Alex’s head was swimming with all of the information she was being given. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Frank writing down the information, while on her other side, Sophia was sitting calmly with her hands in her lap, nodding as Dr. Moreno spoke. As a nurse, Alex knew better than to ask “why me?” She knew bad things happened to good people every day. But seriously, why her? Why now? Life was going her way; everything was falling into place. She loved her job. Her relationship with Frank was looking promising. She had Aiden to watch grow up. Why her?
She always believed people came into one’s life, and things happened, for a reason. Was this why Frank came into her life? Because she went through it with Toni? That she would have some idea of what to expect and would be able to help Alex with her journey?
“Do you have any questions?”
Alex shook her head. “I’m sorry. What?”
“I know I’ve given you a lot of information,” Dr. Moreno said, “but do you have any questions so far?”
“Am I going to lose my breast?”
Dr. Moreno smiled that warm smile again. “How about I do your exam first, then we can talk about how to proceed?”
“All right.” Alex stood and followed Dr. Moreno to an exam room.
“You can go ahead and remove your shirt and bra, then put this gown on with it open in the front. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Alex watched the door close behind Dr. Moreno, and she felt the tears pool in her eyes as she began to slowly unbutton her blouse and remove her bra. This had to be some sort of mistake, Alex thought as she put on the cloth gown. She vacillated between wanting to curl up in a ball and cry, and wanting to fight and kick cancer’s ass, depending on the moment. Hearing the results of the tests only increased her disbelief.
Dr. Moreno returned and handed Alex some tissue. “I know you must be feeling overwhelmed right now, Alex, but I want you to know we’ll do everything we can for you. This is treatable. You need to know that.”
Alex nodded and wiped her eyes.
“I’m going to do a general exam now. I have your primary physician’s report, but I like to see for myself what’s going on.”
After taking Alex’s blood pressure and temperature, Dr. Moreno asked her to lie back and then proceeded with a breast exam. The offending area on her left breast wasn’t as tender, and as much as Alex wanted to believe this was all a big misunderstanding, she knew her MRI and pathology reports indicated she had cancer. The entire exam lasted only ten minutes, and she returned with Dr. Moreno to her private office. Alex took her seat between Frank and Sophia and resumed holding Frank’s hand, needing the comfort that Frank was able to give her.
“Okay, Alex, we have a coupld of options on how to proceed. We could start you with a course of chemotherapy to try to reduce the size of the tumor. We may then be able to preserve your breast by performing a lumpectomy and radiation. My concern would be that because you’re estrogen receptor positive and HER2 positive, there could be recurrence of the cancer. Another option is to have a mastectomy of your left breast with or without reconstruction. We would follow up the surgery with chemotherapy to kill off any possible remaining cancer cells. We could also give you hormonal therapy for the hormone receptor and targeted therapy for HER2.”
Alex sat there staring at Dr. Moreno. She heard her options but couldn’t think. How could she be expected to make a decision like this? Save her breast or lose it? Kill the cancer or risk recurrence?
Frank squeezed her hand and asked, “Could we have some time to make a decision?”
“Of course. I can also refer you to my colleague for a second opinion. But I want to be honest with you. I don’t need your decision by tomorrow, but I also don’t want you to take a month to decide either. Because your cancer cells could grow and divide quickly, time is of the essence. The sooner we get started, the better.”
Frank nodded. “We understand. Baby, do you have any questions?”
Alex shook her head.
“Alex, like I told you earlier, this is very treatable. This is by no means a death sentence.”
“You don’t know that, Dr. Moreno.” Alex finally spoke. “Frank’s twin sister died from breast cancer three years ago. She was only twenty-nine years old.”
“Baby, Toni didn’t get checked out until it was too late and the cancer had spread. We caught this early and we can treat it, right, Dr. Moreno?”
“Absolutely. Alex, there have been a lot of discoveries and advancements made just in the past few years. It’s terrible that Francesca’s sister didn’t survive, but that doesn’t mean you won’t. I need you to try to stay positive.”
“I’ll try. I’m sure I’ll have questions later. Is it okay to call you?”
“Of course. I’m on your side, Alex, and I’ll do everything I can for you.”
“I appreciate that. I’ll call you when I make my decision.”
Alex, Frank, and Sophia left the office after getting the phone number of Dr. Moreno’s colleague for a second opinion.
“Sophia, I want to discuss this with my parents and best friends. Would it be possible for you to join us? I don’t have a lot of experience with oncology, and I thought you might be able to answer some questions.”
“Yes, I’d be happy to. Just let me know when and where.”
“I think I’ll get the second opinion first and set up a time for all of us to meet.”
“Sounds good. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Alex and Frank walked to Frank’s truck in silence. Alex felt she had so many decisions to make and didn’t know where to start. She needed the advice and support of those she loved most. She couldn’t make this decision alone.
