by B. K. Leigh
The room is dirty and filled with thick cigarette smoke. I cough as I inhale the stale smoke into my lungs and choke as I breathe it out. My first instinct is to not touch anything. And looking around at all of the dirt and grime I really don’t want too, but I force myself to do it anyway. I search in every spot I think Kurt would hide the thin silver chain. The bedside table, the dresser drawers and even under the old lamp that’s been known to hide many things all come up empty. I glance around the room. My heart beats outside my chest as zero in on the dirty old mattress. I snake my arm in between the mattress and box spring and find nothing but folded pieces of papers and odd dollar bills, coming up empty.
As frustration creeps in I slowly spin around the room until my eyes lock on something familiar. The checkered shirt Kurt wore when he ripped the silver chain off of me hangs limply on the closet door. It calls me over and my fingers deftly search around for my missing chain. A smile forms across my face as my fingers latch on and pull out the beautiful necklace I’ve been searching for. I’m so happy I could cry. Without a second to spare I waste no time bringing it up to my neck and clasping it into place.
“So you’re going to steal from me now girl?” Kurt’s bone chilling voice sweeps across the room and sends a shiver down my spine. I jump as his words hit me and a heavy feeling of dread fills me to the brim.
“Kurt! I-I…” I barley have enough time to finish before he lunges himself at me.
Chapter 19
Raegan
As if the communication from my brain to my legs is lagging, it takes a few moments to finally get my body to move. I leap up on to the bed and beeline for the door. I hear Kurt grunt in anger as he’s forced to leap after me. His face is angry and red as I look back just as I squeeze through the bed room door, leaving him in the dust.
“You better hope to fucking god I don’t catch you Raegan! I don’t like thieves inside my fucking house.” his voice booms and the old picture frames on the walls shudder in discontent. His words hold a promise I don’t ever want to reveal. I screech as I run towards the safety of the kitchen and let out a long shaky breath as my fingers slip onto the door handle. I made it!
The smile on my face is short lived as my body is ripped backwards.
“No!” I scream. “No please!” My voice comes out frantic as I know this is it. Kurt has finally snapped.
The hair on top of my head is burning in agony as my body slams full force onto the floor. Black spots spread across my vision making it extremely difficult to get back up. My body clicks into fight mode as I feel Kurt’s grimy hands wrap around my biceps and pull me up. My legs almost cave as the sudden wave of nausea takes over my body causing me to almost double over.
“I told you not to let me get you girl, now you’re going to pay.” My head whips back as his large fist makes contact causing all of the blood to rush forward and hold me captive. For minutes I’m blinded as a rein of heavy fists and loud grunts plow into me over and over again. I’m left speechless and frozen with fear as the life and fight in my body slowly seep out of me.
“What are you doing?” I register the shrill scream of my mother’s voice come from somewhere nearby.
“I don’t like fucking thieves Ivy and this bitch thought she could steal from me.” he drops my limp body to the floor and I hear the exact sound of a zipper being pulled. It’s loud and deafening and has my body searching for every last ounce of fight I have. With his fists at his side he rams a cold hard steel toed boot directly into my ribcage and everything I ate in the past day threatens to come up. I place one hand over my stomach and the other over my head. Over and over his boot comes down until he finally is satisfied.
“What are you doing?” My mother yells as I feel Kurt kneel down next to me. Another hit to the face as my head falling to the side. I feel his thick grubby hands pull at my jeans and my stomach roils from his touch.
“I’m teaching this goddamn daughter of yours a fucking lesson. The bitch has had it coming for a long time now.” The cold air hits my naked skin as my jeans are peeled off of me and are replaced with Kurt’s large body. This is it. This is what it feels like when you’re slowly dying inside. I can feel what’s left of myself slowly seep out of the pores of my body. My dignity and shame disappeared at the first touch.
I always knew Kurt would snap and beat the shit out of me but I never thought he would rape me. I saw the lust filled glances and heated eyes as he ‘disciplined’ me over the years and I can admit it made me uncomfortable and questionable but I never thought I’d see the actually day when Kurt actually raped me.
