For the Love of Alex

by J. E. Hopkins

  “I can make it. Just tell me what time and where.”

  “Great! I can pick you up at six. The party is at his place on Central Park East. See you then.”

  “Definitely. I’m looking forward to it. Thanks, Marcus.”

  “What are you thanking Marcus for now?” Leah jumped and dropped her cellphone, cracking the screen. Alex was standing in the doorway wearing his clothes from yesterday. He looked haggard, with a scowl on his face which made it quite clear he was still very angry, but so was she.

  “Alex, where have you been? I have been calling you nonstop for the last twenty-four hours.”

  “I know. That’s why I finally cut off the phone.”

  Leah reared back as if he’d hit her. Now her fear turned to fury. She had been worried to death about him and he nonchalantly returned acting as if she was a nuisance to him. She was not letting him get away with this. Not this time. “If you had answered the phone just once in the last day I would not have had to call you so much to see if you were still among the living. Next time, talk to me instead of having a temper tantrum and shutting me out.”

  “Well, I’m here now.”

  “Where the hell have you been?”

  “Out. I needed some time away from your accusing eyes always looking at me as if I have somehow failed you once again.” Alex sat on the couch, propping his legs up on the coffee table. “It’s hard always being Leah’s disappointment. Sometimes I just want to be me.”

  Leah was baffled by his words. She didn’t know where this was coming from. He had never hinted at feeling such things before.

  “I’ve never asked you to be anyone but yourself. I’ve always loved you for who you are, Alex.”

  “Not quite true, babe. You love me for who you want me to be, not for who I am. I doubt I will ever be able to live up to your lofty expectations.”

  “I don’t know where you got this crazy notion in your head, but you’re wrong, Alex. I am not going to let you divert this conversation. You walked out on me yesterday without a word. I didn’t know if you were hurt somewhere or if you were gone for good. I deserve better than that. I needed you and you just walked away without a trace. I may have upset you, but that’s not an excuse for abandoning me. If I walked away every time you upset me we wouldn’t be together now. I feel like I am the one in this relationship always waiting for you and I’m tired of it. I am tired of you just bailing on me when things get tough.”

  Leah waited for some reaction from him, but he just sat there staring at her, staring through her. She would not cry in front of him, no matter how much he was ripping her apart. She left him sitting there and went into their bedroom.

  Thirty minutes later he came into the bedroom to take a shower and change his clothes. She listened as the water ran and waited for…what, she wasn’t sure. She didn’t know what else to do. She should be figuring out what to wear tonight, but right now she didn’t want to get out of bed. She was exhausted both mentally and physically.

  Alex exited the bathroom dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He walked over to his side of the bed and laid down next to her, close enough for his shoulder to brush hers. Part of her wanted to move away from his warmth, but part of her needed even this small taste of comfort.

  “I should have called you. There’s no excuse. I was being an ass. Not the first time and definitely not the last considering my track record—but I’m sorry, babe.”

  He was always sorry, yet they always ended in the same place.

  “When I left the doc’s office, I was fuming. I wanted separation from you so I could cool off. I didn’t intend to stay out all night. I fell asleep on my friend’s couch. For the record, I did not shut off my phone. I wasn’t trying to intentionally shut you out. The battery died. It’s still dead actually, if you want to check it. I never got your messages, but I should have called you to let you know I was okay and mostly to see if you were okay. I was being selfish again.”

  “Thanks for apologizing.” Those were all the words Leah could muster in the moment. She was too numb.

  “So what did the doctor say? Did she discover what disease I gave you?”

  This may have been his attempt at humor, but Leah was in no laughing mood. “Yes, but it’s not a disease.” This was not the way she wanted to tell him. This wasn’t something she wanted to blurt out in anger, but she needed to tell him before her courage waned. Anger was fueling her bravery now. “I’m pregnant, Alex.”

