Where We Belong: Love Returns

by Melissa Tereze

  Chapter Three

  Mati

  My heart is breaking for Olivia. Everything that left her beautiful mouth earlier this evening caught me completely off guard. Why didn’t she call me? Why didn’t she tell me about her mom? I could and would have flown home to her and been whatever she needed. Even if just as friends. I know things aren’t okay between us, but Olivia is hurting. She has been grieving alone. Shouldn’t I have been with her for that?

  I feel like I should do something but I don’t know what. She clearly didn’t want me around when her mom died but I also know how she deals with things. She doesn’t burden others. She doesn’t involve anyone else in her problems. We were a partnership, though. Surely that counts for something, no?

  I’ve spent the last six months trying to understand why she didn’t call. I tried not to hate her and continue the spark I could feel deep within me, and now she has totally thrown a curveball my way and I don’t know how to feel about anything.

  Ana is due here in the next ten minutes but I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to sit and share my evening with her. Not when I know Olivia is alone and probably in need of someone right now. Sure, I may not be the person she needs, but I cannot sit here and do nothing. I cannot ignore the fact that she has a completely plausible explanation for not coming back to me.

  I have to cancel my evening with Ana. I know this is all going to turn into one huge mess, but I have to cancel. I’d like to believe that she will understand, but we have never discussed Olivia or the fact that I left the love of my life behind in the US.

  Ana is already a little pissed off with me because of how our evening ended last night, but I wasn’t feeling the mood. Knowing that Olivia was in town, I couldn’t bring myself to go home with her once our dinner date had ended. I needed to think. I needed time to myself to understand why she was here. After spending most of the night awake, I realized that I was none the wiser and still needed answers from my ex-girlfriend. Now that I have those answers, it changes everything. It completely changes all of this.

  A light knocking on my front door startling me from my position in the kitchen, I glance at the clock and it suddenly dawns on me that Ana is outside my home. Not Olivia, but Ana. The woman who I’m about to hurt. The woman who has been great and sweet and everything I thought I needed. The woman I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt.

  Clearing my throat, I move through my home and head for the front door. I really don’t want to do this right now but I should. I cannot pretend to be happy with Ana when I should be with Olivia at her hotel. Yes, we aren’t together anymore, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be there for her. Not only have I just told her that I don’t want a relationship with her, she is here in London alone. I know what it’s like to be here alone and I wouldn’t expect anyone to work through how they are feeling without anyone by their side.

  “Mati?” Ana knocks again.

  I pull the door open. “Hey.” I put on my best fake smile.

  “I’m a little early, sorry.”

  “Can you come in for a moment?” I ask.

  “Just a moment?” She arches her eyebrow. “Is everything okay?”

  “Honestly…” I sigh as she steps around me. “No, Ana. It’s not.”

  “Oh.” I close the door and Ana turns to face me. “Is it me?”

  “What? No.” I give her a small smile. “You…you’re great.”

  “Then what’s up?”

  “Someone arrived here yesterday,” I say. “From Chicago. LA…wherever.”

  “O…kay.”

  “Someone I was once involved with.” I study Ana’s face. “Someone I broke up with before I left for London.”

  “Right…” Ana draws out her response, waiting for me to elaborate.

  “She, uh…” I shake my head slightly. “She needs someone right now. She needs me.”

  “Needs you?” Ana repeats. “Why does she need you?”

  “Because I should’ve been there for her…”

  “But you broke up.”

  “We did but only because of the distance.” My shoulders slump. “I wanted London and she wanted Chicago. She didn’t want to leave the US.”

  “And she chose London in the end, right?”

  “Yeah…I guess she did.” I nod, the realization hitting me square in the chest. “Just, stuff happened back home and it kinda explains why it took her six months to come here.”

  “Must have been some pretty big stuff, huh?” Ana scoffs.

  “Yeah, it was.” My heart constricts at the thought of Olivia dealing with her mom’s death alone. “Important stuff and I need to be there for her right now.”

  “Right, so…”

  “So?”

  “That’s it?” She asks. “No more us?”

  “I need to work through things with her, I’m sorry.”

  “You were never really all in,” Ana says as she blows out a deep breath. “I knew that, but I wanted to try anyway.”

  “I don’t follow…”

  “You and I.” She shrugs. “Your mind was always somewhere else and now I know where.”

  “Ana, I’m so sorry.” I step closer to her and take her hand in my own. “I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “Thank you for being honest with me, Mati.” She pulls me into a hug. One I didn’t expect and one I’m not quite sure I deserve from her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t who you wanted.”

  “I don’t know what my life is right now, Ana.” I pull back, the honesty evident in my eyes. “Olivia and I spent a long time together…”

  “Then you should work things out.” She smiles. “She came from the US to be with you, Mati.”

  “You’re sweet.” I drop my gaze. “And I really don’t deserve your kindness.”

  “You’re not a bad person, I hope you know that.”

  “Doesn’t feel that way right now,” I admit, my body tired and my mind clouded. “But thank you.”

