Endlessly

by C. V. Hunt

  “I’ll be here.”

  She looked over her shoulder and smiled at me again, this time in mid-blush. As the door closed I turned off the “open” sign. I watched as she fished in her pockets for her keys. I locked the front door. With her back still toward me I lifted my right hand to my face and inhaled. Her scent was still there where we’d touched. It was too much.

  I turned to see Jason leering. “You’re going to follow her, aren’t you?”

  I walked past him toward the door to the apartment. He followed. I hurried to my bedroom and grabbed my leather jacket. As I came out clutching my sunglasses, he spoke in an entirely different tone: “Don’t do anything stupid.”

  “I just have to know what she is. It‘s driving me nuts.” I jogged down the hall.

  “You want to know what she is? Or is it more that you want her? Curiosity killed the cat, you know!” Jason called after me.

  Out back I jumped on my black crotch rocket, and it roared to life. As I came around to the front lot I saw her car pulling out. I followed.

  Chapter 6

  WINTER KISS

  It wasn’t that cold for early December. I laid down on the tank of the bike trying to block the wind. My sunglasses protected my eyes from the cold air’s sting, and my obsession kept the rest of me from freezing. I just hoped it wouldn’t snow.

  I followed her out of the city and across the Ohio state line. Soon after she pulled off the highway and onto a country road. Hanging back, I shut off my headlight. She turned onto a winding road that followed a river. The area was wooded, and the houses were few and far between. The darkness helped me remain invisible, but it did the same with her. I lost sight of her car. I followed the twists and turns, then came upon a straight stretch. That’s when I spotted the mobile home. It stood close to the edge of the road and had a small detached garage. Her car sat in the driveway. There she was, nearing the front door of the mobile home. She looked toward me, confused, and clutching her shopping bag. What she saw was a dark figure on a lightless motorcycle riding past her on a December night.

  Even in the dark I could see her aura. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I slowed the bike and continued down the road for about a mile. Finally I turned around, drove back about half the distance to her place, then killed the engine. From there I coasted quietly until I was only a few hundred feet from her trailer. I stopped and pushed the bike into the woods. I pushed my sunglasses up on top of my head, shoving my hair back too.

  The leafless trees stretched their branches high, their leaves disintegrating beneath my feet. I followed a steep slope down through the woods to a cleared, level area. In the midst of the clearing lay the remains of a bonfire and a few lonely beer cans. Just beyond the clearing was a river.

  To my right the land went back up toward the trailer. A steep slope with steps led up to the garage. The lights in the trailer were on, and a lone light bulb shone above the back door. It was low wattage, and most of the light came from the moon filtering through the tree branches.

  Suddenly the back door opened. I heard her voice. It was higher pitched than it had been in the store, and she spoke quite softly. It was the tone one might use with a child. Somewhere nearby a dog growled. I turned to run toward the river, then realized: it was the dog she was talking to. The dog had heard me, and now it ran toward me.

  Ash yelled out: “Pogo stop!”

  I ran up a tree trunk so fast that her human eyes couldn’t catch it, but the dog did. There he was at the base of the tree, barking. He was going to bust me.

  “Pogo get back here!” She started for the stairs. “Would you leave those stupid raccoons alone!”

  I looked down at the dog that had doomed me—a fifteen-pound Boston Terrier strutting as if he were many times his size. The dog only did what came naturally: he defended his owner. I looked out at another tree maybe ten feet from me, and leapt to it. The dog followed, barking.

  Ash was trotting toward the dog. “Come on. Don’t make me carry you back into the house. Do your business and get moving, mister. It’s cold.”

