Freeing You Freeing Me

by Kailin Gow

  I felt bad for being so insensitive. I was about to say something about it to Tate, but he reached over me with his muscular arms and opened the door to Sawyer House wide to let me walk in first. “By the way, you look particularly lovely today.”

  “This?” I looked down at my green skinny jeans and loose white V-neck t-shirt. My hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, and I wore little makeup, just gloss and mascara.

  Freshly-showered in the morning, after Collins spent the night reminding me in bed how much he loved me and how much he wanted me to remember his touch and only his touch throughout the day. I probably had this glow on my face that told the world I’ve experienced multiple orgasms with my mind-blowingly sexy boyfriend the night before.

  I found myself blushing…something which I haven’t done much except recently. Why was I blushing so much now when I used to not blush very much at all? It must be because I finally got some closure on the Billy incident and began feeling everything again.

  You’ve opened yourself up to experience every kind of feelings again, Samantha, my subconscious rational self Susan told me.

  Tate flashed me a knowing smile, which I probably wouldn’t believe a guy his age would know how to, except he was Tate, who was not an ordinary teenage boy. He was street-smart, wise beyond his years, and had already lost his innocence and virginity years ago. At fifteen years old, he had probably seen more in life than many thirty-year-olds.

  “Nice outfit,” Tate said, “but I liked how you look overall. Something about you this morning looks…refreshed, relaxed, and happy.”

  “That’s because,” I said brightly. “Your big brother makes me happy.”

  “Uh huh,” Tate said, raising his eyebrows. “I bet my big brother does. I bet you make him pretty happy, too.”

  “Tate, none of your business, but what Collins and I do…we’re consenting adults and…”

  Tate held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, Sam. I’m just playing with you. No need to get your panties bunch up. At least I’m glad one of us is getting some.”

  “Tate...I think you need to be a little more sensitive to who you’re talking to. I’m dating your brother and…”

  “I know. I know. Sorry, Sam. I forgot. I mean…I forgot I actually have a brother. All of this…big brother, family life, having friends, having the freedom to go out, being able to go to school…all this is still so new to me. Especially being brother to Collins McGregor. So…if you can excuse me when I act as though I don’t have one, it’s because I haven’t really known of one for the last thirteen years.”

  I took a step back. It was true, it must be hard for Tate and Collins. I put my hand on Tate’s shoulders. “Sorry, Tate. I didn’t realize how difficult it is for you with all these major changes in your life. I’m the one who should be more sensitive.”

  Tate looked at me hard then, his blue eyes commanding my entire attention. “You are more family to me than I am with Collins. At least you seem to care.”

  “That’s not true, Tate,” I said, leading him to my desk and having him sit down while I sat down next to him. “Collins cared so much about you that he couldn’t wait to get you out of jail and living with him. He visited my school to make sure it was the right fit for you, and he even had it planned that I would be tutoring you.”

  Tate’s head shot back in surprise. “He did? I was going to go to the same school as you, and have you as my tutor? He planned all that? Then why didn’t it turn out that way?”

  I took a deep breath and glanced over at the caller screen. Already the green light was flashing, indicating there was a caller waiting.

  “Sometimes things don’t turn up as planned,” I said.

  “What happened?” Tate asked.

  “Collins changed his plans.”

  “Why? Why did he go back on it? You know, if he didn’t, I would have gotten out earlier…I wouldn’t have gotten mixed up with Billy in that idiotic plot, nor with my father. I wouldn’t have had one of my worst years in jail.” Tate looked angrily at the green light flashing. “Maybe we should get that,” he muttered.

  “Okay,” I said. “Watch me? You can put on those headphones there so you can hear what the caller is saying without interrupting. I know you’ve already been trained by Derek and have taken calls on your own already, but…”

  “Hello?” Tate answered the call before I could. “Welcome to Sawyer House, whacha want to talk about?” He eased back into his chair and winked at me.

  From the way he was sitting, relaxed and calm, you’d wouldn’t guess just seconds ago, he was frustrated and angry about how strained his relationship with his brother was.

