Dana comes and sits beside him, right at his back.
He arches his back to her touch.
Jarron
don’t do that
Dana
it’s in my head, I’m not doing anything
She twists and puts an arm around him.
He is drawn to her.
Jarron
I said stop
Dana
you stop
Jarron
you stop first
He can’t stop himself.
He twists and grabs her.
It’s unclear if he is holding her or hurting her.
They fight for a second.
They roll, they kiss.
For a second or two it’s irresistible.
Then he breaks away.
you can’t have this
you can’t have this version of me
this isn’t how it is
this isn’t how I am
you are fucking twisting with my head now
Dana
turns out I am stronger than you.
Jarron
sorry, not true
He slaps her.
She holds her face.
He slaps her again.
She slaps him.
He grabs her again.
She grabs him.
He looks at her.
He tries to look at her very soul.
He throws her down.
I’m going
you won’t see me again
Dana
so we can go back to normal, we can use our bank card?
Jarron
the banks have got nothing to do with me, I told you
Dana
bollocks
Jarron
goodbye, Dana
Dana
I don’t think it’s goodbye
Jarron
it will get pretty lonely, you know that.
pretty hard from here
you think you are cushioned, well, it is paper-thin.
Doesn’t it feel draughty already?
Dana
someone will help us
Jarron
do you think?
Dana
as long as there are people there is some kind of civilising influence
The demon laughs at that. Long and hard.
Dana
I’ll keep looking for you
Jarron
you do that
Dana
this isn’t over between you and me
He eats the chocolate.
don’t eat the chocolate
He eats another bit.
we only have that for tomorrow
Jarron
you said bring it on
Dana
don’t
He laughs again.
He eats more chocolate, and the bread.
Dana
don’t touch the bread
Jarron
you’ll have to tell her it was you.
Dana
leave her something.
He crams it into his mouth.
Jarron
why should I? I’m a god, I told you. I am the unclean.
The damned. I am the fucking nightmare.
Dana
where are you?
where will I find you?
He shrugs.
Jarron
I work for the UN
THIRTEEN
Dana is too hot in her bed.
The Librarian is giving her books. He is fanning himself.
Librarian
How to Get to Sleep in a Room that is Now Too Hot.
How to Turn a Heating System Down in a Room without Air Conditioning. A classic actually. How to Get to Sleep Despite the Extreme Heat. Very useful, but the spine is a bit worn now. I could see if there is another copy. Did you check to see if the windows opened? Or perhaps this one. How to Dream when You Aren’t Sure You Are Asleep. How to Stay Asleep and Still Even if it Feels Like You Are in an Oven, a bit outdated but you could try it. How to Ignore the Sweat Running Down Your Face, Dry Eyes. They’re really amazing these ‘how to’ books. They have got a title for almost anything. How to Lie Awake and Not Breathe in the Air
Dana
where’s Jasmine?
Librarian
How to Wash in Hardly Any Water. Not particularly recommended, but you never know
Dana
Jasmine?
Librarian
what to wear for a ten-mile trek. How to make a water bottle from an old pair of socks, that doesn’t sound right –
Dana
where is Jasmine?
Librarian
how to find your sister
oh hang, wait a minute. There was one written just like this
how to find your sister when she is in despair
Dana
why is she in despair?
OK so the food went but –
why is she in despair?
Librarian
it doesn’t say.
it was just the title of a book. Do you want it or not?
Dana
I can’t carry all these books.
Librarian
it’s alright, that’s why you have me. I carry them for you.
Dana
why is Jasmine in despair?
Librarian
I don’t have a title for that. Sorry.
FOURTEEN
Outside.
Jasmine is sitting on a bench.
Dana comes and sits beside her.
Dana
you could have left me a note
you could have left something to tell me where you were going. I was worried. The room was so hot, I woke up, no sign of you
went downstairs to see about the heat. No one at reception.
went outside; nothing.
back to our room, worried now.
checked the toilet
Beat.
I know you are mad
you’ve a right to be but you didn’t have to scare me just shout, scream. I know that food was all we had, and I know I have got at you for years for not being able to control yourself –
Beat.