  She waited for him to respond, but all she could hear was him gasp and then his steady breathing. She knew he was trying to makes sense of her words. She understood that, as she was still struggling to believe it herself.

  He rose up on his elbow and turned to her. “What did you say?”

  “You didn’t give me a disease, Alex. Just your baby.”

  Alex sank back into the bed. His silence was deafening and rattling Leah’s frayed nerves. She wondered what he was thinking. Did he not believe her? Did he doubt the baby was his? She would kill him if he even suggested it.

  Yet he didn’t suggest it or anything else. He just laid there quietly. Finally he slid his hand over her stomach and squeezed so affectionately that Leah wanted to weep. “We’re having a baby?” he asked with such wonder and affection in his voice.

  Leah turned to him. “Yes, we’re having a baby. It still feels weird saying it. It was the last thing I expected to hear. I still don’t know how it happened.”

  “Well, I have a theory or two about that.” He pointed to his groin and then to her mound. “When you insert A into B you often get C.”

  “Oh, so when your little piggy entered my barn, we made a piglet,” Leah teased, enjoying the banter between them. At times things could be so easy between them. If only every day could be like this.

  “There’s nothing little about my piggy.”

  “No there isn’t,” she agreed. “Seriously, though. How do you feel right now?”

  Alex shrugged. “Honestly, stunned, but surprisingly excited. I always wanted to make a baby with you. Lots of babies with you, in fact. The timing isn’t the greatest I know, but I feel like I finally have something to look forward to and I’m excited. Scared too, but mostly excited.”

  His joy was the cure for Leah’s fears. She didn’t know what to expect from him, especially with the mood he was in when he came home, but she was relieved to see happiness in his eyes. He wanted this baby and maybe this would be the key to getting them on track.

  She was not so naive to believe that a baby would solve all their problems, but at least it might give Alex a better sense of purpose. To help him focus on his life and staying clean. She knew he could be the best of fathers, but only if his life remained heroin free.

  As much as she wanted to believe his days of drugs were behind him once and for all, part of her still had doubts—especially considering he stayed out all night and did not show up for work.

  “Alex, I called your job looking for you. They said you didn’t show up yesterday and you missed your morning shift today. I kind of got the impression they wouldn’t welcome you back with open arms. What happened?”

  Alex rose from the bed and started pacing. Never a good sign. It always meant he was struggling with the truth and trying to find a lie that Leah would not detect.

  “What can I say? I wasn’t cut out to be a barista. I hated that job. I hated the people, the customers, the coffee. All of it. I hated being there. I know I should be grateful to even have had a job these days, but I couldn’t stand to go back. I’ll find another job. I’ll start looking today.”

  “Alex, I know you need some time to figure out exactly what you want to do, but in the meantime we need the money. Now more than ever, we need to start saving. Fortunately, I have health insurance, but babies cost a lot of money between food and diapers and clothes…I can’t imagine the expenses we will have. You can’t just quit a job because you don’t like it.”

  “I know. I know. In my defense, I didn’t know about the baby be
fore I blew off my job. Now that I do I will do things differently, I promise. Just don’t hassle me about it. I will get a job ASAP.”

  Leah nodded and stood up. She should focus on the dinner. She wanted to make a good impression, and that started with finding the right outfit to wear.

  She owned some decent clothes thanks to her parents’ endless dinner parties, during which they would parade the children around as their little trophies. God, she hated those parties. Having to plaster a fake smile on her face all evening and pretend like their family was something out of a ’50s sitcom.

  All that playacting would help her get through this evening. This was about impressing the big boss, and she would act the part of a sophisticated, yet awestruck new writer honored and fascinated to be at the home of Grant Deverson and his legion of cronies.

  She started going through her closet when she felt Alex’s arms tighten around her waist. “What are you looking for?”

  “I forgot to tell you that I have a cocktail/dinner thing at my senior manager’s apartment. It was a last-minute invite, but I’ll take it. It’s a good opportunity to meet the head honcho.”

