Before Gaia

by Francine Pascal

  She ripped open the envelope and went for the next CIA transcript and disc.

  CIA File # NIR-P4855J [Incident Report]

  Rating: CLASSIFIED

  Transcript Recorded—10/17/1990 02:32:14

  Administrating: Agent John M. Kent

  Reporting: Agent Thomas Moore

  MOORE: The truth is… none of us would be sitting here right now if it weren’t for Gaia’s first-grade teacher. If Gaia’s teacher hadn’t been so good at her job… [Pause] Well, I don’t want to think about what could have happened. I can’t think about that or I would… [Pause] I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

  KENT: Tom, do you want to take a break here?

  MOORE: No, John. I want to finish this. I want to finish putting this all down today because I will never tell this entire story again, John. Never again. Not to Gaia, not to another superior, not to anyone. Not for as long as I live. Because I can’t think about the things he tried to do anymore. I can’t let myself think about it. So let me finish this now…. Gaia’s first-grade teacher. I owe her the world. I owe her everything. Because I didn’t see it. I was too dumb to see it. Or too blind or in too much denial or something. I knew Gaia’s behavior was getting oddly aggressive, but it wasn’t until her teacher called me with her concerns that I decided to go to the school and witness some of this aggressive behavior for myself. And thank God I went to the school that day. Because if I hadn’t… then I would have never understood the magnitude of the situation. And then it would have been too late.

  1990

  Now Ms. Berger looked downright suspicious of Tom, as if perhaps he was suffering from some kind of mental disorder.

  Misunderstanding

  “I CAN’T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR coming in, Mr. Moore.”

  Tom and Ms. Berger were seated at one of the child-size lunch tables in Gaia’s school cafeteria. The faint sound of children playing was coming through the windows from the playground outside. Tom had positioned himself so that he could peek out the window at any moment and see his beautiful daughter playing with the other kids on the jungle gym.

  “No, I should thank you,” Tom said, turning back to Gaia’s teacher and sipping from a styrofoam cup of watered-down cafeteria coffee. “Katia and I have been worried about Gaia, but I suppose we weren’t sure how bad the problem was.”

  “Well,” Ms. Berger said, wiping her oversized glasses clean with a miniature tissue from her front pocket. “I wouldn’t have called you in if I didn’t think Gaia was developing some very antisocial behavior.”

  Tom cringed. Even the smallest indication of Gaia being the least bit troubled felt like a blow to the back of the head. Within two seconds of this little parent-teacher meeting, Tom was already convinced that he ought to quit the Agency, accompany Gaia to school every day, sit next to her in one of those uncomfortable miniature blue chairs, and ward off all the potentially evil first graders.

  “I know Gaia can be rather strong willed at times,” he said, trying not to be defensive, but being so just the same. “I could certainly imagine her getting a little prickly if a kid was mistreating her.”

  “Well, actually, Mr. Moore…” Ms. Berger looked a little hesitant to finish her sentence. “I’m not sure Gaia is being mistreated.”

  “No?” Tom asked, trying to mask the inordinate amount of relief that gave him.

  “No,” Ms. Berger said, resting her glasses in her extremely curly hair. “I’m afraid that Gaia seems to be the one mistreating other children.”

  “Mistreating?” he asked, trying not to sound quite so incredulous. “That doesn’t sound like our Gaia. I mean, I know she’s been a little more aggressive lately, but we just thought—”

  “A little more aggressive?” Ms. Berger repeated with a wide-eyed stare. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Moore. That was unprofessional of me. But… I can assure you, at least here in school, Gaia has been more than ‘a little more aggressive.’”

  Tom peeked out the window and watched as Gaia tried to teach some of the kids the moves he’d been showing her. That was his daughter. Teaching the other kids.

  He turned back to Ms. Berger. He wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. He and Katia were concerned, and they were looking for any advice or answers they could get.

  “A lot more?” he asked.

  “A lot more,” she confirmed.

  “Well, how much is a lot more?” Tom asked.

  “I’m sorry…” she replied, looking mildly confused. “I assumed you knew more about this.”

