from him.

  ‘What you doing, Queenie?’ He asked, the shock evident on his face.

  ‘He’ll call you back,’ I sing into the receiver and switch it off. ‘Go and sit down, Ben,’ I order.

  ‘What? I need to speak to these people,’ he announces, reaching for his phone.

  ‘What you need to do is sleep, go to bed, or go to the sofa and crash, you are going to burn out,’ with that, I return to my position on the sofa.

  He doesn’t move for what seems minutes but is probably only seconds, but I keep my attention on the TV screen. He then makes a decision and drops beside me and puts up his arm for me to move into.

  ‘No,’ I tell him, glancing back to the screen.

  ‘Come on, Queenie, we’ve always done this, even before the sex,’ he charms, softly. I turn to look at him to see his eyes have gone lazy.

  ‘Turn the bedroom eyes off, Ben,’ I warn, although I feel a fuzzy stirring inside.

  ‘Get over here, Sasha,’ he tries again.

  ‘Anyway, I can’t lean on that side, because of my hip,’ I announce, snootily.

  ‘Your hip sore?’ he asks as if he didn’t know.

  ‘Well yeah, it kinda took a battering when I dove out of a moving car, Ben,’ I inform him, with a laugh.

  ‘What?’ He looks blankly at me before his hand moves up my leg to push up my dress.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I screech, battering his hand away.

  ‘I thought you jumped out of the car when he stopped,’ he announces, ‘let me see, Sasha,’ his tone is serious and seriously angry.

  ‘God, what is your problem?’ I lift up my dress to expose the bruise and graze that expands over my hip bone.

  ‘You jumped out of a fucking moving vehicle?’ He growls, his eyes are furious.

  ‘Yeah, didn’t we already know this?’ I gasp, at his fury. He pulls the phone from my hands and jumps up, dialling frantically.

  ‘You know she jumped out of a fucking moving vehicle?’ He screams down the phone at someone, ‘why the fuck wasn’t I told. You saw her body?’ Then silence, where whoever it was responded, ‘yeah, well Liddy was right, she’s a mess. She needs to go to the emergency department. I want this fucker found and found quickly, Cam,’ oh, shit, it’s Cam. ‘If I get hold of him, I’ll do him damage, man!’ Then silence, ‘yeah, well it would be worth it.’ Then he disconnects the call. ‘Come on, baby,’ he calls grabbing his keys from the countertop, ‘we need to get you checked out.’

  ‘Sit down, Ben,’ I call, gently, unable to stop the happy feeling from running through my veins at his concern.

  ‘Up!’ He bosses.

  ‘Ben, I’m a nurse, I know there’s nothing they can do at the hospital, it’s bruising,’ I update him, ‘they wouldn’t even x-ray, we would be waiting hours, for them to tell me what I already know. Please sit down, honey,’ I repeat.

  I think it’s the endearment I use that finally makes him listen. I watch as his shoulders deflate, and he runs a hand over his face. ‘Why the fuck did you jump out of a moving car?’ He asks, tiredly.

  He did not just say that! ‘Oh, now let me see,’ I stand up and move towards him, rage running through me, ‘maybe because the arseholes that held me were going to use me for their entertainment if I didn’t?’ I throw up a hand, ‘would you still prefer that I wait until the car stops before getting out?’ I add, on a sob.

  The next thing I know he pulls me against his broad chest and I can do nothing to stop the tears from falling, as I cling onto his t-shirt as the immensity of what happened hits. He is holding me firmly, but gently, as he kisses my hair and tells me over and over he’s sorry and it’s going to be okay. When I finally settle down and am wholly cried out, I pull away from him or try, but Ben keeps a hold of me.

  ‘Look at me,’ he whispers. I look up with wet eyelashes, ‘I want to commit murder, right now,’ he admits, ‘I’m delighted that you got out, baby, but it doesn’t fill me with ecstasy that you were hurt at all. I think I was the only person that thought when you said you jumped out of the vehicle, didn’t re
alise you meant it. Literally. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry all of this has happened to you, and I’m so goddam sick of it all like you wouldn’t believe. But I’m not sorry that you are here with me and that you are safe.’

  ‘Okay,’ I nod, sniffing back fresh tears that are threatening.

  ‘Sweet and beautiful,’ he murmurs, softly, and butterflies start to flutter in my tummy. ‘I’m whacked, baby,’ he announces.