  I went along with him and put the headphones on so I can listen in on the call.

  “Hi,” a reluctant female voice that sounded like it belonged to a cute teenage girl, answered.

  “Hi…um…”

  “Jennifer,” the perky voice said.

  “Jennifer,” Tate said keeping his eyes on me. “What a pretty name. Bet you’re as pretty as your name and voice.”

  I raised my eyebrows. Tate was openly flirting with the caller, who happened to sound cute. Why didn’t that surprise me?

  Jennifer giggled. “You sound cute, too,” she said.

  “So Jennifer,” Tate said smiling his wide cocky smile. “What are you doing calling Sawyer House this morning, and keeping me from getting more surf time in?”

  “You surf?” Jennifer asked.

  “Yes,” Tate said, “Not very good, but it’s become a new passion of mine. It’s one of the things I like about being here in California. All that sun and surf. But let’s talk about you, Jennifer. I want to know all about you.”

  “Well, there’s nothing special about me. I’m sixteen, blonde hair with blue eyes. I go to a local school around here, and I guess I’m pretty typical.”

  “Typical?” Tate asked. “Do all ‘typical’ girls at your school sound as cute as you?”

  Jennifer giggled again. I shifted my position in my chair and crossed my arms at my chest. Susan crossed her arms and shook her head.

  Yup, Susan, remind me to tell Tate after the call to keep the flirting down.

  “Well, my friends and I all kinda do, but it’s nothing,” Jennifer said. “Just girls being girls.”

  “So Jennifer,” Tate said, still looking at me, his tongue licking the corners of his mouth in a way that showed how much he was enjoying the conversation with a “cute” girl, while trying to look cool and confident around me, “care to tell me, your new favorite person, why you’re calling? You must have a reason…can’t be because you’re lonely and just wanted to hear some random guy’s voice talking to you about stuff?”

  “That would be an idea!” Jennifer giggled into the phone.

  “What? You calling just so you can talk to the surfer counselor guy at Sawyer House?”

  “Now that I know how you sound like and how hot you probably look, I might just keep calling all the time just to talk to you,” Jennifer joked.

  Tate’s eyes shot wide in panic as he looked at me. Then he pulled away from the phone and gestured, “What do I do?”

  I gestured back, “Calm down. Keep talking normally.”

  Tate nodded and said, “Wow, I’m flattered, Jennifer, but for all that you know, I could be this bald 500 pound slob with a comb-over, a beer belly, and bad breath.”

  Jennifer laughed. “I doubt it. You sound HOT!”

  Tate chuckled. “How little you know me, Jennifer. How little you know me. So in any case, looks aside, I want to hear your story. What’s going on with you? How can I help?”

  “Well…I don’t even know your name,” Jennifer said.

  “Call me Sawyer,” Tate said. “It’s easy to remember since it’s the name of this place.” Tate grinned at me. So, Tate was going to be ‘Sawyer’ now from Sawyer House. Cute. I grinned back.

  “Well, Sawyer,” Jennifer said, “It’s this. Don’t judge because unless you’ve ever been in this situation
before, you don’t know what it’s like.”

  “Ok, Jennifer, I’m not going to judge. Hell, what I’ve been through, I don’t even have the right to judge anyone. I. Am. Not. A. Saint,” Tate said to the phone, but his eyes, burning with desire, told me, he was talking to me. “I’ve done, said, and thought things that could make even a harden criminal blush.” He stuck out his tongue and began tonguing his lip ring, while moving closer to me, his eyes moving from my eyes to my cheeks, my breasts, and then my lips.

  God, he was hot, but I had to stop thinking of him that way. He looked like a younger Collins, but wilder, untamed, and dangerous. I pushed my chair further away from Tate and gestured for him to remember he was on a call with someone.

  He barely blinked before continuing on smoothly with Jennifer. Yes, he was a smooth talker. No wonder why he was able to survive so long on the streets and in jail. He was smart, and he was charming. The kind of qualities that probably made him run the group he was in at jail.

