Lindsay's Legacy

by Jones, Janice

  “I wonder if Tawanda is going to bring her daughter.”

  “Shauna was there already. She came with Sha’Ron,” Cody explained. Lindsay nodded her understanding.

  “So what do you say when we get home, we start talking about us having another child?”

  Lindsay’s clear eyes became as big as flying sau cers. She choked on her own saliva and fell into a fit of coughs, spitting and sputtering while Cody stared at her in horror. He decided to pull into the first available parking spot to make sure his wife was going to be okay.

  “Baby, what happened? Are you okay?” Cody grabbed her right arm and held it high above her head while gently rubbing her chest with his other hand. To those passing by, it probably looked as if he were publicly fondling a woman in the mall parking lot. But Cody was far beyond caring what anyone thought. His only concern was Lindsay’s health.

  After a few more moments the coughing stopped and Lindsay was able to breathe normally again. Cody had caught her so very off guard with his question. There was no warning, no sign; nothing to prepare her for his request to start planning for another baby. She knew the subject would eventually resurface. In truth, there was nothing she could really do to prepare for it.

  Not wanting to lie any longer to her husband, she decided she would finally tell him the truth. She would like to have the luxury of doing it in her home as he suggested.

  “Cody, I’m fine now. Thank you. I’m sorry I startled you as I did.”

  Before she could expound further, Cody asked, “Does the thought of us having another child upset you so much, Lindsay?”

  If you only knew, Lindsay thought. She was determined to tell him everything the moment they got home.

  “Cody, I was a little taken by surprise by what you said, but, baby, as you said, we will discuss it when we get home.”

  Cody eyed her a little suspiciously, unsure why his talking about them having a baby would unnerve her so. This was not the first time he had brought up the subject, so why the distress? He would respect her desire to speak further once they reached home as she asked, however, and not bring it up again in the car.

  Lindsay did her best to not allow her nervousness to show outwardly. She tried to keep her fidgeting to a minimum, but she had no control over the perspiration that broke out on her forehead and upper lip. What would she say? How would she explain what was going through her head and heart at that time in her life?

  Prayer! Prayer is what she needed right now. For the duration of the ride home, Lindsay closed her eyes and prayed about how to best tell Cody news that would crush him and possibly change the way he viewed her forever....

  When the couple arrived at their home, Lindsay was more nervous than she ever remembered being; and it showed. Cody became so concerned, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to have the conversation anymore.

  “Lindsay, baby, I don’t know why the subject of us trying to have another child discombobulated you so, but clearly it did. Maybe we should talk a little later in the future. You are obviously not ready to talk about this now, let alone begin planning to make it happen,” Cody expressed once they got in the house.

  Lindsay’s shoulders visibly relaxed. Her eyes instantly brightened, and the beginnings of a smile began to show on her face. She couldn’t believe she had actually dodged the bullet that could have possibly ended the life of her marriage.

  “Cody, no, baby. We need to talk. There’s something I need to tell you.” What! Did that just come from my mouth? Lindsay thought.

  Cody sat on the sofa in the family room. Lindsay sat across from him on the love seat. Cody found the seating arrangements to be odd, which further added to his bemusement about this whole situation. He said nothing, however. He simply sat quietly waiting for his wife to shed some light on this dark cloud of confusion.

  “Cody, I don’t even know how to begin. But I need you to allow me to speak, to just get this all out before I chicken out and change my mind. Please don’t interrupt me until I’m done.”

  Cody nodded his head in agreement while his heart beat to a crazy tune of the fear medley that played within him. He was now very afraid of what Lindsay was going to tell him, though he had no idea what it could possibly be.

  Lindsay took a deep breath in an effort to steady her nerves, to absolutely no avail. No amount of oxygen or carbon monoxide was going to help her deliver to her husband the most difficult news she had ever had to share with him. So she forged ahead.

  “Cody, back when we were involved in our affair, while I was still married to Shaun, I became pregnant with your baby. Because I believed I still loved Shaun and I wanted our marriage to work, I aborted that baby.”