  ‘Go to bed,’ I palm his bearded jaw, he looks exhausted.

  ‘I can’t close my mind off,’ he confides, ‘this whole month, with Pop and the blackmail letter,’ he shakes his head, ‘I feel like I’m on that rollercoaster everyone talks about, and I don’t know how to handle it,’ he confides.

  Sympathy pours through my veins like hot lava, I am pissed at him, at the situation, but all I can muster up is a concern. ‘You need to rest. Tiredness makes everything seem worse than it is.’ I take his hand, ‘I’ll watch this on the bedroom screen.’ I switch off the TV and lead him to his room, ‘get into bed, I’ll lay down with you,’ I promise, finding the remote under a pile of dirty clothes on the floor and getting comfortable on the bed. ‘Your cleaner, quit?’ I ask as I assess the mess around me.

  ‘On vacation,’ he mutters, as he kicks off his shoes and jeans and pulls on a pair of jogging bottoms. He lays beside me, and I naturally lift my arm for him to snuggle in, like I know he likes to do. It is probably less than a minute before I feel his breathing even out, his face squashed in my neck, his massive arms wrapped around me.

  I watch all of the Harry Potter film before I manage to somehow fall asleep for almost two hours. When I eventually wake, Ben is still out for the count. I slowly extract myself from his body and slip out to the kitchen. I am hungry. I look at the clock to see it’s almost seven p.m. and I haven’t eaten all day. I open the fridge to see what Ben has in, bringing out two pieces of salmon and some stir fry vegetables. I leave the salmon marinating in some blackened Cajun and grab a beer from the fridge.

  My mind turns to Lydia, and immediately locate my phone from my purse and call through to her. She’s okay and seems more worried about me, we talk for a few minutes, but the kids are there, and it’s hard for her to concentrate. She tells me that Cam has taken a few more days off, thanks to his superior officer who is aware of what is going on in the family, which means I don’t have to concern myself with Ben and Cam coming to blows for a couple of days, at least.

  I move to the stove and bring out the pan to fry up the salmon adding the vegetables at the last minute. I’ll save Ben’s, rather than wake him.

  When the buzzer rings, I almost jump out of my skin. Before I can decide what to do, Ben rounds the corner and holds up a hand for me to stay, ‘I have it, baby,’ his voice is husky through sleep.

  He answers the intercom, and I hear him say a few words before buzzing up whoever it is. I turn off the pan but stay in the kitchen area as instructed, beer bottle in hand.

  Ben turns, ‘it’s okay, it’s Kyle,’ he reassures me, probably sensing my apprehension. He had told me about Kyle who was another one of his military brothers who runs a PI agency in Denver. He is also the brother of Nate, who I met a few weeks ago in the club. I relax, not realising how tense I had become until that moment. As if he reads me, Ben walked over to me and tips my chin, ‘I told you, I have you, baby,’ he drops a brief kiss down on my lips, the first one since last week. It was too quick but just as effective as my body almost sighs in contentment.

  The door opens and in walks a dirty blonde, who is almost as built as Ben, but not quite, but also very cute. He has a grin on his face at finding us in a clinch. ‘I take it she succumbed to your charms, fella,’ Kyle winks at me before Ben turns to shake his hand fondly.

  ‘Behave yourself, Daniels,’ he warns, playfully and Kyle chuckles.

  ‘Hi, sweetheart, how are you feeling? Kyle asks, gently.

  ‘I’m fine, thank you,’ I smile, he is gorgeous.

  Ben walks back to me and taking my beer from my fingers he tips back a mouthful, ‘that’s warm, Queenie,’ he takes one out for himself and a fresh one for me. ‘Beer, Kyle?’

  ‘No, I’m not stopping man, just wanted to find out how your woman is and update you on the investigation,’ Kyle announces.

  ‘Okay, you can speak freely in front of Sasha,’ he notifies him.

  ‘You sure I can’t get you a coffee or anything, Kyle?’ I offer, politely.

  ‘I’ll take a cup of joe if there’s one around, darlin’,’ he smiles and sits at the breakfast bar.

  ‘I got no evidence as yet, man, but I got a strong suspicion that somethings not right at the care home,’ Kyle begins.

  ‘Like what, Ma okay?’ Ben tests.

