Finally Free

by Heath Lambert

  You cannot look at Jesus and look at porn at the same time. You have to stop doing one to do the other. A living, breathing relationship with the Savior of the world will drive porn out of your life quicker than anything else. When you turn your eyes to Jesus, there isn’t room for anything else in your heart because he fills it up. When you open the blinds of a pitch-black room, the sunlight drives away the darkness. When you place an unfilled pitcher under a faucet, the water drives away the emptiness. When you visit a lonely friend, your presence drives away the isolation. In the same way, when the presence of Jesus floods your life, he will drive away the impurity of pornography. If you fight to consume Jesus, you will inevitably stop consuming porn, sooner or later.

  Fighting for a Relationship with Jesus

  How do we do this? What does it look like to fight for this relationship with Jesus? Jesus gives a hint when he says to the hungry crowd, “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them” (John 6:56). Jesus calls us to remain in him. This idea of remaining in him mirrors the words of Jesus in John 15:7–8: “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” For Jesus, remaining in him is identified with two things.

  First, we remain in Jesus by having his words remain in us. Since the only place where we receive Jesus’ words is in the Bible, we can conclude that we remain in Christ when we pursue hearing him speak in the Scriptures. Every meaningful relationship we have involves hearing from the other person. If we say we have a close association with someone but never listen to that person, then we are not as close as we might think. The same is true of our relationship with Jesus. If we say we love Jesus but never hear from him in the pages of his Word, we need to reconsider whether he is the true friend we assume he is.

  Second, we remain in Jesus by asking him whatever we wish. When Jesus talks about asking him for things, he’s talking about prayer. Relationships involve both hearing and speaking. In our friendships we hear from and speak to those with whom we are connected. It is the same with Jesus. If you want to fight for a relationship with Jesus, then you should fight to hear from him in the Bible and to speak to him in prayer.

  Jesus speaks in the relational category of remaining in him—dwelling with and abiding in him. We often speak of prayer and Bible reading in terms of a list of things to do and a set of disciplines to accomplish. Jesus doesn’t do that. When he talks about listening to him and speaking to him, he is inviting us to share in his life. Let me make three suggestions that have helped me in my own effort to remain in Christ.

  First, pray the words of Scripture. Jesus tells us to ask whatever we wish when his words abide in us. This is an invitation to pray the Bible when we read it. We reap at least two benefits from this approach. On the one hand, it guards against mindlessly skimming the Bible and encourages prayerful consideration of the words of Scripture. The words of the Bible will more readily soak into our hearts when we are turning those words into prayers directed to Christ. On the other hand, it ensures that we are praying prayers that please Christ. You might not know if God wants you to take a particular job or marry a certain person, but you can know from John 15 that he wants you to abide in Christ. When you pray that prayer, you are making a request God loves to grant.

  Second, pray out loud. I don’t know about you, but I can get distracted very easily. My prayers can turn to daydreams quicker than you can say “Amen.” One of the most effective ways I have found to stay focused in prayer is to pray out loud. When I speak to anyone else, I speak out loud. Why shouldn’t I speak to God that way? When we pray to God like we would speak to another human being—out loud—we may find we can spend more time in focused prayer.

  Third, sing songs to God. There are plenty of days when I don’t feel like praying. I have more stories than I care to share about the coolness of my heart toward encountering Christ in relationship. One thing I find that most typically warms my cold heart is singing songs to God. It’s impossible to stay lukewarm when you sing with conviction:

  Amazing grace! How sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!

  I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.

  Your heart will quickly be captivated when you sing with believing passion:

  My sin—O the bliss of this glorious thought!—

  My sin, not in part, but the whole,

  Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more;

  Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

  The state of your soul will be changed for good if you can sing joyfully and with faith:

  Because the sinless Savior died

  My sinful soul is counted free.

  For God the just is satisfied

  To look on him and pardon me.

  Sometimes you’re not in a place where you can sing out loud. I have often whispered the lyrics of songs and received the same benefit. God has designed music to lift our souls. If you’re feeling distant from Christ, try singing to him to draw you closer.

  Regardless of how you direct your heart toward a relationship with Christ, you must prioritize this task. You must not seek him only for what he can give—even if you are seeking good things. Jesus is not your lapdog. He is your sovereign Savior. Pursue him so you can know him. When the benefit you seek from Jesus is the benefit of knowing him, you can be confident that he will not withhold any other good thing from you—whether in your fight against pornography or in any other circumstance.

  In the end, you can’t get to Jesus without the power that Jesus gives. When Jesus calls you to a relationship with himself, he knows he is calling you to do something you can’t do on your own. That’s why he gives his forgiving and transforming grace. If your heart is cold toward Christ, ask him for forgiveness. Ask him for his power to change. Ask him to fill you with a burning desire to know him and to love him more than anything or anyone else. The Christ who calls you to relationship with him will be pleased with your dependence and will grant your request made in faith.

  Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace

  1. Are you guilty of pursuing Jesus only for what you can get from him? Ask for his help as you seek forgiveness and the power to change. Ask God to help you love Jesus for who he is, not merely for what he can do for you.

  2. Find a passage in Scripture where you can meet with the Lord. Maybe it is John 6 or John 15. It might be Psalm 23 or Revelation 4. Whatever passage you select, pray the words of the text out loud.

  3. Find a song with true lyrics that reflect the biblical gospel. The songs I mentioned in this chapter are “Amazing Grace,” “It Is Well with My Soul,” and “Before the Throne of God Above.” These would be great places to start. Though it may seem strange, sing the songs out loud to the Lord. Don’t worry if people are close by—sing under your breath and to the Lord. When it feels strange, pray for grace to quit thinking about yourself and to focus on the Lord.

  4. Ask your accountability partner to join with you in these things.

  CONCLUSION

  A Call to Holiness and Hope

  We have covered a lot of ground in this book. We have talked about how to use the grace of God in Jesus to put off pornography by putting on gratitude, humility, and accountability—just to name a few. These are all tangible ways to realize the grace of God in your life. I pray that as you have read this book, you have been experiencing these means of grace, and that you already see progress as you move toward freedom.

  I want to conclude by beckoning you to holiness and purity as you continue your grace-filled journey toward freedom from pornography. I also want to point you to strong hope in Jesus as you wage the battle. I want to urge you toward these realities with two passages from 1 Thessalonians that I pray will motivate and energize you as you move from pornography to purity.

  A Call to Holiness

  In 1 Thessalonians 4, the apostle Paul issues a strong call to live a holy life:

  It is God’s will that you should be sanctifi
ed: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.

  1 Thessalonians 4:3–7

  Paul begins his exhortation by describing the will of God in very practical terms. Many Christians ask complex questions about God’s will. They search for it, agonize over it, and develop methods to discover it. Paul says he already knows what it is. The will of God is that Christians be “sanctified.” By this, Paul means he wants Christians to be more like Christ. God’s will, according to Paul, is for Christians to pursue the character of Christ as they grow in holiness.

  As Paul describes the will of God as growing to be like Jesus, his very first instruction is that believers should avoid sexual immorality. In the mind of the apostle Paul, one of the main threats to being like Jesus is the temptation to indulge in immoral expressions of sexuality. Obviously the category of sexual immorality is larger than pornography, but pornography is one of the main ways in which people today engage in sexual sin. This means pornography is a significant threat to you! Pornography threatens your ability to live within God’s holy will because pornography is an obstacle to your growth in Jesus.

  Paul continues to describe why sexual immorality is wrong. It displays a lack of self-control that characterizes the pagans who do not know God. This matches Paul’s point when he urges the Ephesian believers, “So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking” (Ephesians 4:17). When Christians who have been immersed in the grace of Jesus look at pornography, they are engaging in the same graceless act as those who have rejected Jesus’ infinite grace. Recipients of grace should act radically different than rejecters of grace.

  Paul has already provided two powerful reasons to battle any form of sexual immorality. But he is not finished. He goes on to explain that sexual immorality is wrong because it hurts people. When you look at pornography, you “wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.” Pornography is opposed to growing more like Jesus because it harms others. Our goal as Christians is to be just like Jesus, who never walked around gazing at women and wondering how he could take physical advantage of them. This unchristian attitude is exactly what drives pornography. Pornography invites its consumers to think only about themselves and the selfish pleasures its actors can offer. When you look at pornography, you’re not thinking about the damage you’re doing to the actors you’re watching or how you could love them and pray for them. When you look at pornography, you’re not thinking about the damage you’re doing to your spouse or children or other family members. You’re not thinking about the pain you could inflict on those who love you in your church. You’re not thinking about grieving the Holy Spirit. You’re only thinking about yourself. Pornography is a wholly selfish act that eclipses the concerns, needs, and well-being of everyone around you. Therefore, Paul urges sexually immoral people toward holiness by urging them to consider, in a spirit of selflessness, how their sin deeply damages other people.

  Paul ends his appeal where he began—with holiness. God “did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.” The call to be in Christ is the call to be holy. Christian, hear the Word of God: the impurity of pornography stands in direct opposition to who you are in Christ. The blood of Jesus beckons you to holiness. You are summoned to look like Jesus. Therefore you must flee from living like an unbeliever and inflicting sexual harm on others. You must run passionately away from porn and toward holiness, love, self-control, and grace. The great call of your life is to be holy, as Jesus is holy. Pornography stands firmly opposed to that call. You must run from it and toward Christ.

  A Call to Hope

  First Thessalonians 4 presents a strong call to holiness. Paul even makes clear that if you are not holy, the Lord will punish you. Those who persist in behaving like unbelievers and harming others through sexual immorality will be disciplined. The sternness of this warning on its own is a motivation to flee pornography and pursue holiness.