  “About what?”

  “Well, about Jimmy Cantor’s black eye? About Michael Putterman’s sprained wrist…”

  Tom stared at Ms. Berger in utter bafflement. She couldn’t possibly be suggesting that his obsessively good-natured daughter was injuring six-year-old children.

  “I’m… I’m sorry,” Tom said with a slight defensive laugh as he straightened his posture. “You’re not suggesting that my daughter has actually hurt one of the other children in her class.”

  “No, Mr. Moore, I’m not suggesting anything. I’m telling you,” she replied, looking more stern. “And it wasn’t one child, Mr. Moore, it was two. That’s why I asked you to come in. Gaia has developed a rather… frightening temper. And to be completely honest with you, parents have complained that they don’t feel safe having their child in a class with your daughter. I’m quite surprised they haven’t called you themselves. To tell you the truth, Mr. Moore… I don’t know that I feel safe in a classroom with your daughter. I do occasionally have to discipline the children, and I’m not sure I’d be comfortable telling Gaia to—”

  “Wait, wait, wait,” Tom interrupted. “There’s obviously some kind of mistake here, that’s all. Or somebody’s not telling the truth; maybe one of those other children was trying to—”

  “There’s no mistake, Mr. Moore,” she insisted. “We all saw her do these things. The entire class. It was rather shocking, to tell you the truth. And I’m sure your daughter may have had her reasons, but that degree of violence—”

  “Violence?”

  “Yes, Mr. Moore, violence, pure and simple.” Ms. Berger was beginning to look more frustrated and much more concerned. She placed her glasses back on her nose and began to size Tom up more carefully, as if she was perhaps searching now for his “violent” tendencies—the ones he’d apparently passed down to his daughter. “You know, I’d thought you would be a little more receptive to this conversation, Mr. Moore, I really did. I assumed all these lunches you’ve been having with Gaia were meant to help stabilize her, but apparently—”

  “Lunches?” Tom asked, getting more confused by the second. “What lunches?”

  Now Ms. Berger looked downright suspicious of Tom, as if perhaps he was suffering from some kind of mental disorder. “Mr. Moore… you’ve been picking Gaia up for lunch as much as three times a week for the past month. What exactly do you mean by ‘what lunches’?”

  Tom froze. Oh God was the only phrase echoing in his head now. He was now in a state of shock….

  But somehow… he’d also expected it. He’d always expected it. And he’d begun to expect it more. But just not…

  Maybe he had it wrong. Maybe this was a misunderstanding, too?

  “Mr. Moore? Are you all right?”

  “I’m sorry, I think we’re just having a massive misunder—”

  Tom was interrupted by the sound of children hollering. But it wasn’t the usual playful hollering. In fact, the entire playground had gone silent with the exception of the angry shouts of two children. And one of them was Tom’s daughter.

  Ms. Berger gave Tom a quick look that seemed to say, “I told you so,” and then they were both shooting up from their chairs and rushing out the cafeteria doors into the school yard.

  “Leave her alone!” Gaia insisted, placing herself between one of the bulkier boys in her class and a rather timid-looking girl. There, you see? Tom wanted to say to Ms. Berger behind him. She’s not being violent, she’s defe
nding a helpless classmate! Tom and Ms. Berger both walked toward the altercation to break it up.

  “Shut up,” the bulky kid yelled.

  “No, you shut up!” Gaia shouted back, leaning closer and closer to the boy.

  “All right, that’s enough—” Ms. Berger began, but before she’d finished her sentence, the boy had given Gaia a light shove to the shoulder to push her away. And her response almost put Tom into shock…

  The slashing viper. It was unmistakable. It was something Tom had never taught, and would never teach, to his daughter. Gaia had just executed Oliver’s patented kick. And she’d executed it with more precision than even Oliver ever had. Where could she have possibly learned that kick?

  Oh God, no. Please, no.

  But he already knew it. He’d known it before today. He’d felt it.

  Tom suddenly fell back into real time—awoken from his revelations by his daughter’s tears. Gaia was crying. She’d started to cry the moment she’d completed the kick.

