Defend

by Lindsay Paige

  “So? Do I get some peace now?” he asks.

  “Yes,” Kayla answers. “We’re starting fresh and sweeping everything else under the bridge.”

  Brent grins. “I knew my little girl could do it.”

  Kayla laughs. “What about her?” She nods toward me.

  “What about her? All she had to do was listen and accept your apologies. You had to do all the legwork.”

  “We were worried for a second there, though,” Logan says. “It looked like Jamie was ripping you a new one.”

  “She was saying her piece,” Kayla explains. She turns toward Logan. “Why don’t you dance with me, handsome?”

  Without a word, he stands with his hand waiting for hers. The moment they’re gone, Brent kisses me hard and quick.

  “I feel like I can breathe better now. Thank you for trusting what she said.”

  “You’re welcome. She said I’m intimidating.”

  Brent laughs. “To who?”

  I pinch his side. “To her, apparently. That’s one reason why she didn’t like me. She has some misperceptions about me. Like I apparently handle things with grace.”

  Brent rests his forehead against mine. “You do.”

  I scoff. “Name one example.”

  “How you’ve handled this situation with her, for one.”

  I shake my head, not agreeing. “It’s over with now. Happy birthday to you.” He gives me another quick kiss. “So, you may have noticed that I haven’t given you a present yet.”

  Brent shrugs. “I hadn’t really noticed. When you get to be my age, presents are a rare thing.”

  “Well, I fully intended on finding you the best present ever, but,” I can’t believe I’m actually going to admit this, “I forgot between graduating and packing for the trip. You might want to break up with me for being a terrible, forgetful girlfriend. I’ll beg you to forgive me and take me back since I love you so much.”

  “You can make it up to me later when we go to bed.” He winks before standing. “For now, we might as well dance while we’re here.”

  “It’s your birthday. We’ll do whatever you want.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m hoping for,” he says with a grin as he pulls me to the dance floor.

  Our first port is Ketchikan. We see a lumberjack show, where lumberjacks compete in various activities. They’re all pretty funny and entertaining as well. Afterward, we find the meeting place where we load up on a bus to go to a totem pole park. Our driver tells us about Ketchikan. Things like how they’re popular for salmon, the five species here, and how to remember them by using your fingers.

  The totem pole park sets the bar high for future excursions. The history and stories behind the various poles is fascinating. I can’t help but buy a miniature totem pole from the gift shop to take home with me. When we return to town, we still have time for some exploring before we have to return to the ship. There’s a little popcorn shop we stop at because Gregory is starved. We also go into a large gift shop.

  “Do you see anything I can get for my girlfriend?” Gregory asks Brent.

  “What kind of thing do you want to get her?”

  “I don’t know. Something that says I thought of you while I was gone and here’s a non-crummy gift.”

  “What about one of these?” I ask, running my fingers down the feathers of a dreamcatcher. “You can tell her something cheesy like it’ll keep the bad dreams away and she’ll only dream of you with it around or something like that.”

  Brent laughs under his breath, but when Gregory glances at him, he says, “That’s a good gift.”

  Gregory frowns. “Better than a necklace? I thought girls liked jewelry best.”

  “If you knew you wanted to get her a necklace, why do you need our help?”

  “Because I don’t know if that’s what I want to do.”

  Brent sighs. “This is going to be the longest part of the trip.”

  “Look, get her the dreamcatcher. If you two break up, she might not want to wear the necklace anymore; that would be money wasted. But she might keep a dreamcatcher around.”

  Gregory shakes his head. “Now you’re talking about us breaking up already. Why should I spend any money on her then?”

  “Don’t be a jackass, son,” Brent immediately interjects. “You can buy her something without blowing all your money and you can buy her something even if you break up. Look at me and your mom. I bought us a house and she got to keep it. You don’t see me whining about it or wishing I hadn’t bought it in the first place. So, do you want the dreamcatcher, a necklace, a keychain, a shirt, a bag or something else we might find at another port?”

