Becoming Death

by Melissa Brown

  “Do your shoes fit okay?” Aaron asked as he began setting up the scoreboard.

  I finished tying my laces and stood up, testing the mismatched shoes for comfort. “Yeah, they seem fine.”

  “What do you want to be called?” he asked, typing on the screen.

  “I think ‘Winner’ has a nice ring to it.”

  “Taken, but you can still be ‘Loser,’” he said, making a set of air quotes.

  I glanced up at the scoreboard above our heads to see the word “Winner” scrolling across it. “Fine, if you’re going to be immature just put our names,” I said, sticking out my tongue.

  He pouted but retyped the name labels before announcing, “I’m going to go grab a lucky ball.”

  “Get me one too.” I took his seat and sang along to the music playing on the overhead screens.

  “Oh my God, Madison, what are you doing here?” A voice called from across the room.

  I tilted my head and saw Becca waving from a couple lanes down. She rolled her eyes towards the guy she was with and held her lips tightly together before walking over to my lane. The piercing in her septum bounced with each step.

  I looked around the room for potential victims before speaking. “Please tell me you’re not working.”

  She grabbed my arm, pulling me close. “No, but I kind of wish I was. You have to save me. I’m on the worst blind date ever. The guy I got set up with hasn’t stopped talking about football since we got here. I swear he’s never read a book or been to a museum. He might not even know what a museum is. He’s not in college, won’t shut up about sports and is completely freaked out by my piercings. We have nothing in common.”

  I shoved her side. “I suggest you run, quickly. You’ll have to thank whichever friend set you up with that winner.”

  She sighed. “My dad did. He’s the son of someone he works with. He thinks if I date normal guys I’ll go back to being his little girl and wear frilly dresses or bows. That’s never going to happen but I humor him, so I’m stuck with that loser until the end of this torture.” She pulled on my arm. “You should come over, keep me company.”

  “I can’t, I’m here with someone.” I waved at Aaron to come over.

  Aaron returned carrying two bowling balls. He exchanged a polite greeting with Becca, “Hi. Who’s this?”

  “This is Becca—from my accountancy course,” I stuttered.

  Becca looked sideways at me before tucking a dread behind her ear and offering her hand to Aaron. She gave him a confident smile. “Hey, where has Madison been hiding you?”

  I cringed at her pick-up line.

  Aaron’s eyes flickered but he shook her hand longer than seemed natural. “I’m Aaron. Cool dreads.”

  “Thanks. Madison, you never told me you had such an attractive boyfriend. I didn’t mean to interrupt your date,” Becca said, pointing between us.

  “It’s fine.” Aaron glanced at me quickly. “I’m just Madison’s roommate. We’re not together.”

  Becca’s eyes lit up under her heavy eyeliner. “Oh, you’re single too? Good to know. Are you at college? I’m studying English lit at State.”

  I bit my lip, an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach taking over me. “Which she hates,” I said.

  “No, I could never hate it. I find it so challenging.”

  “I’m at Central. I’m studying medicine.”

  “You’re going to be a doctor? That is so amazing. The guys I normally go out with have no direction.” Becca leaned forwards and touched Aaron’s elbow. “You know, it would be great to catch up. Maybe I could come over for dinner sometime.”

  Aaron turned to me. “What do you say, Mads? I can cook and you two could show off your math skills while you do my taxes over a meal.”

  Becca interrupted me before I could answer. “You cook too? A homemade meal sounds like such a great idea, but if you’re busy, Madison, I’ll understand.” She turned towards Aaron. “Of course, that wouldn’t stop you from coming over to my place sometime. I’d love to learn more about medical school, maybe consider changing my major.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket and handed it to Aaron. “Why don’t you give me your number?”

  “Yeah, sure.” He took the phone from her and typed in his number before handing it back.

  “Great, I’ll send you a text. It was really fun talking to you both. This has been the most stimulating conversation I’ll probably have all night.” She gave Aaron a half-wave as she returned to her bowling lane.