  Ms. Berger picked up the boy in her arms, who, thank God, was conscious. She carried him back inside, giving Tom a filthy look as she passed. And now it was only Tom and his daughter, standing fifteen feet from each other on the stark asphalt school yard.

  Gaia turned to watch the boy being carried back inside, and as she turned, she saw her father standing there. And she ran to him, with tears streaming off the sides of her tiny face.

  “Daddy,” she sobbed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he picked her up and held her.

  “It’s all right, Gaia,” he whispered. “It’s all right, sweetheart, it’s over. I know you didn’t mean it.”

  “I didn’t,” she said between short, staccato breaths. “I didn’t mean it; it just… I’m supposed to…”

  “Shhh,” Tom soothed her. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Come here.”

  Tom lifted Gaia back down to the ground and walked farther from the school to the fenced-in perimeter of the yard. He knelt down next to her and looked into her shame-filled eyes.

  “Sweetheart, listen to me now, all right? Can you talk to me?”

  Gaia nodded her head, wiping her forearm across her running nose. Tom dug his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, which he used to dry the tears from Gaia’s face. “There,” he said. “Better?”

  Gaia nodded as her sad eyes drifted out toward the street. He’d never seen his daughter look so guilty. Never.

  “Gaia, listen now,” he said. “I want you to tell me the truth. Who taught you that kick?”

  “You know,” she whispered, darting her eyes back toward the school.

  “Well, tell me again,” he said. He needed to hear it. Not that he wanted to.

  She looked her father deep in the eye, like they were sharing a secret. “Come on,” she whispered. “We’re not supposed to talk about it unless we’re at the place.”

  “What place, Gaia?”

  “The Soldiers’ and Sailors,’” she whispered.

  Oh God. The Soldiers’ and Sailors’ Monument. It had been Oliver’s absolute favorite place in the city when he was growing up. He used to love to train there every day after school. Oh God.

  Stop acting surprised, Tom. You sensed he was back.

  “Gaia,” Tom said. “Just this once, it’s okay to talk about it. Now, just remind me, when is our next little lunchtime session?”

  “At the end of the week,” she whispered. “Friday. For our surprise trip, remember? You’re taking me on a trip. You promised.”

  “Yes,” Tom said, pasting a smile across his face. “Yes, I remember now, sweetheart…. Thank you.”

  That damn Oliver was so smart. He knew Gaia would never trust him if he just walked into her life and tried to steal her away. So he’d been working his way in day by day. In small, imperceptible increments. Imprinting himself as the father before he tried to kidnap her for life. Apparently he’d learned how to be patient during his time away.

  “You didn’t forget our trip, did you?” Gaia asked, looking disappointed.

  Tom looked down at his sweetest of girls and wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could. “No, sweetheart,” he assured her, holding on for dear life. “I didn’t forget. Don’t you worry, Gaia. Everything’s going to be okay. Friday… We’ll be ready.”

  Dressed in Purple

  FINALLY, GAIA THOUGHT AS SHE sprinted down the block into the Soldiers’ and Sailors’ Monument with her knapsack fully packed (she had decided to let Jonathan the field mouse stay home). Her father had left her a message in her cubby at school that he wouldn’t be able to pick her up at lunch but instead to sneak out just before after-school gymnastics was over and run the two blocks to meet him at the monument. She had barely been able to wait it out through gymnastics. For once they’d be doing something fun on a Friday instead of one of those horrible training sessions. She kept trying to guess what it would be. She was praying for the Bronx Zoo, but she would settle for Coney Island or even the Statue of Liberty. She jumped the two black cannons like hurdles as she always did and ran for the sun-drenched center of the concourse, where they always met.

  And sure enough… there was her dad! Waiting for her with a big smile stretched across his square face. He knelt down toward the ground, spreading his arms out wide, looking just like that stone eagle jutting out from the white tower a few yards behind him.

  Gaia crouched down her head and drove herself into his chest like a cannonball.

  “Oompf,” he coughed with a bright laugh, wrapping his long arms around Gaia’s back and nearly squeezing every bit of life out of her. “There she is,” he whispered in her ear. “There’s my daughter. My one and only daughter. All dressed in purple, no less!” He laughed, taking a good look at her.