  But we need to be careful. One of the main themes throughout this book is that we need the grace of Jesus in order to be like Jesus. Being holy and fleeing pornography require a power outside ourselves. This reality makes the next chapter in 1 Thessalonians vital. In 1 Thessalonians 5:23–24, Paul writes, “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.”

  I am persuaded that these two verses contain the most hopeful teaching in the Bible for Christians struggling with the sexual immorality of pornography. Here Paul provides a massive infusion of grace-filled hope enforcing the strong call to holiness given in 1 Thessalonians 4.

  The command in 1 Thessalonians 4 is for Christians to avoid sexual immorality. The call is to quit harming others. The call is to be sanctified and holy. But undergirding those commands is this beautiful promise of grace in 1 Thessalonians 5. Here Paul teaches that as you pursue sanctification, God himself, the God of peace, will sanctify you. Paul bases the sanctification of God in your life on God’s own inexhaustible faithfulness. Because God is perfectly good and perfectly powerful—because he is faithful—he will surely accomplish your sanctification. The key to Christlike holiness and freedom from pornography is to believe both 1 Thessalonians 4 and 5. We must fight for sanctification by avoiding the sexual immorality of pornography. We also, however, must not depend on our own resources, strategies, or willpower. Our resources will deteriorate, our strategies will fail, and our willpower will weaken. Rather, we need to put our trust in our faithful God, who will ultimately accomplish our sanctification by a demonstration of omnipotent grace.

  Matt’s Journey toward Holiness and Hope

  Do you remember Matt? I mentioned him in the very first line of the first chapter of this book. He was the college student who had been introduced to pornography by an uncle when he was a little boy. Though I’ve changed the names of the people mentioned in this book, I want you to know Matt’s true identity. I am Matt.

  I was introduced to pornography back in the day when people still watched VHS tapes. I was just an eight-year-old boy whose creepy uncle was completely enslaved to porn. He had videocassettes everywhere. One day he handed a tape to me and my friends. We watched it. To this day, I don’t think I have ever seen anything quite so terrible and so wonderful. It was terrible because my guilty eight-year-old conscience screamed out that it was wrong. And it was wonderful, in a perverse way, because watching people commit these new and unimagined acts of immorality was exhilarating. The pornography I watched that afternoon opened up an intense struggle for me that lasted more than a decade.

  By God’s grace, I wasn’t able to see very much pornography. There was no Internet when I was a kid. The only way to see pornography was to buy a magazine in the store (if you were old enough) or to be friends with someone who owned something. I was too young to buy it, and I wasn’t around my perverted uncle very much. But the desire had been awakened. I wanted to see porn and would devour every rare glimpse I could catch. There was never a single occasion that I denied myself a peek at pornography when I had the opportunity.

  When I was fourteen years old, I repented of my sins for the very first time and trusted in Christ alone for salvation. I moved from knowing pornography was wrong to really hating it. But I still looked at it whenever I could because I simply didn’t know what to do to be different. Over time, I began to struggle against my temptations, but I found myself consistently on the losing side of the battle. I just didn’t know what to do. I would look at pornography whenever I could, and then spend days and weeks feeling guilty.


  By the time I was in college, something had to give. My desires to see pornography whenever I could were in a raging conflict with my increasing desire to be in a close relationship with Jesus. Over time, I began to do many of the things described in this book. I began to draw near to Jesus in repentant prayer, asking for his forgiving and changing grace; I took radical measures to eliminate any potential opportunity I had to view pornography; I sought wise accountability; and I began to serve others. As I began taking these steps, I witnessed a miracle in my life. I began to change. I noticed a definite decrease in my desire for porn and an increasing desire for Jesus. The change wasn’t instantaneous; it rarely is. But it was real change.

  The first sign of this change was when I began to talk honestly with the Lord about my sin and to seek his grace for forgiveness and change. A second indication appeared as I began to talk honestly with brothers in Christ about my struggle. After that, I continued to see change as I began to choose purity over pornography in moments of temptation. My record wasn’t perfect, but no longer was it defined by constant, habitual failure.

  The major milestone of victory over this temptation occurred when I was twenty-two. I had graduated from college and was driving the thousand miles between Southern Seminary in Kentucky (where I had begun my seminary education) and Gordon College in Massachusetts (where my future wife, Lauren, was finishing up her college degree). I was driving in the middle of the night when I passed the largest pornographic video store on planet Earth. As the store came into view, I had two opposing thoughts. The first was that in this moment I had the best opportunity to look at pornography that anyone could ever want. It was the middle of the night. I was in the middle of nowhere. And nobody I knew was around. I could stop and look at pornography for hours, and there would be no consequences. This was the sort of opportunity I would have dreamed of having just a few short years ago.