  She came so close that I could smell her. I wondered if it was her scent that drew me. I held my breath as she reached down to grab the dog. At that point I started to move, though I had no idea why. My heart beat so hard I thought she might hear it. I started silently down the tree. It was impulse. My body wanted to be near her. Her aura lit the night air around her. It looked like a solid, individual entity. I wanted to touch it. Mindlessly I stretched my arm toward her. A deep ache filled my chest. I exhaled silently, stifling a moan. I couldn’t fight her magnetism. It was physically pulling me. As she scolded the dog I crouched on a branch about five feet above her. I grasped a branch to steady me, and stretched my other arm toward her. Was her aura solid? That’s what I wanted to know.

  The dog let out a yelp. Ash glanced up in my direction. Terror crossed her face, then she let out a blood-curdling scream. She turned to run, tripped over a tree root, and fell into leaves and mud. I jumped from the tree and reached out to help her.

  The dog jumped on me. I thought he would bite, but instead he hopped up on his hind legs and pawed at me—all bark, no bite.

  “Ash, please,” I cried. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you or spy on you. I’m not really a creep…” The dog lost interest in me and my ramble. He ran about in the leaves.

  She looked up at me. ”Verloren!?”

  I felt the pulse—saw the flash of pictures—then back to reality.

  Ash looked at me from a confusion of leaves and twigs.

  “Please don’t freak out,” I said. “I’m not a perv or peeping tom…I uh”

  “Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me! I thought you…” She stopped herself.

  The dog ran up to her and began licking her face. She pushed him back down. Then he began jumping up to greet me again.

  I knew what she thought. It’s bad enough to find a stalker in your tree, even worse if he looks like me. I felt sure she would call the police, or, at the very least, tell me to leave. I would go, and never know what it was about her.

  My hand was still hanging, extended toward her. She grabbed it. Contact. Pulse. The ground trembled. She froze. Our eyes met. My whole body jerked as my mind flooded with pictures. Though the images didn’t seem related, they created a sense of motion. They ended with her, yet this vision was different from the girl in front of me.

  My mind cleared, and I suddenly realized her hand was like ice. I helped her to her feet, and plucked a leaf from her hair. I had to fight off the urge to sniff it. I held it by the stem.

  “I’m sorry,” I blurted. “I know this must be the last thing that you wanted: a guy who looks like me hanging out in your tree in the dark.” I couldn’t meet her eyes. “I will go now. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you again.”

  Turning away took all of my will. It was like trying to deny the pull of gravity. I had to escape her orbit, and all that went with it: the flashes, images, and strange episodes. It would be better for Jessica to help her. My presence was doing her no good at all. Or so I thought.

  “Wait!” she called to me.

  I stopped walking. I did not turn back, and I knew that I was invisible in the darkness. I lifted the leaf and inhaled, catching her scent again. My chest felt close to bursting.

  “I’m not saying you have to leave,” she called through the shadows. “I thought you were my ex. He’s kinda crazy. I’ve been hiding ever since I left him. If he ever finds out that I live out here, he’ll hurt me or… worse.”

  I dropped the leaf, then turned to look at her.

  She had her hands inside her sleeves with her fists under her chin, as if she were the one apologizing. Then her face grew perplexed. “What are you doing out here? Was that you on the bike that drove by?” There was no fear in her questions.

  Just tell her the truth, my brain screamed.

  “Um, well…I’m not real good at this stuff…I’m…” I paused, trying to find th
e right words. “I’m really fascinated by you. I mean…”

  She looked down. Only because I could see the light from her aura could I detect the fact that she was blushing. What the hell was I doing? Confessing? Declaring my feelings? Or had I been lured into something? In my ignorance I tried to blunder on, but I couldn’t get anywhere. “Uh…there is some stuff that you might find out…”

  Her arms closed tightly around her chest. Her aura flickered with her shivering.

  I had already revealed more than I meant to about myself. Now I found myself breathing: “Your aura…”

  Her head shot up. When she looked at me I couldn’t breathe. Her eyelids fluttered. “What do you know about all of that stuff? All those books I’ve been reading…you know more don’t you?”

  I turned away from her stare, and saw her dog sniffing here and there. I let that distract me as I collected my thoughts. Finally I admitted it. “Yes,” I said. “I know too much.”

