Defend

by Lindsay Paige

  Michelle still looks as if that’s the craziest idea she’s ever heard. “Don’t do that, Jamie. I’ll work on them for you.” She takes a deep breath and angles slightly toward me as the waitress comes and drops off our food. “Now, what should we know about you?”

  “Anything you want to know. Jamie gave a good rundown earlier.”

  And that is the official start of a pleasant dinner. They learn about me and I learn about both of them. Jamie relaxes and takes her hand back. Finn seems like a quiet, yet decent guy. Michelle, I’m not so sure about her. I think Jamie was right. You never know about her. She seems to have her good moments, but her priorities definitely don’t line up with Jamie’s.

  By the end of it, after we’ve said goodbyes and are on our way back to Raleigh, Jamie sighs. “Well, tonight both went as I expected and didn’t. Let’s not have a repeat, okay?”

  “Promise.”

  Jamie laughs. “You can’t really promise me something like that.”

  “Oh, yes, I can. You said ‘let’s’. We don’t go back without an apology, Jamie. A verbal apology to us both. And you’re not allowed to be the middle man. They want to apologize to me, they have to talk directly to me. Got it?”

  “Yes, boss,” she replies with a little laugh. “Now, hurry up and get us home.”

  I smile, drive a little faster, and then my smile transforms into a grin. She referred to my house as home. Jamie thinks of my house as home. That might be the best thing I’ve heard since I met this woman. Sure, it could’ve been a slip of the tongue, but I refuse to think that.

  “Why are you grinning like a goof?” she asks me.

  “Don’t distract me. I’m driving as fast as I can to get us home.”

  I can feel her eyes on me, but she eventually says, “Okay.”

  And somehow, I grin a bit wider. She agrees we’re going home. We drive mostly in silence, but once we’re a few minutes away, Jamie turns her head to look at me.

  “You wouldn’t happen to want to go on a run when we get back, would you?”

  “We ran this morning, hon.”

  “Yeah,” she agrees, “and then we had a traumatic evening.”

  “We’re not running,” I tell her, causing her to sigh. She knows if she goes for a run anyway, that means I’ll run with her. It’s dark now and I’ll feel better if I go with her.

  “I guess I could try a bath. People say those are relaxing, right?”

  “You can definitely do that.”

  So when we get home, she heads upstairs to run a bath. It’s technically my weekend with Gregory and seeing him lounging on the couch when we walk in makes me feel a bit guilty that I haven’t spent much time with him so far.

  “Did you get something to eat?” I ask him as I sit down in the recliner.

  “Yeah. I cooked a pizza. How did dinner go?”

  “Be grateful you have the parents you do, okay?”

  Gregory sits up. “That bad, huh? Is that why she ran upstairs as soon as she walked in?”

  “She’s just wanting to relax. Hey, is there something you want to do tomorrow? We haven’t really done anything this weekend.”

  He grins. “Feeling guilty, Dad? I mean, you let me go to a party Friday so you could go on a date with Jamie, and today, you left me here alone all day.”

  “Answer my damn question.”

  Gregory lifts up a finger. “I even covered for you.”

  I frown. “What are you talking about?”

  “Mom called to check in on me.” That raises a red flag. She rarely calls him to check in while he’s with me. And the timing makes me suspicious. She decides to call after she’s found out I’m dating someone in their twenties? “And,” Gregory continues, “she wanted to know what we were doing today and casually asked if Jamie would be hanging out with us. I didn’t really answer that part. I just said we’d be hanging out at the house today. I figured if I told her you went to Charlotte with Jamie on your weekend, she’d have something to call and make a fuss about.”

  “You shouldn’t lie to your mother,” I tell him, even though I’m grateful he did. I’m sure Shannon would’ve called and asked why I wasn’t spending time with my son on my weekend.

  “I didn’t. I did hang out at the house today and so did you before you left.”

  “Don’t cover for me, okay? I can handle your mother.”

