Freeing You Freeing Me

by Kailin Gow

  Gail clasped her hands together in front of her and looked over at me. “Sam, let’s speak freely here since this is not just about Tate volunteering, but it’s about something else, isn’t it?”

  “Well,” I began, catching Collins’ eyes. “I was the one who told Collins we have to give Tate a chance. I’m fine with Tate volunteering at Sawyer House, as long as he’s properly trained.”

  “Then what is it?” Gail asked. “What did you want to talk about?”

  “Give me a moment with Tate,” I said.

  “Tate?” Collins asked. “Why?”

  “Because this affects him more than it will affect anyone else,” I said. “Tate?” I got up and cocked a finger at him. “Come with me outside. Meanwhile, Collins…maybe you can discuss something about our progress to Gail. I think she will be very please how much we’ve progressed with our relationship since putting Billy behind bars.”

  Gail looked expectantly over at Collins. “Well, this is the first I’ve heard of it, Collins. I’d like to hear all about it.”

  Collins looked down at first and then he smiled this sweet wide smile that showed how happy he was. “Last night and even this morning,” he began, licking his lips. My heart melted at the way he was blushing and smiling, happily, as though he was embarrassed to be so happy for once. “Was incredible! Sam was incredible. And we didn’t even have to go all the way, but Sam…Sam was open, free, wild …she didn’t hold back on expressing how she felt…”

  I looked over at Tate, who was staring incredulously at Collins talking to Gail, and I quickly pushed him out the door, stammering to forget what he’s just heard.

  Oh man, now Tate knew all about last night with Collins and me. And from how Tate was now staring at me, his eyes wide open like he was seeing me for the first time, and then licking his lips; he was probably imagining how I looked naked and writhing with Collins.

  “Um, Tate,” I stammered again. “God, that was embarrassing. You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

  “That good?” Tate muttered, looking at some spot to my right. “You must be a tigress in bed, but all classy cool beauty the remainder of the time.”

  “Tate!” I scolded him. “It’s your own older brother for goodness sakes.”

  “And you, Sam,” Tate said. He licked his lips again, looking me up and down while he slowly tongued his hoop earring at his lips. “Wow,” he shuddered. “Collins gets all the luck.”

  I took a deep breath before facing Tate again. My face was burning. There goes my effort for trying to look authoritative in front of him.

  Tate laughed. “You really are pretty innocent. You’re beet red from blushing.” He let out a deep breath. “It’s sweet and sexy at the same time. Funny, I always thought Collins would end up with some worldly siren-type. Fashion model, actress, someone very unapproachable. You know how many girls he’s been with…I’d…man, I’m dumbfounded.”

  “Um, Tate, can we get off the subject of sex. You’re still a kid, and…”

  “Wait, hold on,” Tate said, puffing out his broad chest. “You said you didn’t think I was a kid a while back…”

  “I meant you don’t look like one, Tate,” I said. “You have the body of a young man,” I looked him up and down. He was built like a quarterback, and was already as tall as Collins. “But technically, you’re still…”

  “Fifteen almost sixteen,” Tate said. “And you’re just maybe two or three years older than me. Not much of an age difference. Meanwhile, you and Collins…he’s probably ten years older than you.”

  “Seven,” I said. “He’s about seven years older than me.”

  Tate smiled, displaying dimples similar to Collins’. “You’re closer to me in age than you are to Collins.”

  “But, I’m with Collins, Tate,” I said. “There is more to a relationship than age.”

  “So, you wouldn’t mind being with a younger man?” Tate asked.

  “Gah, Tate, I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I’m with Collins.” I took a deep breath. I was with Collins. But there was a time when Collins had planned for me to be with Tate. For me to tutor him when he got out of jail and returned back to normal life, attend the same school as I, and for me to become his girlfriend. The age difference Tate mentioned wasn’t too far-fetched. However, things changed. Collins’ plans changed.

  Collins and I fell hard for each other. Collins’ plans for me to get together with Tate never happened. Instead, Collins had taken me on as a potential lover, complete with conditions. So, Tate was Collins’ charge now until he turned eighteen or could declare himself independent.