Chapter Twenty-three
Alex, Frank, Jordan, Kirsten, and Sophia sat in the living room of Alex’s parents’ house. Alex, Frank, and Sophia had met with Dr. Moreno’s colleague on Friday afternoon. He had agreed with Dr. Moreno’s assessment and suggestions. Alex did get a good vibe from Dr. Moreno despite her being the bearer of the bad news. It was now Sunday afternoon and she had to make a decision regarding her care. She couldn’t put this off much longer. She had to get started and get the cancer out of her body.
“Thanks for being here for me, everyone. I have to make a decision in regard to my treatment, and I need your help. Sophia is my nurse navigator and can answer any questions I can’t. I’ve been diagnosed with infiltrating ductal carcinoma. Dr. Moreno says it’s stage two and doesn’t look like it’s gotten into the lymph nodes. I’m also estrogen receptor positive and HER2 positive, which means the cancer cells can divide and grow quickly.
“She’s given me a couple of options. One would be to have chemo first and try and reduce the size of the tumor and kill the cancer cells, then I would have a lumpectomy and radiation. The second option would be to have the mastectomy first, then follow up with chemo and other systemic therapy to treat the estrogen receptor and HER2.” Alex looked at her parents and friends as they paid rapt attention. She saw the shock on all of their faces, but she also saw how strong they were trying to be for her. Frank sat next to Alex and held her hand, giving her silent support.
Her father asked Sophia, “What do you know about Alex’s doctor? Is she good?”
“Yes, she’s the best doctor I’ve worked with when it comes to dealing with breast cancer. Dr. Moreno is very aggressive and progressive with her treatment regimens, and every woman I’ve worked with that has had her as their doctor has done very well. If I was diagnosed with breast cancer, Dr. Moreno is the one I would want to treat me.”
Her parents nodded, and Alex saw some of the worry leave their faces.
Jordan cleared her throat. “What’s the prognosis?”
“We won’t know for sure until after the treatment, whichever Alex decides to do,” Sophia answered. “But the fact that it appears to be stage two without lymph node involvement is pretty positive.”
“How soon will you start the treatment?” her mother asked.
�
��As soon as possible, Mom. I don’t want to give it a chance to spread.”
“Honey,” Kirsten said, “speaking for myself, I want you to get whatever treatment will make you healthy and live a long life.” Kirsten began crying, which set off the tears in everyone else. “We need you. Aiden needs you. We want you with us when he starts school, when he goes off to college, when he gets married, and when he makes us grandmothers. You do whatever you have to to make that happen.”
Alex took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She had been leaning toward a lumpectomy to save her breast, to limit the size of the scar, but after researching and hearing the opinions of those she loved most in the world, she made her decision.
*
After Sophia answered the rest of their questions, Frank and Alex returned to Frank’s. Alex had been silent on the ride home, for which Frank was grateful. Frank hadn’t spoken much, and she had felt a little like an outsider at Alex’s parents’ home. She didn’t want to interfere in Alex’s decision, didn’t want to interfere in her family’s opinions. She saw the love they had for and shared with Alex. Frank loved Alex too. She couldn’t imagine living her life without Alex in it. There had been so many times these past few weeks when she wanted to tell Alex, but the fear of rejection made her swallow her words.
As they were lying in bed, Alex finally spoke. “What do you think about all of this?”
Frank turned on her side to face Alex. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’ve been awfully quiet tonight. I want to know what’s going on in your head.”
“I think you made the right decision.”
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say, Alex? I mean, shit, haven’t I been supportive?”
“Forget it.” Alex turned away from Frank and faced the wall.
Way to go, asshole. Why don’t you try to be a little more supportive?
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”
Alex sniffled, which made Frank feel like a bigger jerk. She scooted closer and wrapped her arm around Alex’s waist, pulling her closer. “I think we have the right information, you were able to make an informed decision, and now we can go back to Dr. Moreno and we can come up with a game plan.”
“Do you think I made the right decision?”
“Yes, baby, I do.”
“What if you don’t find me attractive anymore?”
Alex’s voice sounded so small, so insecure, Frank wished she could do something to make Alex feel safe. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. Whether you have two breasts, one breast, or no breasts won’t change my opinion of you. There are so many things that attract me to you, but the biggest attraction for me is what sits behind your left breast—your heart. I love you, Alex. I love everything about you, and I just want you healthy and here with me.”
“Frank, I told you not to say that.”
“Whether I say it or not, it’s true, and you already knew how I felt. Just like I know how you feel about me. You can say it or don’t say it, but I know you care about me, and that’s enough for me.”
“Oh, Frank, I do care about you so much. I worry what this will do to you.”
“Don’t. I want you to put all of your energy into fighting this and making a full recovery. Your parents, Jordan, Kirsten, and I will be just fine, and we’re here to support you.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know. I am too. But we have Sophia to help. And I really like Dr. Moreno. I wish I knew about her when Toni got sick. She seems invested in your recovery, and I know she’ll put together the best team to give you the best outcome.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I do. Now let’s try and get some sleep. We have a lot to take care of at work before your surgery.”
