by E. L. Todd
His face was close to mine and he touched me like he couldn’t get enough of me. His hand dug into my hair one moment, and then he touched my thigh, feeling my smooth legs. He moved into me slowly, moving slower than usual. I knew he wanted to make it last as long as possible, wanting this night to last forever. “I love you, Trinity.”
“I love you too.”
He kissed my neck and then the corner of my mouth, trying to soak in as much of me as he could.
My hands gripped him everywhere, wanting to memorize the feel of him. I wanted to remember him forever. The love we shared was real and true even if it didn’t last. I knew this was a possibility going into the relationship, and I did it anyway. I regretted him painfully, but when he was in my arms it was hard to imagine ever regretting something so beautiful.
Slade brought me to the place he usually did, touching me the way I loved. My body was already heightened because my body craved him for an entire month. He didn’t need to do much to get me off. Just being inside me was enough. “Slade…”
He kissed me for a long time before he tensed and released inside me. A loud moan escaped his lips and he gripped me tightly, like I might slip away. “Trinity…” When he was finished, he pressed his head to mine and closed his eyes.
I didn’t want to let go—not yet.
Slade moved to his side, staying inside me. He pulled me close to him, our chests touching and our foreheads near each other. His hand moved up my ribs and into my hair. He took a deep breath and then a tear emerged. “You’re the only woman I’ll ever love, Trinity.”
His words made me feel empty. My hand touched his arm and moved through his hair. I stared at him, not wanting to sleep because I wanted to stare at him. But for the first time, I felt tired enough to sleep. Feeling him near me gave me a fake sense of safety. It lulled me to sleep, and for the first time, I slept for more than an hour at a time.
***
When I woke up at noon, Slade was gone. I’d slept eight hours for the first time since I could remember. But his absence was painful like I expected it to be. There was a note on my nightstand.
Baby,
If I didn’t have to work, I’d still be there. I’m sorry.
Slade
I read the note over and over again even though it didn’t say anything important. I returned it to my nightstand and left if there, knowing it would be there for comfort on the nights when I couldn’t sleep.
Sleeping with Slade was a terrible idea and now I missed him more than I did before. But I didn’t regret the moment of weakness. If my body didn’t have some form of comfort, it would have shut down.
I lay in bed for a long time, wanting to pretend he was still there. His scent was on my sheets, and the comforter was still arranged around the place he’d been. I stared at it for a long time before I got ready and started my day.
***
“I slept with Slade.” I covered my face while I said.
“Trinity!” Skye was sitting across from me at Mega Shake. “What the hell happened?”
“He came to my door last night and I…I couldn’t turn him down.”
Skye sighed and gave me a sad look. “I don’t judge you but you’re going to make it so much harder on yourself…”
“I know. But I needed it. I was going crazy. If my body didn’t take a break from the inexplicable pain it was going to give out on me. You know what I mean?”
She nodded. “I do.”
I propped my elbow on the table and rested my head on my hand. “Did you feel this terrible when you and Cayson broke up?”
“Actually, I think you feel worse.”
“Really?” I asked. That didn’t make me feel better.
She nodded.
“I wished we’d never been together. It’s not worth this pain.”
“You don’t mean that,” she said quietly.
“If you felt what I felt, you would agree with me,” I said quietly.
“Trinity, you can’t let it happen again. Every time you do, you have to start over. You need to hold on to why you broke up with him to begin with.”
“I know…I know.”
“Be strong, Trinity.”
“Easier said than done,” I said weakly.
“I’m here to help. You can sleep at my place if you want…if you don’t trust yourself.”
“I don’t,” I admitted.
“Well, my place is yours if you want it.”
I already intruded on her personal life enough as it was. I knew Slade and I were wedges in Skye and Cayson’s relationship. They never spent time together because they were spending all their time with us. I felt guilty, but I couldn’t deny her help. “Thanks…” I pushed my uneaten food away. “I have to go.”
“Where are you up to?”
“I’m applying for my loan today.”
“Loan?” she asked. “Why didn’t you just borrow money from your dad?”
“I don’t want his money,” I said firmly. “Wish me luck.”
“Break a leg,” she said. “But not literally.”
I couldn’t even crack a smile at her joke. I walked out and headed to R and J bank. Last time I was there, I bumped into Reid. But I doubted I’d see him again. I didn’t care if I did anyway. I wasn’t with Slade anymore so he couldn’t be jealous. Plus, I didn’t really care about anything anymore.
I walked inside then told them I was there for an appointment. My dad was supposed to meet me but he wasn’t there yet. He must be running late. Perhaps something came up at the office.
A man in a suit approached me. “It’s nice to see you again.”
When I recognized Reid’s voice I looked up. “Hey.” I couldn’t even force myself to be pleasant. I was too depressed for manners.
His eyes narrowed while he took me in. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, I’m just applying for a loan. You know, it’s a little stressful…”
“Well, let’s go to my office and we can discuss the details.”
