by B. K. Leigh
Chapter 14
Raegan
“Thanks for the ride Alice.” I slam the door to her little Honda and head inside the house. When Knox texted me to say he couldn’t give me a ride home Alice offered instead. I’ve been on cloud nine lately I completely missed Kurt’s pickup parked outside.
“Where the fuck have you been Raegan?” My mother’s raspy voice yells from inside the kitchen. She finally got over the horrible flu she had. For weeks she looked like she was on her death bed and for those few weeks I actually had sympathy for her… how wrong was I. As I walk closer to her she’s standing by the kitchen counter pouring herself a glass of brandy her signature drink.
“She asked you a goddamn question.” Kurt spits venom into my ear as his hand latched onto my scalp. I don’t miss the burn of his skin against mine, or the way he kneads his grimy hands into the base of my neck. I feel the hairs start to tear and rip as he slams me back against the wall. He came out of nowhere like a snake striking its prey. I had no time to react at all.
“I-I was at work.” It’s a force to get the words out as I try to regain the breath I lost. Just the force alone knocked the wind completely out of me.
“You was at work.” Kurt’s angry voice mocks me. I look beyond his red face and watch my mother gulp down her second glass of brandy. “You hear that Ivy? Your fucking daughter was at work.” My mom snickers in the corner as Kurt’s iron clad fist grips tightly onto my upper arm. “Did you fucking forget you have a job to do here? Huh?” he sneers.
“No.” I answer meekly. But I did, what a big mistake that was.
“You know better Raegan.” My mother chimes in. “You bring it on yourself.” She barely gets the words out as I feel the sting of Kurt’s hand whip across my cheek. I feel my walls go up. If it they don’t then the damn will finally burst and tears will start to flow. It’s my only salvation.
“Did you forget that I expect dinner on the table when I get home from work?” he jabs a finger into my face. “I work a real fucking job and make real fucking money is it too much of me to ask for one fucking thing?” My eyes travel over to my mother, his wife. Why can’t she do that? Why can’t she cater to his every fucking need?
“No I-I didn’t forget.” I lie. His hand swings back so fast I have almost no time to prepare for the second blow. This one cracks the skin. The diamond on his wedding band must catch the skin upon impact, breaking the flesh all together. I should know better than to talk back to him, but this time I go against my better judgement. Wrong move on my part.
“Well looky here.” My heart drops a beat when I see Kurt’s evil eyes zero in on my chest. Kurt traces a fat finger around the pendant dangerously close to my cleavage. “Raegan’s got a pretty little necklace.” My hand fly’s up to the necklace Knox gave me but it’s no use. Kurt beats me to it and in one swift yank pulls it right from my neck. I feel completely bare, exposed. The tiny little K pendant was like a shield, it protected me from anything and everything, my own piece of Knox when he wasn’t around.
“Give it back Kurt.” My hand swipes out at the silver chain he has dangling in front of him and he slips it into his shirt pocket. Anger engulfs my veins, setting fire to the fuel flowing throughout my body. I swear I look like one of those cartoons with steam coming out of their ears. His hand comes up to my neck adding a little more pressure second by second. It takes only a millisecond to put me back in my place. Gone is the angry lion ready to attack, in its place is a scared little lamb.
“That’s no fucking way to talk to your father Raegan.” My eyes zero in on his and try to convey the utter hatred I feel towards him. This man is not and will never be my father. “I’ll be keeping this as fucking payment for you disappearing the last few weeks. Don’t think I didn’t fucking notice either. You think we’re fucking dumb Raegan?” his hand grips harder and I start seeing spots. “Huh?”
“No.” I squeeze the word out of my crushed windpipe. I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and the tears start to well up in my eyes. Blackness clouds my vision and I know I’m seconds away from passing out.
“I didn’t fucking think so, you don’t get to just whore around with the neighbor boy twenty four seven and walk into my house like nothing fucking happened.” I try to respond, to apologize even though I don’t mean it, but I can barely form a word around his hand pressing against my throat. All I can think about is my necklace sitting in his grimy pocket. I feel like he’s taken a part of Knox from me and my heart is literally aching.