  “Look, Sam,” Tate said, “I can see clearly how uncomfortable you are with me talking about the possibility of you and me…”

  “There is and could never be a you and me,” I said. “Like I said, I’m with Collins.”

  “Alright, I get it,” Tate said, “but you probably know already, I find you extremely attractive.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “But it makes this difficult, too. If you’re going to be working at Sawyer House with me…”

  “I’ll be professional,” Tate said.

  “You really want to work here at Sawyer House?” I asked. “Not forced to by Gail or Collins?”

  Tate shook his head up and down. “Why not? I need some hours every week for community service, as part of my deal with the Court. Apparently the judge who took my case, let me off from being an accomplice with Billy by mandating I do some community service projects. So when Gail mentioned it to Collins for me to be able to come back, and fulfill my role as a peer counselor, I said I’d do it. So here I am.”

  “Good,” I said. “As I said before, I’m fine with you being at Sawyer House than you being on the streets or in jail.”

  “So you’re fine with me here?” Tate asked.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Then it’s settled? I’m going to be coming here, and you won’t be weirded out?”

  “Tate, I want you here.”

  “Good, because I want to be here with you. I could learn a lot from you.”

  I smiled and reached up to hug him. “I’m glad you’re with your brother now. He needs family, and you need a chance in life. I hope you can turn your life around. I really do.” I hugged him tighter, and I could feel his arms around me tighten, and his cheeks pressed closer against my cheeks.

  “You smell so good,” Tate said, tightening his arms around me, and moving his face so that his lips were now on my cheeks. I was trying to pull away when I heard a familiar voice.

  “So, how’s it going?” a deep male voice asked, cold as ice.

  Tate’s arms fell like a rock off of me, and he stepped back away from me.

  Collins’ face was expressionless as he looked at me and then at Tate. “Every time I see you, Sam, you’re in the arms of some guy.”

  “Giving Tate a hug,” I said, almost feeling like I had to justify myself.

  Collins eyed Tate. “Um huh,” he said. “Hopefully that was what that was just a moment ago.”

  “Just a hug,” Tate said seriously. Was there some kind of sudden animosity in his voice? “Just a friendly hug, Bro.”

  “Good,” Collins said, walking up to Tate. “Because I see the way you look at Sam. Brother or not, if you touch or harm one strand of hair on her, you will go back to juvie, you hear?”

  Tate narrowed his eyes at Collins, and he clamped his jaw tighter. “I know.”

  “Good,” Collins said. “Because right now, I’m thinking you volunteering here with Sam is not such a good idea.”

  “Hey,” I stepped up to Collins. “What about the extra help you promised Gail and me so I can have more time for you?”

  “I didn’t say exactly who it was,” Collins said.

  “So I can choose who will be helping? Well, in that case, I choose Tate.”

  Collins stared back at me, his eyes blazing with anger. “Sam…”

  “I thought you and Gail wanted Tate to help out here. Is
n’t that what this meeting was about?”

  Collins took me aside to an area down the hall and said, “I thought it was a good idea at first since he would bring a lot to Sawyer House…to help Gail. She was looking for a boy counselor who was younger but mature enough to be able to counsel. I thought it would help Tate out because he would get a sense of gratification from doing good work. He would be able to see how his experiences in life can help others get through theirs. He could turn the negatives into positives. And with you guiding him, he would have a good role model.”

  “So, it seems there are many reasons why we should have Tate here at Sawyer House,” I said.

  “But…”

  I bit my lips and looked up into Collins’ eyes. “But, you see him making googly eyes at me, and it suddenly makes you feel threatened? Jealous?” I wrapped my arms around Collins neck and pulled him in for a kiss. “You have nothing to be jealous about, Collins. Not from Derek and not from Tate. No one else can make me feel the way you make me feel, Collins. I know that sounds vague, but remember I gave up going to Stanford for you. I want you. I love you. I. Am. Yours.”

