With Every Breath

by Maya Banks

  SEVENTEEN

  WADE woke, instinctively knowing that Eliza was no longer asleep beside him. She was sitting up, distance between them on the bed, her knees drawn to her chest, a pensive expression marring her beautiful features. She was miles away, her thoughts not pleasant judging by the slight frown and the sorrow in her eyes.

  He shifted quietly so as not to disturb her and then sat up, closing the distance as he scooted toward her, not wanting any space between them. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her side to his chest. She surprised him by laying her head on his chest and emitting a soft sigh that told him he’d been correct that her thoughts were not happy ones.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked quietly, brushing a kiss over the top of her head.

  “What a mess I’ve gotten you into,” she said in a low tone filled with regret.

  “I don’t remember giving you a choice,” he said dryly.

  “He has to be taken out, Wade,” she said earnestly. “I can’t—won’t—just let it go. You can’t ask me to do that.”

  “He needs to be taken down,” he agreed. “But you will have nothing to do with it. I will not let you face that bastard again. Ever.”

  “Then we have to come up with a plan that will work,” she said, for the first time giving him any indication that she was accepting his help.

  He tightened his hold on her, shaken by her quiet acceptance and humbled by her trust, even if she hadn’t given him those exact words.

  “We will.”

  “I have an idea,” she began.

  “Do I want to hear this?” he asked, his tone one of clear warning.

  “You can’t barge into that town and let it be known you’re looking for him or that you have any interest whatsoever in him. He’ll know, Wade. And then whatever plan you’ve come up with will be useless. It has to be me.”

  He was already shaking his head. No way. No fucking way was he putting her in harm’s way.

  “Just listen to me, please. I’ve given this a lot of thought.”

  “All right,” he said grudgingly. “I’ll listen but that’s all I can promise you.”

  “I’ve already announced my presence in town. Not in so many words, but I’ve been seen. Made certain I was seen and that people knew who I was. They know I’m back and I’ve seen the disdain and disgust in their eyes. They blame me every bit as much as they blame Thomas. Maybe more so because they believe I should have been punished too and in their eyes I got away with murder, my role in those murders, and I went free while Thomas was sentenced to jail time.”

  Wade’s jaw tightened and he was filled with murderous rage.

  “He goes free tomorrow so I only have one more day and I need to make the most of it. I need to go back into town. Let it slip that I’m waiting. Let it be known where I am, wherever here is. Bait the trap. Because he’ll come for me. He won’t be able to control himself. We set a trap for him and when he shows, then we take him down.”

  “I take him down,” Wade said firmly.

  She shrugged. “You, me, as long as it’s done but I won’t let you take the rap for me, Wade. I won’t. I’ll claim full responsibility and nothing you can say will make me change my mind.”

  He wanted to shake some sense into her stubborn head. God, but the woman infuriated him even as he admired her sense of justice.

  “Your team is headed to Calvary today,” he said, bracing for her reaction.

  “What?”

  She paled and began to tremble, her eyes wide with fear and panic.

  “Baby, do you honestly think they’d just sit on their hands when someone as important to them as you is in danger? When you wrote what amounted to a fucking goodbye letter and scared the ever living fuck out of them? Dane was completely unhinged. Lost his shit. It took everything I had and all manner of threats to make them sit on their hands for at least twenty-four hours until I could talk to you and we could come up with a plan of action. You matter to them, Eliza. Every bit as much as they matter to you and if you don’t think so then you must not have a very high opinion of the people you work with.”

  “They can’t be here,” Eliza said, her voice shaking, tears welling in her eyes. “Oh God, Wade, I can’t lose them. I can’t lose you. Can’t you understand that? It would kill me if anything happened to any of you.”

  “And you think you’re expendable? You’re wrong. Dead wrong. You matter a hell of a lot to a lot of people and there is no way in hell any of us are going to stand back and let you take the fall for something you hold no responsibility for.”