  “Verloren, could you come inside and tell me about some of that stuff? Because right now I’m freezing my butt off.” She laughed through chattering teeth.

  “I wouldn’t mind, if you don’t mind,” I said.

  I felt as if I was starting a long journey with no turning back. I hadn’t wanted to get too close to her. Yet I’d come here. And now I would cross the threshold into her home. If I got too close to her could I stop myself? Stop myself from doing what? I didn’t know.

  As she opened the door to the mobile home she asked: “You’re not a murderer or a rapist, are you?” Her dog dodged past her, almost knocking her over.

  “That would be a good excuse for turning me away,” I said. “After all, it’s not like you know me that well.”

  “I’ve been through enough shit in my life that nothing scares me anymore,” she said. “You won’t do anything worse that the stuff my ex threatens to do to me.” She laughed and shook her head.

  “I promise no harm will come to you.” As she turned to see me in the light I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes.

  I was still on the steps, and there in the doorway she was higher than me. It made me feel small, and it dawned on me that I must be chasing her because she was something important. I felt as if she were my superior.

  She looked at me confused. “Do you always wear your sunglasses at night?” Something occurred to her, making her laugh. “You know the song?”

  “Ah yes, I’ve heard it. Jason sings it all the time.” I smiled, then looked to my feet. “My eyes are very sensitive to light.”

  “Is it because of...um…your…condition?” she asked. “I mean, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. You talk like you think…that I might think…you’re a monster. I don’t think that at all. I think you look…um…handsome.” She looked down at her feet and bit her lip.

  I was shocked. She hardly seemed like the type to lay out her feelings for just anyone. That made it harder on me now. Now I knew that the attraction was mutual. I was the one who should have put a stop to it. I should have walked away. But I couldn’t. It was her aura that drew me there, like a moth to a flame.

  “No it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I just can’t tell you everything about it yet.” I wanted so much to tell her every detail.

  She looked at me. “Ok, let’s go inside where it’s warmer. I want to hear more about this reincarnation stuff.” She led me in.

  I tried to stay close so I could catch her scent again. I needed to snap out of it. I was going to get one of us killed. I needed control. My chest, ached from want, and that scared the shit out of me. How could I satisfy it? Did I want to hold her? Kiss her? Fuck her? Bite her? I shuddered at the last thought.

  It was a typical mobile home, not fancy, and lacking some of the niceties that made a place a home. Through the back door we entered a small kitchen. It looked lonely with its little table and four chairs. An old microwave had the counters all to itself. Her living room had a tiny television, a stereo on the floor, stacks of CDs, and a lone couch. A couple of pillows lay on the floor by the couch. There were no pictures or any decorations at all.

  The dog bounced over to one of the pillows and flopped down.

  Past the living room was a hallway. There were two doors along the side, then an open doorway at the end, revealing an old desk, a computer, and a secretary’s chair.

  The hallway walls were as bare as those in the living room. I saw no trinkets and the few shelves were empty—as if a bachelor lived there.

  “Sorry it’s kind of empty. When I left my ex I kinda just grabbed what I needed—what little was mine. I got a couple of pieces of furniture from friends. This couch folds out. It’s where I sleep. I’ve been working overtime to get some money for furniture.” Her tone was sad and apologetic.

  “Its home,” I said. “That’s all that matters.”

  “Would you like some hot chocolate?” She nodded toward the kitchen table.

  “Uh sure,” I said.

  In the kitchen she got two mugs from a cupboard, then stood on tiptoes to reach a box of hot chocolate mix. When she noticed me still standing in the living room, she said, “Make yourself at home.”

  I sorted through the piles of CDs. She had many of the same ones I had, even Marilyn Manson. I found a Death Cab for Cutie CD, slipped it in and pressed “play.” I kept the volume low.