  “Well, Sawyer,” Jennifer said. “I feel strange talking to a guy about this, but I’m calling because of a guy.”

  “Guys are good at giving guy advices,” Sawyer said. “So, what did this one do to you?”

  “I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago because I caught him having sex with one of my best friends. I got over him, but last night, we were at a mutual friend’s house watching a movie and getting drunk (a bunch of my friends who are all on the cheerleading squad and I always hang out after a rally) and we invited some of the football guys. Of course my ex was there, and he came along. So one drink after another, my ex started coming over and talking to me. He totally looked hot. He and I went to a room to talk privately, and he said he was sorry and wanted me back, but I said I couldn’t. He had hurt me so badly. Then he began kissing me, and I kissed him back. One thing led to another, and we ended up having sex on the bedroom floor. It was the best sex I’ve had in a long time. We were so wild. I was so drunk, I think we had sex in front of the football team. It was such a rush having him go down on me in front of all these hot horny men. Afterwards, though, I felt like I shouldn’t have had sex with him, and that I gave him the wrong message. I think he thinks we’re back together because of it, but I still can’t trust him.”

  Tate had closed his eyes and when he opened them, he had a look of hunger in them as he looked into mine. I didn’t want to look, but I think the front of his shorts got a little tighter.

  “That sounds very, um, hot, Jennifer,” Tate said. “I mean, to a guy, having that kind of spontaneous sex where you can get caught sounds like such a turn on. No wonder it was good. That’s one of the best kinds there is. Did you go down on him, too?”

  “Tate!” I almost shouted at him, but realized Jennifer could hear me.

  “I’m embarrassed to say that’s how it started. I unzipped his pants and went down on him as soon as we went upstairs.”

  “Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer,” Tate said. “Sounds like you are one naughty girl. That is the holy grail of an invite to a guy to think a girl wants more with him, especially when you said he wanted to get back together with him.”

  “Like I said, I was drunk, Brent looked so hot in his jersey and tight pants, his bulge was sticking out so visibly, I wanted to relieve him.”

  Tate drew in a breath. “Wished I could find an ex so generous in relieving me every time I have a hard-on.”

  Jennifer giggled. “Are you built?”

  Tate whispered into the phone. “Like a stallion.”

  “Oh my,” Jennifer laughed. “When do you get off, oops, I mean, you’re at Sawyer House, right? You’re a peer so I assume you’re around my age? When do you get off work?”

  I was about to end the call, my finger poised to push the “end” button when Tate groaned, “Oh Jennifer, I’d love to meet you, and you sound so lovely, but we have rules around Sawyer House against a caller meeting with a counselor. Besides, you sound like you are on a rebound, and I wouldn’t get into any kind of serious relationship with a guy right now until you’re over your ex. Sounds like you and him still need to work some things out, and even if it means meeting him again, talking things through, then that’s probably what you have to do.”

  Jennifer sounded disappointed when she said, “Seriously? You think I still harbor some kind of feelings for Brent?”

  “Feelings or no feelings” Tate said, “when you have sex with a guy who just said he wanted to get back together with you, you’re sending him a signal that you want to continue doing what you’re doing. If you don’t have sex with him, then he’ll know it’s truly over…even if it’s just the friends with benefits type of sex.”

  “So you think Brent is just wanting sex or do you think he really wants to get back together?”

  “If all he does is pressure you about the sex, then that’s what he wants. Hell, most guys just want the sex at this age. At any age. We don’t know anything about love and stuff. We’re thinking with our dicks. Fact of life. We see a pretty girl. We like what we see, the first thing on our mind is f-ing her.” Tate actually winked at me then, and for some strange unexplainable reason, I blushed.

  “Okay, thanks, Sawyer,” Jennifer said. “I think I’ll give Brent a call right now to tell him I can’t see him later today for that quickie.” She let out a big breath. “You were really helpful. I needed a guy’s perspective, someone I didn’t know, and it just worked out. Too bad we can’t meet up, though. I’m sure you’d be someone I’d like to get to know a lot better.”