  She buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging desperately to him.

  “What do we do?”

  “Now that I have a better handle on the situation, I’m going to call Dane and tell him to be very fucking discreet and not to barge into town asking a bunch of questions that will raise suspicion. Their job will be to shadow Harrington once he’s released from jail and monitor his movements. They’re the best. He won’t know he’s being watched. But I want to know what he’s doing, where he’s going, so we’re prepared for any eventuality.

  “As much as I fucking hate the idea of you going into town, you’re right in that it will be you he goes after and if he knows you’re with me then he’s not going to think you’re an easy target and that’s precisely what we want him to think. So you lay the seeds, leave a trail so you are not hard to find and with DSS trailing him plus my own team here for your protection then he’ll be walking right into our hands, which is exactly what we want. But you will not face him. You will not confront him. He’s mine, Eliza.

  “But you aren’t going anywhere alone. I’ll be there, you just won’t see me. My men will be there but you won’t see them either. They’re the best at what they do and no one will ever see them unless they want to be seen. That’s all I’m willing to compromise on. If you can’t deal with that, then we go with plan B.”

  “What’s plan B?” Eliza asked fearfully.

  “Plan B is me handcuffing you to this bed and me leaving my men to protect you while I go into town and make it known that you’re with me and making sure Harrington gets wind of it.”

  “Not much of a choice,” she muttered against his chest.

  He smiled. “No, but it’s the only two choices you get.”

  She sighed. “Then we’ll go with plan A. I need to get up and get into town early. The diner is crowded for breakfast and with Thomas being released in a day, the town is a flurry of activity. All the locals are out. Most know I’m back and they don’t want to miss any drama unfolding. The media will be rolling in as well. It’s going to be a circus.”

  Wade scowled because the very last thing he wanted was that kind of exposure for Eliza. She’d suffered the judgment of others for far too long and they’d crucify her, not only in town but in the media as well. It went against every grain for him to allow his woman to be hurt and tormented like that, but he also knew he had no choice if he wanted to permanently remove the threat of Thomas Harrington so Eliza could finally achieve the peace she so greatly deserved.

  “I need to check in with Dane and make damn sure he knows what he and his team are to do and nothing more. They’ll be on the move shortly. I expect them to arrive by this afternoon and I need them in place. You want coffee?”

  Her face softened at his offer but shook her head. “I’ll just shower and get dressed and head to the diner and have breakfast and coffee there. Go ahead and make your call and then let me know what’s going down.”

  She paused a second, sorrow flashing in her eyes.

  “Tell Dane . . . tell him I’m sorry I let him down.”

  “You didn’t let anyone down,” Wade said fiercely. “They aren’t angry with you, Eliza. They’re worried sick about you.”

  She nodded but the sadness didn’t leave her eyes as she gently extricated herself from his arms and got up to head for the shower. Wade didn’t waste any time placing the call to Dane.

  After
outlining everything Eliza had shared and listening to Dane curse long and hard, Wade outlined the plan and what he wanted Dane and his operatives to do. It clearly didn’t sit well with Dane not to take action and to be low-key but Wade was firm and reinforced his instructions with the fact that if they didn’t follow them to the letter, they could get not only members of Dane’s team killed but also Eliza.

  “I need your best on this, Elliot,” Wade said with utter gravity. “Their job is to not be seen or noticed and to go absolutely undetected. Their only assignment is to tag Harrington the minute he’s released from custody and to shadow his every movement undetected. One wrong move and people die. And if anything happens to Eliza because one of your men fucks up, I’ll have his head and yours. We clear?”

  “We don’t fuck up,” Dane said, ice dripping from every word. “We’ll shadow him and when he makes his move, we’ll be there when this all goes down. You just make sure that Eliza is safe at all times. You get her killed and I’ll have your balls.”

  “Understood,” Wade said smoothly. “Now, how soon can you get up here?”

  “We’re already on our way.”