  His phone beeped immediately and he pulled it out.

  “Is that her phone number?” I asked, leaning over to see the screen.

  Aaron opened the text message. “Seems like it. She says she’s free next weekend.”

  “Great.” I tapped my foot. “Well are we going to bowl or not?”

  “Yeah, yeah of course,” he said, slipping the phone back in his pocket. “Is it me or was she totally hitting on me?”

  I picked up a ball from the ball return and flung it at the pins. The ball crashed into them, leaving an empty lane behind.

  Aaron stood behind me, his eyes wide. “I thought I was going first but that’s okay.”

  I glanced at the scoreboard. I had played his turn. “Sorry.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’ll take a ten-point lead. Here, take your real turn.” He handed me back my ball. “So, if she was hitting on me, do you think I should text her back right away or play it cool?”

  “I honestly, don’t know.” My cheeks went pink and I threw the ball down the lane straight into the gutter. My head started to ache and I rubbed my eyes.

  “Tough break,” Aaron said, wiggling his fingers over the air vent.

  Frustrated, I threw the ball down the lane again. This time I pictured the pins as mini-Beccas but still only managed to knock over one of them. I collapsed back onto our bench and glared at Becca, who was sat on her own bench playing with her phone. I heard Aaron’s phone beep again as he stood up to take his turn. Becca caught my eye and waved with a satisfied grin on her face.

  I rubbed my forehead, my headache growing. How could Aaron like her? She wore too much makeup, was covered in body piercings and dressed like she was at a funeral twenty-four seven. He’d never shown any interest in a girl like her before.

  Aaron sat down next to me, stretched his arm out across the back of our bench and squeezed the top of my shoulder. “You okay?”

  “Do you like her?” The words spilled out of my mouth. Where had that come from?

  He raised his arms in defense and shrugged. “I don’t know. I only talked to her for a few minutes, but I’ll probably give her a chance. It’s not like cute girls flirt with me everyday.”

  The words “wrong answer” flashed in my mind. “Fine,” I said, looking for an escape. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

  “Don’t you want to take your turn first?” He pointed at the lane but I stomped away. I couldn’t talk to him right now. I needed space.

  I retreated to the bathroom and locked myself in the stall. I paced back and forth in the small space weighing the information in front of me. I knew deep down that he liked me, but all I’d done was push him away. Part of me wanted to like him back, but I was scared. It didn’t really matter. Now he was going to date Becca because she’d thrown herself at him. I rubbed my hand across my face as I held my eyes shut.

  I stood for five minutes with my head resting against the cool metal of the stall before I heard Aaron’s voice.

  “Mads, are you okay? Can you please come out? I really don’t want to be known as that weird guy that went in the ladies’ restroom.”

  I held my fists at my sides as I walked out. “I’m fine, really. I just wasn’t feeling well.”

  He took my hand, opening my fist. “Don’t worry, I won’t date her if you don’t want me to.”

  “I never said—”

  He held a finger up to my mouth. “I’m not an idiot.”

  I looked away. “I know, it’s stupid. I shouldn’t be in
volved. It’s your choice.”

  He shrugged. “You’re just looking out for me. You know this girl better than I do.” A plastic capsule from a vending machine appeared in his hand. “I got you this.”

  I took it from him and popped open the lid to reveal a cheap bracelet that read “Best Friend” in crooked letters. I smirked. “You got me swag. It’s so ugly, but I love it.”

  “I’ll have you know it took me a whole dollar to get that for you. Only the best for you, Mads.”

  I unlocked the clasp and placed it around my wrist. I rubbed my fingers across the letters, enjoying the bumpy feel of the metal. “This better not turn my skin green.”

  He shook his head. “You’ll be fine. That is a quality piece of jewelry. Fine workmanship went into it.”

  I leaned into his arm and rested my head on his shoulder. His arm closed around me and I felt secure, happy. “I’ll treasure it forever.”

  “Damn right you will. Now let’s go finish that game.” He led me back to our lane with his arm around my waist.

