Lost Wolf (A New Dawn Novel Book 4)

by Rachel M Raithby

  Nico and Olivia arrived after dark. Jackson met them in the hallway, where they were currently having an angry but hushed conversation.

  “Told you he wasn’t coming,” Katalina whispered, glancing at her briefly.

  “Bass never struck me as someone who’s afraid of much,” Regan whispered back.

  “He’s not. He’s only afraid of one thing.”

  “What’s that?” Regan asked quietly, glancing at the door to make sure they weren’t coming yet.

  “Losing me.”

  Regan touched Katalina’s cheek. “And has he lost you, Kat?”

  “I’m not sure,” she admitted, facing her with large eyes full of unshed tears. “I think I lost myself in this world, the me I thought I was anyway. The madness and bloodshed swallowed me whole and now I’m just….”

  “Just what, Kat?”

  “Changed. I don’t feel like me anymore. Not the hopeful me who thought we could all get through this craziness with our humanity intact anyway.”

  “Oh, Kat,” Regan whispered, brushing away the one tear that Katalina couldn’t hold back. “I don’t know what to say.”

  But the worst part was, as Katalina’s words left her mouth, they hurt Regan as much as they were hurting her, because if Bass and Katalina couldn’t get out of the fight with Indiana untouched, then how were she and Tyler going to find a happy ending?

  “It ends in pain,” Anna said out of nowhere, turning to look at them both, and placing a hand on both her and Katalina’s knee. “But sometimes we need it to. We need it to push us in the right direction, to help us make the choice we might have not necessarily taken.”

  Katalina dragged in a harsh, jagged breath, as dread uncoiled in the pit of Regan’s stomach. What does she mean? Does she mean Ty?

  Nico, Oliva, and Jackson choose that moment to walk into the room.

  “I’m fed up of hard choices,” Katalina spat. She straightened up, her feet falling to the floor as she glared at Anna. “You tell the universe I’ve had enough of pain, and I’ve had enough of this goddamned war.”

  Cage growled. “Kat, don’t speak to her like that.”

  Katalina snarled back. Getting to her feet, she glared at Cage. “I’m not talking to her, stupid. I’m talking to whoever speaks to her.” Her angry, hurt-filled eyes studied them all. “Ugh. Will you all just stop looking at me like that?” She swiped at the tears that spilled down her cheeks. “I’m not made of glass!”

  Storming from the room, the front door rattled through the house as Katalina closed it. No one said a word for several long moments as they looked at one another. Even Arne sat upright and looked as stumped as the rest of them.

  It was Jackson who broke the silence. “You better go after her,” he said, addressing Katalina’s dog. “Come on.” Jackson ventured back out into the hall, opening the front door. “Go bring her home, boy,” he said, ruffling the dog on the head as he passed. “And gods help us if you can’t.”

  Regan watched out of the window as the dog bounded off in the direction Katalina had gone. Her body was a hum of emotion—shock from Katalina’s reaction, but understanding as Regan herself often felt as overwhelmed and angry at the world. She hurt for Katalina and for herself and Tyler. Life wasn’t easy or fair, and Regan had to somehow hold onto the belief that it would be okay in the end. She couldn’t allow events to knock her from this new forward path, no matter how difficult it was. Regan had to keep looking forward.

  Chapter 40

  After a long afternoon with Zackary, trying to explain that what he’d seen was normal, but not a frequent occasion, they’d both returned tired, mentally and physically, to Tyler’s cabin.

  Tyler had acquired a laptop from another pack member, so Zackary had something to keep his mind off things, and they’d decided to eat in, Tyler popping out briefly to collect the chips and burgers he’d ordered from the pack kitchen earlier.

  He’d just finished stuffing the last of the chips into his mouth when his phone rang. It was the ringtone he’d set for Regan, so he’d know only to look at his phone alone, but seeing as Zackary knew, nothing stopped him from pulling his phone from his pocket and smiling at Regan’s face flashing on his screen.

  “It’s Regan,” he said, as Zackary glanced back at him.