  Gregory seems to think about it for a few seconds. “Maybe I should wait. This is the first port. Maybe we’ll find something better at another one.”

  Brent nods. We’re two steps away when Gregory says, “But what if I don’t? Then I missed my chance.”

  Brent groans. “Go look by yourself. You’re worrying me.”

  I smile and take Brent’s hand. “I think it’s cute that he’s so worried about finding a good gift to take back to his girlfriend.”

  “I think I need to meet the girl that has him in a tizzy over a damn souvenir,” Brent grumbles. “Probably need to remind him about safe sex, too.”

  I jerk away and look up at him. “You think he’s having sex with her?” Sweet Gregory? Let’s just forget the fact that he’s sixteen.

  “He might not be now, and he might actually listen and not for a while, but he’s sixteen and she’s already got him twisted up. I’m not about about to risk him forgetting what I’ve drilled into him ever since we first talked about it. He hasn’t told me whether he’s had sex yet, but I don’t know if he would or not.”

  “Dad!” We turn around to find a red-faced and very embarrassed Gregory behind us. “Seriously? You can’t talk about my sex life with Jamie!”

  “Your sex life?” Kayla says with a gasp as she rounds a rack of clothes.

  “Oh god. Kill me now.” He turns and storms out of the store.

  “I better go talk to him. We’ll be out front.” Brent kisses me quickly before walking outside to find Gregory.

  “What was that about? Is Gregory really having sex?” Kayla asks me, worried.

  “Brent doesn’t think so. He was just saying he wanted to have a talk with him since he has a girlfriend and Gregory overhead him mentioning how Gregory hadn’t told him whether he’s had sex or not and he didn’t know if he would. Did y’all find anything?” I ask to change the subject.

  “We bought souvenirs at the totem pole park, so we just browsed,” Logan answers.

  “Yeah, but we should wait a few minutes before going outside to give Dad enough time to talk to Gregory,” Kayla says.

  We walk around the store a few more times and finally go outside. Brent and Gregory sit next to one another in rocking chairs. They stand when they see us. Gregory still doesn’t seem to be in a good mood, but nothing is said as Brent takes my hand and we walk to the gangway to get back on the ship.

  Once we’re all checked in, I hand my bag to Brent and grab Gregory’s arm before he can scurry off. For some reason, I feel bad for him. He turns to me and waits.

  “I want some ice cream and I know you know where it is. Do you want to show me the way and get some with me?”

  He glances at Brent suspiciously, but says, “Ah, sure. Ice cream sounds good.”

  We leave everyone behind as Gregory leads me to one of the upper decks. We both get chocolate ice cream on a cone. I convince Gregory to sit down at a nearby table with me.

  “I’m sorry if you were embarrassed earlier.”

  As soon as the words are out of my mouth, his face turns red. “You don’t have to apologize, Jamie. Dad and I have everything settled.”

  “You still look upset, though, and since you have my back, I thought I should have yours too.”

  Gregory’s eyebrows shoot up as if this surprises him. “Thanks.”

  My h
ope that he’d say more fizzles out the longer we sit there, enjoy our ice cream, and Gregory says nothing. Eventually, I say, “So, there’s nothing you want to talk about?”

  Gregory cocks his head to the side. “You’d just go back and tell my dad. I like you, Jamie, but I’m not stupid.”

  “I wouldn’t if you didn’t want me to and if what you told me wasn’t serious, so I wouldn’t feel obligated to tell him. I promise.”

  He doesn’t believe me in the least. It’s written all over his skeptical face. There and in his, “Uh-huh.”

  “Why don’t you try me? If I tell Brent, then you know you can’t trust me. You know if you tell someone, you’ll feel better with it off your chest and you can go back to enjoying the trip.”

  Gregory waits until we’ve finished our ice creams to nod. “Fine. But if I find out you told him, you’ll have to watch your own back.”

  “I promise the only thing I’ll do is use my knowledge to help your dad figure out what to do without telling him anything, if he seems to need help, that is.”

  He sighs. “This is going to come back and bite me in the ass.”