  Cody’s face registered a level of complete shock and extreme pain. His features contorted into an expression Lindsay had never before seen on her husband’s face. She kept talking to stay with the momentum; otherwise, she would retreat and begin lying, doing her best to convince Cody she made up her story and create some crazy reason as to why.

  “Because of my spiritual beliefs, I started feeling very guilty and very convicted for having destroyed the life of my baby. So I punished myself even further by taking away my ability to ever conceive again. I had a tubal ligation and had the doctor fix it so the procedure was irreversible. Cody, I can no longer have children.”

  Cody crossed the room in a flash, pulled Lindsay up by both her arms, and screamed in her face. “I need for you to look me in the eyes and tell me that I did not just hear you say that you aborted my child without telling me and that you can never have a baby with me!”

  Lindsay dropped her head and began to sob as she nodded her confirmation to Cody’s statement.

  “No! I said for you to look me in my face.” He roughly grabbed her chin, forcing her to face him.

  “Cody, I aborted the baby we conceived together. Now I can’t have any more children.” She choked out the words in spite of the sobs in her voice and the watery pain that poured from her eyes.

  Cody stared at Lindsay for what seemed like hours. He held his stare long and brutally hard, never moving a muscle. Lindsay dared not look away from the cruel expression painted on his face. She was frightened of Cody for the first time since knowing him. From somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she remembered the one time Shaun, or any man, for that matter, had ever hit her. She remembered that it was because of something she had done with respect to his child. Now she stood before Cody, who also looked like he could beat her unconscious because of what she had done to his child.

  Suddenly Cody moved, and Lindsay jumped. Before she realized what happened, he shoved her onto the love seat and quickly stalked away from her.

  Lindsay sat stunned on the love seat in the same position for a very long time. She cried as her eyes and chest burned. She continued to cry even when she believed there was no more water left in her body. She cried until she heard the side door slam and the sound of the garage door being raised. She then bolted upright and ran to the door just in time to see Cody backing out of the driveway.

  Lindsay ran upstairs to their bedroom to find her nightmare had gotten worse. Cody had packed a suitcase before he left, letting her know his return would be none too immediate. She flopped onto the bed and cried some more.

  Lindsay wanted to call Cody, to ask him where he was and where he was going. She wanted to know if he would ever be able to forgive her and if he planned to stay married to her. She desperately needed to know the answer to these questions, but she was equally afraid of what she might hear in his voice—if he even bothered to answer the phone. What if he told her he was completely done with her, her children, and their marriage? What if she heard hate in his voice? No! She decided it was best not to phone him because she knew she couldn’t handle hearing anything other than he was on his way home.

  Lindsay lay in bed wallowing in her misery until she heard Shauntae call for her once she and Li’l Shaun returned from their visit with their siblings. Lindsay had been so miserable that she had
actually forgotten the children were out or what time they were due to return.

  “Mom, we’re home. Can you come down? Ms. Keva wants to talk to you,” Shauntae yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

  Oh no, Lindsay thought. Now was not the time for her to have a conversation with anyone. She did not want her children to see her this distraught. Nor did she want Keva to know she was having such serious trouble in her marriage.

  “Mom, are you here?”

  “Yes, baby. I’m in my bedroom.” Lindsay did her best to keep her voice from cracking under the weight of her sorrow. She decided instantly to get up and put on a fictitious bravado for the sake of her children and the brief visit of her houseguest.

  She jumped from the bed and went to her bathroom to do her best to right her face. She then headed downstairs with the express intent of quickly getting rid of Keva. She would decide how to deal with her children after that.

  “Hey, you two,” Lindsay said as she individually hugged each child. “I hope you had a great time. I want you to tell me all about it as soon as I’m done talking with Ms. Keva.”

  The kids acquiesced to their mother’s request. They took off up the stairs, each headed to their respective rooms.

  “Okay, girl, what’s up? Your eyes are as red as fire engines and as swollen as my belly will be soon. Do you want to talk about it?”