I try one last time to lift my arms but they just lay limp by my sides. I brace myself for impact and whimper when I feel Kurt lower his body on top of mine. For a moment my whole life flashes before my eyes. Everything I had and could have had with Knox plays like an old record stuck on repeat. Playing over and over again. The day we met. The day he taught me how to ride a bike. The day he left me and the day he came back. The memories with Betty, Mr. Dugal and even Alice all begin to fade away.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
A loud noise causes my limp body to jump, at the same time Kurt’s full body weight slams down onto mine. I try effortlessly to open my eyes as the heavy weight seems to be rolled and pushed off of me. When I peek through my swollen lids the last thing I see is the silhouette of my mother standing above Kurt’s body with a gun firmly seated in her hands. Then everything goes black.
Chapter 20
Knox
Ifinally finish up the final touches of Raegan’s apartment almost forty five minutes after I was supposed to pick her up. As soon as I placed the brand new bed spread across the queen sized mattress that was it. The whole entire apartment was completely done, furnishings and everything. It was a proud moment for me walking out of there. I took something broken and made it completely new again. And I did it all for my girl.
As I climb in through Bettys rusted up driver side door I check my phone before hitting the road. I was so caught up in trying to finish the apartment that I didn’t realize Rae had even texted me.
Raegan: Hey babe, I forgot something at my house. Pick me up there ☺
To say I was furious when I read Rae’s text was an understatement. She wasn’t supposed to go back there at all. The nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach comes on full force and I’m suddenly filled with dread. I just know something bad is going to happen.
I found myself stepping a little harder on the gas pedal when a swarm of red and blue lights go speeding by me. The closer I get to Rae’s house the faster I drive and when I finally pull onto her street my heart literally sinks. I throw the truck in park and jump out as fast as I possibly can.
It all looks like something out of a movie scene. Police cruisers are parked all along the driveway and perimeter of the yard. An ambulance with flashing red lights sits ready and waiting in the middle of street.
I don’t think my heart has ever beat so fast in my goddamn life. I feel my legs begin to move on their own accord. If it weren’t for the adrenaline over taking my body I’m pretty sure I would have dropped right here and now. The moment my eyes catch sight of a stretcher being wheeled out of the old two story house, my heart stops in its tracks. Raegan!
It takes me less than a second to get to her. I’d scratch claw and dig my way through anything to be by her side in this very moment.
“What happened to her?” I yell at the two men hurriedly wheeling her towards the ambulance. Her small body lies limply strapped down tight to a thin red stretcher. Her face is almost unrecognizable with bruises and cuts littering her once perfect pale skin. Her shirt’s ripped to shreds and the thin white sheet covering her lower body is gradually staining with blood.
“We need to get her to the hospital STAT.” A small plump man wearing an EMT badge yells into his radio. I try to listen to everything being said between the two men before me but only end up with little bits and pieces.
“She’s bleeding pretty heavily we nee
d to have her vitals checked and blood ready.” I watch and listen in horror as the two men converse in front of me. My stomach begins to feel nauseous just looking at the sight of my beautiful broken girl.
“Knox! Oh thank god you’re here.” I hear my mother’s pain filled voice break through my reverie and try to shake the fog and confusion away.
“Mom!” she practically runs into me and wraps her arms around my waist. “Mom what happened?” I ask her frantically. My words come out in a jumbled mess. Adrenaline causes my words to mix up and I swear to fucking god my lips aren’t moving fast enough.
“There was so much screaming.” She chokes on a sob. “When I heard the gun shots I knew something was terribly wrong. She was just lying there in so much blood, and Ivy, she was…completely void of emotion.” Her words are almost too hard to hear over her continuing sobbing.
“We need a bed ready as soon as we arrive, looks like extreme abdominal bleeding and a wrist fracture.” I focus my attention back on the two men who seem to have Raegan already in the back of the ambulance and ready to go. They radio back and forth while simultaneously attaching all sorts of gadgets and wires to Reagans limp body.