  “I’ll see you around, okay?” Sighing, Ana disappears out onto the street and glances back, throwing a wave over her shoulder.

  I feel terrible for what I’ve just done but I cannot be in a relationship while Olivia is here. I don’t know what the outcome of her being in London will be and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her or Ana. Neither of them deserve that and honestly, I don’t deserve the hurt I’m feeling right now.

  The only certainty in my life at the moment is that Olivia needs me. She may feel differently when I offer to be her friend, but what else am I supposed to do? She isn’t in a good place and we both have to remember that. We both have to remember that this could end the way London began. Both of us alone and heartbroken.

  When do you leave the UK?

  Releasing a deep sigh as I send off a text message to my ex-girlfriend, I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing or not. I feel like I am. I feel like Olivia wants me in her life. What if my dismissal of what we once were has changed her mind, though? What if my coldness towards her since she arrived has totally changed all of this for her? I’d like to believe that it wouldn’t, but I feel as though I don’t know her anymore. I feel like all of this would be completely new to us both. It may have only been six months since we parted but to me, it feels like a lifetime. My cell pinging, I glance down at the screen and sigh.

  Tomorrow. Midday.

  ***

  My cell alerting me to a new email, I squint as the early morning sunlight hits my eyes and groan as I roll my body over in my lonely super-king bed. Olivia refused to answer my calls last night but I know she is struggling. I could see it in her deep brown eyes as she was explaining her reasons for the delay in her arrival. An unexpected arrival, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that she is here and honestly, I’m not sure I ever want her to be anywhere else. Yes, we have a lot to discuss, but my main priority right now is figuring out where Olivia is so I can see her.

  If I miss her and she leaves, I’m not sure she will ever come back. I
don’t know where home is for her anymore. Her mom is no longer with us and I’m not sure she could stay at her family home alone. To think that she had to plan everything alone breaks my heart but if I didn’t know about it, I have no choice but to let her decision go. Olivia chose not to tell me about her mother’s death and I must accept that.

  Lying back, I bring my cell up in front of my face and find a familiar email address sitting in my inbox. It’s her. Olivia.

  Mati,

  I broke your heart. By doing so, I broke my own, too.

  I’d like to believe that one day you will walk into my life and make everything perfect again, but I don’t expect that to happen. You have moved on and I understand that now. Too much hurt was caused before you left for London and my lack of communication only added to that.

  I know you will never understand my reasons for not coming sooner, but please, don’t hold it against me forever. At one time, we were so good together. Remember those times. Remember the nights we spent holding each other, the morning’s we lay in each other’s arms, afraid to begin our day and become separated. Just…remember me. In whatever way you wish to but please, don’t judge me too harshly.

  I had my love when I met you. I had my love when we moved in together and planned our future over dinner most evenings. I had my love, and I lost it. I lost you. You look happy, though. That is the one thing I’m taking away from this trip to London. Your smile…that smile. Wow. It looks just as good as it ever did. If only you were still smiling that hard for me. If only I wasn’t sending you this email and instead, holding you against me. If only, huh?

  Just know that wherever I end up when I leave this city, I will always remember you. I will always think of you. I will always wish I’d done things differently. Treated you differently.

  I’m sorry. I have to let you go. Mom wanted me here with you but it seems I’m about to let her down one final time. She loved you, as did I, but I was too late. I was too late in returning and I understand that the distance between us is greater than it ever has been right now.

  Matilda Wilson, you are the breath of fresh air I always craved in my life and if I ever have the pleasure of hanging out with you again in the future, I want to see a ring on your finger and a smile wider than I ever could have caused.

  I love you,

  Olivia x

  My body froze in place, tears fall freely and hit the pillow my head is resting on. How could she send me that? How could she wish for me to be happy with someone else? She’s here and I’m here, but we are still worlds apart. We are in completely different places right now and I don’t know how to even begin fixing any of this. I want to. In some way, I want to. Does Olivia want that too, though? Does she believe that we can fix what we had?

  At one point yesterday, I didn’t believe we could ever be together again. Seeing her with that sadness in her eyes as she told me she would leave…it broke my heart. It made me question everything I was feeling only minutes before she told me her mom had died. This isn’t sympathy on my part, not at all. It is an understanding that everything isn’t always as it seems.

  Before Olivia arrived in London, I was certain she had moved on and found someone else, but I was wrong. I was wrong through no fault of my own but this isn’t about that. This is about getting over the initial feelings I had when I saw her for the first time in six months, and realizing that she didn’t wait six months because she didn’t want me…but because she had to be somewhere else. With her mom. Her world. I understand that now and I’m ready to be whatever she needs from this moment on. Even if she doesn’t see that yet.

  Wiping the tears from my face, I pull myself from my bed and bring up a new message thread. I’ve got to stop Olivia from leaving. I need to speak to her.

  I need your hotel and room number. Mati x

  Glancing at the clock and pulling on a pair of jeans, I wait for a response to my message, my heart currently situated in my mouth. Come on, Liv. Don’t leave me now. A hoodie hanging from the chair in my room catching my attention, I slip it over my shoulders and tug at the zipper, fixing the material snugly in place.