  Chapter 13

  I couldn’t stop myself from stealing glances at Aaron on the way home. He looked different to me somehow as he drove his car back to our apartment. The realization of my own jealousy had changed my perception of him. His curly hair looked soft and framed his face nicely. His eyes seemed to be bigger, brighter. His body was tanned, firm and strong despite the lack of exercise in his life.

  I played with the bracelet he had given me. The wobbly edges of the letters against the flat background produced a pleasant feeling on my skin. As I watched him, a small part of me wished it was labeled something more than best friend. He caught my eye, and I saw a longing I hadn’t noticed previously in our relationship.

  “Do you ever think about our prom?”

  “That seems like such a long time ago,” I said, realizing it had already been nearly a year since we had finished high school. “What about it?”

  “Sometimes, I wonder if things might be different if we’d gone together,” he said, flustered.

  “I wish. Billy turned out to be such a jerk. I don’t know what I ever saw in him.”

  “Popularity, envy from other girls…” Aaron trailed off as we pulled onto our road.

  “Okay, okay, I get your point. Not that any of that matters now anyway. I agree, we should have gone together. We both would have had a better time.”

  “If Billy hadn’t asked you, you would have gone with me, right?” he asked.

  I reached across the seats and patted his thigh. “Of course. I always felt bad about you going stag.”

  Aaron tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “If we’d gone together, I always had this stupid plan in my mind for that night.”

  “A plan?” I asked, turning towards him. My stomach churned.

  His cheeks grew red and he shook his head. “Nah, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “No way, you can’t leave me hanging, Rodriguez.” I urged him on, turning towards him.

  He pulled the car into our parking spot and turned off the engine. We both unbuckled our belts but neither of us made an attempt to leave.

  “For long time I thought, if we were both single, we could give it a go.”

  “Like a date?”

  “Can you blame me? That red dress you got for prom night was beautiful. You looked stunning in it, with your hair finally brushed.” He smirked.

  I laughed and stretched my leg towards him.

  “When I saw you in it, that was the moment I knew I might be interested in being more than just your friend.” His fingers continued to drum on the steering wheel.

  I searched his eyes. It was out there now. I couldn’t pretend that those glances and touches were my imagination anymore. It was time to be brave and face our feelings head on. Sure, I was attracted to Derek too, but he was a fantasy while Aaron was reality.

  “Please say something,” he whispered.

  I took a deep breath as I leaned forwards and took hold of either side of his face. I planted my lips on his. The kiss was awkward and rushed, his eyes still open and wide. The feeling of warmth and passion between us seemed to take us both by surprise. His eyes took seconds to close, as if he couldn’t believe what he saw in front of him. Finally, he settled against my lips and wrapped his arms around my torso to secure me against him. My hands traced across his cheeks to his hair, which I nestled my fingers in. I felt hot and my nerves caused my body to shake slightly against him. His hand shot to my shoulder, which he rubbed to hold me steady. I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss and was taken back by the introduction of his tongue. An embarrassing squeak of surprise escaped from my lips and he chuckled against me.

  He broke away from me and stroked the side of my face. “I knew there was something there.”

  I broke into laughter, my face turning red as I leaned forwards to bury my face in his shoulder.

  His hand moved to the back of my neck. “How is this going to work?”

  I sat upright and watched his beaming expression. “We can make this work. We just need to take it slow.”

  “I’m alright with slow,” he told me, touching my cheek again.

  I leaned my cheek against his palm. “Don’t wait years to make a move next time.”

  I awoke on Monday morning to find my head balancing on Aaron’s chest and his hand resting on my hip. I adjusted my position slowly, careful not to wake him. I watched him sleep for a few minutes, wondering what the protocol was after spending the night in bed with your best friend.

  We’d shared a bed before but strict dividing lines had been drawn and pillow walls made. This was different; this was a relationship. I stroked the side of his cheek, willing his sleepy eyes open. He blinked slowly and looked down at me with a grin. Once his eyes were open he moved quickly, crashing his lips against mine again.