  “Thanks for your faith,” I snap back, not really meaning to be so snappy. “Get on with it already.”

  “Fine. I think it’s weird for Dad to talk to you about whether I’m having sex or not.” I nod, understanding that. “But I can get over it as long as I don’t hear it. What pisses me off is that he thinks I’d be careless. I’ve heard both him and Mom talk about how hard it was on them to have Kayla young and they were older than I am. Not to mention, look at what it did to their marriage. I’m not stupid enough to have sex without protection and it makes me mad that he thinks I would be. Whether I’m crazy over a girl or not, I can still think.” Gregory takes a deep breath and leans back in his seat, looking defeated. “It’s not fun to realize Dad doesn’t trust you.”

  Ah, so that’s what has upset him. “Maybe it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, but he wants to be absolutely sure he does all he can to make sure that you don’t become a parent before you’re twenty.”

  Gregory shrugs. “Are you ready to go back?”

  I nod. Well, that didn’t go as well as I hoped. This might just prove that I should stay out of their business because I’m not any good when I insert myself and try to help.

  Jamie and I lie in bed, satisfied after enjoying one another’s bodies. She’s on her stomach, her arms bunching the pillow up as her head rests on it. I lie on my side with my hand propping my head up and my other hand walking up and down her spine, sometimes deviating away to trail my fingers elsewhere along her back.

  “You still haven’t told me what you sneaked off to do with my son.”

  “I felt bad that he was embarrassed about what happened in Ketchikan, so I told him I had his back since he had mine and he could talk to me.”

  “Did he?” I ask.

  She nods.

  “Well?”

  “I promised I could be trusted, so no details.”

  I frown. That is unacceptable. All Gregory would tell me was that he hadn’t had sex yet so I didn’t need to talk to him. He was still upset and nothing I said fixed anything. “Jamie, you have to tell me something.”

  The wait while she figures out what to say is agonizing. Finally, she says, “I think he’ll make good decisions and you should trust that he will too.”

  For the most part, I do. But... “He’s a sixteen-year-old, who’s probably ten times hornier than I am on my best day. He won’t always think straight.”

  Jamie frowns. “You aren’t listening to me.”

  “You expect me to believe that if things get hot and heavy with him and some girl, every single time, he’ll remember to use protection?”

  “Yes,” she says, so completely confident in her answer that it makes me shut up for a minute.

  “What did he say to you?” He had to say something for her to be so sure.

  “Not for me to disclose. I want to stay on his good side.”

  “It’s not like I’ll tell him what I know.”

  Jamie laughs. “With this, you will.”

  Now it’s going to drive me crazy. She knows something about my kid that I don’t. Unacceptable. Especially on a topic like this. “You can’t hold out on me. Not when it comes to my kids. If you know something, I need to know.”

  Jamie sits up just enough to lean over and kiss me. “Relax, Brent. If it was urgent and serious, I’d tell you. Maybe you should talk to him again at some point. He might tell you what he told me.” I open my mouth to protest and demand she tell me, but she says, “Do you want Gregory to dislike me? That’s what will happen if I tell you. He told me so himself. I promise it’s nothing that you couldn’t find out yourself if you’d talk to him a little more.”

  “Don’t talk to my kid anymore,” I grumble. “I don’t like you knowing shit I don’t.”

  Jamie smiles as she rests her head on the pillow again. “No promises, boss.”

  I kiss her shoulder. Silence fills the air as we watch one another until I decide to ask her something I’ve been thinking about. “I know how you feel about kids, and you know how I feel about getting married again, but I don’t actually know your feelings on marriage, except that you’ll joke around with me about it.”

  Her eyebrow quirks up and a smile flashes my way. “Thinking about proposing to me one day?”

  “No joking, hon. You want to get married?”

  “There are two things I want in life: a job I enjoy and a man who loves me as much as I love him to spend my life with.”

  That doesn’t necessarily answer my question. “Would you marry that man?”