  There was a brief pause and then Dane grew quiet.

  “You take care of her, Sterling. Make sure you don’t fuck up. I’m trusting you with one of the most important people in my life. And tell her . . . tell her I’ll always have her back and that isn’t ever going to change. I don’t profess to know what’s going on in her head right now other than she’s a goddamn mess, but you make damn sure she knows that nothing changes between us or anyone at DSS. She’s ours and she will always be ours.”

  EIGHTEEN

  TRUE to his word, Wade was not visible, nor did she spot any of his men, and he’d introduced her to them before she’d left the safe house to go into town. But she could feel his gaze and how she could discern his from the many other stares she was receiving mystified her, but she knew it was him. His interference and determination to protect her should annoy her—had annoyed her in the beginning—but now she drew comfort knowing he was so close even if she couldn’t actually see him.

  Knowing—feeling—that he was watching her, never taking his eyes off her warmed her all the way through and made her feel . . . safe. More than safe. Cherished.

  Rare and precious.

  Those words he’d said with absolute sincerity, words she hadn’t put much stock in at the time, now meant something because he made her believe them, or at least made her believe that he believed them. He made her feel all of those things. Safe. Cherished. Rare and precious. And it was a heady, foreign sensation. Never before had she been made to feel so important to someone.

  Oh sure, at sixteen she’d convinced herself that Thomas made her feel special but after learning of his abilities and the fact that the moment he was no longer able to manipulate her, her true feelings for him had emerged. He’d made her feel what he wanted her to feel. He’d wanted her to be as obsessed with him as he was with her, but it wasn’t real and it had taken her far too long to recognize that.

  Never would she forget leaving the courthouse, Thomas’s hold on her no longer existing, and the veritable storm of emotions that had swamped her. Anger, humiliation, sorrow but most of all . . . hatred. In that moment she’d hated him with every bit as much passion as she’d once loved him. The realization that she had never truly loved him at all had ripped the few remaining vestiges of her soul into irreparable shreds. Because she’d allowed him to make her feel things she hadn’t ever truly felt for him. It had all been a carefully orchestrated deception, her choices taken, leaving her powerless to his control. She’d felt violated. Raped. Not physically but emotionally because he’d raped her mind, had taken everything from her and left her with nothing.

  She hated him for giving her false hopes and dreams. For making her believe for a brief time that all the things she’d longed for her entire life were finally hers and leaving her crushed beyond repair because where she had nothing before, now she was nothing. Unworthy, unloved without the ability to ever dream of better again. She didn’t deserve better and never would. And damn Wade Sterling for giving her the first stirring of hope when she’d refused to ever travel down a path that only led to heartbreak and shattered dreams.

  Rare and precious? It was a lie. The idea that he had made love to her was a lie. It was sex. Nothing more and she was a fool for pretending even for a few beautiful, stolen hours.

  She exited the diner after an hour-long breakfast where she’d suffered the scrutiny of countless gawkers. It seemed that the entire damn town suddenly descended on the diner to the point it was standing room only, all tables filled and no space available at the long bar by the register where people usually sat when they were only having coffee or just eating alone.

  Some didn’t even make the pretense of being there to eat. They walked by her table at the window, staring shamelessly, judgment in their eyes, disapproval twisting their lips. Some openly sneered. A few bolder than the ones who looked and judged in silence made no secret of their contempt and had no issue voicing it loudly enough to be heard in the crowded diner.

  Eliza never responded, never said a word. She ate in silence, not giving anyone the satisfaction of getting a reaction from her.

  Her shoulders sagged as soon as she was down the block and out of sight of the prying eyes from the diner. Her eyes briefly closed and the courage and bravado she’d clung to like a shield for the last hour seeped from her bones like a deflating balloon. Her hands shook and she stuffed them into the pockets of her jacket, refusing to allow anyone to see her outward show of weakness.

