Lost Wolf (A New Dawn Novel Book 4)

by Rachel M Raithby

“Look at me, Katalina,” he whispered. “Please, look at me.”

  His tone broke her, as if he were just as afraid as she was, as if he really thought there was a chance they’d not be able to move past this. Maybe there wasn’t, not as the same people anyway, not unchanged.

  Her eyes stung from the tears she refused to let fall and as Katalina lifted her head to meet the eyes of her shadow wolf, her heart froze, her breath stalled. Bass’s eyes studied her—the sorrowful, lost gaze of her wild wolf.

  “I’m so sorry,” Bass breathed. “I’m so so sorry.”

  And the dam Katalina had been holding back burst. But it was Bass who went to his knees, Bass who clung to her hands as he buried his head into her thighs and begged for forgiveness.

  “My winter wolf, my winter wolf, my winter wolf,” he rasped between jagged breaths.

  She’d been right to be afraid, to avoid this moment for as long as possible. Looking down at the man she loved—broken and on his knees—hurt her very soul. He wanted her forgiveness, but Katalina wasn’t sure what she was forgiving him for. Yes, he’d not listened to her, he’d ignored her warnings, her begs to change course, but was it really his fault?

  Anna’s voice entered her head. It ends in pain, but sometimes we need it to. We need it to push us in the right direction, to help us make the choice we might have not necessarily taken.

  Was this the same? If it hadn’t been this time, would it have been another? They lived in a hard world, with hard choices. Had they been young and idealistic in thinking they could change their world and not change themselves? Bass’s actions had been too gruesome for her, too savage, but maybe it was time she accepted they weren’t human. At their core, they were wild, primal wolves. And in the end, maybe that’s why she’d run, and he’d stayed away, because admitting that to themselves was too hard, too painful. Accepting that the idealist image in their heads wouldn’t ever quite come to be was heartbreaking. Life was cruel, full of dark, dark lows and so much disappointment, but then without it, would they ever truly savor the highs and be able to see the light? Without grief, there wouldn’t be joy. Without emotions, they’d not be human at all.

  Katalina fell to her knees with him, and together they clung to each other, their tears hitting the earth and taking with them their pain.

  “Please forgive me,” he murmured. “Please, Kat, forgive me for not coming to you when I should have, for not listening when you spoke the truth. Bill was a mistake. It needed to be done, but I did it wrong…. I should have—”

  “Shh,” Katalina whispered. “It’s okay, Bass. It’s okay.”

  He lifted his head, taking hers in his hands. “I promise you, I will make this right.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No. No, it’s not. I can feel that you think it is.” His hands fell away, sliding down and covering her heart. “But please don’t let my mistakes be the reason you harden your greatest gift.”

  “I’m not human, Bass. I never was.”

  He shook his head, expression filling with desperation. “It’s you who taught me being human had nothing to do with one’s blood and everything to do with their heart. And yours, Katalina, is human. It is big and generous and beautiful, and human.”

  “And too soft,” she added. “I can’t walk this road as I am. It hurts too much.”

  “It’s going to get better,” Bass promised. “Bill’s gone. It’s over. We’ll rebuild. You’ll see. I’ll make it better.”

  Katalina smiled sadly and leant forward, resting her forehead on his. “It’s only just begun, and you know it.” She sighed. “There will be consequences to Bill’s death. They were playing this game from the start by being willing to kill their own people with their own hands. We can’t win with unrealistic dreams. We can’t protect those we love without being willing to cross any line. I’ve accepted that, even if I don’t like it.”

  “I can’t accept that.”

  “You already have. You’ve accepted it from the beginning, even if you didn’t want to admit it. And it’s okay. There was nothing you could have done. I was in this war from the very beginning. Jackson didn’t spare me from it. He just gave me time, time enough to know what to aim for. I didn’t end the war. I changed it. I drove out those who reveled in death and fear, and now together, we must end it. You and me, Jackson, Cage, Nic, Ty. Everyone. Everyone who wishes and dreams for a better life. Dark Shadow and River Run. Together, we must end this fight.”

