by E. L. Todd
“No. I had a fight with Finn…”
“Oh…” She was about to grab more fries, but she pulled her hand away and stopped eating. “What did you fight about?” Her tone dropped as her eyes moved down to her food.
“Just stupid stuff…dishes, chores, hogging the laundry machine. Stuff like that.”
She looked up again, her eyes less timid. Her hand reached for the fries, and she placed a few inside her mouth. “That’s bound to happen.”
“And he’s nicer to Soldier than he is to me.”
“Well, Soldier is a lot cuter.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think I need to get my own place soon. The house is big, but not big enough for the two of us.”
“Well, Damon just moved out.”
“The cutie across the hall?” I asked in surprise.
“Yep. Moved to California.”
“That sucks.”
She shrugged. “Nothing was going to happen anyway.”
“Because you aren’t ready to date?”
“Yeah…”
“Tyson was super-cute, but you blew him off. Guess you really aren’t ready.”
“Yeah…I’ll know when it’s right.”
Then telling Finn to back off was definitely the best decision. She didn’t want anything romantic right now, let alone a complicated offer from my brother. That would be more drama for her. Then she would have to deal with the uncomfortable task of telling him no…and making it awkward. “I’m sure you will. So, that apartment is available again?”
“I think so.”
“Wow, that’s perfect. I miss that place. And we can be right next door to each other again.”
“Yeah, like old times.”
I was thrilled to leave Finn’s house and be close to Pepper again. I missed seeing her every morning. I missed watching her walk into my apartment and hijack my food. I missed our closeness. No matter how successful my relationship with Tom was, it would never compare to the special thing I had with Pepper. I needed it in my life to be happy. “Awesome. I’ll talk to the manager after work today. Finn will be happy to get his space back, and I’ll be happy to let you steal all my food again.”
“I don’t steal all your food,” she countered.
“Just breakfast every morning,” I teased. “And a lifetime supply of coffee.”
“Well, you got the coffeemaker in the divorce.”
“It’s like twenty-five bucks. Don’t be so cheap.”
She threw a fry at my nose. “I paid for your lunch. Now look who’s cheap.”
It bounced off my face and landed in my tray. I picked it up and ate it, chuckling at her comeback. The easiness of this relationship was what I loved about it. It was the most stable relationship I’d ever been in. I felt more love from her than I ever did my own parents. How could I risk the best thing in my life by giving Finn my permission? Pepper would get hurt. I would get hurt. There was too much at risk.
I couldn’t risk the best thing that ever happened to me.
22
Pepper
It was late in the evening when a knock sounded on the door. I was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine, with paperwork on the coffee table. The nice thing about owning my own business was I got to be the boss. But that also meant I had to take work home after hours. Even when I wasn’t on the clock, I thought about the success of my business.
I assumed it was Finn because no one else would stop by unannounced.
My heart started to thump.
I opened the door and found him on the other side, looking irresistible in his t-shirt and jeans. A shadow was on his jaw because he’d skipped the shave that morning. It was unusual for him to forgo his hygiene process, but the stubble looked good on him. His eyes bored into mine with their usual intensity, but there was definitely a hint of something else, something darker. Being with Finn these last few months had taught me how to read him. To a stranger, he looked moody all the time, but for me, I could see the difference. “Something wrong?”
He stared at me for several heartbeats before he welcomed himself inside my apartment. He shut the door behind him then slid his hand up my neck and deep into my hair. His kiss accompanied the movement, his soft lips taking mine with masculine ownership. His arm circled my waist and squeezed me against his hard body.
I stopped worrying about his troubles and only cared about his desire. My one hand gripped his arm while the other snaked up his chest. The breath left my lungs as he took all of it, devouring me like his favorite meal.
He breathed into my mouth as he kissed me, his body guiding me backward toward the bedroom. When we reached the foot of the bed, he squeezed me against his chest then lifted me onto the bed.
I was in my plaid pajama bottoms and a thin white t-shirt that showed my nipples through the hard fabric. My nipples hardened to diamonds as he yanked my bottoms off then slid my panties down my legs.
I pulled my shirt over my head and watched him stare at my naked body, not the least bit turned off by my lack of makeup. My tits firmed slightly against my body, feeling the cold draft mix with the heat of his gaze. My heartbeat was so strong in my chest, I felt it pound like a drum. My heart matching the cadence of my pulse in my wrists, my body was in hyperdrive. I’d been with this man so many times, but he always made it feel like the first time, the first night we gave in to our passion.
Like a private stripper, he pulled his shirt over his head and revealed the chiseled torso along with his life story written in ink. The dark color of the images didn’t mask all the subtle details of his sculpted physique, of all the hard work he put into perfecting his body. He wasn’t just visually appealing, but so strong, he was ready for war at any moment. His jeans and boxers came off next, showing the bottom half of his perfect body.