“We need to get going. Sir are you coming?” there gazes fall on to me and it takes no more than a split second for me to climb in beside Raegan.
“I’ll meet you at the hospital Knox.” My mother calls out to me right before they lock up the doors and head off. I grab Raegan’s soft hand in mine and hold on tight. She looks so completely ruined it’s hard for me to handle.
“Knox?” My heart skips a beat the moment my name is squeezed out of her swollen bloody lips.
“Raegan, baby I’m here. You’re going to be okay.” I grip onto her hand harder, not knowing if it’s for her comfort or for mine.
“Knox…I” I watch as she wheezes in pain. Her head falls to the side as she falls unconscious once again. I stick to her side like glue. All the way up until they wheel her unmoving body through the double glass doors and leave me standing in the waiting room staring after her. The further and further she gets the more pain surrounds my heart. An hour ago I was ready to bring her home to celebrate her eighteenth birthday and now I’m stuck in a hospital waiting room with not a clue of what’s going on.
I caught glimpses of her injuries while on the ride over here. The cuts and bruises on her body spoke for themselves, but the worst of it seemed to be the bleeding. There was so much blood by the time we arrived. The two EMT’s taking care of her kept exchanging worried glances, causing my stomach to twist in knots. Worst of all they wouldn’t mention a single thing to me. Every single time a nurse or Doctor walked by I would beg them for answers, and everyone told me the exact same thing. “It’s still too early to tell. Someone will be speaking with you soon Mr. Blackburn.” What the hell does that even mean?
“Knox!” My mother’s voice cuts through the buzz of the busy hospital and I’m immediately relieved.
“Mom!” I wrap her in a hug desperately needing a lifeline to hang onto. “What the hell happened?” I hear my voice hitch as all of the emotions of the past our finally seem to overwhelm me and for the first time in years I feel the first tear fall free. She leads me over to a set of chairs lined up against the white sterile wall and I wait for her to explain.
“I was in the kitchen when I first heard the yelling, I didn’t think anything of it until I heard Raegan screaming.” She wipes a stray tear from her puffy eyes and continues to break my heart. “I started to make my way over when I heard three gun shots. I was so scared Knox, scared to be anywhere near that house and scared for Raegan.” She grips onto my hand and the gesture alone seems to console me. “All I could see was Kurt’s huge body lying directly on top of Raegan.” She brings a hand to her mouth trying to cover up a sob. “She was out cold, and there was so much blood. I didn’t know whose it was.” I continue to listen in horror as she explains every single detail all the way up until she got here. I swear to god if Kurt wasn’t already fucking dead I would have killed him myself.
“It’s all my fault mom, I was supposed to pick her up from work and I was too fucking busy. I didn’t even get her text until it was too late.” I could literally punch myself right now. The feeling of guilt and anger is so incredibly overwhelming, threatening to overtake my body. But for the hundredth time in the past hour I have to force myself to stay strong for my beautiful broken girl.
“It’s not your fault Knox, it’s theirs. They were supposed to protect her… love her and in the end they failed miserably.” She rubs my back in a soothing manner and it does absolutely nothing to calm the remorse I feel. I knew how bad it was and I did nothing to stop it. I knew about the years and years of abuse and yet I let the line between right and wrong be overtaken by the amount of love I had for Raegan. If I wasn’t so selfish I could have gotten her out of that situation years ago. If I wasn’t overwhelmed by this need to keep her with me she wouldn’t even be in this situation right now. It’s all my fault.
We continue to wait for any news of Reagan’s condition for what seems like forever. With my head in my hands my mind can’t help but run over each and every scenario that could possibly go wrong.
“Excuse me Mr.?” My head snaps up in the direction of a foreign voice and I’m immediately relieved to finally see a doctor.
“Blackburn.” I answer not waiting for him to continue. “How is she, how’s Raegan. Please tell me she’s going to be okay.” I fire as many questions at the doctor as I can, hoping to get an answer to at least all of them.
