Roderick’s Purpose: The Victorian Highlanders Book 4

by St. Clair, Ellie

  The woodland around them sang its night melody, with the sounds of crickets and frogs in the grasses by the river, the owl hooting, and the fire crackling beside them. Yet it was all background to the ragged breathing and groans between them, though whether they were Gwen’s own or Roderick’s, she couldn’t entirely say. She was filled with pleasure she had never known before, and she wanted more of it.

  Suddenly he pulled back from her, looking deep into her eyes.

  “I’m not entirely sure we should do this,” he said, though his voice was strained. “Are ye certain—”

  “If I wanted this to stop, Roderick McDougall, I would make it stop,” she said in a low voice, despite the fact that her heart hammered at her ribs.

  A wicked smile stole over his face, replacing his look of concern. “Very well, lass.”

  The truth was, she needed him and the passion that he offered her more than she would like to admit. If she didn’t take all that he gave her at this moment, she might never have the opportunity again, and she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life regretting missing it.

  He rolled her over, moving on top of her as she lay on his soft plaid. He reached a hand between them, using himself to stroke her.

  Gwen noted the sweat that beaded his forehead, and she realized he was holding back.

  “Are you — ah, that is, have you…” he couldn’t seem to find the words, and she took pity on him.

  “’Tis my first time, aye,” she said, to which he gave a low groan.

  “Ach, lass,” he muttered, “we shouldn’t—”

  “We should,” she said, and she took control, guiding him to her entrance and lifting her hips up toward him.

  He could no longer restrain himself, and thrust his hips forward as he sheathed himself fully inside of her. She cried out briefly, and he stroked her face and stilled for a moment.

  “I’m sorry, lass,” he said, to which she shook her head.

  “Keep moving,” she whispered, finding the ache dulled quickly. “I’m fine.”

  “Good,” he breathed, and he brought his arms around her. Impatient with him, Gwen sat up and pushed him down so that she was now on top. He lifted her so that she straddled him once more, and Gwen grinned, pleased that he allowed her to be in control, and when he began to lift her hips up and down in rhythm, she quickly took over, instinctively finding the flow as she lifted herself up and then sank back down his long shaft. The sensations that filled her entire being were shaking her to her very core, so completely breathtaking and all-consuming they were. She felt his eyes on her, felt him watching her, perhaps for a sign of discomfort or displeasure.

  Instead of experiencing any distress, she took full control, bringing her hands to his shoulders and using him to leverage herself, sense of power overcoming her. She dipped her head and took his mouth, slightly nipping at his lips before caressing his lips with hers, then exploring his mouth as he had done to her.

  She rocked against him, faster now, her breathing increasing in time as the fire continued to build within her, until suddenly, inexplicably, an explosion overtook her, causing her to fling her head back and cry out, all of her muscles quivering as the sensations tore through her body.

  Gwen finally came back to herself, collapsing against his chest. She never realized this was how it could feel, how amazing lovemaking could be. She hardly registered when Roderick lay her back down on the plaid, his hips surging into her as he drove faster and faster with each thrust until suddenly, he tensed and gave out a raw groan that she thought must have shaken the entire forest. He held onto her tightly, pulling her toward him as he rained kisses upon her hair, her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, before flipping over and pulling the plaid close around them.

  She closed her eyes, thinking of nothing but this moment as her head lay on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.

  This time was for the two of them, she told herself. The one time where nothing, and no one, could intrude.

  Chapter 14

  Roderick woke the next morning with a heavy weight on his chest. What in the… oh. Oh. He raised himself up on his elbows and looked down into a mass of silky strands the color of fire, and his mind was suddenly flooded with images of last night, his body full of the tingling nerves awoken by his lovemaking with Gwen.

  He had never before encountered a woman who blazed so passionately, who matched his every desire and his every need. She was a woman unlike any he had ever known, and suddenly he realized how much he wanted to keep knowing her.

  Last night had been better than anything he could have ever imagined. He hadn’t been sure what to expect, if he were being honest, as to whether she had any experience in the art of lovemaking. He had been both gladdened and uncomfortable upon the realization that she had never before been with a man. For to know she had been with another would have caused him to want to tear said man from limb to limb, and yet he also felt guilty for taking her innocence. She had wanted it as much as he, however, and he had done all he could to make sure she understood what that meant.

  Now, despite the light of day, he wanted her all over again. He looked over at her, so peaceful in slumber. The worry lines in her brow were smoothed, the tension released, and he thought he even saw a slight curve to her lips that could be considered somewhat of a smile.

  She stirred, stretching out one arm and then the other as she began to rouse herself. Her hand nearly caught him in the face, so unaware she was of her surroundings. Her eyes began to blink open, giving him glimpses of the greenery underneath.

  “Good morning,” he murmured, and her lids flew open all the way, as she came suddenly awake with a gasp and sat bolt upright.

  “Roderick!” she exclaimed, as if shocked to find him lying beside her, perhaps forgetting all that had occurred the night before.