  I rested my hand on his shoulders as he rolled me onto my back and he crawled on top of me. His hips locked with mine and my inexperience caught up with me, making me feel scared and excited at the same time. He laid on top of me, his body flush with mine as he kissed down my neck and the curve of my shoulder.

  “Best morning ever,” he whispered.

  I held him closer, running my fingers along his spine, and agreed.

  His lips danced over my shoulders and I squirmed a little under him. “That tickles.”

  He abandoned my shoulders and returned to caressing my lips. “I want to kiss every inch of you.”

  My eyebrow raised as his hand dipped, teasing my shirt up to expose a sliver of my stomach.

  “I forgot you had this,” he said, his fingers lingering over the aqua and black bird just above my hip. Skye Hawke’s seal.

  “It wasn’t my best decision, but that’s what happens when you have your first wine cooler,” I said.

  “I like it.” His fingers ran over the tattoo, tracing the pattern.

  My breath caught at his touch. I knew if I didn’t leave soon, I wouldn’t even leave this bed, let alone make it to work.

  I hung my arms around his neck and gave him a final kiss on the forehead. “I need to get ready. I start my new job today.”

  He pouted. “Do you have to go? I think a better plan would be to blow off class and work, stay in bed for rest of day. We can even order a pizza.”

  I pushed him off me and sat up, shaking my head. “As much as I’d love that, I have to go. I need the money, and you need to go class or you’ll never become a doctor.”

  Chapter 14

  I arrived at the Happy Mourners’ office ten minutes early for my first day of work. I felt proud of myself for getting this opportunity. It was a big step up from fry cook at a greasy fast food restaurant. Aaron had helped me decide on an outfit. I wanted to look beautiful and professional. I had settled on a slim black dress and my choosing day pearl necklace. The combination made me look like I was on my way to Tiffany’s later. Once I had secured my hair in an up-do, I didn’t look like me anymore. With a few classy touches I had g
rown up and finally looked like an adult.

  I left my car, the warm spring sun beating down on me. It was a wonderful day to be outside, and if I hadn’t been attending a stranger’s funeral later it would have been a perfect day. My skin glowed and I felt alluring, just like every woman should after a great make-out session. I stood straight and tall as I took wide steps across the parking lot. I carried a potted plant for Derek. I wanted to say thank you but didn’t want to seem too eager. I stopped to examine the ridiculous logo on the side of the building of a grinning coffin. So cheesy.

  I walked through the door. The room was sparse, with white walls, a reception desk and overflowing leaflet holder mounted to the wall. I took a moment to examine some of the packages available: the jealous lover, the best friend and the secret family. I tapped the bell on an empty reception desk as I rocked back and forth in my heels and looked down the hallway for movement. When no one appeared, I followed the hallway past a water cooler and a break room until I heard voices behind a closed door. I knocked softly on the wood before opening it.

  “We seem to have a visitor,” Derek said as I entered. “This is Madison, our new hire.”

  I gave a half-wave to the group and mumbled, “Hi, everyone.” My ears turned red as the other ten people in the room ignored my greeting and whispered among themselves. “Am I late? Sorry, I got a little lost,” I said.

  Derek glanced at his watch and gave me a flirty smile. “No, you’re right on time. Have a seat.” He motioned to the lone empty seat at the front of the room. “We’re just handing out today’s assignments.”

  I sat the plant down next to him nervously and said, “For you.”

  Cindy raised an eyebrow and laughed to herself.

  I took the seat and held my handbag in my lap, clutching at the fake leather and looking around the room at my new work colleagues. I was the youngest one here; I felt like I didn’t belong.

  Derek picked up a list from the table and started to bark out assignments. “For this afternoon we have George and Barbara at Pleasant Memorial for the one o’clock funeral of Sally Wicks.” Derek pushed a folder across the table at an older woman in her fifties with horn-rimmed glasses and a smartly dressed African-American man.