Endlessly

by C. V. Hunt

  Losing his smug smile, he turned his back on us. He got out a cigarette and lit it.

  She looked at me. He is thinking about doing…er…stuff to me.

  Jason cleared his throat before he spoke. “Well I guess that goes both ways. I heard that, loud and clear.” He glared at me. “I don’t want some chick rummaging through my thoughts. If I wanted that I would have Jessica read me.”

  “It’s true,” Ash said. “It’s like you guys’ heads are an open field. I can pick out any of your thoughts, and plant thoughts of my own. I can’t explain it.”

  This wasn’t that much of a problem for me. When I felt an intrusion into my brain, I could put up a wall. Any vampire could. Whenever I fed I could read and control my victim’s thoughts. They had no control over mine, but once I bit into them they could read my mind. My bite created the link. Normally it went both ways, but I had learned how to put up a wall to keep my thoughts private. I could allow others to see only those thoughts I wanted them to see. I did that now with Ash.

  Her head jerked back as she felt the barrier. She looked at Jason. With the wall in place I couldn’t hear what she was saying to him.

  He threw his hands in the air, almost tossing his cigarette. “God! Would you leave me alone! I can feel you in there picking through shit!”

  “I’m sorry!” she sobbed. “I don’t know how to control it!” Tears welled in her eyes. She crossed her arms and hugged herself trying to get warm.

  “Jason, I can help her with this. If you want to head home you can. I’ll teach her how to control it. I’m sure she won’t mind driving me back when we’re done. Is that okay, Ash?” I asked, glancing at her.

  She smiled at me, then shot a glare at Jason. “Sure,” she said. “I can drive you home later. And Jason, you are disgusting. I guess it’s true. That really is all men think about.” Her checks flushed scarlet.

  “Yeah,” Jason muttered. “I’m getting outta here. This is just too creepy for me. I don’t like her thoughts either.” He walked around us toward the car, but stopped beside Ash. For the first time since I’d known him he looked sad.

  “You know, he doesn’t shift, so you can’t be with him,” he said. “He’s not one of us.” He stared at her, and after a moment I realized they were having an unspoken conversation. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

  Jason gave me a contemptuous look. “Now you get to tell her what you are.” He walked off, not waiting for a reply.

  Ash and I silently watched as he drove off. She wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of my coat. “Well, that’s that.”

  “Are you okay?” I asked. “I know Jason can be a huge jerk, and I’m sorry he upset you.”

  “He wasn’t being a jerk,” she said. “He was just showing me how my life would be with him. He seemed… sincere…like he would have done anything for me.”

  Fuck. Maybe I had been wrong about Jason. Could he give her everything that she deserved? Everything that I couldn’t? Could he give her a real life? Love? Marriage? Children? Happiness? I might give her love and marriage, but not children. Even then, we would be on the run, with the Quatre trying to hunt us down and kill us, I wanted nothing more than to give her happiness, yet I knew there was little chance of it. Most likely any life with me would end with capture, pain, and death.

  An awkward silence hung in the air. Finally she whispered: “I told him he would make some girl happy one day, but not me…that my feelings lie elsewhere.” She eyed me.

  I felt my chest tighten. This was the moment when I should’ve said: No! I should’ve told her we could never be together. Now was the time to make her run for the car, chase down Jason, and take him up on his offer of happiness. This was when I could choose to let her live. I didn’t have to allow her to join me against the Quatre. My wish to be with her was nothing but my own selfishness.

  I stifled a sob, then said: “Let’s go inside where it’s warmer.”

  She struggled to walk without shoes. She glanced at me, her pain showing through her eyes. That’s when I decided once and for all that we were doomed. It was that or I would die right there and then. I smiled faintly, bent, and swept her up in my arms. Though her body felt stiff as set concrete, she was light, and once I held her she softened. She snuggled against me as she sunk into my coat. My chest ached for her. For the first time in my memory I felt complete. And for the second time in my life I was scared shitless.

  The sun started to set. This was going to be a long night.

  Chapter 11

  FATED INVITATION

  I carried her to the couch and set her down. It was much warmer inside, maybe because she was trying to compensate for her cool skin. I took off my sweatshirt revealing my holster with the fully loaded gun.

  She eyed the weapon, and I sensed it would be better to take off the holster. I hid it under my sweatshirt on the floor.

  She smiled and said: “You don’t have to carry me.” As she looked down at the floor her cheeks turned pink. She sat up, stretching her legs across the length of the couch. She shivered, then wrapped her arms around her midsection trying to warm herself.

  “You don’t have to be so embarrassed,” I said, sitting on the opposite end of the couch. I watched her hugging herself. “You’re cold blooded. It’s going to be hard for you to stay warm.”

  “So,” she said, “what are you?” She squinted. I could feel her mind pounding against the wall in my brain. “And how are you doing that? I can’t read anything from you now. I could earlier.”

  “That’s part of what I’m going to teach you,” I said. “Just like you envisioned the safe area, you can make an impenetrable wall in your mind. It’ll take practice, but I think you’ll be able to get a handle on it within a day.” I sighed and rubbed my eyes. My head felt recovered from the blow I’d taken during her shifting, but I could still feel pressure inside my skull. I should’ve never gotten that close. Now I was tired.