  ‘I got a man on her twenty-four seven, Ben, she’s fine. But, I get a feeling, nothing concrete, sense, that the threat has come from inside. Someone that is so green, we have somehow overlooked them, we were looking into people known to the cops who live in the area and anyone that has dealings with you on a professional level. What if it’s just some chancer with a bit of a chip on his shoulder? The staff at the care home know the history of your Ma, know she recently lost her dad, doesn’t take a genius to add up that he left everything to his only heir.’ Ben curses, ‘people are sad, man, see all that you are and have and think they are entitled to a share of it.’

  I put down the coffee and creamer in front of Kyle and listen, taking in the information and trying to reason what makes people do the things they do.

  ‘Thanks, sweetheart,’ he throws a brief smile in my direction, adds some cream and sips the coffee.

  ‘You think they are capable of pulling something like this off?’ Ben probes, the disbelief apparent in his tone.

  ‘That’s the thing, it’s not particularly high-end stuff, sending a few photos and a demand letter. Sasha targeted just means someone knows your address and saw her leave, tailed her, maybe even coincidentally saw she worked at your club.’

  ‘And what about the attempted abduction?’ Ben asks. ‘That wasn't any fluke, Kyle, the guy, zoomed in on her in a club, hit on her and tried to kidnap her to do god knows what to her.’ Ice grips my chest at the reality of how the situation could have gone down and I have to suck in a deep breath to prevent myself from hyperventilating.

  ‘As I say, just a feeling. I’m gonna take surveillance for the next few nights, see for myself what’s going on. Nate’s going to go in on the care home and make some extra arrangements for your Ma, just in case shit goes down. We’ll keep you informed.’ He takes another mouthful of his coffee.

  ‘Thanks, Kyle,’ Ben takes a swig of his beer.

  ‘Thank you, Kyle,’ I add because this man and his people are doing all they can to stop what’s happening around us, which means if they succeed, I won’t have to feel as scared as I currently do.

  Kyle smiles over at me, assessing, ‘she’s as cute as a button, Ben.’ I don’t know what to say about that. I turn my glance to Ben who is watching me closely.

  ‘Yeah, she is,’ he mutters, his eyes burning into mine, leaving me almost breathless. ‘How’s it going with your woman?’ He turns back to Kyle.

  ‘Hard, man,’ I watch Kyles eyes dim, ‘her ex is being a dick, stopped seeing the kid, but won’t let her move out here to find happiness, stopped paying child support, so she’s hurting financially but won’t let anyone help her. Stubborn as fuck!’ He shakes his head in exasperation but does it with a small smile on his face.

  ‘You love her,’ I announce, softly.

  ‘Worship the ground her and her baby girl walk on, she lives in London, I want her here, and she wants to be here, as you just heard her ex is a dick, doesn’t want them, but don’t want them here either,’ he gives me a brief outline.

  ‘That’s tough,’ I tip my head to the side. ‘You going to find a way?’ I ask, curiously.

  ‘Got no choice, darlin’, got a feeling love like this doesn’t come along twice in a lifetime,’ for a minute, I see a glimps
e of pain and my heart squeezes for him.

  ‘You think that?’ I ask, genuinely.

  He looks up at me as if I have two heads, ‘absolutely! I’m living it, saw it with my brother Nate, couldn’t for the life of me understand it. I imagine experiencing it is the only way you will truly get it, darlin’,’ he smiles, and his eyes flicker to the man beside me, ‘and I certainly hope that happens for you.’

  ‘A love like that goes wrong, what happens next?’ I probe, ignoring his intimation to Ben.

  ‘I’m hoping I’m never going to find that out, Sasha,’ he glances over to Ben, who is watching me with a funny look on his face. ‘Right,’ Kyle takes another sip of his coffee, ‘I’ll leave you lovebirds to your evening, I hear anything, I’ll call you, bro,’ he nods at Ben and then sends me a wink. ‘I get my woman over here, and we’ll get together. Seems us Denver men can resist a London woman,’ he grabs his keys, and Ben walks him to the door.

  While I watch them shake hands, I think to myself; it also seems as if us London women aren’t exactly immune to Denver’s men either. They make quite a picture standing together with their different types of handsomeness and personalities. Ben, is undoubtedly the mean and moody type, whereas Kyle, is the fun-loving type and yet they are good pals.

  As he saunters back to me, with his baggy joggers hanging low on his hips and his hair dishevelled from sleep, I feel my body almost shudder with the magnetism between us. His eyes are bright from having the benefit of a few hours’ sleep, and the tension from earlier replaced with his usual arrogance.