Instead of staring at his best feature, I moved my eyes to his gaze, seeing far more beauty deep inside that gruff soul. My thighs squeezed together because this man was so beautiful on the surface, but I adored everything underneath much more. He was honest, humble, and brave. He had his own insecurities, but I saw a man who’d earned my respect a million times over. I didn’t just love his looks, but the appearance of his soul underneath that hard chest. Most women just wanted to sleep with him, and I was no different. But I also felt a lot more for this man.
I felt a lot more for him than anyone else.
Even Colton.
It was a scary thought, to have such strong feelings for a man who wasn’t my husband. I’d loved Colton very much, but it was never like this. It was never this intense, this climactic. There was never a threshold of emotion so profound it made my hands shake. The connection I had with Finn was deeper. It was hard to believe the men were brothers because they were so different.
Completely different souls.
Finn moved on top of me and lowered me to the bed, his lips caressing mine as he took control over the situation. His thick arms widened my legs, and he slid inside me, making all of the movements with perfect fluidity.
I gripped his arms and moaned, unprepared for the sensation between my legs. I’d been with this man so many times, but it always caught me off guard how good he felt inside me. My head rolled back, and I felt his lips caress my neck, gliding over the thick vein that led to my jaw and then down to my collarbone.
I moaned and writhed underneath him, throbbing in sexual catharsis. My fingers gripped him while he rocked into me, sliding through my tight arousal where he belonged. My mouth moved to his, and I kissed him as he took me, as he claimed my mind, body, and soul.
This man made me feel confident, made me feel beautiful. I used to be ashamed of my divorce, but he showed me that a real man wouldn’t think less of me, that there was nothing to think less of. He put me back together when no one else did. He made me realize my value, that I was just as desirable as I was before my husband admitted he was gay and left me.
He fixed me when I didn’t realize I was broken.
That gratitude mixed with affection and bec
ame something much greater. Sleeping with him was wrong, but since it felt so right, I stopped feeling guilty about it. I didn’t know where this would go, but I wanted to enjoy the ride as long as possible.
My alarm woke me early the next morning.
Finn was gone.
I got out of bed and walked into the living room, finding him sitting on the couch fully clothed. The TV was off, and he stared at his joined hands between his knees. He didn’t look up at me and call me baby. It seemed like he didn’t want to look at me at all.
I’d forgotten his demeanor last night because we got swept away by the unbridled passion. The kisses silenced my words, and the deep connection between us chased off everything else.
But now the problem had returned.
I sat beside him on the couch. “What is it?” I knew it wasn’t a problem with us because he made love to me like I was the only woman in the world who mattered. He made me feel like the only woman he’d ever been with.
He still didn’t answer.
“Colton told me you had a fight. I’m sure it’ll blow over.” My hand moved to his.
He slowly turned his face toward me. “He told you that?”
I nodded. “Said living together had become tense. You’re fighting about the dishes and the laundry…said he should probably move out and give you your space.”
He faced forward again, his hand not reciprocating my affection. He kept it in place, but his fingers showed no signs of life. “That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?” I whispered. “You’ve changed your mind about telling him about us?” Maybe now that they were butting heads, he wanted to let things cool down before he dropped this bomb on him. The timing wasn’t right.
He was quiet again, still and so silent, it seemed like he was ignoring me. He pulled his hand away and brought them together on his thighs. Eye contact was usually his signature quality. He was never afraid to stare at me to the point I was uncomfortable. But now, that intimacy was gone. He preferred the blank TV instead of my face. “Yes.”
I didn’t reach for his hand again even though I was desperate. My fingers yearned for his touch, just for the assurance that everything would be alright. He was so distant from me. Last night, we were so entangled, we were practically one person. “Oh…”
He rubbed the back of his neck, like he was a massaging a kink. “I’ve been thinking about us lately, and I started to wonder if we were making the right decision. Telling Colton will obviously make him upset. It’ll cause tension among all three of us.”
“But I can’t keep lying, Finn.”
“I know. Neither can I.” His masculine voice deepened slightly. “But I don’t think it makes sense to go that route unless this is going somewhere. I like you a lot, Pepper, but you know what I want in life. I’m not looking for a wife. I don’t want a family.”
The statement felt like a knife right in my throat. “I’m not asking for marriage, Finn. I’m not asking for anything right now… We haven’t even had a real relationship.”
“I know.” He bowed his head slightly. “I just don’t think it’s worth taking the risk with Colton unless that’s what we’re fighting for. I don’t see anything serious happening between us, so we’re putting our relationships with him in jeopardy for nothing.”
When I finally understood what was happening, my throat went dry.
Finn was dumping me.
He didn’t want me longer than a few weeks. He said I was different from the others, but I wasn’t different enough. Our relationship wasn’t worth fighting for because we didn’t have a relationship at all.
Geez, that hurt.
I knew I shouldn’t have expected anything from him because he never really offered anything. He’d never promised me we would have anything. He’d never talked about the future, and he’d never told me he loved me.
I was hurt because I’d fallen for him.