  “I know.” Zackary rolled his eyes. “You’ve got that lovey-dovey face again.”

  Poking his tongue out at the kid, Tyler answered as he climbed to his feet. “Hey, babe, sorry I cancelled on you earlier.”

  “It’s okay. I think I know why…. I need you to do me a favor, Ty.”

  “Okay?” Tyler agreed, wondering what was going on.

  “I’m not exactly sure what happened at Dark Shadow today, but I know it must have been something bad because Kat is here and she’s in a bad way.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “Didn’t you know?”

  “No, I’ve kinda—” Tyler glanced at the kid engrossed in the movie, but still walked as far as possible away from him before continuing. “—been dealing with Zac. He… he didn’t take today well either.”

  “What happened?”

  “I probably shouldn’t be telling you.” Tyler sighed. This right here is why people won’t want us together.

  “Don’t tell me if you think it will compromise Dark Shadow, but I think the fact your alpha pair seem to be living in separate packs… I should know.”

  “Separate? You mean Katalina’s left for good? Bass should be back by now. Hasn’t he come to get her?”

  “No. And honestly, Ty, I’m not sure what’s going through Kat’s head. I just know she’s feeling rather lost at this moment and for some reason, they’ve pulled apart, not together.”

  “Bass marched Bill up in front of the pack and executed him today.”

  Regan’s breathing hitched but she said nothing.

  “Bill was leaking information to Indiana. That’s how they knew where our kids would be, how they knew where patrols would be and who’d be there. He was a mole from the beginning.”

  “Gosh, Ty… I’m so sorry. I think I understand what’s bothering Kat a little better now though. I’m going to try and help her, but I need you to help Bass. Convince him to get his ass over here and bring Kat home, and obviously, do it all while making out you’ve no idea what’s going on.” She laughed nervously. “Easy, right?”

  Tyler rubbed his hand over his face, sighing deeply. “I’ll do my best.” He shook his head. “What a mess. At times like these, we need our alpha pair strong not apart. What is Bass thinking?”

  “Hopefully you can find out. Hey, I’ve gotta go. She’s just turned back up. Good luck. I love you,” she whispered at the end before putting the phone down.

  Tyler turned to take in Zackary. What am I going to do with the kid?

  “What?” Zackary asked, glancing over his shoulder. “Regan all right?”

  “Yeah, she’s fine, but there’s something else I’ve gotta go deal with.”

  “Can’t you do it later?” he whined. “The movies just getting good.”

  “You can’t come, but I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone. How do you feel about a few of the boys from training coming over?”

  “Great, I’ll be the epitome of cool, needing a babysitter,” he grumbled.

  “How about you go over to Coop’s? He’s got all the video games you could ask for.”

  “He does? I didn’t think you had things like that in this caveman town.”

  Tyler laughed. “Some of us are less caveman than others.”

  With the kid dropped off with Cooper and his parents, Tyler headed over to find Bass. While he walked, he searched for the right thing to say, something that would get his alpha talking but not give away he already knew what was going on.

  By the time he reached Bass’s door, he’d thought of absolutely nothing, other than Hi, how’s it going? Fortunately for him, maybe not so fortunate for Bass, as the door opened to let Tyler in, Nico appeared behind him, and barged his way
inside first. Anger radiated off Nico as he marched toward Bass, and Bass backed up wide-eyed and confused.

  “Just so you know,” Nico said as he closed in on Bass, “you’re my friend at this moment and not my alpha, which means I’m quite entitled to do this!”

  Nico’s hand balled into a fist, his face going rigid, and as he brought his arm back, ready to swing at Bass. Bass did nothing. Nico’s fist swung, hitting Bass square in the face, the force whipping Bass’s head back.

  “Are you done?” Bass asked calmly, touching his fingers to his bleeding nose,

  “Oh, not even nearly,” Nico growled.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Tyler yelled, leaping forward and restraining Nico. “What the hell’s going on?”

  “It’s all right, Ty,” Bass said. “I deserved it and many more.”

  Nico struggled in his arms. “You can let me go now. If he wants to be punched, I’m not obliging.”