  He was quiet for so very long—torn, grieving, full of regret and pain, but in the end, his face hardened, his eyes changing back to those of the man within. Bass took her hands and stood, pulling her with him. Staring at her with eyes full of determination, he whispered, “We’ll end it. Dark Shadow and River Run. Together, we’ll end it.”

  Chapter 42

  They were far enough away that they couldn’t hear Bass and Katalina, but close enough to see when two souls were breaking. It was heart wrenching to watch as the tears flowed, the anger drained, and realization and acceptance sank in.

  “I shouldn’t have ever brought her back here. I should have hidden her better, or taken her away the day they found her,” Jackson whispered from besides Regan.

  “Don’t say that,” Cage said. He stood with them at the window, unable to tear his eyes away. “She’s brought us so much, brought River Run and Dark Shadow together.”

  “But what have we brought her?” Jackson asked, his tone tight.

  “We’re her family, her blood,” Karen replied from the sofa. She’d only entered the house when Katalina had left it, waiting out back, knowing her granddaughter still hadn’t forgiven her for her mistakes, yet unable to stay away when Katalina was in pain.

  “She was never prepared for this life,” Jackson continued, his jaw stiff, arms crossed tight.

  “None of us were. I’ve seen and done shit no one my age should have, and the fact I grew up here hasn’t made it any easier,” Toby said.

  Anna stood abruptly from the sofa, causing the people in the room to look at her. She stared at them all for a moment, her eyes eerily otherworld, then smiled sadly.

  “There was nothing you or anyone else could have done to prevent this. Kat was always meant to be here. All you gave her was time, Jackson, and that was enough. She is the key that binds us all together, and she’ll realize that when the time is right. Whether she likes it or not, whether it’s fair or not, nothing can change it. It is her destiny.” She blinked rapidly, shaking her head slightly as if settling back into herself.

  “Anna?” Cage murmured, tone one of love and concern.

  “Take me home, Cage. I’m tired,” Anna asked.

  “Of course.” He took her into his arms.

  “You should all go home,” Anna suggested. “It’s over now. There is nothing more we can do.”

  Regan smiled goodbye to the pair as they left the room, exiting the house out the back. Returning her gaze to the window, she realized Anna had been right. Katalina and Bass were on their feet, hand in hand, walking away from the house and into the forest beyond.

  “Come on, Arne, you can come home with me,” Toby said, leaving. “Holler if you need me,” he added with a salute.

  “Well, I guess I should go as well,” Regan said.

  But Jackson stopped her as she reached the threshold of the room. “Regan, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I think it’s time for you to resume your training.”

  Regan dragged in a breath, leaning back a little, not at all expecting the words that had left her alpha’s mouth. “My parents,” she answered, unable to put properly into words the thoughts that his statement had spun.

  “Need to accept they had one submissive daughter and one dominant. Your wolf will wither and die if I set you the tasks the maternal wolves are set. It’s been three years, Regan, and I’m not telling you that’s enough time to grieve. I’m telling you that’s enough time not living.”

  “I know,” she said quietly. “I just don’t know how to tell them.”r />
  “I can talk to them,” he offered.

  “No. I just need time.”

  “Time’s running out, Regan,” he replied sadly.

  In more ways than one….

  With a grim nod, she left, slowly walking back home. Only it didn’t feel like home; it never had. Megan had been her home and when she’d died, it had too. Then Tyler had come along and relit something inside of her, driving her forward again when she’d been trapped in time. Tyler was her home now, only just like Megan, it was a home she couldn’t quite reach.

  Chapter 43

  “I was just coming to track you down,” Noah said, approaching Tyler as he appeared from the trees in wolf form. “Meet at Nico and Dax’s in five?”

  Tyler gave a nod of his wolf head, then padded past Noah and toward his cabin. He’d woken early to take a morning run and clear his head for ready the day. Knocking his head on the door lightly, it opened seconds later.

  “Dude, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to opening the door for a wolf,” Zackary said, as Tyler walked in.

  Shifting as he reached his bed, Tyler picked up the nearest clothes he could find to get ready for the pack meeting.