  Lindsay didn’t realize how badly she looked. She stood with her mouth gaping wide open after Keva’s assessment and seemingly sincere offer to listen to what was ailing her heart. Keva’s instinct reminded her of how Shyanne always knew when something was not right with her. Realizing how much she needed and truly missed her best friend was nearly her undoing right in front of Keva.

  “Don’t worry about me, Keva. I’m fine. Thank you for bringing my kids home. Now go on and get back to your ... husband ... before he leaves ... you.” Lindsay’s voice cracked and the tears came tumbling down.

  “Nay, girl, give me one minute. I’ll be right back,” Keva said before exiting the foyer. She quickly returned to find Lindsay still standing in the same spot as if the tears that fell from her eyes and landed on the floor caused her to grow roots to that very spot.

  “Let’s go in the family room and talk.” Keva gently pulled Lindsay in the direction she wanted her to walk. She moved like a zombie, seemingly unaware of what was going on around her.

  Once they reached the family room, Keva gently positioned Lindsay onto the sofa, then sat down right beside her, holding both her hands.

  “Talk to me, Nay. Tell me what has you so brokenhearted.”

  Lindsay continued for several moments to sit catatonic, not mumbling a word. Finally, though, she began to rub Keva’s hands. Keva was happy to see some sign of normalcy, but she didn’t want to rush Lindsay into anything. She patiently waited until she was ready to talk.

  “He left me, Keva. Cody packed his stuff and left me.”

  “What? Why? What happened? You two seemed fine just a couple of hours ago,” Keva replied in total shock.

  “We were fine a couple of hours ago, sort of, anyway. The thing that happened today actually started several years ago. Cody just found out about it today.”

  “Is it something you can talk about? If it’s not, I can just sit here with you and we can talk about nothing in particular until you feel better.”

  Lindsay looked at the woman who sat next to her gently caressing her hand and saw Keva’s face, but the voice came from a heart that reminded her of Shyanne. Before she knew it, she had given Keva the full lowdown on why her husband had left her.

  “So there is my drama in a nutshell. I kept the truth from him, I can no longer have children, and he has left me.”

  “Wow, Nay. That is rough. But listen to me. I don’t know your husband very well. In actuality, not at all, but the fact that he orchestrated the reunion with the kids, the fact that he loved you through all of your drama with Shaun, and the fact that he’s a Christian speaks volumes about your husband. Sure, he’s upset right now, but I think he will come around and forgive you. I can’t say, nor will I hazard a guess at when he will return, but I believe in my heart that he will come home.”

  “I hope you’re correct, Keva. I really hope you are.” Lindsay began crying again as she silently prayed that Keva’s prophecy was true.

  Keva wrapped her arms around Lindsay, simultaneously hugging her and rubbing her back. She held on until the tears subsided and Lindsay was able to speak again.

  “Thank you so much for listening to me and staying with me. I assume you sent your husband home. If you’re ready to go, I’ll get ready to drive you home.”

  “How about I stay here with you? I feel like you are going to need some help getting through this evening if Cody doesn’t come home tonight.”

  “Keva, I can’t ask you to do that. What about your husband and child?”

  “You didn’t ask. I offered. Cheval and Kevaun will be okay for one night. Trust me. It’s all good.”

  As if the matter was completely settled, Keva pulled her cell phone from her purse and dialed her husband. She explained to him that Lindsay needed her to stay. He obviously gave his blessing, and Keva ended the call, telling him she loved him. Hearing Keva share such love with her husband caused more tears to fall from Lindsay’s eyes. She controlled herself this time, only allowing her eyes to water. No sobs.

  “Nay, girl, I hate you are dealing with this, but I’m here for you. You go ahead and cry, weep, fall apart if you need to. This is a very difficult situation. God is here with us. He will catch your tears while I hold your hand.”

  Lindsay lay her head on Keva’s shoulder and let her grief have its way. For about half an hour she cried. After the storm from her eyes let up a bit, Keva gave her a bottle of water. She rehydrated herself, then went to check on her children. She kissed them good night, then returned to Keva in the family room.