  Tyler released Nico though stayed close to him in case he changed his mind on the violence front.

  “Can someone please explain to me what’s going on? First you execute Bill, and now the two of you are fighting. And where is Kat?”

  “Yeah, come on, tell us, Bass, where’s Kat?” Nico ground out.

  “She was supposed to be with you,” Bass replied to Nico. “You were supposed to be looking after her.”

  “It’s not my job to look after her, Bass. That’s yours,” Nico shouted, jabbing Bass in the shoulder.

  Bass didn’t react at all; it was like the man had shut down.

  “So where is she now?” Tyler asked, even though he knew the answer.

  “River Run,” Nico confirmed, glancing at Tyler, then zeroing in on Bass. “She was crying. Did you know that? I’ve never seen her look so….”

  “Broken?” Bass filled in for him, sounding just as broken himself, staring at the floor.

  “Then why are you here?” Nico asked, exasperated. “Why is she surrounded by River Run when she’s Dark Shadow, when she’s ours, yours?”

  Bass looked up, his gaze haunted. “Because I broke her, Nic. I brought a rose into a place full of death and she withered and died like the rest of us.”

  Tyler had no words. He’d grown up in a pack with a cruel, sadistic alpha, grown up with bloodshed and fear, and a lifelong war that had everything to do with greed and hate. The day Bass had taken over, the day he’d brought Katalina home, Tyler had thought that day was the start of a new beginning. Bass and Katalina had brought with them a new dawn, a brighter, happier, love-filled future, and his alpha was telling him it was over. That the new light had been extinguished.

  Regan’s face filled his mind. She was his happy future, his light, but without his alpha pair, they’d have no chance, and he couldn’t let that happen. “Then fix it!” Tyler growled. “Stop hiding here and go to her. Fix it.”

  Bass straightened a little. “I trusted Bill. He was my second, my packmate. I’d have died for him, and he betrayed me.”

  “And he lost his life for it,” Tyler replied.

  “I think he won in the end though. We captured him nearly a week ago, and instead of killing him right away. I kept him locked up for questioning. I let him weave his lies into my mind until I reached a point that I was no better than my father. Kat tried to tell me I was losing myself. She warned me an execution like I did was wrong, and I told her this was our way, that her human upbringing stopped her from being able to see what needed to be done. I wanted to make a statement, to show them all that Bill hadn’t won. That we were stronger than them, but I played right into their hands. They won.”

  “They will if you stand by and do nothing,” Nico warned. “You made a mistake, Bass, everyone makes mistakes, but what separates us from those like your father is owning up to them and fixing what went wrong.”

  “It’s too late, Nico. I can feel Katalina inside of me. I can feel how she’s hardened, how she’s realized she’s too soft for this world.”

  Tyler thought of Regan, how instead of hardening herself, she’d lessened herself. He thought of how he wished he’d have been there for her when her sister had died. How if maybe she’d had someone to hold her and walk with her into her new, darker, painful world, then she might not have spent three years hiding from her true self. Tyler couldn’t have made her sister’s absence any less painful, but sometimes all a person needed was someone to walk beside them in the dark as they searched for the light.

  “Then go to her. Don’t leave her alone in this harsh reality. You’re her mate. Hold her hand in the darkness, be her shield against it,” Tyler urged.

  “I’m afraid,” Bass whispered.

  The anger in Nico seemed to drain out of him. The two of them fell forward together, holding each other upright. “We all are, Bass. So at least you’re not alone.”

  Bass and Nico walked from the cabin side by side, Tyler following. As the three of them exited the cabin, Bass turned around, his expression looking more like that of his alpha’s. “The kid?” he said.

  “He’s okay. I took care of him,” Tyler reassured.

  Bass nodded grimly. “He shouldn’t have seen that. I shouldn’t have let him see that. I failed that kid today too.”

  “I looked after Zac, now all you need to do is bring Katalina home.”

  “I will,” Bass replied. “Nic, I need to do this alone. Go, go be with Liv.”