  Alex pulled back a little. “You just got invited to this today?”

  “Yup. Apparently, he’s impressed with my blog, or rather, the hits on my blog and increased ad revenue. He wants to meet me.”

  “Why didn’t he invite you before? Why the day of the event? Don’t you think that’s a bit odd?”

  She hadn’t really thought about it but now that Alex mentioned it, it was odd to be invited so last minute to an event that probably took weeks to plan. “I was just so excited about being invited that I didn’t really think about it.”

  “It seems odd to me that this senior manager who you don’t know calls you up and invites you to his place the day of his party.”

  “Actually, he wasn’t the one to call me. Marcus invited…” The look on Alex’s face silenced her.

  “Now it makes perfect sense.” Alex resumed his pacing. Anger radiated from every pore. “Marcus the kind and considerate boss invited you to the party. I guess it would have been just too inappropriate for him to ask you as his date, so he made it sound like the big-shot manager wanted to meet the new writer. I wonder how many of your other colleagues will be there. I’m betting very few. Marcus seems to only have eyes for you. The question is, do you share his interest?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. First of all, Marcus is my boss and nothing more. Second, even if he did want more, I have no interest in him. Don’t turn this into something dirty or twisted. I’m glad he invited me tonight because it’s a good opportunity for me. Maybe he is trying to help me jumpstart my career. I am not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.”

  “I assure you he is trying to help you all right, but not in the way you think. Wake up, Leah. This guy is being helpful for a reason, and it has nothing to do with your writing and everything to do with you.”

  A fuming Leah marched up to him and shoved Alex in the chest. “I am a good writer, Alex. Don’t dismiss my talent.”

  “Babe, I know all your talents. The problem is, Marcus wants to know all of them as well, and you refuse to see it. Trust me on this. I could tell he was interested in you when he dropped you off. It was in his eyes. I know the look. It’s the way I look at you, except you’re mine and I have that right, he doesn’t but he wants it.”

  Leah knew this was just his jealousy speaking. Marcus had been nothing but professional with her. There was no way he wanted her in a romantic sense, and even if he did have any interest, as soon as he found out about the baby, that would kill any misplaced feelings. It wasn’t worth arguing about something that probably wasn’t real and would definitely never amount to anything.

  “Even if by some chance you’re right, it doesn’t matter. My interest in Marcus is professional only and in a few months I will probably be too fat for any man to look at me with a hint of desire. There’s nothing sexy about stretch marks, swollen ankles, and hormonal fluxes. Only you get the pleasure of all that.” She clutched his shirt and tugged his face to hers, kissing him deeply.

  Alex pulled back first. “You’re going to be the sexiest pregnant woman ever, even with stretch marks. I, for one, am glad you’re all mine. What time is this dinner thing, anyhow?”

  The abrupt change of subject caught Leah temporarily off guard. “Marcus is picking me up at six.”

  Alex bristled but remained calm. “I can be ready by then.”

  “W-what?” Leah stuttered. “You want to go?”

  “I wouldn’t say I want to go, but I have nothing better to do tonight. Besides, I should be there to support you. Is there a problem with me going? Would you rather keep me hidden here?”

  Such loaded questions left Leah with no choice but to agree or otherwise risk another argument about whether or not she was ashamed of him. “Let me confirm with Marcus that it’s okay if I bring a guest.”

  “Once you tell him your guest is your fiancé, I am sure he won’t object. It would be odd if he did, don’t you think?”

  Leah didn’t want to fight with Alex about this. Besides, she felt guilty enough for misplacing her engagement ring. Fortunately he hadn’t noticed yet. She didn’t want to tempt him into another fight in case he did notice and questioned her about it.

  Leah left the room to call Marcus. He seemed surprise that she wanted to bring Alex, especially since it was obvious when she spoke to him earlier that she and Alex were in the midst of a fight, but Marcus did not ask any questions. He just agreed to meet them both at six. It was going to be a challenging evening. She just hoped that nothing would happen to end her career, as she needed this job now more than ever.