Chapter Twenty-four
In the ensuing two weeks it took to get the medical team prepped and scheduled, Alex got her affairs in order. She discussed her diagnosis with her closest friends at work. Valerie was especially supportive and helped Alex with all the necessary paperwork for her time off work and disability pay. She met with her attorney and had a will drawn up, leaving her life insurance policy in Aiden’s name. It wasn’t a lot of money, but in case she didn’t survive, she wanted to make sure he had money to go to college, or maybe travel a bit when he was an adult. Alex had always wanted to travel, but she never found the time. She vowed that if she survived, she’d visit the places she’d always wanted to see.
Alex was charting at the nurses’ station when she saw Frank striding toward her. Her heart fluttered as she watched Frank’s cocky swagger. She didn’t think she’d ever get tired of seeing Frank display the confidence she did when she wore her uniform. Frank leaned in and gave Alex a kiss on her cheek.
“Well, this is a nice surprise, Sarge. What are you doing here?”
“I’m here for the party.”
Alex tilted her head. “What party?”
Nancy shot Frank an evil eye. “The party that was supposed to be a surprise.”
Frank had the decency to blush. “Oops.”
Alex looked to Frank then Nancy. “Still not getting it, guys.”
“We wanted to throw you a party since today is your last day of work for a while,” Nancy said. “We all wanted you to know that we’re here for you and if you need anything, just let us know.”
Alex could feel the tears form in her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. “You guys didn’t have to do that.”
“What? And give up an excuse to have cake?”
Alex laughed and slipped her arm around Frank’s waist. “So, when is this party?”
“Now. Come down to the lounge.”
Frank and Alex followed Nancy down the hall and entered the lounge to a chorus of “surprise” from some of the staff. There was a sheet cake decorated with a pink ribbon and the words “fight like a girl” written in pink frosting that sat on the counter along with some bottles of soda and lemonade. People made their way to Alex to give her hugs and offer their support. Alex felt grateful that she worked with such a wonderful bunch of people. She could feel the love in each of their hugs.
Frank brought Alex a piece of cake and a cup of lemonade.
“Thanks, baby. I can’t believe you kept this a secret from me.”
Frank laughed. “I can keep a secret when I need to, but it was hard. Hey, I talked to my lieutenant yesterday, and he approved my time off so I can take care of you after surgery.”
“Oh, Frank, you didn’t have to do that. My parents can take care of me.”
“I want to take care of you, Alex. I love you and I’ll do anything for you. I already have it arranged. I figured you could stay at my place so Bella can help take care of you too. Of course, Bruce and Kathleen are welcome to come over and spend time with you. I know how much it will mean to your parents to help with your care. Please let me do this for you.”
Alex placed her cake down on the counter and wrapped her arms around Frank. “Okay, baby. Thank you.” Alex pulled Frank down and gave her a sweet, lingering kiss.
“Great. Okay, I have to get back to work. Julie is taking Bella for a few days so I can be at the hospital with you and your parents. I’ll come over to your place tonight, and I’ll drive you tomorrow morning.”
Alex watched Frank leave and thought about the three words Frank declared that made Alex feel so good and warm inside. Frank had professed her love two weeks ago and although Alex had yet to say it back, she did love Frank. She had been so strong throughout this ordeal, so positive, doing and saying all the right things. Even if Frank hadn’t told Alex she loved her, Alex knew. She hoped when all of her treatment was done that Frank would be there in her life. Alex loved Frank so much that she wished she could spare Frank the turmoil of going through this again. She offered Frank an out and she turned it down. She hoped Frank was all in because she was in for the fight of her life and needed everyone’s help if she was going to
survive.
*
Alex and Frank woke at five a.m., showered, and drove to the hospital. They went to admitting, signed all the forms, and made their way to the waiting area where they were greeted by Jordan, Kirsten, and her parents. Alex’s eyes stung with tears as the group enveloped her in a heartwarming hug.
“We’ll be right here, honey. You’ll do great.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Jordan reached for Alex’s hand and pulled her away from the group into a private corner, away from prying ears and eyes. “Remember when we met our freshman year and I declared my love to you?”
Alex smiled. “Vaguely.”
Jordan chuckled. “Even though Kirsten is my wife and I love her with all that I am, you’re still one of the most important people in my life…a life I can’t live without you. Do you understand?”
The tears returned and mirrored Jordan’s. Alex nodded.
“I love you, Alex. Not only are you my best friend, you’re Aiden’s godmother, my sister from another mister, and I need you with me—with us. Do you understand?”
Alex laughed through her tears. “Yes, I understand.”
Jordan wrapped her in a hug. “Good. You got this, Al. We’ll see you in a few hours.”
They returned to the group and Alex sat next to Frank. Frank put her arm around Alex’s shoulder and kissed her temple.
“How are you feeling, baby?”
“I’m nervous, but I’m glad everyone is here. I’m glad you’re here. Lying in your arms last night after making love made me feel safe, that the surgery was going to be successful.” Alex turned to Frank and cupped her cheek. “Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?”
Courageous Love Page 16