So fucking hard.
In the back of my mind, I guess I’d hoped something more would happen. I’d hoped Finn and I would have a slow relationship that would eventually blossom into forever. He said the sweetest things to me, that I was the kind of woman he wanted.
Maybe my heart absorbed those words too deeply.
Maybe I believed them too much.
Maybe I should have kept my walls up higher instead of letting them crumble.
Maybe I should have remembered that Finn was a player.
Not the boyfriend type.
I did my best to keep my face stoic because I refused to show my pain. He crushed me, but I refused to let him see the debris of my heart. I should have known he was too good to be true. I should have known that this beautiful and perfect man wouldn’t seriously want me. Maybe he only wanted me because I was the only woman in the world who was off-limits.
He turned to me after several minutes of silence. “I think it’s for the best.”
I kept my eyes dry as I nodded slightly. “Yeah…maybe it is.”
He kept examining me, like he was looking for signs of my distress.
I refused to show them. I was too stubborn to let that happen.
“I’m sorry.” His eyes were full of remorse as he whispered the phrase, like he truly hated what was happening.
Did he hate that we were breaking up? Or did he hate the fact that he hurt me?
I guess it didn’t matter.
I cleared my throat so the tears wouldn’t be audible in my voice. “Nothing to be sorry for.”
He continued to watch me, his eyes not as confident as they usually were. “I hope we can be friends.”
The last thing I wanted to do was watch him pick up women at bars and take them home. I didn’t want to see all the pretty girls buy him round after round. I didn’t want to listen to Colton mention his brother’s conquests in passing. That would kill me. But I couldn’t cut him out of my life either. That would make things complicated for Colton, which wouldn’t be fair. I had to take the high road. “Of course.”
He faced forward again and sighed. “I should go.” He rose to his feet and headed to the door, dismissing the conversation like he hadn’t just broken my heart.
I followed him to the door, using all my strength to keep my composure. Letting my tears fall wouldn’t make this easier. Even if he held me, it would just remind me that I had to let him go.
He wasn’t mine anymore.
He opened the door then turned around to face me, like he considered kissing me or hugging me goodbye.
But he didn’t do either of those things. “I’ll see you later.” He gave a slight nod then walked away.
Walked away like I meant nothing to him.
I stayed on the threshold and stared at the door across the hall, listening to his footsteps as they grew quieter with distance. He came to my doorstep last night, whisked me away for a night of lovemaking, making me fall head over heels. Then he turned cruel and dropped me the next day.
It was torture.
I shut the door and slowly returned to the couch, moving as if in a trance. I had to get to work and open the store, but work seemed like the least important thing in my life right now. All I could think about was the heat behind my eyes, the tightness of my throat, the storm that was slowly brewing.
The hot tears emerged and streaked down my cheeks.
Then I started to cry.
The week passed in a blur.
My nights were restless, and my days were exhausting.
The most difficult part was pretending to be okay when I wasn’t.
I had lunch with Colton, and even though he asked me if something was wrong many times, I lied and said everything was fine. When I went out with Stella and Tatum, I forced a smile on my face and laughed harder than necessary, even when something wasn’t that funny. Inside, I was completely dead.
I didn’t realize how I felt about Finn until he was gone.
When I’d signed those divorce papers, I was a mess.
But now I was worse.
I wasn’
t sure what I’d expected out of Finn. It was messy and complicated and there was no future right from the beginning, but that logic didn’t cushion my broken heart. I could control my mind, but I couldn’t control my feelings.
I didn’t see or hear from Finn over the course of the week.
I wasn’t sure what I would do once I saw him again.
Could we ever really be friends?
I was sitting on my couch staring at the wall when a knock sounded on the door. “Pepper, it’s me.”
I recognized Colton’s voice and felt foolish for hoping it would be Finn. I opened the door and plastered a fake smile on my face. “What’s up?”
He invited himself into the apartment. “I talked to the landlord. I got the apartment back.”
“Really?” I asked, doing my best to pretend to be happy. It would be nice having him across the hall again, but I was too numb to feel anything. I started to notice a correlation between Colton and my lovers. Colton seemed to interfere with every romantic relationship I ever had. Maybe I would never have a successful relationship when we were this close. But I still couldn’t give him up. “That’s awesome. When do you move in?”
“Next week. You can get your free coffee again.”
I chuckled. “Yeah…that will be nice.”
“So let’s go out tonight to celebrate. I’ll round everyone up.”
The last thing I wanted to do was see Finn, but I couldn’t avoid him forever. It was inevitable. Every interaction with him would be painful, until one day, it would just stop hurting. I thought I would never get over my divorce, but I somehow managed that. I could get over this too.
At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
23
Colton
Finn was in a particularly bad mood that week.
He was always short and cold anytime we spoke, and he spent most of his time in his bedroom with the door shut. He didn’t watch the game downstairs or cook dinner on the stove. I wasn’t even sure what he was eating because he hardly showed his face.