  The dog looked up at me, his little head cocked to one side. Ash came in holding two mugs. She handed one to me. I took it with both hands. She cupped her hands around her mug and sipped. I did the same. Human food didn’t bother me. I could eat and drink like any human, but it didn’t nurture me. For that I needed human blood. Without it I would starve. I usually stayed away from human food and drink, if only to avoid having to use the toilet so often. It was a waste of time. But this was a case where I accepted what was offered because it was Ash who was doing the offering.

  “So, about old souls and reincarnation…” Ash said, alighting on the couch, as she motioned for me to sit with her.

  We sat on opposite ends of her couch, facing each other.

  “Yeah,” I muttered. “Uh, usually I would have you attend one of the workshops. One of the girls would go through all this stuff with you. But I can do it.” Stupid, I thought. What am I even doing here? I should finish the hot chocolate and go. Let Jessica work with her. Instead I started to talk. It was as if I couldn’t help myself. “There’s a theory that souls are kind of…recycled. That, like human bodies, souls are born and souls die. According to the theory there are young souls, middle-aged souls, and old souls. A soul won’t necessarily be at the same stage as a body, but eventually both will die. You can tell how old a person’s soul is by their personality traits. Haven’t you read about this?” I cocked one questioning eyebrow.

  “Yes. This has to do with reincarnation, doesn’t it?” Her eyes met mine.

  “It’s deeper than that,” I said, licking my lips. My mouth felt dry, as if my words were evaporating. “This is what you would learn at the workshops. It’s not just reincarnation of human souls. Some souls are from other planets, other realms, places almost like…parallel universes. The belief is, if a person seeks out this information, that person is probably an incarnate, and is likely to be an old soul. It’s as though they carry a subconscious wisdom, maybe from their former lives, that tells them their end is coming.” As I lifted my eyes to hers, my chest tightened. It was hard to breathe.

  “Really?” She looked down into her mug. “I read a book about that. When I read the chapter about old souls I thought I was going crazy. It was as if every description was written about me. But I thought if I told anyone they would think I was crazy. So…I’m an old soul that is about to die off?” She looked confused. “And my soul might not be human?”

  I wasn’t supposed to tell her but who would know? It wasn’t as if she were shifting right now. “No,” I said, “your soul isn’t human. Most likely your soul is that of a creature of some totally dif
ferent species. You could be anything. From anywhere.”

  She stared at me. “A creature? How do you know all of this? Are you an old soul too?”

  “Let’s just say that I am here to help you find out what you are. I can’t tell you much about myself. It wouldn’t help, and you probably wouldn’t believe me anyway.” Too bad I couldn’t produce real fangs; they might make her believe. All I had was normal-looking teeth that could easily cut through human flesh. Fangs were just another myth. The only things I could show her were my strength and speed–far greater than those of any human.

  “So what am I then?” Her voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

  “I don’t know. But I think I can help you find out. I’ve seen them do it in the workshops. I could come out here Saturday and help you with it.”

  “What’s ‘it’?” she asked.

  “It’s kind of like a process of guided meditation. It works best in a comfortable environment where you feel safe.”

  I watched as she ran her finger across the edge of her mug. Jessica was going to be pissed at me for going this far. I noticed Ash’s aura had shrunk into a concentrated rainbow with red outlining her body.

  As if reading my mind, she said: “Earlier you mentioned my aura. Are you a psychic? I’ve read about that stuff…”

  I cut her off. “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll come out Saturday and help you find out what your soul is. If we do figure it out, I will tell you everything about me—what I am, what I know…” I smiled at her, while thinking: Why not just put a bullet in your head before the Quatre does, Verloren. For an instant I saw Sara’s child-like face. I shivered.

  She gave me a blushing smile. “Ok. I’ll take the weekend off, and we’ll see if we can figure it out on Saturday. I feel like I need to know you better. I don’t know why, but it feels like you’re…important to me.”

  Her words were both thrilling and scary. I tried to look stern, and said: “You can’t confide this information to anyone. There are other things you need to know.”