  And then she felt it again. A warm prickle of awareness that immediately melted the ice forming in her soul. Wade. She didn’t even bother turning to look for him. She knew she wouldn’t find him. Just knowing he was there bolstered her flagging reserves. It comforted her and terrified her in equal parts.

  When had she ever depended on anyone except herself? Yeah, she depended on Dane, her team, but in a professional capacity and they depended on her every bit as much as she depended on them. They had to in order to keep each other alive. There was no such reciprocity when it came to Wade and there was nothing professional about her sudden dependency. It was personal and she had no idea how the hell it happened or when.

  Or why she wasn’t fighting it. Why was she accepting it? Had she not just moments before chided herself for being stupid and for believing the lies that both she and Wade were guilty of believing?

  Had she turned into the very thing that had gotten her into this horrific mess to start with? A needy, clingy woman wanting to be loved, equating sex with something more and becoming emotionally attached to a man who until a few days ago she had loathed the very sight of and expecting more and reading more into the situation because it reopened an old wound and reawakened the fierce longing to love and be loved?

  Or had she become so adept at hiding her emotions, closing herself off to others and lying to herself that she hadn’t recognized the simple truth that she’d been fiercely attracted to Wade Sterling from the very first time she’d gotten into his face and snarled at him?

  It’s a lie, Eliza. It’s all a lie. Stop doing this to yourself.

  Movement in her periphery diverted her attention from the disastrous direction her thoughts were headed and she gratefully turned, welcoming the reprieve, even knowing it was temporary because now that she’d finally been honest with herself and acknowledged what had been staring her in the face for months, she knew that those thoughts—and Wade—weren’t simply going away.

  Her brow furrowed and she frowned as she viewed the convoy of media vans driving down Main Street, stopping, to her dismay, directly in front of the diner and parking alongside the grassy knoll in front of the courthouse.

  People poured out of the diner and Eliza shrank back, taking refuge in the tight space between two buildings where she could see but not be easily seen by others. Camera crews got out and began setting up equipment on the gras
s while reporters and their cameramen did a check of their mics. One even began rolling footage with the reporter looking into the camera, a serious expression on her face as she gave her report.

  What the hell was going on? Surely Thomas’s release wouldn’t cause this kind of uproar. Local coverage, yeah. Eliza would have expected that. But there was a CNN crew as well as media personnel from Fox News. In addition to the national media, there were also crews from news stations in Portland and Salem. Hell, even California and Washington state had crews here, San Francisco and Seattle being the most prominent.

  What the ever loving fuck?

  A prickle of apprehension chased away the awareness of Wade’s vigilant gaze as she took in the hubbub and the ever growing crowd gathering at the now roped off area between the street and the grassy area where the media had set up camp. Damn it, she needed to get closer so she could find out what was up. The last thing she needed was this much focus and awareness.

  This could well fuck up her one and only chance at taking Thomas down for good and there was no way in hell she was letting the bastard slip through her fingers, enabling him to pick up where he left off. Torturing, raping and killing women who were powerless once he had them in his thrall.

  As she stepped from her hiding place, she could actually feel the heat of Wade’s angry stare. Could hear him in her mind telling her to get the fuck away and not take unnecessary risks. She was only doing what she’d set out to do and what she and Wade had agreed that she would do. Make sure her presence was noted and not be discreet about where she was staying.

  With that in mind, she strode swiftly toward the crowd, half afraid Wade would suddenly appear and haul her away. When she reached the edge of the crowd where a dozen or so people hung back more loosely, choosing to observe from a distance, she stopped, pretending interest in the goings-on in front of her.

  But she took in the people closest to her from the corner of her eye, looking for her best option to approach. Only two seemed not to have noticed her yet, so hoping to catch one of them off guard and not give them time to recognize her, judge and then dismiss her, she skirted around behind the others and approached the older of the two men who hadn’t appeared to have noticed her presence yet.

  “What on earth is going on?” Eliza asked in a breathy, excited sounding voice.