  “Me, too, babe. Me, too,” Tate said before hanging up. “Take care.”

  I pressed the “end” button then, and got up.

  Tate got up at the same time from his chair and we were just a finger-width apart facing each other. Being Collins’ height, he towered over me as he looked down into my face, while I looked up into his.

  “Well?” Tate asked after a while of looking me up and down. He looked genuinely concerned with what I was going to say, how I thought of him.

  I looked down, biting my lips. “Well…you started off a little too flirty…and that’s not what most counselors would do, but then again, because of your personality…charming personality, I have to add, you got her to open up to you. It’s not how I would handle it, but each counselor brings their own background and personalities into being a peer counselor.”

  “So?” Tate asked. “What do you think?”

  “I just told you?” I said, a little flustered.

  He placed his hands on my shoulders and pulled me in close to his chest. It was a surprise move that threw me off guard. He stroked my back, as though he was massaging me. “Thank you,” he said.

  “Why?” I was truly perplexed.

  “For giving me a chance, Sam,” he said. “I didn’t think I could do this in a million years. I didn’t think I could give a shit about anyone else’s problems besides my own. I saw you looking at me with this look on your face the entire time. You looked skeptical at first, but you also had this encouraging little smile that kept me going. I was scared to death I would screw up, but when I looked at you. Focus only on your face, I knew I could finish this call without screwing up.”

  “Aww, Tate,” I said, hugging him tighter. “I had no idea you were nervous. You handled that like a pro. Actually better than anyone I’ve seen, including Derek and myself. You are a natural.”

  “Ha,” Tate laughed. “I about lost it when she was telling me how she was sucking on her ex’s dick, though. That visual plus her voice, and me looking at your beautiful face with your smoky eyes looking back at me, you biting your lips raw like that…”

  “Tate!” I said, quickly pulling myself out of our embrace. “I was not trying to look…”

  “Seductive?” Tate said.

  “Right, me trying to look seductive…ha!”

  “You don’t even have to try, Sam. You are,” Tate said, pulling me to his chest again, this time with some force.

  His pull had plastered me against his hard body, and I
could feel his unmistakable hard-on against the crotch of my jeans. “I can’t stop thinking of you being naked with him,” he whispered into my ears. “Ever since the day we were all in Gail’s office and you were saying how he could make you come often.” Tate moved a finger along my cheeks and traced it to my lips. “I’d like to see how you would look when you’re coming. Ever since I knew of you, I’ve dreamt of you. You were meant to be for me. Collins had planned you for me, to be mine, not his. It isn’t fair you’re with him.”

  I pushed him hard to make him let go of me. “Tate, I don’t want this to be awkward between us, but it is getting there. I’m with Collins, and that’s that. If you can’t accept that, then maybe I shouldn’t see you here at all.”

  Tate’s expression went from possessive to contrite. “Oh, I’m sorry, Sam. I don’t know what got into me. I have such respect for you. You’re Susan, and I have to admit, you’re kinda my fantasy girl. Billy talked about you all the time when we were in jail. Then I heard your voice, and when I met you in person…But…I’m sorry. I won’t make you uncomfortable again.”

  “Good,” I said, looking behind Tate. “I don’t think Collins or Vincent would like that, too.”

  Tate turned his head to look behind him, and muttered, “Big brother is acting like big brother.”

  “Hi Baby,” Collins said, striding up the hallway with Vincent following close behind.

  He came up and wrapped his arm around my shoulders before kissing my cheeks. “I missed your beautiful face so much already. I want to steal you away for the afternoon.”

  “But I have my shift here.”

  “Oh, Tate can cover it,” Collins said. “I think he’s ready.”

  Ready? How would Collins know without being here to observe?

  Vincent walked up to Tate and handed him a note.

  I saw Tate’s face drain for a moment before he shot Collins a hard look.