Finally Free

by Heath Lambert

  This is not the case with gratitude. Gratitude fuels gladness and multiplies it. It is the logic of gratitude to be thankful for what you have instead of longing for what you don’t. As you learn to be grateful for whatever God has given (instead of greedily lusting after what he has not), your appreciation will lead to joy.

  In Dustin’s case, he zealously pursued pornography to fuel his lust. He thought about it and longed for it even when he and his wife had sex together. Dustin eventually came to see that his constant turning to pornography, either in his mind or his behavior, was due to a fundamental lack of gratitude for his wife, Lori. He couldn’t have joy in his relationship with his wife because he was never really glad to be with her. He was too busy desiring the images of women he saw in pornography. As Dustin changed, God’s grace trained him to grow in gratitude for his wife. He grew in thankfulness for her appearance, her body, and her personality. As he began to appreciate her, he began to desire her rather than desiring everything he didn’t have. Then, when he was with his wife, he found that his joy had increased because he was now grateful for what he had. His joy in possessing the object of his grateful longing led to yet more gladness and gratitude. Like compounding interest, the benefits kept growing. For Dustin, gratitude led to gladness, and gladness produced gratitude. It will do the same for you.

  Perhaps you are longing for the joy that accompanies gratitude and you want to be done with the despair that attends greedy lust. But as you look at your life you don’t see much to be grateful for. You may be thinking about all sorts of frustrating realities in your life that make you wonder just what it is that you can be thankful for. Remember 1 Thessalonians 5:18: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” This verse teaches that because God is always being kind to you, it is always essential to be grateful. It is the will of God for you to be full of gratitude, regardless of your situation.

  God will never demand something of you that he will not empower you to do by his grace. You can trust in God’s power to bring about change in your life. If you struggle with gratitude, you need to lay hold of God’s grace to forgive you of your sinful ingratitude. You also need to trust in his grace to empower you to flee greed and embrace gratitude. And as you trust in the grace of Jesus to do this, you will be closer to freedom than you can imagine.

  Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace

  1. Do you believe your pornographic pursuits are ultimately an expression of greed and a lack of gratitude? If you do, ask God to forgive you for your lusts and to help you grow in the grace of gratitude.

  2. Go back and reread the section “Learning to Be Thankful.” Make a list of areas in which you can learn to grow in gratitude, including your relationships, the many wonderful opportunities the Lord has given you, and the salvation you have received. Come up with at least ten things for which you can thank God and others. Pray through that list now, and revisit each one when you’re tempted to indulge the lustful greed in your heart.

  3. Commit to expressing heartfelt thanks to at least three people in the next week. Pray for God’s help when this is difficult or undesirable.

  4. Share all of this with your accountability partner and seek his input.

  CHAPTER 9

  Using a Dynamic Relationship with Jesus to Fight Pornography

  The sun rose over the mountains and ignited the sparkling lake with a fiery orange hue. A massive group of hungry people ambled across the Galilean countryside in search of Jesus. The day before, they had gone out to hear Jesus preach and had grown very hungry as the day went on. Jesus—to their shocked amazement—fed more than five thousand of them with a few loaves and fishes from a little boy’s lunch. Shortly thereafter, Jesus departed to the other side of the lake. A day later, as the group moved about the countryside, full bellies had become empty bellies, and the people wanted to find Jesus again. Their search carried them all the way to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, where they finally found Jesus again. John 6 records what happened next.

  As the crowd approached Jesus, they asked an innocent-sounding question: “Rabbi, when did you get here?” (verse 25). Jesus saw right through the small talk and exposed the desire of their hearts.

  Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”

  John 6:26–27

  Jesus knew what they were up to. They were interested in bread, not him. Jesus’ response was intended to direct their hearts away from food and toward himself.

  The people didn’t get it. Their ears should have perked up at the promise of eternal life. Their spirits should have soared as they realized they were in the presence of the one who had received the Father’s full approval. Missing these staggering realities, the crowd instead focused on their own work, their own efforts. They asked, “What must we do to do the works God requires?” (verse 28). Without directly correcting them, Jesus again redirected their minds from a focus on themselves to a focus on himself. He said, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent” (verse 29). Jesus’ message is obvious—Look to me! Believe in me!

  If you’re expecting the people to understand Jesus’ point, you’re about to be disappointed because they missed it again. You can almost hear their stomachs growling as they respond, “What sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do? Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written: ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat’” (verses 30–31).

  Did you catch that?

  This crowd just received a summons to trust in the one who has the Father’s approval. Hours earlier, they had witnessed him perform the greatest miracle any of them had likely ever seen. Now they want another miracle. In fact, their request for another sign is a lame attempt to get more food from Jesus. These people didn’t come seeking Jesus; they came seeking a free lunch.