Was he the one dealing with my loan? “Uh, I made an appointment with someone else.”
“I realize that but your dad insisted on working with me. He goes through me for all his business expenses.”
Damn. “Okay.”
“This way.” He led me to his office. “Can I get you some water?”
“No, thanks.” I sat down and crossed my legs. I didn’t look at him, more interested in the paintings on his wall.
Reid sat in the chair behind his desk. “Your dad is running late?”
“I think so,” I said weakly.
Reid studied me for a long time. “I get the distinct impression something is wrong, Trinity.”
“I don’t want to talk about it…”
He nodded. “I understand.”
I looked away again, not wanting to talk to him.
“How’s Slade?”
My eyes watered at the mention of his name. I blinked my eyes quickly and didn’t answer.
“Now I understand…I’m sorry.”
“Thanks…”
“May I ask what happened?”
“He didn’t want to marry me,” I said simply. “He wasted two years of my life and he wouldn’t commit to me.” When I thought about last night, I felt angry with him. How could he miss me so much but not want to spend his life with me? I hated him all over again, wanting to cause him as much pain as possible. One day I was undeniably in love with him, and the next, I wanted to rip his throat out.
Reid was quiet for a long time. “I wouldn’t consider those years wasted…I know you don’t mean that.”
“I do,” I said simply. “Believe me, I do.”
“Perhaps he’ll change his mind.”
“It’s been over a month. If he hasn’t changed it by now he never will. He did agree to marry me, but he made it clear he was only doing it because I was holding a gun to his head. That only made it worse.”
He nodded slightly. “I understand your pain.”
“He was just a mistake, a stu
pid mistake.”
“Anger is a common step of grief,” he said quietly.
Reid didn’t make any specific comments or shared his opinion about the ordeal. He just listened to me and tried to keep me calm. He seemed concerned. His eyes gave him away.
Dad walked inside the office then approached the desk. “It’s good to see you, Reid.”
Reid stood up and shook his hand. “You too, Mike. Take a seat.”
Dad sat beside me then turned toward me. He seemed to notice the depression on my face because his eyes fell in sadness. “Hey, sweetheart.”
“Hey, Dad.” I turned back to Reid.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” Reid asked.
“No, thank you,” Dad said quickly.
“Then let’s get down to business,” Reid said. He pulled out a pile of papers. “Normally, someone else would handle the loans but since you’re asking for such a large sum, I think it’s best if I handle it.” He slid the paper toward me. “This is what you’re approved for, based on your father’s signature as a cosigner. If he wasn’t, this is the amount you’d be qualified for.” He circled a different number.
I eyed them for a moment. The number I’d get on my own was pitiful.
“Does this change anything?” Reid asked.
“No. I need my father to cosign.”
“Very well.” Reid typed on his computer then printed out the documents. “Your repayment details are on this form. All I need is for you to sign it.” He pushed the paper toward me.
I read through it before I picked up the pen.
“Sweetheart, I really don’t mind loaning you the money myself,” Dad said.
“It’s okay, Dad.” I sighed then passed the paper to him.
Reid quietly watched our interaction, his hands resting on the desk.
Dad read it before he added his signature. Then he passed it back to Reid.
“Thank you.” Reid made a copy of it then handed it to me. “Would you like a check or have it deposited into your account?”
“In my account is fine,” I said quickly.
He did a few things on the computer. “It’s been done. Congratulations.”
“Thanks…” I wasn’t as excited as I should be. The only motivation I had for this new project was to be distracted enough to not think about Slade. So far, it wasn’t working.
Reid stood up to shake my hand. “Good luck.”
I shook it then turned away. “Thank you, Reid.”
He gave me a sad look before he shook my dad’s hand. “Take care.”
“You too,” Dad answered. He opened the door for me then walked out with me.
When we reached the sidewalk, Dad turned to me. “Excited?”
“Yeah…”
Dad gave me the same look he used to give me as a child. Whenever I cut my finger or accidentally fell, he watched me like a hawk, making sure I didn’t hurt myself more. “You okay?”
“I will be…someday.”
He put his arm around my shoulders. “Want to get some ice cream or something?”
“No, it’s okay,” I said. “I need to get to work.”
“You know where to find me if you need me.”
“I know, Dad.”
He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you later.”
“Bye, Dad.”
He walked up the street to his building a few blocks away.
I was about to turn around and head the opposite direction when someone called my name.
“Trinity.” Reid was behind me.
I turned around, assuming I’d forgotten a paper or something. “Yeah?”
He came closer to me, his hands in his pockets. “I wanted to talk to you without your dad around.”
“Oh…” About what?
“I’m really sorry about you and Slade. I don’t like seeing you so sad.”
I shrugged. “Don’t feel bad for me, Reid. I made the decision to be with him. I’m paying the price now.”
“But you don’t deserve to pay any price.”
“I should have picked you, Reid. Now you get to stand by and watch me live out my mistake.”