  She had positioned herself slightly to the left but behind the man so he would have to turn to see her fully.

  “Big press conference happening tomorrow,” the man muttered as he began turning.

  Eliza braced, curling her hands still stuffed in her pockets into tight fists as she waited for the inevitable.

  He stared at her a long moment, regarding her thoughtfully. “You’re her, aren’t you? That girl who turned that sadistic bastard in to the police and then testified against him at his trial.”

  To Eliza’s complete surprise there was no disgust or condemnation in his eyes or expression. It was such an overwhelming pleasant surprise that she found herself dropping the act of the lovesick fool who’d come back for her man when he was released.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “It was a brave thing you did, young lady. You were only a child. Not many would have had the guts to do what you did.”

  There was honest to God sincerity and admiration in his tone and his eyes were kind but she also saw pity.

  “Why is there going to be a press conference?” she asked, pressing her momentary advantage and the fact he hadn’t already turned away in disgust. She needed all the intel she could gather because this had not been expected and it could put a serious kink in the meticulous, cold-blooded vengeance plan she’d spent days and weeks putting together.

  Now disgust blatantly chased away the softness to his features, but it wasn’t directed at her. He shook his head, anger flashing in his eyes. He jabbed his thumb over his back in the direction of the media crews setting up on the lawn of the courthouse.

  “There’s going to be some huge, nationally televised press conference when that spawn of Satan gets out of jail tomorrow.”

  Eliza’s brow furrowed in genuine confusion and it took every bit of her will to control her growing agitation. “Why on earth would this gain the attention of networks like CNN and Fox News?”

  “He asked for one. You didn’t know? It’s all everyone is talking about.”

  Eliza smiled, or tried, but even she knew it was a pathetic attempt. “No one here speaks to me, or rather some do, but they don’t exactly strike up a conversation. They tell me exactly what they think about me and then go on their way. So no, I didn’t know.”

  Pity once again flashed in the older man’s eyes, this time more pronounced, and it made Eliza inwardly flinch. She wasn’t sure which was worse. The obvious hatred directed at her or pity. Neither was welcome or pleasant.

  “Not right the way they’re treating you,” he muttered. Then he paused a moment and cocked his head, studying her until she was almost twitching with discomfort. “If you didn’t know about the press conference, then why are you here? Why would you come back to a place where you’re treated like garbage and people make no secret of their hatred? Word is you’re still in love with him and you’re here for him, but I don’t buy that. It’s been a long time. If you were that in love with him and willing to take him back after what he did, then you would have never turned him in and faced him in a courtroom and named him for what he was.”

  Eliza clenched her jaw and inhaled rapidly, vowing to fight the sudden sting of tears that threatened to well.

  “I didn’t believe it,” she said softly, telling a half truth. “I couldn’t believe they could set him free after what he did. I had to know, to see for myself.”

  “Going to give you some advice, girl. Get out of town and get as far away as possible and do it now while you have the chance. He’s got something up his sleeve. Most people in his position where everyone knows he’s guilty as hell and got off because of some ridiculous loophole and a dumb-as-a-brick cop not doing his job worth a damn would get out quietly. They’d leave quietly and they wouldn’t want to garner attention or notice. They’d move somewhere they could blend so no one would ever know who he was and what he did. But him? The arrogant bastard had his lawyer call up every network they could think of to set up a press conference on the lawn of the courthouse where he was convicted and he’s going straight to that press conference the minute he’s released.”

  Jesus. This was not good news. Not good at all. It was a fucking nightmare with the potential to be more horrifying than anything he’d previously done.

  “You need to go,” the man said gently. “People are starting to stare. They’re talking and they’re angry and just looking for someone to blame and to take their anger out on. But the biggest reason you need to leave right away is because that man will be looking for revenge and you are the only reason he spent the last ten years in prison. He’s had a lot of time to think on that and to dream about getting his revenge. You aren’t safe here. The people in this town hate you,