  Jesus once again sees their response about miracles and manna as a veiled request for another meal. Jesus describes the fuller meaning behind the manna of Moses’ day: “Very truly I tell you, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is the bread that comes down from heaven and gives life to the world” (verses 32–33). The manna they read about in the days of Moses is kids’ stuff. God means to give them true bread from heaven that won’t just fill the bellies of a crowd for a day, but will give life to the entire world.

  True bread from heaven! Bread that would feed not just five thousand men, but the whole world! Bread that doesn’t just fill you up for a day, but gives everlasting life! This is some serious bread. Now Jesus has their attention. You can feel the excitement rising as the crowd makes its next request: “ ‘Sir,’ they said, ‘always give us this bread!’” (verse 34).

  We can excuse the crowd for being a bit perplexed when Jesus responds, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty … For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day” (verses 35, 40). Jesus wants to make clear that the bread they need is him.

  Unfortunately, Jesus is not the bread they were looking for. They wanted bread in their stomachs rather than in their souls. When they complain, asking, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” (verse 52), Jesus finally throws the hammer down:

  “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as th
e living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.”

  John 6:53–58

  I’ll be the first to admit that this passage sounds a bit strange, but if you’ve been following the conversation thus far, you know that Jesus is not commending cannibalism. Instead, he is speaking in categories that stun his listeners out of their search for food to fill their rumbling bellies. And he is speaking to them in terms that his hungry listeners will understand.

  How Do You Eat and Drink Jesus?

  The problem was that Jesus’ listeners were obsessed with eating literal bread. Though Jesus tried to point them away from free bread to something far more wonderful, they kept bringing the conversation back to food. So when Jesus tells them to eat his flesh and drink his blood, it’s his way of saying to the crowds, “Don’t you get it? You are obsessed with bread. You need to be captivated by me. I am what you need. Come to me. Don’t look to me for what I can do for you. Seek me.”

  Even when we understand that Jesus’ language was meant to shock his audience out of their hunger-driven request for bread, we may still wonder what Jesus means. If Jesus doesn’t want us literally to eat and drink his body and blood, how are we to do what he’s commanding here? We should notice that just before Jesus tells the people to consume his body and blood, he says something else: “For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day” (John 6:40). In John 6:54, we are told to eat Jesus’ flesh and drink his blood to receive eternal life and be raised up; in John 6:40, Jesus says we must look to him and believe in him in order to receive this same life and resurrection.

  Putting these two verses together, we see the connection: we eat and drink Jesus whenever we look to him in faith. When we believe that Jesus is who he said he is and did what he said he did, we are “consuming” him the way he commands. Jesus commands us to eat and drink him because he is portraying faith in him in graphic terms. Jesus came as a Savior bringing eternal life and salvation to a lost and dying world. He didn’t come as a waiter serving bread to a crowd of greedy people.

  The reason Jesus performed the miracle of feeding the multitude was not to end their hunger pangs; it was to summon their belief in him as the Son of God who had come in power to deliver people from sin (John 6:26, 29, 32). When we focus on our own interests and desires, we miss the ultimate reason that God provided Jesus to save us. We need to know that the bread we should be consuming is Jesus.

  This message runs against the popular grain. It means that Jesus did not come to meet any and every need we might believe we have at any given moment. Some in the church today believe and teach that Jesus’ fundamental mission is to meet our perceived needs. So, for example, if you are lonely, Jesus came to be your friend; if you’re single, Jesus came to be your companion; if you feel ugly, Jesus came to be your encourager; if you’re broke, Jesus came to make you rich; if you’re sick, Jesus came to make you well. The crowd in John 6 was hungry and believed Jesus came to make them full.

  Now it is gloriously true that Jesus is a friend of sinners. He provides for us, and we can depend on him for our daily bread. Nevertheless, Jesus’ entire point in John 6 is to correct those who see him primarily as something other than the Savior from sin. Jesus corrects us when we simply want him to make us happy by meeting our “felt” needs. The truth is that we need him as our Savior, the one who can forgive our sins and provide eternal life. Jesus becomes our Savior when we eat his body and drink his blood by looking to him in repentant faith.

  So What Does Any of This Have to Do with Pornography?

  You may be wondering how any of this helps you in your struggle against pornography. Why have I spent so much time in the last chapter of this book talking about people seeking bread from Jesus—particularly when you want help combating porn! I believe John 6 has everything to do with pornography. You see, many pursue Jesus in search of help with porn in exactly the same way the crowd pursued Jesus in search of bread.