  Gregory holds his hands up. “Try to help a guy out and all I get is a lecture in return.”

  I laugh. “I’m not trying to lecture you, but you really shouldn’t lie to your mother in a roundabout way. I don’t need you to cover for me. That’s all I was saying. No long lecture. A lecture is what I gave you this morning.”

  He nods solemnly. “Good point.”

  Standing, I say, “I’m going to check on Jamie. Start thinking of what you want to do tomorrow.”

  There’s a knock on the other side of the door and then, “Jamie?”

  “Brent, I want to go running,” I declare.

  He laughs. “Can I come in?”

  “Yeah.” I cover my breasts, my legs already bent at the knee, and frown as he walks in.

  “Well, you look happy. Not a fan of baths?”

  “No! I’m just sitting here, thinking about everything I could possibly think of over and over. And I feel like a kid, except with more water. I don’t understand why people like these.”

  “Maybe you need toys.” I glare at him, causing him to laugh. “Or bubbles. Maybe something to make it smell good. Or you just need a jacuzzi.”

  I sigh and close my eyes. “A jacuzzi would be better.”

  Brent’s fingers trail over one of my legs and goosebumps pop up and spread everywhere. My eyes open to watch him. “How are you feeling?” he asks softly. “Need to talk? To me? Or maybe to Erin?”

  “I’m okay. Emotionally exhausted, but fine. I feel like Mother would’ve called me by now, but she hasn’t. I’m a little worried. Maybe I should go back to campus and actually do some schoolwork.” I lean forward to let the water drain.

  “Why would you go back to campus?” Brent asks.

  My mind whirls with every possible reason and I spew them out. “Well, I’ve taken so much of your time away from Gregory and I really do have schoolwork to do. Plus, I’ll have to work tomorrow. And—”

  “Jamie.” His thumb comes under my chin and lifts my head, making me realize I wasn’t looking at him. “Do you want to stay and go back to campus in the morning?”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “But nothing.” Brent hands me the towel I set out for myself and he leans forward to kiss my forehead. “Get dressed and we’ll go for a run. My kind of run, not yours.”

  “Really?” I ask, already feeling a bit better just thinking about it.

  “Yeah, and the next time I try to prevent you from doing something that helps you relieve stress, remind me of this moment.” He gives me a little smile before leaving me alone. Soon enough, I have my running clothes on and only need to slip on my tennis shoes. Brent seems to be downstairs already, so I hurry up to meet him. “Let’s go!” I say, running in place the moment I see him.

  Brent tells Gregory we will be back after a while, and then out the door we go! Energy bubbles up inside me. Adrenaline flows through my veins. But the moment we hit the sidewalk and begin that steady pace Brent likes, my mind settles enough to streamline my thinking instead of that jumbled mess I had while in the bath.

  Maybe it’s good that my mother hasn’t called. I don’t want to talk to her. I’m tired of defending myself and my decisions. I’m tired of them not listening to me. My life feels like one big mess because of them. You know, I think I’m tired of everyone except Brent. He’s the only one who doesn’t make me defend anything I’ve done. He’s easily the most supportive.

  My mind quietens for a little bit. Only my heartbeat, the sound of my hair swishing back and forth, and our footsteps filling my mind. Until I start thinking again.

  Going back to campus tomorrow will suck. I
’m tired of that too. It’s going to be worse since I’ve let my schoolwork pile up so I can work and spend time with Brent. After I work tomorrow, the rest of my time will be spent meeting my deadlines and dying a slow death.

  “I think I’m going to drop out of school,” I blurt out the thought as soon as it hits me. We’ve reached our turning around point and Brent has stopped to stare at me.

  “What?”

  “I want to drop out. The only reason I’m there is because my parents insisted I go and I’m tired of doing what they want. I don’t want to go anymore.”