  Collins’ eyes searched mine for a second before he kissed me hard. “I love you so much, Sam, I can’t think straight. You trusting me with so much love scares me. Half the time, I can’t believe a girl like you would want someone like me. Most of the time, I think I don’t deserve you.” He took my hands in his and caressed them, kissed them, and placed it on his heart. “You own this, Sam. You own my heart.” He smiled. “And my mind, because you are all I think about. You are all that I want.” He kissed me again. “Sam, I’m sorry how I reacted, but the thought of any man other than myself touching you, makes me feel some caveman urge to haul you off by your hair to my lair and keep you there just for myself to look at.”

  “Is it because you’re the only man I trust enough to touch me, to undress me and nearly make love to me?” I asked. “Because you are, Collins. My body has not reacted to anyone more strongly than you.”

  “That’s part of it, Sam,” Collins said. “But it’s also because I’ve never wanted to be so normal, to have a real loving relationship with anyone but with you.” He reached up to push a strand of hair behind my ear, and said, “God, I love you so much, my beautiful sweet Sammy.” He kissed me tenderly before releasing me. “It’s going to be hard for me, but if you want Tate to be here, I’ll have to trust you with him. I’ll just have to, as jealous as I am already.”

  I grabbed his hand and held them in mine. “There’s nothing to be jealous about, Collins. He’s a kid to me, a younger brother of yours. That’s all. But most importantly, I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” Collins said, kissing my open palm. Then he visibly flinched. “What happened here?” His long fingers traced a red welt on my palm.

  I haven’t really noticed it before, but I knew where it came from, and was trying to think of a way to explain it to Collins. The welt came from my meeting with Judge Seevers and how she hit my hand hard with the paddle, showing me how intense of a pain Collins enjoyed. “I, um, wanted to tell you that…”

  “Where did you get this mark?” Collins asked. “It looks like…” He didn’t finish his sentence before his eyes widen with recognition. “Only a special instrument can provide this…”

  “Um, Collins, I’ll tell you all about it, but not right now.” I gestured towards Gail and Tate walking over to us.

  Collins looked hard at me, his forehead frowning into concern. “We’ll talk about this later.”

  “Well,” Gail said. “I had Tate sign a few papers to get started. I kinda destroyed the first set he had here after that prank he pulled so all this paperwork had to be signed.” Gail handed some paperwork to Collins and a pen. “Since you’re listed as his guardian now, you have to sign a few, too.”

  Collins took a look at all the paperwork, and signed. “Anything for you, Gail,” he said, causing Gail to giggle like a schoolgirl.

  When Gail got her paperwork all done, she looked over at Tate and said, “Welcome back, Tate. We hope you will have a beneficial experience here.”

  Tate nodded at Gail, but his eyes were on mine, devouring me. “Oh, I will, Gail,” he said. “I will.”

  I inwardly gulped as Lola took a second look at Tate, his abs, his boyish good looks, and bad boy vibe. It was bad enough Derek still didn’t get that I have boundaries, but with Tate, too? Maybe Collins was right to trust his instincts about Tate. Maybe I was too hopeful about people changing their ways. Maybe, but I was willing to give it a try. Tate needed it, and maybe when he got a chance to make more friends, meet girls his own age, he wouldn’t be infatuated with me. After all, he had been in jail for a long time that any woman would look good to him…maybe even Gail.

  Collins took my elbow and led me away. “Tate’s going to be enrolled at your high school, and he’s moving in with me at my Newport Coast home. I’ve never had a roommate before so this will be interesting.”

  “You’ll be fine,” I said. “Tate’s practically grown, and he’s been on his own for so long, he’s not like any ordinary teen.”

  “No, he isn’t,” Collins agreed. “Which is why,” he smiled charmingly. “I sorta need your help with him.”

  “I’ll help in any way, Collins,” I assured him.

  “Good,” Collins said. “Because I’m afraid he’s even more disturbed than I was when I was at his age…and we haven’t seen that part come out yet. Anyone who spent time in jail and went through what he did, would. Just be prepared, Sam. Tate is a wild card. There is nothing ordinary about him. If you need Vincent to accompany you while you’re with Tate, I’ll reassign his duties so he can be with you all the time.”