  Many Christians locked in a fight against pornography judge the closeness of their relationship with Christ by whether or not they’ve looked at porn recently. If you didn’t look at porn today, you feel alive and close to Jesus. If you did look at porn today, you feel like garbage and very distant from Christ. When you look at porn, you feel like your prayers (if you pray at all) are all about your porn problem: Lord, take it away. God, why am I doing this again? I don’t want to ruin my life, hurt my family, or lose my ministry. God, please help me get rid of this struggle. You’ve probably been deeply frustrated with God, wondering why you’re still struggling the way you are. You may have even harbored suspicions about Christ and why he is allowing you to continue to struggle. Perhaps you wonder if Jesus is who he said he is since you still have your problem. You believe that your doubts would lift if he would simply take away your problem on your timetable.

  You want Jesus to do a sign for you. Like the crowd that wanted bread, you want Jesus to prove who he is by giving you what you want. Please don’t misunderstand—it is good to want Jesus’ help in your struggle against porn, and he wants to give you that help. That’s what this book is about. It’s also good to look to Jesus to give you your daily bread, just as the crowd did in John 6. The people in John 6 were wrong, not because they looked to Jesus for bread, but because bread is all they wanted from him. Their error was not in seeking Jesus for bread, but in seeking Jesus for bread exclusively. They wanted Jesus to satisfy their physical hunger apart from his larger work of giving them fullness of life in more important areas. They minimized Jesus and his work by seeing him as the source of only one good thing rather than cherishing him as the fountain for all of life.

  It is wonderful to seek Jesus for freedom from pornography. Yet in coming to Jesus with this desire, you may be a lot like the crowd looking for mere bread. Your relationship with Christ is defined exclusively by your struggle with porn. This is especially true if you’re struggling with disappointment with God because of your porn problem, or if you pray fervently only in the aftermath of looking at pornography. The truth that God wants you to know is that your relationship with Jesus is bigger than your struggle with porn. If the only time you’re interested in walking with Jesus is when you want his help to get over porn, you’re not walking in the fullness of the loving relationship that Jesus wants to have with you.

  We all come selfishly to Christ at times. All of us want him to do the things we want on the timetable that seems right to us. We get frustrated when God wisely defies our foolish expectations. It is not Jesus’ job to be at our beck and call. This reality doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look to Jesus to help with your porn problem, to fill your belly with bread, or to supply any other good thing that you truly need. It does mean you shouldn’t come seeking the help of an errand boy whose job is to rush in and satisfy your every whim. You should come to the sovereign King of the Universe who graciously saves from sin and gives eternal life and who acts in his own way and in his own timing. You should come pursuing a full-fledged relationship with this sovereign King who saves, desiring to draw close to him in every way, and not just seeking to get your problems fixed. Coming to Christ in this way is tons better than merely getting his help to avoid looking at porn. Coming to Jesus in this way looks to him as the comprehensive Savior that he is rather than just as another Mr. Fix-It.

  From Consumers of Porn to Consumers of Christ

  When you grasp the point I’m making, you’ll see that the title of this chapter is intentionally ironic. You should not seek a dynamic relationship with Jesus because you want to be finished with porn. You should not seek a dynamic relationship with Jesus for any purpose other than knowing Jesus. Whenever you come to Jesus merely for the stuff he gives you or the tasks he can accomplish for you, you’re missing the point of comi
ng to Jesus. Jesus doesn’t exist for our sake, though he graciously serves us in our sin. We exist for him, because of him, to worship and serve him.

  Though you may initially be drawn to Christ out of your great need to be free from pornography, your struggle against this sin is just the beginning of God’s greater purpose in saving you. You are saved, not just to be free from pornography, but to know and experience the joy of walking with Jesus, of following him, and of becoming more and more like him. This is another way of stating what Jesus taught his disciples: “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33).

  You must learn to focus on seeking God before seeking other things, trusting that when you do, he will give you what you need. It would be wrong to seek the things before you seek him. Imagine a son who takes advantage of his father. This son is out of work and out of money and only goes to see his dad to ask for financial help. What would you think of such a son? You’d probably say he’s a dishonorable young man who doesn’t love his father, but only uses him.

  Now imagine a son who loves his father. He loves being around his father to share the joys and sorrows of life. He is eager to hear his wisdom and follow his advice. What would you think of this son asking his father for financial help when he fell on hard times? You would likely think it was good that the son had a loving father to help him in times of need, and you would be right. It is a sign of deep, committed love when someone seeks help from someone with whom they have a close relationship. It is a sign of corruption to seek help from someone you only look to when you are in trouble.

  You need to be the kind of person who fights for a close relationship with Jesus more than you fight against pornography. Your struggle isn’t just to avoid looking at porn. It’s much more glorious than that. You have the unspeakable privilege of being invited to have a real relationship with the Savior of your soul who alone has the Father’s seal of approval. You get to walk with him. You are honored to pursue him. It is your special benefit to fight to know Christ in personal terms. When you find yourself working to look to Christ more than you find yourself working to avoid porn, you’ll know you’ve turned the corner.