  “Won’t get used to the nudity either,” Zackary grumbled. “It’d be so much better if your clothes just reappeared.”

  Tyler smiled but didn’t comment. The kid was back on form this morning and as annoying as ever. Spending some time with Cooper had done him good.

  “How are you feeling this morning? Think you’ll be all right alone for a short while?”

  “Yeah, I’m good. Why, where you off to?” Zackary replied, flopping down onto his bed.

  “There’s a pack meeting happening. I need to be there and it’s only for the inner circle.”

  Zackary sat up. “Hey, Ty?”

  Tyler pulled his T-Shirt over his head and turned to face him. “Hmm?”

  “My dad and sis are coming to go over those plans this afternoon. It’s safe for them to, right?”

  “We’ve tightened up our defenses. Indiana aren’t likely to get through. Try not to worry, Zac.”

  Zackary rubbed at his neck, awkwardness filling his gaze. “I actually meant safe from Bass.”

  “I think you’ve gotten the wrong idea of Bass, Zac. He’s a good alpha. It’s just this world, being a shifter… it’s not all black and white. There are lots of shades of gray. Bass would never hurt your family unless they tried to hurt his, and, Zac, your part of that family now, part of that pack. That means Bass would give his life to protect yours.”

  “He doesn’t even know me,” Zackary mumbled.

  “It doesn’t matter. He’s alpha. He’s responsible for every member of this pack. He has help of course, from us, his enforcers and his sec—” Tyler’s words died in his throat. His second, he’d been about to say, the man who’d betrayed them. Zackary frowned at Tyler’s sudden silence. “Well, what I’m saying is, your part of this pack now, which means we protect what’s yours. Your dad and sister will be fine.”

  “Okay. Am I allowed to come to this meeting later? To see them I mean?”

  “Can’t see why not. I’ll be back soon, after this morning meeting, okay?”

  Zackary nodded, falling back onto the bed with a dismissive wave of his hand.

  Tyler exited his cabin and crossed the clearing toward the cabin Dax, Oliva, and Nico lived in. It was one of the few cabins not to have been damaged in the fire, and currently had two more occupants camping out on the sofas while the pack’s current housing crisis was fixed.

  The door was already open when Tyler arrived. He knocked once as he entered. Oliva glanced over her shoulder, smiling.

  “They’re all in the front room. Go on in. I’m just laying out some food for you all,” she said, placing a plate of pastries down.

  Tyler’s stomach grumbled. “Mind if I snag one now?” he asked, approaching her and taking a danish from the serving plate. He kissed her on the cheek. “I should eat here more often.”

  “Quit flirting with my mate, and get your butt in here,” Nico grumbled from behind.

  Tyler laughed as he winked at Olivia and faced Nico. “Feeling insecure are we, Nic?”

  Nico shook his head with a smile. “Go find your own girl.”

  He raised one eyebrow. “I might just do that.” Tyler scanned the room and noted what he’d suspected. Bass and Katalina weren’t present.

  “They’ve not returned then?” Tyler stated, glancing at Nico. “Has this pack lost its alpha pair as well as its second?”

  “I heard from Bass this morning. They’ll be returning soon,” Nico answered, addressing the whole room.

  “They’re good then?” Tyler asked.

  “As far as I know, yeah,” Nico said.

  “I called this meeting,” Jacob said into the lull. “Because I thought with recent events the pack would benefit from seeing a united front from us all. I think security needs to be tightened against the possible payback from Bill’s death, and we all need to be listening out for fears and discord. So far no one has come forward and answered Bass’s ultimatum, and the twenty-four-hour deadline is nearly up.”

  “Let’s pray no one does. What are we saying to soothe fears?” John asked.

  “That times are unstable, but we’ll get through it together as we always have. That Dark Shadow is strong and will face whatever comes,” Jacob answered.

  “There’s also the issue of electing another second,” Nico added. “Bass would like us all to think on who’d we think is suitable and put it to a vote on his return later.”