  III

  The car ride was awkward to say the least. Leah sat in the middle squished in between two men, although she was practically on Alex’s lap as he kept tugging her closer.

  No one said much during the drive. There was plenty of tension in the car, mostly emanating from Alex. Leah silently prayed that he wouldn’t do anything to ruin this evening.

  Fortunately the traffic was surprisingly light and they arrived in less than a half-hour. Leah could finally breathe again once she exited the cramped car, but her dress was horribly wrinkled thanks to being pressed so closely to Alex. He, on the other hand, looked simply stunning. He was dressed in all black, which was a startling contrast to his golden hair.

  And he was the one that was jealous. Leah would have to beat the women away from him, and she would if anyone got too close. She wasn’t sharing him. Flaws and all, he was hers.

  Alex took her hand and they followed Marcus into the elaborate building, which resembled a scene from a movie set. She’d never seen such decadence up close, and she couldn’t help but admire the luxury.

  She felt so ordinary in her simple navy halter dress compared to the eloquence that surrounded them. If the lobby was this spectacular, she could only imagine how extraordinary the apartment would be.

  It exceeded her expectations. It was like walking in a museum filled with priceless artifacts. She was afraid she might bump into something and break it. The Tiffany lamp alone looked like it cost more than three times her annual salary.

  “Can you believe this place?” she whispered to Alex. “I don’t even feel qualified to serve drinks at this party, never mind attend as a guest.”

  Alex bent down to her and spoke so softly in her ear. “You have more class in your pinky than all of these people put together. You belong here. I just feel honored to be able to walk in here with you on my arm.”

  Leah looked up into his warm blue eyes and saw a sincerity in them that made her heart melt. “Thank you,” she muttered, trying not to be overcome with emotion.

  “Thank you for allowing me to come.”

  Marcus introduced them to several guests. She didn’t know anyone here. There didn’t seem to be any other writers from the paper, and she was beginning to wonder if Alex had been right about Marcus’s intentions.

 
; Alex excused himself to the restroom while she met with a CEO from a top telecommunications company. She was struggling to keep up the conversation, but Marcus spoke to him like they were old friends. He had an easy manner with people, and was certainly not intimidated by anyone. She admired that about him. She used to have more fight in her, but she seemed to have lost that side of her personality. She felt too beaten down most days to fight.

  Marcus tugged her arm. “Mr. Deverson has finally graced us with his appearance after being an hour late to his own party. Cocky bastard. Let’s introduce you to him. I should warn you, he tends to either ignore me or mock me. I have no idea how he will handle you. He’s weird with people. Actually, he’s just weird in general.”

  Not very reassuring. Leah wanted to wait for Alex to return. She was more confident with him around, and he could be quite charming when he wanted to be. He was taking longer than expected and she didn’t want to show any signs of weakness in front of her boss. She would have to brave Grant Deverson on her own and hope that Alex would ride to the rescue if she needed him.

  Grant Deverson was not what she expected. He looked like Hugh Hefner, wearing a bright, tight red jacket and what looked to be black leather pants.

  “I warned you that he was a bit eccentric,” Marcus said, bemused.

  Eccentric was one way to describe him. Despite his flamboyance, he seemed like a fascinating man who just enjoyed the finer things in life and made no excuses for his excesses. There was something to be said for that, Leah pondered, as Grant Deverson kissed her on both cheeks.

  “Ma chérie, you are a delight,” he spoke in his faux French accent.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.” Leah pinched herself to hide her amusement at this blatantly bad accent. Marcus had once explained that although Deverson was born and raised in Boston, he didn’t like speaking with the Boston accent. He taught himself the French accent instead, albeit not well, but he made it work for him. In a way, it suited his unconventional personality.

  “The pleasure is all mine, ma petite. So you are my new blogger that’s making my online paper a smashing hit these days and my ad revenues soar?”