  I stopped suddenly and turned to Collins. “Collins, if you think Tate will be dangerous to me, then why have him come live with you? If he will be dangerous to anyone, why wouldn’t he be under some kind of treatment?”

  Collins smiled. “Who said Tate isn’t?”

  I turned to look back at Tate, who was a distance away, walking and talking to Gail.

  “He’s here at Sawyer House because of Gail?” I asked.

  “In a way. It’s also part of my treatment. Gail thinks I need my family around. Gail thinks I need to look back into a part of my life that I’ve closed off for so long.”

  It dawned on me then. “So Tate being here at Sawyer House was really for you, as part of your therapy.”

  “It’s good for Tate, too, and even Gail,” Collins said. “But only if it was fine with you.”

  “We’ve just gone through the fact that I’m fine.”

  Collins kissed me softly on the lips. “And that’s the most important thing to me, Sam.”

  Chapter 4

  It didn’t take long for Tate to be integrated into Sawyer House on Day One. Collins was right. Tate was not ordinary at all. Like Collins, he was quick, smart, and charismatic. Like Collins, he was also very persistent when he wanted something or rather someone.

  In this case, unfortunately, he wanted me.

  *****

  Of course I was flattered, but that was the extent of it. But because I knew there could be tension between the brothers, I didn’t visit Collins at his Newport Coast home at all while Tate was there. And if there was any chance of him being anywhere I was going to be alone, Vincent always accompanied him. Funny how that turned out. Because I refused to have Vincent as my chauffeur, as Collins had suggested, it worked out that Vincent drove Tate everywhere, including to Sawyer House, since Tate did not have a driver’s license yet.

  That kept me reminded that despite me being only “two years older” than him, we were a world apart. I was already starting college at UC Irvine, taking a psychology classes with Derek for the summer, while Tate had enrolled into my former high school, which also had summer classes.

  When he wasn’t at Sawyer House and not in summer classes, he took up surfing at Huntington Beach, the surfing capital.

  I found out to my delight and surprise one
morning when Vincent showed up at Sawyer House with a bright neon yellow surfboard strapped to the top of his limo. “Hey Vincent,” I said, when I saw the limo pull up to the door. “What’s this?”

  “This…” Tate got out of the limo with wet hair and a wet suit peeled down to his torso, revealing his muscular bare chest and abs, “is Nuna, my surfboard.”

  “Cool name,” I said, trying to shield my eyes from the glaring sunlight and the brightness of the board’s reflection. “Now are you going to be answering phone calls all day in that or are you going to change into something?”

  Tate grinned a cocky smile that showed how white his teeth were against his tanned face. “Of course I’m going to change.”

  He went to the back of the limo, popped the trunk, and took out a duffle bag. “I’ve come prepared.” Without any warning, he stripped down his wet suit right in front of me, pulled on a t-shirt, his underwear, and a pair of khaki shorts before sliding his feet into some sandals.

  Before I could say anything, he stuffed the wetsuit into the duffle and had it back in the limo’s trunk. “Stop looking so dumbfounded, Sam,” he said, walking past me to the front of Sawyer House’s door.

  “I can’t believe you just did that, Tate,” I said.

  “It’s early Saturday morning, Sam. Early morning. No one is around at 6 am in the morning around here. I doubt anyone but you and Vincent saw me. And Vincent probably is used to seeing all kinds of things.”

  “Tate, that’s not the point,” I said. “You’re supposed to be a peer counselor when you get here. You have to hold yourself up to some standards and not…”

  “When I walk through that door, Sam,” Tate said. “I’ll be a professional. But right now, I’m just enjoying being out in the sun. Being out, free.” He shot me a bitter look for a moment, and I immediately felt guilty.

  Tate did not act it, but he had just been released from jail, which he was in for a long time. I couldn’t even imagine what he’d been through growing up in jail and not having any freedom. I’ve forgotten how everything I’ve taken for granted like fresh sea air, being able to go anywhere, or even being able to see anyone at any time was still new to Tate. Even me talking to him, as a girl was a new experience.