  Brent steps closer to me and rests his hands on my shoulders. “Hear me out before you hate me for what I’m going to say.” My walls rise and I frown. “Don’t drop out.” I yank out of his hold. I can’t believe he’d say that! “I said hear me out,” he reminds me. “This is your last semester, Jamie. It’s crazy for you to drop out when you’re so close to being done! And you never know if you might change your mind and use it. If you want to, I’ll support you, but honey, you’re just over a month away from being completely done.”

  My shoulders sag and I sigh. “Why did you have to burst my bubble with reality?” He’s right, of course. I had a moment of being fed up and didn’t think about what I was saying.

  He smiles as he pulls me into his arms. “You would’ve gotten there eventually.” He releases me and we run again.

  My thoughts turn to our upcoming trip. I’m more certain than ever it’s a disaster waiting to happen. Kayla normally makes some type of comment at least once when she’s around. We’re going to be stuck on a ship for a week. Granted, it’s a large ship and I doubt we’ll be around one another the entire time, but it’ll be enough that there will be plenty of opportunities for it to be a miserable trip. What kind of birthday is that for Brent?

  “Maybe I shouldn’t go on the cruise,” I say quietly.

  Brent grabs my arm and we come to a stop again. “What did you say? Please tell me I heard you incorrectly.”

  “I don’t think I should go.”

  “Jamie, you’ve already paid and it’s all set for you to go. Why are you changing your mind?” He sounds so desperate for me to answer.

  “Do you want to have a bad trip?”

  “We won’t have a bad trip.”

  “You will if I go,” I insist.

  “Hon, what are you talking about?”

  “You’re putting me on the same ship as your daughter who hates me for a week. Do you honestly think she’ll play nice the entire time? That’s not going to make for a great birthday trip for you, Brent. It’ll be better if I don’t go. Or if I do, I don’t spend any time at all with y’all. Your birthday shouldn’t be ruined just because I’m there.” All of these things I knew were possibilities when I agreed to go, but after dealing with my parents, my edges are frayed. The last thing I want to do is lose my composure on the trip and go off on Kayla, deserved or not.

  Brent cups my face and gently pulls me until I’m nearly touching him. “What has been my general way of dealing with things so far?”

  I frown. How he deals with things? “You don’t seem to give a fuck what anyone thinks, but that’s not always helpful, Brent.”

  “It is when the issue people have is dumb. The only issue people have with us is our age difference. Not how I treat you. Not whether I’m trying to take advantage of you or if you’re looking for a sugar daddy. Nothing except it makes my daughter feel awkward and your parents uncomfortable. That’s not something we break up over, and it for damn sure isn’t something that makes you back out of the cruise. You aren’t the one who will ruin the trip. You’re going, Jamie.”

  A sigh rises and exhales through my lips. “I want you and everyone else to have a good time and I don’t think they will if I’m there. If I go, I’m not spending any time with y’all.”

  “Jamie, for right now, just promise me you’ll go. Things might change between now and when we leave.”

  Maybe, but if I get on the ship, something tells me Brent will make sure I spend time with him. With the way he’s looking at me, so serious and hopeful and with something else I can’t quite put my finger on, I find myself saying, “I promise.”

  He smiles. “Thank you.” He sweeps me up in a kiss that makes me forget we’re outside on a sidewalk in early April. The only thing I can think about is his body against mine and his mouth wreaking a pleasurable havoc on mine. His lips move against mine as he softly says, “I know I’m bossy, but that’s only because you’re sometimes not and because I love you.”

  Something just happened to my ears because I don’t think I heard him correctly. “What?”

  “I said you’re not always bossy.”

  “Not that. Didn’t you say something else?”

  “That I’m bossy?”

  “No.”

  “Are you hard of hearing?” he teases.

  He needs to be serious here! I slap his arm. “This is no time for jokes, Brent!” My voice falls to a whisper. “You love me? Me? Jamie?” I point to myself, making him laugh. My heart is on edge, ready to elate with joy as soon as he confirms what I’m sure he said.

  “Yeah, hon, I love you.”