Dana
I don’t know what came over me
I’m not sure I was actually awake
please don’t be full of despair. We’ll get some more food
we’ll find the embassy.
Jasmine
I’m not cross
Dana
you must be hungry, I mean I understand you have a little person in there
Jasmine
I’m bleeding
Dana
what?
Jasmine
there’s blood all over my pants
Dana
Jesus, when?
Jasmine
a few hours ago it started. The room got so airless,
I sat up in the bed
I felt something cool
I put my hand down
Dana
oh god
Jasmine
my blood was actually cooler than the room, I thought what is this cool stuff on my thighs?
Dana
Jesus
Jasmine
so much of it
Dana, there was so much of it
then of course as more and more came it got hotter only a tiny person, how could there be so much?
Dana
why are you sitting here, we need to get you help
Jasmine
I think it’s gone
Dana
you don’t know that
Jasmine
the amount of blood, I don’t see –
Dana
stand up, you need some help
Jasmine
I don’t know what to do, Dana, you’d think I would know what to do
Dana
you haven’t lost it yet
you just need some help that’s all
you might just need a tablet
&nbs
p; Jasmine
yes a tablet, maybe there’s a tablet –
Dana
I’ll get you a doctor
Jasmine
how will you get a doctor here?
Dana
there’ll be a doctor
Jasmine
oh fucking hell –
Dana
you hang on, everything will be fine
we’ll be telling that baby all about this one day I promise.
Jasmine
it’s starting to hurt
Dana
I need some help. Help. Let go of my hand, I’ll go to the hotel, they can ring a doctor. Stand up
Jasmine
I can’t stand up
Dana
sit then, I won’t be long –
FIFTEEN
Dana
No NO NO NO NO. Alright. Alright, you win.
Hands up. You are bigger than me. I got the message.
You win. I’ll take your money, I’ll do whatever. Don’t do this to Jasmine and her baby. This has nothing to do with Jasmine.
oi, where are you? Come back.
I said I’ll take your money.
it was just sex. Lust. Nothing happened.
the devil can’t be tamed by love. You stay all powerful.
give me your fucking money.
where are you?
where are you?
A Woman is on the phone and talking to Dana.
Woman
I’m sorry I didn’t catch that, what service do you require?
Dana
ambulance.
Woman
it’s a bad line, could you repeat?
Dana
ambulance. Ambulance, fucking ambulance
Woman
alright
Dana
how long before it gets here?
Woman
I need to do an assessment first
Dana
what sort of assessment? It’s my sister, she’s losing a baby
Woman
is she breathing?
Dana
of course she is breathing, she is bleeding, that is the thing
Woman
has she had a knock on the head?
Dana
no. Please just send the ambulance
Woman
chest pains?
Dana
she’s losing a baby, didn’t you hear me?
Woman
has she developed a headache or started slurring her words?
Dana
no, she is bleeding, she is bleeding a lot
The Librarian comes up to her with more tomes.
Librarian
How to Hold Your Sister’s Hand when You Think She is Slipping Away.
Dana
I don’t need a book, I just need an ambulance
Librarian
actually that is just a paper in a journal.
Woman
has she travelled overseas in the last three months?
Dana
no. No she hasn’t.
Librarian
How to Count Someone’s Heartbeat Even Though You Can Only Hear Your Own.
Woman
the ambulance is just being prepared
Dana
it doesn’t need to be prepared, it just needs to get here
Librarian
are you still interested in these ‘how to’ books, sometimes I think they go too far.
Dana
give them to me
Woman
should be with you shortly
Dana
how shortly? How long will it take?
Librarian
How to Stay Calm in Moments of Duress. Rather straightforward to my mind, but nicely written
Dana
how to call the devil back, have you got that?
Woman
there’s been an incident in the town centre, you’re in a queue
Dana
what kind of queue?
Librarian
the e-books take a while, how are you spelling devil?
Dana
are you serious? Where is he? Get him back. I’ll take his money
Librarian
How to Find an Ambulance in Hartenharten, no you have already done that
Woman
twenty minutes now
Dana
twenty minutes, there must be a way to call a devil
Librarian
you can’t rush me
how to keep your cool when your sister is dying
Dana
she isn’t dying
can you get it any quicker than twenty minutes?