  “And?” She pried at the edges of my mind.

  As I watched her I prepared myself for a reaction of disgust or worse. My biggest fear was that she would be afraid. I had to let her find out for herself. It would be one of many things that would help introduce her to this unusual world where both of us lived. For the first time she was seeing how different this was from the world she’d known up to just a few hours ago. If she decided against resending her soul, her life would never be “normal” again.

  I looked down at her feet protruding from under my trench coat. I slowly cupped my hand under her ankle feeling her cool skin. I ran my thumb along the ankle. Again I felt the pulling in my chest. This was the moment that I had wanted. I yearned for her to know. But if this is what I wanted so badly, why was I so terrified? Suddenly I realized that I’d stopped breathing. I exhaled, relaxed my shoulders, and discovered I had also relaxed my hold on the wall in my mind. Now the whole of what was in me was open to her. I could do nothing to stop her, so I let her see everything. I closed my eyes. I cringed at the thought of what she might do.

  In the next few seconds I felt her rummaging through my thoughts and memories. She pulled her leg from my hand, and faced me. It seemed like hours had passed. Her cold hand fell upon mine. I opened my eyes, but didn’t look at her face. Instead I looked at the end of the tattoo on her hand. I recalled when she’d first showed it to me, and tried to show her the memory. I closed my eyes.

  She moved closer to me. Finally I looked into her eyes. The ache in my chest crushed out another sob.

  Ash didn’t speak out loud, but I could hear her clearly. Oh Verloren. How could you ever think that I would run from you? She placed her icy hand on the side of my face, leaning her forehead into mine.

  With her it was hard to figure out any rules. Could we be together? I didn’t know. Her scent reminded me of something ancient, no longer human. Before I knew what I was doing I started kissing her passionately. She lay back on the sofa, pulling me with her. Our thoughts were a tangled mess of right and wrong. I tried to show her what might happen, but
she couldn’t control her lust. She didn’t care about the future. She just wanted me.

  Our kissing was so heated I could barely think. It was only when she started fumbling with my coat buttons that I finally caught her shaky hands. I pulled back from her and stared into her eyes. I let go of her hands, cradled her face and gently kissed her.

  With her hands free she grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled it up over my head. I pulled it the rest of the way off, then sat up and edged away from her. When she reached for my pants I caught her wrists, pushed her back down and pinned her hands above her head.

  I leaned in close to her ear and ran my nose down to her collarbone inhaling deeply. She turned her head to expose her neck to me. I drew back to look at her face. Her eyes were closed. She wanted to satisfy me in any way she could. I bent down until my mouth was millimeters away from her artery, then slammed my teeth shut. She heard the sharp snap of my teeth, and flinched. When she realized I hadn’t bit her she glanced up at me, her eyes sad and wanting.

  I kept her hands pinned and laid my face in the hollow of her throat. I listened to her accelerated heartbeat. I inhaled her, filling my senses with her life. I’d always restrained my natural instincts, but now she wanted me to let go, and escape all self-control. She didn’t understand what that might mean. I sighed as her heart slowed. I let go of her hands and lay my ear on her chest to listen to her heart. She brushed the hair from my face and began to run her finger through it.

  I fell into unconsciousness, and had no idea what brought me back to my senses.

  I raised my head, kissed her, then tried to explain: “I can’t do this,” I said. “I won’t be able to control myself. I don’t know what you would become.”

  I don’t care. If it means that I can be with you. I am willing to do anything.

  I sat up and stared at the floor. “You might become a murderer. That’s what I am. You don’t know what you’re asking.” I put up my wall.

  “I’ve seen it. I do know,” she said, pouting.

  “Let’s not talk about this right now,” I said. “We have some important stuff to get cleared up. We should work on ways to keep others from hearing your thoughts. It will be useful for you to be able to read others but I don’t think you want it the other way around unless you’ve shifted.” I smiled, trying to look playful.

  She nodded.

  That gave us a task for the night, and we pursued it until she could do it at will. She liked to read my mind. I showed her how I projected my thoughts to control my prey. That helped.

  Later as we lay beside each other she buried her face into my chest and inhaled deeply. She told me she loved my smell. I showed her how she used to smell to me, and how that had changed. Her new scent didn’t trigger the same hunger in me. I wasn’t as tempted to feed on her now that she’d found her shift.

  You know who you look like? she asked me wordlessly.

  Who? I asked.

  Kurt Cobain.

  I chuckled. Well, I can’t sing like him.

  She stared into my eyes, and I saw my world there. She kissed me. Her hands started to wander, making it clear that she wanted more than a kiss. I slowly pushed her hands away.

  It will never be enough for you, will it? This is all that we can have together, I told her.

  I know. But I’ll never stop trying.

  **********

  I awoke in early afternoon, but left Ash sleeping. I slipped out the door and away from the trailer. As I neared the woods I pulled out my cell phone and called the store. Jessica answered.

  “Jessica? What are you still doing there?” I asked.

  “You know how I am. I was waiting for you guys to come back.” she said.