  I grin and smack a loud kiss on his lips. I’m in such a happy daze that I loop my arm in his, rest my head on his shoulder, and we begin our walk back home. My heart sings he loves me, he loves me, Brent said he loves me. I’m pretty sure it’s doing a happy little jig, too. He turned a really crummy day into one of my best.

  “You should take a shower with me,” Brent says as we walk up to his house.

  “You’re the boss.”

  He laughs. “Better watch that or I might get carried away.”

  I’m not sure I believe him. At least, I don’t think him getting carried away is a bad thing. Brent looks out for me enough for me to know he won’t intentionally hurt me somehow. When we walk into the house, we don’t see Gregory, but hear music coming from upstairs. Brent grins and leads me to his room and the en suite bathroom.

  Brent turns on the shower and kisses my neck, curling his fingers underneath the hem of my shirt. A moment later, my shirt is off. I reach over to pull his shirt off. My mind replays how he told me he loves me, not yet tiring of it, as Brent hooks his fingers under my waistbands. And that’s when it hits me.

  “Oh my god!” My panicked voice startles Brent enough that he stops touching me. He searches my face for clues as to what’s wrong. “I didn’t say it back.” How could I not tell him what I feel? How could Brent want to take a shower with me and be so affectionate with me after telling me he loves me and I didn’t say it back? I might as well have rejected him!

  But Brent, he laughs. “I didn’t expect you to. I mean if you do and you want to, great. But if you aren’t ready, then you shouldn’t say anything. I figured when you kissed me and we started walking it meant you weren’t ready and that’s fine. You don’t say something if you aren’t ready and unless you really mean it.” He quickly undresses and steps into the shower. “Now, come on. We’re wasting water.”

  I hurry to get my clothes off and try to assess my feelings. Did I bring it up because I felt like I needed to tell him since he told me? I don’t think so, and besides, I definitely don’t feel like that now. Not after knowing it wouldn’t bother Brent if I don’t say it right away. However, he does make me so happy. He’s honest, protective, caring, and he can obviously calm me down. When I think of my future, I easily see Brent there with me.

  “You know, when I asked you to take a shower with me, I didn’t think we’d actually just shower,” Brent says, pulling me out of my thoughts as we step out of the shower to dry off.

  “Sorry. I was distracted.” I drop my towel and wrap my arms around his neck. “You’re more than welcome to take me to bed now if you’d like.”

  He kisses me quickly. “If I get you in my bed now, we might not leave until morning and it’s a bit early to leave Gregory completely to his own devices.”

  The words are on the tip of my t
ongue, ready to blurt out and let him know I do indeed feel the same way, but Brent turns away and I miss my chance. After we’re dressed, Brent checks in on Gregory while I head downstairs. I think I need a mug of hot chocolate.

  “He’s watching a movie now,” I hear from behind me a second before his arms snake around my waist. “Will you make one for me?”

  “Of course.” I grab another mug while he kisses my neck.

  Such a small kiss, yet totally not innocent as it distracts me and lures me into his captive presence. “By the way,” he whispers, already speaking in that up for no discussion tone, “I’m taking you back to campus tomorrow. You’re not allowed to get Erin to pick you up.”

  “Has anyone besides me ever told you you’re really bossy?”

  “Nope.” He releases me so I can make his hot chocolate.

  I laugh. “I do not believe that! You are. But I’ll give you this one. Why are you insisting on driving me back?”

  “Because you haven’t told me when I’ll see you again. Because today has been rough. Because I want to be the one to make sure you get back safe. Because I love you. Do you need more reasons?”

  I shake my head as I hand him his mug and take a sip from mine.

  “Good.”

  We eye each other over the rim of our mugs. I lean against the counter and Brent steps forward to be as close as he possibly can be.

  “Is your head on straight again?” he asks with his voice low. “I won’t need to talk you off the ledge anytime soon?”

  “If it’s not, it will be after a good night’s sleep, but I think I’m fine.”

  “Good.”

  I take a long sip of my drink while Brent seems to study me. “Can I tell you something?” Why I’m asking, I don’t know.