Librarian
she doesn’t get blood, she’ll die
Dana
they’ll give her blood then, won’t they? Someone give her some blood. Give me a book, how to make them give someone blood when they need blood
Librarian
how to listen when people are talking nonsense
Dana
what sort of nonsense?
Woman
I am sorry I have to ask, do you have insurance?
Dana
insurance?
this is an emergency –
Librarian
how to keep your cool when life is stressful
Dana
– I don’t need insurance
Woman
do you intend to pay for her treatment in cash?
Librarian
it’s got a CD, this one with breathing exercises meditation
Dana
Yes, we’ll pay. I’ll pay, whatever. I’ll get you money.
I thought this was Europe
Woman
it is Europe but the hospital now only takes cash
Librarian
how to catch up with the times as they change
Dana
I don’t have money on me. But I’ll get it, I’ll ring someone.
Woman
do you still want the ambulance?
Dana
of course I want the ambulance. We have money in a bank. We have money. Lots of money. Fucking hell, demon, I’ll take the money, please someone. Please someone just help my sister. Please please please. PLEASE.
SIXTEEN
Jasmine appears in a hospital gown.
Dana is waiting for her.
Jasmine starts to talk, serious and hard on herself.
Jasmine
I thought when it came to it, I would be good at it. I thought I would find it all instinctive. I thought maybe there would be this part of me that had been waiting all these years, that would know exactly what to do. But – hold on to it, that’s the first thing isn’t it? Rule number one. You want to be a mother, hold on to it. Seal it in, don’t let it go all over the floor.
Dana
Jasmine –
Jasmine
that is kind of the first base, the easy slopes
Dana
listen to me
Jasmine
it’s right that this happened.
Dana
no it isn’t
Jasmine
I’ve got my head around it. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted it until today so it is fair enough.
Dana
come here –
Jasmine
I was stupid, see. If I had been one of the good mothers, I would have told it I loved it. I would have known it was precious. I would have put my knees together, I would have taped myself up. Sat down more. You should have made me do that. Why wasn’t I sitting? I could have stayed in bed. I shouldn’t be here with you, on this stupid trip, what was I thinking? you have got to know how precious things are if you want to hang on to them.
Dana
that isn’t true
Jasmine
and if I was this stupid before, imagine how it could
have been after it was born? What if I still didn’t
realise, and I then I forgot it and left it someplace?
Dana, what if I had gone on another jaunt with
you because I was dumb and left it someplace? And
then it got run over or stolen by wolves or kicked about by ogres?
or what if I had picked it up wrong, because I still
didn’t know, and I hurt its little neck? You know you
have to be careful of their little necks. What if I didn’t
realise? What if I was listening to you going on and
not noticing what I was doing? What if the head fell
off? What if the neck snapped and the head fell off?
then I would have this headless baby, I would have this
horrible headless baby and what do you do with a
baby that doesn’t have a head? I wouldn’t have known
how to cuddle and comfort something like that. I
would get cross. I would shout at it because I was so
tired and it wouldn’t feed. It would just bleed. Bleed
and bleed all over the floor. I would shake it. I would
hurt it, I would get very angry and shake it. Stop
bleeding I would say. Stop bleeding. You can’t bleed
like this, you have to stop bleeding and live. You have
to live. You have to be my boy. You have to let me put
my arms around you and you have to grow up and ask
about the stars. You can’t ask about the stars if you
are bleeding like this. You are just blood you aren’t a
child. You put blood in a pot and make a pudding.
You mop it up with a sponge. You soak it up with
tissues and flush it down the loo. There is nothing to
you. You can’t be my boy, my precious bundle of child,
you are just blood.
down the toilet you go. Blood.
Dana holds her.
Jasmine opens her mouth but can’t make a sound.
SEVENTEEN
Jasmine and Dana are by the roadside. They are in tatters now.
Dana is trying to hitch a lift.
The Librarian is with them but sitting a little way back.
Dana
I think it will get easier now.
Librarian
really?
Dana
yes
we have hit rock bottom.
let’s face it, it can’t be much worse than this.
we lost everything.
every single thing we had, we lost. Didn’t we?
How to Hold Your Breath Page 6