“I want this fucking house cleaned spotless and dinner on the goddamn table every night from here on out. Don’t make me show you the fucking consequences.” His hand grips the back of my neck like an iron claw and throws me forward. I land hard on my knees and wince in pain simultaneously gulping for air.
“I don’t fucking get it Ivy.” He walks over to the liquor cabinet and starts to pour a drink. “I don’t fucking get how stupid she is. Where the fuck did we go wrong?” Their voices turn into mumbled whispers as I lift myself up and start up the stairs. I’ll get it back, I whisper to myself. I’ll get my necklace back, one way or another.
Chapter 15
Raegan
The next morning I didn’t see Knox in Mr. Peter’s class. My text to him went un-answered and left me feeling uneasy. I tried to focus on the lesson but my mind kept wandering back to Knox and the necklace. A piece of me feels like its missing. Kurt and my mother have taken everything from me over the years, my childhood, my happiness and my life. I never thought to hide the necklace like I do the phone. It never once crossed my mind.
That was the last straw. The last time I let them control my life. Any and all love I still hung onto for my mother disappeared while she downed her drinks and watched Kurt abuse me. I felt broken in his grasp. Like I was a little kid again unable to defend myself. It’s taken years to come to this point, the breaking point. But at my breaking point I only feel stronger, not weaker. As if there’s only one way to go from here and that way’s up. Last night I vowed to myself I’d get my necklace back, regain my happiness and finally get my life back. I’m going to make good on that. And I know I have Knox to thank for my new found confidence.
I watch the big hand on clock tick by minute by minute and by the time the bell rings there’s still no sign of Knox. It was hard getting up for school this morning I felt sluggish and drained, like my body had been put through the wringer. The walk to my next class is lonely and quiet until I turn the corner and am grabbed from the side. A high pitched squeal leaves my throat until I hear Knox’s deep voice laughing into my ear.
“Raegan it’s just me.” he chuckles against my ear and pushes me against the wall. I feel myself relax just being within his presence.
“Where were you this morning?” I ask as my hands grip onto his tight black cotton T-Shirt. His muscles are taught underneath and my fingers itch to explore more.
“I’m sorry Rae, I had a late night at the shop and slept through my alarm.” His lips come to mine and gently press against them. I want more though, I always do. This man does things to my body that are uncontrollable. It’s like there’s a fire constantly burning through my veins and Knox is the only way to extinguish it. I crave him, his hands, his lips, and his body. And right now I want him.
In a bold move my tongue dives deep in between Knox’s lips, urging him to take this kiss deeper and further. I feel one of his hands come up to my breast and lightly squeeze. His other large hand comes up to tangle in my hair. I try not to wince but the pain from last night is still raw and fresh. I wore a scarf around my neck so the bruises in front would go unseen. I was hoping I could cover it all up and it seemed to be working up until now. I knew I’d never be able to hide anything from Knox. He sees right through the facade.
“What’s the matter?” Knox pulls back and his breath skirts across my cheeks.
“Nothing, I just missed you.” I try to change the subject, and go into kiss him again when the hand tangled in my hair tightens aga
in sending a sharp burst of pain through my scalp.
“Fuck.” The word slips between my lips uncontrollably and I try to pull out of his grasp but he only seems to lower it to my sore and tender neck.
“Raegan what happened.” Knox takes a step back as he waits for my answer.
“Nothing I just slept on my neck wrong.” I lie right to his face. I know the moment the words come out he’s caught me. I can’t lie for shit, especially when it comes to Knox.
“You’re a shitty liar Rae.” His hand comes up to my hip. “Turn around Raegan.” My cheeks heat up at the tone of his voice. Like I’m a little kid being scolded.
“No.” I try to defy him but there’s no point. Either I do it myself or he’ll do it for me.