  “Aye, ’tis my name, lass,” he said, grinning at her. “Which, I should note, you used on more than one occasion last night.”

  Her cheeks flamed with a sudden flush, her memory apparently restored.

  “Ah yes. Good morning, Roderick,” she said, and he frowned at the tense civility of her tone.

  He reached up and brushed her hair back away from her face. “Now, lass, is that any way to greet the man who gave you such pleasure last night?”

  She blushed even deeper, were it possible, and turned her face away from him, seeming to take a moment to compose herself.

  “Don’t ruin this with your sentimental words,” she said, turning back to face him, and he laughed despite what she said. For he knew, underneath her tough exterior and the words she threw up in defense, she was as affected as he by what had happened between them the night before.

  “All right, lass, I promise,” he said, raising his hands up in surrender, then sobered for a moment. “Are you… ah… feeling well enough to ride?” He wasn’t entirely sure how to ask her if she was sore without raising her guard again, but she seemed to take pity on him, for once.

  “Aye, Roderick, I’ll be fine,” she said, then raised an eyebrow. “And you?”

  He laughed at her jest, but truth be told he wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to ride with her seated in front of him for even an hour with her tight bottom pressed against him… ah, how he wanted her again. But she was already standing, dressed, and tidying up the camp with an efficiency that bespoke of her many years on the trail with Doc’s gang, and the thought sobered him slightly as it reminded him of her past.

  No matter. He thrust the thoughts from his mind. You know she is more than that. Her past is behind her now.

  She looked over at him. “Are you coming with me?” she drawled, and he hopped to attention, nodding at her.

  “Aye, Sergeant,” he said, and she looked at him with a wry smile.

  “I hardly think comparing me with a police sergeant is fitting,” she said, to which he allowed himself a loud, long chuckle.

  “Fair enough, lass,” he said. “But I’m as ready as ever. I can hardly wait f
or you to meet my family.”

  * * *

  Gwen’s heart hammered hard against her ribs. She had faced down opposing gangs, police forces, men within her own gang who wanted to do her harm, and yet none of those foes had her quite as nervous as Roderick’s family.

  They sounded lovely — and she heard quite a lot about them. Roderick spoke at length about them, talking on and on as they rode through the forests toward his home. He told her of his parents, Duncan and Jane. Duncan had apparently been a legendary chieftain and yet had been all the more respected when he stepped away from his post to allow his son to take over. Jane was a loving mother, the type Gwen could only dream of, who was something of a midwife and a healer.

  Gwen had met Callum, of course, who was still in the Northwest Territory, but she was intrigued by the story of Callum giving up his birthright to his younger brother, Finlay, who loved the land with a ferocity only matched by the love he felt for his wife, Kyla, the daughter of a neighboring clan chieftain. Their lands were merged now, and Gwen was impressed by their innovation in organizing the crofters as well as segmenting part of their land for tourists who came to hunt.

  “And then there is Adam,” Roderick continued, and as much as Gwen feigned indifference, she enjoyed hearing stories of his family, particularly because of the warmth in Roderick’s tone as he spoke of them. They were clearly as close as family could be, and it was apparent how much he had missed them while he had been away. “Adam is smarter than the rest of us put together, likely,” he said with a laugh. “He was always so intent on his inventions and his plans that we feared he would forever be alone. But just last year as fate would have it, he found a woman — Rachel — who loves him for all that he is and wouldn’t change a thing about him. Not that we would either, despite the fact that it is rather aggravating to have someone continually outsmart you. Anyway, then there’s Peg…”

  He continued to prattle on, telling her about his sister, Peggy, and how she had spent her life trying to keep up with her brothers. “I had thought that perhaps Peggy might join me in the Territories, but my father wouldn’t hear of it. It was bad enough that I went, although… I think now, looking back on it, I’m sure he knew that I would return. Might be why he didn’t want me to leave in the first place.”

  “You are going to stay here, then?” she asked, cutting into his monologue for the first time in quite a few minutes.

  Behind her, he startled, almost as if he had forgotten he was talking to her and not to himself. Then he sighed. “Aye, I am. I tried to deny it, but I’ve finally realized that I was simply being too proud. This is my home. We’re not yet on my own lands, and I already feel at peace for the first time in a long while. It’s not so much that I wanted to live somewhere else. I think it was that I needed a purpose, and I thought I could find that by leaving. But that’s not it at all. This is my home, and it is here that I must determine how I belong. Does that make sense?”

  It made more sense than he knew. As he spoke, turmoil swirled inside of Gwen as she considered her own circumstances. Roderick felt he lacked purpose, but at the very least, he had a place to call home. He had a family, people who cared for him. Well — she squared her shoulders — she had always had herself to rely on, and nothing would change now. She would do this one last deal, and then she would set herself up for the rest of her life, which she would live on the right side of the law.

  The only thing that stood in her way was Roderick, she thought, as she felt his strong arms brush against her side. She so longed to lean back into him, to feel his warm body behind her, but she hesitated. He reached a finger to the side of her face.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked, tilting her head back toward him, and she looked into his eyes, the color of the ocean on a dark day with laugh lines crinkling in the corners, his mouth curved into a smile just for her.