“I’m Dr. Lancaster, Are you a family member?” he asks me. I know enough to understand that if I say no then he won’t tell me anything I need to know, but if I lie…
“She’s my fiancée, I rode in with her.” I add as if that validates my statement. “Please just tell me how she is.” I plead with him. The need to know how my girl is, is literally burning through my entire body.
“Mr. Blackburn, your fiancé has been through quite an ordeal. After a lengthy time in surgery we finally managed to stop the bleeding and had to perform an ERPC.” My eyebrows scrunch in confusion at all of different medical terms he uses.
“ERPC? What does that even mean?”
“Mr. Blackburn your fiancé suffered a miscarriage due to the amount of trauma sustained during her attack. The bleeding was her body trying to expel the baby in a way of protecting itself. What we did in the surgical room was remove any and all traces of pregnancy from Raegan’s body.” As soon as I hear the words my body begins to feel like it had been hit by a freight train and immediately I fall to my knees. I feel my limbs begin to shake uncontrollable. For a minute I feel as if I’ll pass out. The dizziness threatens to consume me entire body.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” Are the last words I hear Dr. Lancaster say before he walks away, leaving my life empty and shattered before me. Before I know it I feel the smallest arms wrap around me. My mom tries her best to console me but nothing can feel the void taking over my entire body. The sobs keep coming and I cry for the life I know I’ll never get the chance to meet.
“She was pregnant.” I manage to say through the tears and hiccups. “She was fucking pregnant and he fucking killed her baby!” a scream rips out of me in anger and my fist flies at the floor. A spray of blood pours out as a gash on my knuckles rips open. “My baby.” Strangled sounds escape my throat as I continue to weep in a helpless pile on the cold tiled floor.
“Shhh, it’s going to be okay Knox. It’s all going to be okay.” My mother’s words do nothing to comfort me. Nothing can stop the aching in my heart and nothing can fill the giant hole of the emptiness left inside of me.
Chapter 21
Raegan
Pain. It’s all I feel. Like a blanket holding me down, it wraps around me completely. My body feels broken and bruised. As if every bone in my body has been completely crushed and doused in fire. It hurts to breath. What’s worse is the painful memory pulling me in and out of a restless sleep. Just think
ing about what happened makes my skin crawl. My eyes feel swollen and puffy and I’m only able to open them into small slits. Darkness surrounds me completely, or is that just my mind shutting off?
“Raegan?” I’m startled when I hear his voice. Just the slightest movement sends more pain throughout my entire body. “Raegan, can you hear me?” I pry my eyes open further and come face to face with Knox’s worried expression.
“Knox?” I groan and roll my head towards the sound of his voice. My voice comes out horse and scratchy as if I’ve been smoking cigarettes my whole life. My throat is completely dry and feels like sandpaper. My mind feels confused like a giant cloud of white fog sits heavy on the forefront. “What the…”
“Your safe now Raegan, they can’t hurt you anymore.” I watch as a single tear trails down Knox’s beautiful sharp cheek, and panic finally sets in. The beeping that hummed at a steady pace seemed to grow faster and faster with every beat of my heart.
“Knox, what happened?” I choke out. He looks at me with remorse in his eyes and nothing could have prepared me for what he said next.
“There was nothing they could do Rae. You…you lost the baby.” he leans into my laps and begins to softly cry. He wraps a large hand around my small one and holds on to me for dear life.
“Baby?” I ask astounded. “What do you mean baby?”
“You were six weeks pregnant Rae. The baby didn’t survive the injuries.” With a guilt stricken face he continues to speak to me. “I’m so sorry Raegan, I’m so sorry. I thought I lost you.” His voice cracks. My mind struggles to wrap its self around the words that just came out of Knox’s mouth. I don’t know what’s worse; the amount of pain weighing heavily down on my heart, or his.
“Knox…” My words come out in a strangled sob as my tears finally find me. I cry when he wraps his arms around my fragile body. I cry for him, I cry for myself and I cry for the little life I will never know.