His eyes narrowed in defense. “You think I enjoy watching you suffer? Trinity, I wished it had worked out for you and Slade. But I also wish it had worked out for you and I, whatever scenario brings you most joy.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at the ground.
“I was actually wondering if you wanted to get coffee sometime.”
He was asking me out? Was that a joke? “Reid, I’m a total mess. I’m hung up on a jackass who can never give me what I want. I’m in love with a man I’ll never have. I’m in no place to go on a date with you, Reid. You deserve someone who picked you to begin with, and you certainly don’t deserve someone who’s in love with someone else.”
He didn’t seem offended by my words. “I misspoke, Trinity. I meant as friends. You know, so you have someone to talk to about everything…I was just trying to help.”
“Oh…” Now I felt like a total idiot. Embarrassment flooded my body in waves. I wanted to cover my face because I was mortified. I sounded like a conceited and vain woman.
“But I understand why I gave you that impression. I should have been clearer.”
I still felt like a stupid girl. “That’s nice of you, Reid, but it’s okay. I’m not pleasant company anyway.”
“Come on,” he said. “It’s just a cup of coffee. Sometimes it’s good to talk to someone who wasn’t there, someone objective. I’d like to be a friend to you. I’ve been through a serious break up before. I know how painful it is.”
When he said it like that, it was hard to resist. “As long as you don’t mind me spilling my soul on the table and getting a few drops of tears in your coffee.”
“I don’t mind in the least.” He gave me a genuine smile. “How about tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
“We can talk about your company too.”
“Well, at least the entire conversation won’t be depressing,” I said with a faint laugh.
Chapter Fourteen
Arsen
Ryan left the auto shop, leaving me in charge. On the first day, my body was rigid with nerves. I’d never been in charge of anything before. My whole life, I operated alone. Trust was difficult for me, and I trusted myself the least.
With my first paycheck, I paid my rent and bought new clothes. Since I was technically a salesman and a manager, I bought a few suits. When I walked into the store, I had no idea what I was looking for.
The woman eyed me and could tell I didn’t belong there. “Hello, sir. How can I help you today?” She eyed me up and down, clearly liking what she saw. I had more muscle than I ever had before, and my hair was styled. I was used to women staring at me like that, but I no longer enjoyed it. There was only one woman I wanted to look at me like that. “I’m looking for a suit.”
“For work?”
“Yeah, I need a few actually.”
“I can help with that.” She grabbed a measurement tape then asked me to stand in front of a mirror. “I’m going to measure you and then I’ll get you a few suits.”
“Okay.” I stood there while she did her work.
Then she handed me a few. “Here you are. Try them on.”
“Okay…” I hoped I’d be able to figure it out. The only time I wore a tie, it was a clip on. I figured out most of the outfit, but the tie left me confused. I eventually gave up and examined my appearance in the mirror. Everything looked right.
“Let me see.” She knocked on the door.
I stepped out and watched her reaction.
She crossed her arms over her chest and whistled. “You look like a million bucks.”
“Uh, thanks.”
“I have that same suit in a few different colors. You should be good.”
“Thank you for your help.”
“Anytime.” When she rang me up, she handed me back the receipt and wrote her number on it. “If y
ou ever need help picking out more suits…” She gave me a smile then looked away.
I put the receipt in the bag but never planned to call her. “Thank you.”
***
Wearing a suit felt odd. I felt more confident when I wore something nice and expensive. And customers didn’t treat me like I was a mindless idiot. My whole life, people took one look at me and assumed I was stupid. Well, I was stupid at the time, but now I wasn’t. It was nice to be respected, to not be treated like a criminal.
Running the store wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. The workers knew what to do so I didn’t need to supervise them often. I knew I had to do the payroll and pay all the bills. And I sold my first motorcycle.
It was easier than I thought it was going to be. Since I was passionate about bikes and knew everything about them, it was easy to talk about. They tried to lower the price, but I was making a killing no matter how low they wanted to go. And the buyer seemed to be impressed by me and purchased the bike the same day.
It was easy money.
I only had to call Ryan for help twice. He calmly explained what I needed to do and everything was fixed. He kept me grounded even when I wanted to freak out. At the end of the month, I couldn’t believe I survived. My confidence was a lot higher, and I started to realize I could do this.
At the end of the workday, Ryan came in. “I told you it wouldn’t be that bad.” He stepped inside of my office and dropped into the chair facing my desk.
“Yeah, you were right.” Like always. “But learning how to tie a tie was pretty difficult.”
“Well, you figured that out on your own. My faith was not misplaced.”
“Thank god for YouTube, “I said with a laugh.
“How were the numbers for the month?”
I smiled then passed him the spreadsheet.
He examined it for a moment then rubbed his chin. Then he broke out into a grin. “This is awesome, Arsen. You’re making a killing now.”
“I’ll pay you back in no time.”
He tossed the paper back. “Don’t stress about that. Enjoy your success.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know how to do that.”
“Buy yourself something.”
“There’s nothing I want.”
“How about a car?” he asked.
“I don’t drive anywhere.”