  Jamie rolls onto her side, causing my hand to rest on her waist. She cuddles closer and rests her forehead against mine. “If he asked me nicely and gave me butterflies when he asked, absolutely.”

  “Literal or figurative butterflies?”

  She laughs and then kisses me. “He’ll figure it out. Anything else you’d like to talk about?”

  “Yes.” This one is trickier. This one is a yes or no question and I really want the answer to be yes. My plan was to ask once we returned home, but I can’t stand the wait.

  “Brent?” Jamie questions with a touch of apprehension.

  “You don’t have to answer me now, and it’s okay if you say no. I would just like to point out that you need a place to live and I have a house where you’re perfectly welcome to live with me.”

  Her eyes widen. “What are you saying, Brent?”

  “I want you to move in with me, Jamie. Not because you need a place to live, but because I love you and I want your things in my house, your body in my bed, your empty hot chocolate mug on my kitchen counter, and all your makeup crowding up my bathroom counter. As you like to tease me, I’m an old man. Don’t make me wait too long to start our lives together.”

  Jamie shifts onto her back, pulling the sheets up to cover herself and my hand, which is now on her stomach. “Wow,” she whispers. “I kinda thought you would propose first.” Though she says it to me, it’s almost as if she’s talking to herself.

  “Would you like me to?” I ask.

  She turns her head. “You wouldn’t,” she says with disbelief. My only response is looking her in the eyes because I’m positive I’m crazy enough about her to marry her right now if I could. Jamie sits up and leans against the wall, holding the sheets up to keep her chest covered. “Brent, I know we love each other, but marriage is a lifelong commitment. How can you be so sure? And don’t think that I wouldn’t want to marry you, I would. I do. I just...” Her eyes have avoided mine this entire time. Something more has to be going through her mind.

  “Honey, what’s actually bothering you?” I sit up like her and reach for her hand that’s bunching and twisting the fabric at her thigh.

  “I don’t even know why I’m thinking this and I hate that I am, but it would break my heart more if we got married and then divorced than if I moved in and we broke up.”


  “What in the hell makes you think we’ll break up and get a divorce?”

  “I don’t know. What if one day you decide you can’t deal with my parents anymore? Or you decide you do want a kid with me? Or what if we find out we aren’t compatible in a relationship and we rushed into things? I might suck as a wife. Why does anyone get a divorce? That could be us!”

  I reach up, cup her neck, and pull her to me, kissing her instead of answering. My lips move slowly, surely, and leisurely. Suffice to say this pushed a button I didn’t know Jamie had. Priority number one is to calm her back down so I can talk to her. She relaxes next to me second by second. Once I’m satisfied, I pull away.

  “I don’t want to lose you, Brent,” she whispers. “You told me yourself that you rushed into your first marriage and look at how that ended. I don’t want that to be us.”

  “I wasn’t planning to propose anytime soon, hon. I don’t even have a ring. All I wanted to do was get your thoughts on marriage and ask you to move in.” My thumb caresses her cheek. “I understand what you’re saying, but you should also remember what else I said.” Jamie frowns in confusion, so I remind her of what I’m talking about. “I said I would not get married unless I was absolutely sure I’m willing to put in the work and commitment marriage requires. I’d do that for you and for us. But if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. All I want you to think about is moving in with me.”

  She nods. “We should get some sleep. We have to be up early in the morning.” She turns off the lamp on her side of the bed. We lie down and I hold Jamie in my arms, not quite satisfied with the conversation but unsure of what else to say. “If I ask you something, can you be objective?” she asks a few minutes later.

  “I can try.”

  “What if I should live on my own before I live with someone? Do you wish you had been able to do that?” she asks.

  “I don’t think I’m the person to ask. I don’t like living alone. Maybe that’s because for most of my life I didn’t or maybe because it’s harder to resist working when I live alone. I don’t know. Not only that, but my daughter hasn’t lived alone either. She stayed with Shannon, then briefly with me, and now Logan. Unless they break up and she gets her own place, she won’t ever live alone. So, I guess it depends on if you think you need that time.”