  “Why didn’t you leave after Jason got back?” I asked.

  After an odd moment of silence, she replied: “Jason didn’t come back last night, Verloren.”

  I thought of how Jason had left, and figured he must have gone on his own hunting trip, but instead of saying that, I made up a different story. “Hmm. He must have stopped off at a friend’s. He took the car. I stayed here to work with Ash on her shifting. There were some minor issues that needed attention.”

  I could hear Jessica draw a breath. “She shifted?”

  Again I felt reluctant to tell her anything. I still had this urge to protect Ash. I should have listened to it.

  “In the end it was essential that she do it outside,” I said. “She would have destroyed the shop.”

  “Destroyed it?” she asked.

  “She’s a dragon,” I said.

  Silence. “I can’t believe it,” she whispered. “I feared it, but I didn’t really think it would happen. Verloren…you need to get to the store ASAP. Don’t tell another person what we have just talked about.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “We can’t talk about it on the phone just…have her pack some things and get over here. We’ll talk about it when you get here. Hurry.” I heard the click. She’d hung up.

  The only thing that would scare Jessica that badly was the Quatre. The thought of them made me shiver, then I saw flashes of light. I saw the world fading as I fell. The next thing I knew I was waking up on the ground. The sun had moved. I looked at the clock on my cell phone. I’d been out for a half hour.

  I made sure my thoughts were well-hidden when I went to wake Ash. I didn’t want to upset her. Though I couldn’t be sure why Jessica was so worried, her voice had badly shaken me.

  I entered the trailer. Ash lay on the couch with her eyes open. She smiled at me.

  “I thought you might have left me,” she said as she got up from the couch and wrapped her arms around me. My heartbeat echoed in my head.

  As she pressed her body against me I set my hands on her hips, and searched her eyes. “You really do want to get yourself killed don’t you? You are making it very hard for me, as a man.”

  “Then change me,” she said.

  “But what will happen to you?” I wanted to do what she said. Fuck the Quatre and their fucking rules. If I knew that my bite would change her into a normal vampire I would do it in a heartbeat. We could hide, and make a life for ourselves. But I was afraid of all the things I didn’t know.

  “Pack some things,” I said. “I have someone who can help with your shift. She has all the information that you need, but it might take a day or two.”

  “Who?”

  “Her name is Jessica. She’s a witch. A witch in our world is like a doctor. We go to them to get answers to our questions. They know a lot, and if they don’t know the things you need, they’ll find out for you.” I closed my eyes. Looking at her was distracting.

  Her cool lips found mine as she pressed her body hard against mine. I let out a feral growl. It startled me. I opened my eyes. It had startled her too, and she stepped back from me.

  My breath was short and my words were labored. “You are making this very hard for me not to…to...for lack of better words…I want to…”

  Her smile was coy. “Oh, I know what you want to do. I’ve seen it.” She blushed.

  “And I want to do it repeatedly,” I said. Her cheeks burned scarlet. “Come on. Get showered and dressed. Pack some clothes. We are heading to my place.”

  “Okay,” she said, “on one condition.”

  I hesitated. “What?”

  “I didn’t get to see everything last night. I want to know about you. I don’t want to intrude, but I’ve always been curious about vampires.”

  “Sure,” I finally said.

  She smiled at me, and turned to get ready. I’d never seen anyone so happy to get an invitation into a vampire’s home.

  Chapter 12

  ANOTHER LIFE

  On Sunday afternoon the car ride back to my place became a grueling interrogation about my life style. I decided it would be better to take a different car, one that wouldn’t be recognized. Ash had me drive.

  I watched the road not looking at her as I replied to her nonstop questions. “No. No stake to
the heart. No holy water or religious artifacts…and as you can see the sunlight doesn’t hurt me except for my eyes.” I adjusted the sunglasses she’d given me. “We can eat human food but we don’t gain anything from it. It just means going to the bathroom. I can go into anybody’s house without an invitation. I don’t have fangs, just sharp teeth. I can cross running water. I have some mind control, I can move faster than the human eye can detect, and my strength is far greater than a human’s. I see peoples’ auras. I also have the ability to heal quickly as long as it’s not a head wound. Once our brain is damaged we are done. I have the same temperature as a human and my heart still beats.”

  I let her ponder all that for a moment, then I went on: “It takes a certain kind of personality to make it as a monster. You have to be willing to take a human life without regret. Basically, you have to have the personality traits of a sociopath or psychopath…”

  “What’s the difference?” she asked.

  “A sociopath acts on impulse; a psychopath plans.”

  She searched my face. “You have a slight accent. Also, while I saw a lot when I looked into your mind, your memories seem to fade at a certain point. How old are you? And where are you from?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t even know what my human name was. I have a theory about it. I think a human brain can only contain so much memory and new ones push out old ones. Do you remember your first steps as a child?” I asked her.

  She looked at her feet. “No.”

  She paused before asking her next question. “You can see auras…as a vampire?”

  “No. Not all vampires can. I’m the only vampire I know who’s able to see them. I don’t know if it is an aura or what, but I see colors around a person or on their skin or coming out of their bodies and I know what they are.”