  Tyler and Nico watched Bass as he walked away, the darkness beneath the tree canopy swallowing him into their shadows, and as Nico patted him of the shoulder, leaving to go be with his mate, Tyler’s every cell longed to be with Regan.

  A raw, hollow hole carved itself into his heart as he denied himself his desire. Regan and he walked in the darkness alone, and it could go on no longer.

  “Tomorrow,” he whispered upward at the sky. “Tomorrow I tell Katalina.”

  He’d gone too long promising he’d tell someone and not following through. It couldn’t go on. They’d reached the end of the road. A line in the sand had been drawn. It was time, no matter the fear it brought or the anxiety it produced. Tyler had to follow through; he’d not allow himself to do anything different.

  Chapter 41

  She’d sensed his decision to come to her before he appeared out of the trees like a living shadow, elegant and sleek in his approach.

  “Is that?”

  “Yeah,” Katalina replied to Regan. They were sitting together out on Jackson’s porch, Arne at her feet after he’d brought her back. She could hear and scent others in Jackson’s house, though none had been brave enough to see her since she’d departed in a fit of rage and tears. Nico and Olivia had returned to Dark Shadow, and Katalina couldn’t help but wonder if Bass had come on his own wishes or been forced by Nico.

  “Do you want to see him?” Regan asked her gently. It had been good to talk to her, to have her beside her as a friend; sometime over the last few weeks, they’d crossed a line in their friendship, growing closer.

  “What would you do if I said no?”

  Regan glanced at her nervously, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth. “Go tell him to stay away I guess.”

  A smile tugged at Katalina’s lips. “You’d really do that for me?”

  Her gaze filled with determination. “Of course, I would.”

  Placing a hand over hers, Katalina squeezed it briefly before climbing to her feet. “Today’s not the day you face down an alpha, Regan. Though I must say courage is a good look on you.”

  “I’ll be inside. If you need anything at all, shout. I’m sure Jackson, Cage, and Toby will come running to defend you.”

  With a nod and a deep, steady breath, Katalina stepped forward and down the steps of the porch.

  “Are you afraid?” Regan whispered.

  Katalina paused. She glanced over her shoulder at Regan then studied Bass who’d halted a good twenty feet from the house. “Does it sound weird that I’m not afraid of seeing him but looking him in the eyes. I’m afraid that when we look at each other, we
won’t see us anymore, and if we can’t find each other, what hope do we have?”

  “I understand,” Regan murmured. “But remember, it takes time. It’s taken me three years to even realize I was lost. Be kind to yourself, Kat, be kind to him.”

  Time. It was the one thing that was always against them. There was no wonder she and Bass had come to a head. They’d both been ignoring the niggling issues because there were more pressing matters at hand. Both hurtling forward, toward the future they wished and hoped for.

  Be kind to yourself, Kat, be kind to him. Regan’s words stuck with her. She wasn’t sure if they’d been kind to each other. Whether she’d been kind to Bass. Did they both expect too much from this world too soon? The time had come she guessed. She had to face him, and he her. They’d become the pressing matter.

  The walk to Bass seemed to take forever. Each step increased the nerves buzzing through her veins. She felt silly for being apprehensive; he was her mate, her heart. Walking to him shouldn’t have been hard at all. As his features came into view, her heart increased its speed, pulsing through her head like music, the buzzing of her chaotic thoughts adding to the melody.

  Thoughts, emotions, and expectations pushed at her mind, her skin, her bones. It was as if she might burst from the anticipation. She was angry at him for leaving and then staying away. She was frustrated and hurt that he hadn’t listened to her, that instead of talking to her, he’d pulled away. But most of all, she was saddened and defeated by the simple realization that this world could never have fit her, no matter how many promises and hopes they made. As irrational as it was, she was cross Bass had ever promised her otherwise. She was mad he’d allowed it to change them.

  Katalina couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Instead, she stared at his chest, his taut muscles currently rigid with tension. They stood for a moment, neither moving or saying a word, not daring to connect gazes. His finger was gentle as it caressed the side of her face, sliding its way down until it reached her chin to tip her head up.