“Turn. Around. Raegan.” His voice went from cute and playful to angry and venomous in two point two. I should feel scared standing before this beautiful monster but I know he would never hurt me. I feel completely safe with him, no matter how dangerous he may seem at times, especially now.
When my body’s faced away from him I feel his hands pull my hair up and move my scarf off to the side. The heat of his gaze makes me feel uncomfortable and ashamed.
“Shit.” He spits. “Fucking goddamn Raegan your black and blue for Christ sakes.” He turns me back so I’m facing him once again and lifts my scarf from in front. I watch as his eyes take in the angry black and purple bruises I know for a fact are there. Finger like bruises paint my pale skin from one end to the other leaving little to no area untouched. His usual bright green eyes are dark and stormy as he takes in my insecurities one by one.
“I’m fine Knox.” I grab his face between my hands to try to calm him down. “Knox, I’m fine. “ I try to look into his eyes but I know he’s not having it. I watch the war inside of him fight a battle I know he can’t win or lose.
“The fucker fucking choked you Rae?” his breathing is erratic. He looks like a crazed animal. I try to cover myself back up but his hand swats mine away.
“Knox, it was nothing. It’s noting I can’t handle I’m fine.” I try to plead with him, but he just keeps staring at my skin, replaying everything in his head over and over again. “Please don’t make a big deal of it.” I glance around the small hallway hoping no one else has heard his outburst. Thankfully we’re the only ones around.
“I’m seriously going to fucking kill him! He fucking choked you Raegan.” His fist swings back and slams in to the wall next to my head. The sound vibrates off of the now empty hallways. The bell rang minutes ago, leaving Knox and I completely alone.
“Look at me.” I practically scream into his face as my hands grab his cheeks. His eyes look everywhere but at mine and I struggle to keep him calm. “Knox Caedance I said look at me!” it takes a while but his eyes finally find mine and his breathing returns to a normal rhythm. “I told you I’m fine. I’m here. I’m with you. I. Am. Fine.” My eyes search his for the man I Know is in there. Behind the withering storm is the man I know and love.
“I can’t watch this anymore Raegan, its killing me inside.” His voice cracks. His words are laced with pain.
“It’s just three more weeks Knox, three more weeks and I’m free.”
“I don’t know if I can wait that long.” He sounds broken as he speaks to me. “Wait where’s your necklace Raegan?” He asks as his eyes finally focus. It’s as if he’s seeing me for the first time.
“He took it.” I whisper looking away. I feel my heart crack as the words leave my mouth. I watch his eyebrows scrunch in confusion.
“What do you mean he took it?” there’s a million different ways I can handle this, one way will set him off and the other will hopefully keep him calm.
“He just took it Knox. Once he did he left me alone. I’d rather have that then have to endure what I know he’s capable of.” So it’s sort of an exaggerated lie, but I have to say anything I can to placate him. I don’t want Knox to do anything stupid. Being with him is better than being without him.
“I’ll get you another one Raegan.” He promises. “And I’ll get you out of that fucking house, I pinkie fucking promise you Raegan.”
“I know. I know you will Knox. I know you’ll get me out. It’s all I ever think about, all I ever want.”
“I just want you safe Raegan, your mine. Always.”
“I know Knox, I’m yours. Always.” I place a soft kiss on his lips and his arms wrap tightly around me.
“I don’t want anything to happen to you Raegan, I feel so helpless.”
“I’ll be fine Knox, three more weeks.” I promise against his lips. We stay locked in each other’s embrace for god knows how long, just being together. Our actions speak what we could never say out loud and that’s all we need. Each other is all we need.
Chapter 16
Raegan
“Come on please?” Alice’s begging finally has me caving at her request. She’s been asking me to go to the mall with her all week, and I’ve been desperately trying it avoid giving her an answer. The mall isn’t really my cup of tea. Having never been able to actually afford anything, I just don’t see the point in walking all around for nothing.
“Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?” her bright blue eyes are shining like glitter and her bleach blond hair is pulled high up in a hair tie making her seem all the more young and childish. My resistance falters as soon as she starts to pout and I begrudgingly give in.
“I don’t know I don’t really feel well.” It’s true though, I’ve been feeling like complete shit for weeks. The heavens above thought I could handle more shit in my life and graced me with the same exact flu my mother had.
“Come on Raegan.” she let out a frustrated breath.
“Ugh fine, but I have to be back for seven.” I roll my eyes when she lets out a loud squeal and starts to hop up and down like a little school girl. “You do realize this is going to kill me right?” I joke around.
“Oh come on Raegan, it will be good for you to have a little girl time.” I guess that’s what anyone would think, but to be quite honest I absolutely love spending all of my free time with Knox. He’s my best friend, boyfriend and confidant all in one.
“Fine, I’m going out back to grab another sack of beans.” Once I head to the back I spend the better half of my time trying to come up with any excuse to get out of this trip, but I know in the end I can’t back out on my word. And besides Alice is more than my boss, she’s my friend.
∞∞∞
“Wow Rae… that dress looks amazing on you.” We’ve been at the mall for almost an hour so far and Alice has finally managed to get me to try on a new dress. I agreed only because it just so happened to be Knox’s favorite color. Blue. When we were kids he always used to tell me his favorite color was blue like my eyes and even to this day he still says the same thing.
“You think so?” I ask, staring at my reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror. The dress clings to my figure in all the right places, accentuating the curves of my body.
“You don’t think it’s too short?” the fabric falls just above my bruised knees, but what’s the most revealing is the daring slit that stretches all the way up mid-thigh. It’s not something I’d usually wear, but putting this dress on makes me feel sexy and I just know Knox would have a heart attack if he saw me in this.
“Oh no girl, that dress seriously looks like it was made for you. All you need is a good pair of heels and you’ll be looking like a complete goddess.” She let out a quick whistle and makes her way back into her dressing room, no doubt trying on the stack of clothes she picked out on the sale floor.
I continue to stare at myself in the mirror, subconsciously picking out each and every flaw I see. To make matters worse I had to try on a size bigger than normal. Seems all the meals at Knox’s house have been fattening me up. I was never super small to begin with, besides when I was younger. But ever since I hit puberty my body seemed to fill out nicely. I thought all the years of malnourishment and days without meals would
take its toll on my body, but I guess in that case I got lucky.
“Are you going to get it?” Alice asks from inside her dressing room. I think over all the times I could see myself wearing it and come up completely empty, but decided to get it anyway deciding Knox’s reaction will be priceless. He’s never seen me in anything more appealing than a sweater and jeans and when I’m not wearing one of those I’m not wearing anything at all. My cheeks flush at the thought of being naked with Knox and I have to shake the image away.
“Well?” she pries, clearly getting more annoyed by the minute.
“Yes, could you help me unzip the back?” getting it on was the easy part, getting it off is proving to be more difficult than expected.
“Yeah sure. Here.” She comes through the curtain and steps behind me. I feel her fingers grip the small zipper and slowly start to pull down. I’m in my own little world and barley notice her sharp intake of breath. If it wasn’t for her next words I wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong at all.
“Jesus Christ Raegan what the hell is that?” I turn around as fast as I can to try and hide my bare skin from her but from the pools of tears in her eyes I know it’s too late.
“Nothing, it’s nothing really.” I try to lie and cover myself back up. It’s not like I can explain to her how Kurt can get a little out of hand sometimes. I’m just thankful that for the most part he tries to keep the bruises in unseen places.
“Nothing? Your whole back is covered in bruises and scars how the hell is that nothing?” she’s practically yelling as she points to my bruised back in the full length mirror. A lone tear slides down her face and she swipes away at it. “Raegan your body looks like it’s’ been put through a meat grinder. I wasn’t going to say anything about the bruises covering your legs but jesus Rae, this is freakin’ bad.” Her voice cracks at the end and suddenly I’m the one comforting her.