  We don’t have to do this. I’ll be gone in an hour. Liv x

  Where are you? Please? Mati x

  The Landmark. Marylebone Rd. Liv x

  Room number?

  Executive suite. Liv x

  Realising I have no more time to question anything, I pull on a pair of shoes and rush into the bathroom, my toothbrush immediately in my grasp. I can make myself look more presentable later. Hopefully when I’ve convinced Olivia to stay. Her choice of hotel doesn’t surprise me. She always did enjoy the finer things in life. She has that choice, though. She is an incredible designer after all.

  It’s how we met. She booked me for a shoot back in Chicago almost three years ago and from that moment on, we were drawn to each other. Nothing about our feelings were hidden and nothing about our relationship was a secret. Her staff knew I wasn’t simply the photographer and before too long, we were in a committed, loving relationship. A relationship like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. One that made my heart burst out of my chest and my face hurt from smiling so hard.

  Grabbing my keys from the table beside my front door, the deadbolt is on so I know Beth is home. She is under the impression that I’m pissed off with her because she has been looking for a new place to live, but I’m not. Not at all. When I arrived here, I wasn’t making the money I’m making now, so I’m more than capable of fixing my rent each month. She knows this, but she’s been avoiding me and I suspect she feels bad.

  Unlocking the door, I leave Beth a note and head out onto the street. It is already busy with the regular guys in suits making their way to and from meetings, but I don’t have the time to take the usual stroll I would. I have to pick up my pace and get to The Landmark before Olivia leaves.

  Thankfully, I’m not far from Marylebone Road, but it doesn’t make my walk there any easier. I don’t know where to begin with the conversation I’m about to have with Olivia. I don’t know what her intentions are since she sent the email I received a short time ago. Has she made up her mind once and for all? Does she see me how I’ve always seen her? The love of my life. The only one I ever imagined a future with. The woman who was my absolute everything and more.

  God, I hope she still feels the same way.

  Rounding the corner that will take me to The Landmark, I glance up to find the building in my line of sight and release a deep breath. She is just across the street. Behind a door. So close…yet so freaking far away.

  Meet me in the lobby. Mati x

  Tapping away at the screen of my cell, I rush across the street to where Olivia is residing. I don’t know how long she was originally supposed to be in London for, but I have to convince her to stay longer. I have to show her that I want her here. She is the only one I’ve wanted here since I landed and began a new life.

  Checking my appearance in a nearby storefront window, I brush myself down and approach the entrance to the hotel. Knowing I’m about to see Olivia feels good, but I’m still wary of what our discussion will involve. Will she refuse to stay? Does she feel bad about everything and believe that she doesn’t deserve to share a life here with me?

  I guess I’m going to find out.

  Thanking the doorman as I step inside the hotel, I glance around and find Olivia sitting at the bar. She looks how I feel. Tired. Worn. In need of a large strong drink. Clearing my throat of any emotion, I approach my ex-girlfriend and run my fingers through my hair.

  Her elegant figure pulling in closer, I find my knees beginning to shake and my speech about to fail me. What do I even say to her? How do I even say hello after the things I said to her when she came to my place?

  “Liv…”

  “Hey, Mati.” Turning on her stool, her body language seems a little awkward. “I didn’t expect anything from you.”

  “I’m really that much of a bitch?” I wrinkle my nose. “How could I just let you leave after the
email I received from you?”

  “Because it’s for the best.” Olivia gives me a sympathetic smile. “My mom’s death doesn’t excuse my lack of contact, Mats.”

  “But it explains it.” I pull myself up onto a stool and the bartender approaches me. “Two Cappuccinos, thanks.”

  “Coming right up.” A young guy smiles.

  “Liv, I don’t want you to leave.” I turn to face my ex fully and she studies my face. “I don’t know where we go from here, but I don’t want you to go.”

  “Mati, you have a new life here.” Her hand settles over my own. “I was stupid to ever think that I could walk back into your life.”

  “I’ve waited for the day when you would do exactly that.”

  “You have a girlfriend.” Olivia sighs. “I should’ve known.”

  “She came by last night,” I admit. “I told her I needed time with you.”

  “You told her about me?” Olivia asks, shocked. “W-Why?”

  “Because you’re important to me, Liv.” A small smile curls on my mouth. “You always have been.”

  “Mati…” She squeezes my hand. “I’m not in a good place right now.”

  “I know.”

  “No, I don’t think you do.” Olivia breathes out. “I just…I shouldn’t be here. I should be home and fixing my life.”

  “You came here for a reason, no?”

  “I missed you.” Her voice breaks. “But that doesn’t mean coming here was the right thing to do.”

  “But I think it was the right thing to do.” I nod slightly. “If at that moment, you wanted to come here…to me…then I think it was absolutely the right thing to do.”

  “I was done waiting.” Olivia brushes a tear from her jawline. “I was done waiting until I felt like it was the right time, Mati.”