  “You know purple’s my favorite,” she said, smiling in his eyes.

  “Well, of course I know that.” He smiled, too.

  He ducked his head behind her back. “All packed and ready to go?”

  “Yup,” she said, stretching her thumbs on the straps of her knapsack. “Now will you tell me where we’re going?”

  “Well, I believe that would ruin the surprise, wouldn’t it?”

  “I guess, but—”

  “Don’t worry,” he said. “You’re going to love it. So, then… shall we? The car’s waiting right out on the drive.” He reached both of his hands down to her.

  “Let’s go,” she said. She placed her bag in one of his hands and her hand in the other. And they turned toward Riverside Drive to begin their journey.

  “Gaia!” she heard from behind her in a most familiar voice. Mom?

  Gaia turned around, smiling, hoping that perhaps her mother would be coming with them, too. Maybe that was another surprise for the day….

  And sure enough, there was her mother! And she was standing right next to…

  Wait…

  Gaia was extremely disoriented for a moment, which was unusual for her. For a second I thought I saw… She turned back up to see if somehow he had managed to let go of her hand and walk over….

  Wait…

  He was still holding her hand. So then how can he be… over there? And over here? At the same time? Wait…

  Was she dreaming? She had to be dreaming. Her dad couldn’t stand in two places at the same time. People couldn’t do that. But Gaia was totally sure she wasn’t dreaming. So then how…

  “You’re surrounded, Oliver,” her dad said. The dad that was standing next to her mom, that is. Oliver? Who’s Oliver? My dad’s name is Tom.

  “And how long have you been waiting to say that?” her dad asked in a mean voice. The dad that was still holding her hand. “You sound like we’re twelve years old. Are we still playing cops and robbers, Tom? You still want to play spy games with me? Gosh, I’m flattered.”

  Gaia’s mother and father had started to walk closer and closer to her… and her other father. I don’t understand it. Am I going nuts?

  At some point her mother stopped walking. She stopp
ed a few feet away with a look on her face like she was suddenly incredibly sad, or incredibly angry, or maybe disgusted. Gaia couldn’t really tell. But her dad kept walking, coming toward Gaia… and her other dad.

  And before Gaia could put any of it together, they were face-to-face.

  Her father and her father.

  All Gaia could do was stare at them. What else could she do? She knew she wasn’t dreaming, but she knew this couldn’t be happening. So all she could really do was watch, with her jaw kind of hanging open and not a thing to say.

  “Let go of her hand,” he said. “You shouldn’t have come back, Olly.”

  Her dad named Olly looked at her other dad with a really mean look. “Why would I let go of her hand?” he asked. “She’s my daughter. You know she’s my daughter, Tom.”

  “We don’t know anything, Olly. All we know is that you became very sick. And you need help.”

  “Oh, is that right?” he asked, squeezing Gaia’s hand until it almost hurt. “You listen to me. You already took Katia from me. You think I’m going to let you steal my own child from me as well? Well, then I would say you’re the one who needs some help.”

  “That’s enough,” her dad said. “You’re scaring the girl.”

  I’m not scared, Gaia wanted to say. Just confused. But she said nothing. She was still too freaked out, looking at her two dads.

  “Don’t interfere, Tom. I’m taking my daughter back. That’s all.”

  “No, Olly. No, you’re not. I just told you, you’re surrounded by agents. Now let her go.”

  “Well, Tom… What if I told you that you were surrounded by agents?”

  Gaia began to look all around her. She couldn’t see any agents anywhere. All she could see was the Soldiers’ and Sailors’ Monument and the big sky hanging over the river, turning orange as the sun started to set. She looked back up at her dads. They looked like they wanted to kill each other.

  “Olly!” her father shouted with frustration. “Just let her go. It’s over! Can’t you understand that? It’s over!”

  “Yes, Tom. You’re right. It is over.” With that, he reached inside his coat and pulled something out… a gun. He pointed the gun straight into her other father’s face and…