  Her heart changed its beat in her chest, and she realized at that moment just how much she was coming to care for him.

  Stop it, Gwen. She removed her face from Roderick’s grasp, not missing the slight frown that came over his features as she intentionally brushed him aside. But she averted her gaze, unable to look at him, for then she might betray herself by allowing him to see the emotions within her, emotions that she couldn’t allow to grow nor reveal themselves.

  Last night had been a moment in time — a temptation she had not been strong enough to resist — but now her pull toward him was strengthened. Which could never do. For once she met his family, she knew that as lovely as they sounded, they would reject her, a known thief. And they were too important to Roderick for him to choose her over them, not that she would ever want him to. Even if, on the outside chance, they accepted her, once they and Roderick knew the entirety of who she was, what she held, and what she planned? They would have her out the door and be rid of her as fast as they were able. She could not once again lose someone she loved. Loved? No, she thought, shaking her head. Cared for. For she could hardly love someone she barely knew.

  “What is it?” Roderick asked, and she realized she had been shaking her head against his chest.

  “Nothing — a fly in my face,” she said, and he seemed to accept her answer.

  “Not to worry, lass, I’ll protect you,” he said jokingly, and she smiled in spite of herself. Yes, this was a man she could grow to love. And so she vowed to never, ever to let herself do so. For she didn’t think she could survive the loss that would surely follow.

  Chapter 15

  “And this, lass, is McDougall land,” Roderick said, sweeping his arm out over the lush green valley sprinkled with dark trees and pale gray boulders. Gwen could hear the pride in his voice. She turned to see him looking out over the fields with a wonder in his eyes as if he had never seen the place before, despite the fact he had grown up and lived most of his life here.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said, and she meant it. All of the Highlands she had seen thus far were filled with beauty — some lush, some barren — but she almost felt like she had seen this land before from the way Roderick had described it. The hills bordering the lands looked down on them as if they were guardians of the very grass the horse trod on, while their deep valleys held a forest of dark pines. The greenery around them was of a vibrancy unlike anything she had ever seen before. In the distance, she could see white balls of fluff dotting the hills, where the sheep must be grazing, and, she thought, if she squinted hard enough, she could even see the loch in the distance, of which he spoke so longingly and eloquently.

  For once, Roderick hardly said a word, though he swept out an arm proudly toward the stone building in the distance. “Galbury Castle,” Roderick told her, and she gazed up at the tall building, rather confused by what she saw. She hadn’t seen much of the Highlands, her youth spent within the confines of her family’s home, but the castles she remembered didn’t look much like this.

  “It is… impressive,” she said, not wanting to take away from the pride Roderick held in the home. “Although it does not look like any castle I have seen.”

  “It is a tower house,” he explained. “It was erected in the seventeenth century, and my ancestors built it tall rather than wide, to better fortify it against opposing forces.”

  She nodded in understanding and thought back to the days, centuries before, when Highland warriors fought one another over such land. The battle had changed for them as they then fought forces they could not overcome, their homes having been taken over by neighbors to the south.

  Her heart beat fast as figures came out of the walled bailey and a young woman, who must have been Peggy from Roderick’s description, began waving wildly as she ran toward them. Gwen slowed the horse, and before she realized what Roderick was even doing, he had somehow dismounted off the back of it and was running to meet the girl. He reached her in a few long strides and soon had her in his arms, swinging her around in abandon.

  “Peg!”

  “Roderick!”

  They each cried out, overjo
yed to see one another, talking incessantly over the other, and Gwen smiled. It seemed there was a female version of Roderick, she thought, taking in the tall girl with the same coloring as Roderick and the brother she had met. Soon enough, the grass around them was flooded with people, and Gwen quietly dismounted but stood in nearly shocked silence beside the horse, watching as they all greeted Roderick with unabashed joy. She hadn’t realized just how much love could exist between people who cared so much for one another. Doc had loved her in his own way, but never with such an outpouring of emotion.

  She had seen more of Roderick than she would have ever thought possible, but as she watched him now, his soul leaped out with a vulnerability that he was unashamed to hide, a vulnerability she would never have allowed herself to show another.

  Despite all of the love surrounding her, Gwen felt like a interloper, an intruder amid the happy reunion. She shouldn’t have come. Perhaps she could take the horse and slip away before they noticed her. She should be able to find someone to point her in the right direction, she thought, looking around her. She only needed to follow the trail, and eventually, she should come upon—

  “Hello.”

  Gwen jumped with a start as she felt a soft hand on her shoulder, and she whipped her head toward the voice. The woman it belonged to was beautiful, her hair a dark chestnut like Roderick’s but with streaks of gray, her face smooth and calm. This must be Jane, and that meant it was too late to escape now.

  She looked at the woman, unsure of even how to address her, or even what to say. This was Roderick’s mother, and suddenly it became rather important that she not blunder this first meeting.