  Keva scooted over a little on the sofa to make room for Lindsay, but stayed close enough to extend her hand if needed. Lindsay sat down. The two sat in silence as Lindsay flipped through the channels until she found an interesting looking Lifetime movie. After watching it for a little while, Lindsay reached for Keva’s hand and squeezed it. No words were needed. The gesture spoke volumes.

  Chapter Eleven

  The crisp sun shining through the big windows woke Lindsay from a fitful and uncomfortable sleep. As she twisted she remembered she was on the sofa in the family room, not on the bed in her bedroom. She also realized she was not alone on the couch. She uncurled her body and sat up to find a head full of jet-black hair peeking from beneath the blanketed body of the person who shared her sleeping space. A head and body shaped very differently than that of her normal sleeping companion.

  Suddenly everything became clear. The events of yesterday came back to her with a rush. Lindsay wrapped her arms around her waist and began rocking back and forth. The constant, forceful movement caused Keva to slowly wake from her slumber. She sleepily moved her body to where Lindsay sat. Then she wrapped her arms about Lindsay’s shoulders.

  “Keva, he’s gone. I can’t believe he left me.” There were no tears, but the anguish could be heard in every syllable Lindsay uttered.

  Keva continued to hold Lindsay, but she did so in a way to still her moving body. She was trying to get her to focus so she would listen to her.

  “Nay-Nay, Cody is very upset right now, but he is also a very good man. I believe in my heart and soul that his being gone is only temporary. He loves you and the kids. He will be back. I’m sure of it, Nay.”

  Lindsay heard Keva loud and clear, because she truly needed to believe her words. She let them sink in and permeate her own heart and soul.

  “Okay, Keva. I’m going to hold you to your word and trust that you are telling the truth.” Lindsay unfolded her arms from her waist and placed them around Keva. Keva returned her embrace.

  Lindsay looked at the cable box to find that it was 6:45 A.M. “I’m going to make breakfast, t
hen get the kids up so we can go to church. I hope Cody comes to service this morning. Will you stay for breakfast?”

  Keva thought about it for a moment then answered. “Sure, I’ll stay. You owe me a good, hot cooked meal after subjecting me to having to sleep with your feet in my face.” Both women cracked up laughing.

  “I’ll get you a sweat suit to put on so you can at least change clothes. There are extra toothbrushes upstairs in the kids’ bathroom. You can go in and take a shower before they get up, if you want.” Keva and Lindsay extracted themselves from their sleeping quarters and headed up the stairs. After getting Keva settled, Lindsay went back downstairs to cook breakfast.

  After breakfast, Keva call Cheval to come and pick her up from the Vincini house. She then got ready to return home to her family while Lindsay and the kids began preparing for church.

  “Mom, where’s Cody? It just hit me that he did not come down for breakfast.” Shauntae stared at her mother expectantly waiting for what she assumed would be a very simple answer.

  Lindsay felt as if she had never been caught so unprepared in her life. How was she supposed to explain Cody’s absence to the children?

  “Cody had a client in need of a friend last night so he went to stay with him. You know how giving your stepdad is,” Keva quickly replied. Shauntae accepted Keva’s answer, and she and Li’l Shaun headed upstairs to get ready for church.

  “Thank you so much, Keva, for thinking on your feet like that. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to her. I hate that you had to lie for me, but I sure appreciate you for it,” Lindsay said.

  “Yeah, I hate lying too these days, but I really didn’t know what else to say to her. I’ll take that sin to church with me and leave it on the altar this morning.” Keva and Lindsay shared a laugh. Soon, however, Lindsay’s chuckles turned into small sniffles. Keva was again quick to respond with a tender hug.

  “I’m sorry to be such a watery mess, Keva. I’m very concerned about my marriage. But I’m also a little melancholy because you staying here with me last night and supporting me as you have reminds me of Shyanne. You are doing for me exactly what she would be doing if she were still alive. Truthfully, I’m not sure I deserve it. I have made such a mess of everything.”