  “I’d have thought he’d have just elected you,” Noah said a little bitterly. “After all, it’s you who has the alpha’s confidence.”

  “What are you accusing my son of?” Dax growled.

  “It’s all right, Dad,” Nico answered, holding up his hand.

  “I get that some of you may be angry or hurt that some of us knew about Bill before the rest of the pack did, and I can’t speak for Bass, but I do know he’s just as wounded from Bill’s betrayal as the rest of us. He did what he did to keep Katalina and this pack safe. I won’t be electing myself as second. One, I’m far too young for the role, and two, Bass is my friend, and he’ll always be my friend before my alpha, which makes me unsuitable for the role.”

  “Nico’s right,” Tyler said, patting the man on the back. “I think we need to give both Bass and Katalina a break. I mean, Bass hasn’t exactly inherited a well-functioning pack, has he? Most of the dominant seniors left with Castor, which I think speaks volumes for the type of pack Dark Shadow has been for decades. Bass is trying to change that, and it’s not going to be easy. We’re a young pack trying to find our way in a hard world. There are going to be mistakes, but as long as we stick together, we’ll get through this.”

  “Well said, Ty,” Jacob murmured. “I trust and respect Bass. I’d like to think everyone in this room does, which means while he’s not here, we should rally together and show others we’re not like Bill.”

  Tyler knew the next few months were going to be a difficult time for the pack; they’d all feel Bill’s betrayal and mourn the man they thought he’d been. For Tyler, though, he had more than Bill on his mind. Recent events had highlighted what Tyler was doing was wrong. Secrets were not meant to be kept from his alpha. He had to trust Bass would do the right thing. Yet Tyler was also cautious. Regan had already suffered enough losses in her life via Dark Shadow’s hands, and Tyler couldn’t allow their relationship to be another.

  As the group finished up, with orders given out and plans on security checked over, Tyler stepped out of the cabin and off to the side where he pulled out his phone and typed a message that could quite possibly be his doom.

  Tyler – Katalina, I know you’re dealing with something right now and I hope you’re okay, but I really need to speak with you alone. Today if possible. I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t urgent. Ty

  It was thirty minutes later while Tyler was watching his young dominants
sparing that her response came through.

  Katalina – Hey, Ty, I’m doing okay. I can meet you today, 4 p.m., just over the pack border, east of the car park.

  Tyler – Thanks, Kat.

  He blew out a breath, reading the message twice. Today, today our fates are decided.

  “Hey, Ty! What’s so interesting? You just missed me throwing Cody on his ass in epic style!” Max exclaimed with a grin.

  “Sorry, Max. Please perform this epic stunt again.”

  Max rolled his eyes. “Ain’t going to happen a second time. Cody will have cottoned on to my moves.”

  Tyler chuckled. “Let’s call it a day, guys. You’ve done well, and my mind is elsewhere.”

  “On a lady by any chance?” Cooper cooed.

  “Yeah, let’s see.” Cody laughed, trying to snatch the phone from Tyler’s hand.

  Tyler shook his head, smacking Cody playfully on the back of his head. “Today is not the day you’ll get my phone from me, Cody.”

  “Hiding love letters on there?” Max teased.

  “He’s blushing!” Cooper laughed, pointing at Tyler.

  “Go on, scram the lot of you!” Tyler mock growled. “Before I make you run laps.”

  They ran off, laughing and shouting teasing songs as they wound through the trees. Tyler followed more slowly, pleased to see the younger members of the pack weren’t as affected by Bill’s betrayal as he’d feared. He had hopes that if he and the others of similar age could grow up under Alistair’s rule with their humanity and morals intact, then the next generation should have a far better chance.

  Zackary was waiting for him outside of their cabin, having ran off with the group.

  “Regan okay?” he asked as Tyler approached.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “You looked at little ill while reading your message,” Zackary observed.

  “It’s nothing, Zac. Don’t worry.”

  “’kay. Coops invited me over to play video games. Can I go?” he asked, a hopeful spark in his gaze.

  “Go on. I’ve got somewhere to be anyway. I’ll come get you before the meeting with your dad.”