by Etta Foster
“We’re not children anymore,” Richard reminded her as his voice rose. “I would appreciate it, Mrs. Pennyworth, if you didn’t treat us in such a manner. Is that understood?”
The older woman’s eyes widened. As she straightened up before him, her mouth opened and closed. But no sound came out.
Instead, the door opened wider as Jacob pushed it open. He stood tall in the doorway, his broad shoulders taking up much of the space behind Mrs. Pennyworth. The woman whirled around in surprise, mumbling something under her breath.
Richard felt something in his spine tingle. It felt like pinches running up and down his spine. He gritted his teeth in annoyance, twitching to try and be comfortable.
But it was hard to find comfort when trapped in a chair. Turning back to those invading his room, he tried to block out the irritation.
“What’s going on here?” Jacob frowned as he glanced down at the smaller woman.
She tried to smile. “It’s all right, dear. I was only inviting Richard to join us for supper. It’s nearly ready and I wanted to set a place for him. We miss him at the table, of course, and…”
But Richard was tired of the lies. He was tired of them pitying him in that manner. There was an itch in his back that made him want to cringe as Mrs. Pennyworth tried to explain herself. Any explanation would only sound more and more ridiculous.
“That’s enough,” Richard told her. “I’ve missed supper before, and I’ll miss supper again. Just bring me my food here instead. Is that so much to ask?”
Jacob’s frown deepened. “Richard, there’s no need to talk to Mrs. Pennyworth that way.”
As he talked, the younger brother stepped forward to tuck the woman behind him. That was a protective action if Richard had ever seen one. Had he missed something between them? He wondered if they had been planning something like this before in the past.
Gripping his seat, he tried to roll forward but ran into the bed. His foot caught on the edge, sending searing pain through his nerves. It should have stayed in his toes, but he felt something again in his spine.
He shouted out in frustration. “Just get out of here!” he ordered them.
Mrs. Pennyworth obeyed. He could hear her footsteps trotting down the hall. But Jacob stayed in the doorway, his arms hanging loose at his sides.
There was a strange look across his face that Richard realized must symbolize regret. Jacob had little experience in such a state, so Richard decided he couldn’t trust his brother.
“And you,” Richard added through gritted teeth. “I don’t want you in here.”
“And I don’t want to be here,” Jacob put out both hands in a defensive stance. “But you can’t keep treating everyone like this. You can’t take your anger out on everyone.”
All of a sudden, his brother had become self-righteous. It was nearly laughable. “Since when? Who are you to say? You, the one who has mocked my every endeavor with mail order brides? You, who just confessed to ruining my life?”
Richard winced as another jolt of pain rushed through his body. He stiffened his arms on the chair and tried to stretch it out. He gritted his teeth and shook his head when Jacob took a step into the room. “Don’t touch me.”
“Are you in pain?” Jacob asked hesitantly.
It was in that moment that Richard realized the reality of his situation. He thought he had. But now it was worse.
Slowly it dawned on him more and more as he learned how it was going to affect the rest of his life. The uselessness of his legs. The inability to leave the house. How he could never care for or protect a wife or a family.
None of it mattered.
His body froze as the truth slowly crept in through his brain like the first snow of winter. It swirled around in his head, growing frostier by the second. Nothing mattered anymore.
What was done had been done. Jacob couldn’t take back his mistake. Richard couldn’t take back his fall. Just like his brother must have wanted, their roles were reversed in a way neither of them had expected.
At least, he hadn’t. He didn’t know about Jacob.
But it didn’t matter. Because Jacob had won. Just minutes ago, he had explained how much he had wanted everything Richard originally had. And now he could have it all.
Richard was useless in his chair. The dark thoughts spiraled down fast, further than before. He forgot any pain as he searched for the right words to say what Jacob had clearly been hoping to hear for a long time.
“Just take it.” Richard gave up his strength and collapsed in a heap in his chair. His elbow banged into the post on his bed. But he didn’t care.
Jacob straightened up. “Take what?”
“Everything.” He waved a hand around. “You wanted it, didn’t you? The ranch was always both of ours. Don’t know why you thought otherwise. But now it’s yours. And Louise is yours to do with however you please.”
“Richard.”
He kept talking, ignoring his younger brother’s interruption. Jacob had always liked to get a word in edgewise. But Richard wasn’t done.
“Just do whatever you want.” His voice grew dull. Any hope he’d had for the future was disappearing quickly. “Do whatever you want and just leave me in peace.”
Jacob took a step forward. “That’s not what I wanted.”
But his words weren’t very convincing. Richard offered a short laugh as he shook his head. “Just go. I don’t want to look at your face anymore. I don’t want to look at anyone.
“Don’t you get it? I can’t do anything. I’m not good for anything any longer. Take what you want. Just leave me be.”
“You’re just being crazy,” Jacob started hesitantly. “You can try the pony, remember?”
“I don’t want to!” Richard banged a fist down onto his chair. “I’m sick of this!”
His brother tried again. “It’s only been a few days.”
“A few days too many!”
Jacob inhaled sharply as he wiped his hands on his pants. He glanced over his shoulders as though someone were calling his name. As though he wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. As well he should. He had no reason to be there.
“We could always…” he started slowly.
Momentarily forgetting his situation, Richard lunged forward as though he’d catch a runaway calf. His arms were outstretched for his brother across the room. But Jacob took a small step back and Richard fell to the floor before he could catch himself. His legs had caught him up, tangled in the footrests. There was no time to catch himself as he fell.
He fell onto the floor in a heap.
His chin throbbed as he groaned, turning himself over to his back.
Jacob inhaled sharply. “Richard. What are you doing? You’re so - you could have - let me help.”
But Richard put a hand up. He had been humiliated enough and this was beyond the worst of his situation. Inhaling sharply, he shook his head.
“Don’t. Just get out.” His voice was low and sharp. “Now.”
There was a moment of silence.
He closed his eyes and waited. Eventually he heard his brother let out a heavy breath, take a few steps, and then the door closed. Richard could feel it the moment he was alone.
He dropped his arm and opened his eyes. His heart hammered as he glanced around.
There was his chest. There was his bed beside him. There was the chair at his feet where both legs were still hanging up in the footrests, not touching the floor.
The flush of embarrassment washed over him with a sickening warmth. Lying there on the floor, he began to realize his shameful attitude of the day.
He couldn’t survive on his own anymore, which meant he needed people. And that meant he couldn’t scare them away.
Gritting his teeth, he tried to breathe through the discomfort in his spine. He had to get up. Maybe not in that moment, but soon. He couldn’t sleep there all night.
He would have to get up onto his bed somehow.
Richard glanced at the chair as he
wondered how to climb back into it from down below.
“Later,” he told himself.
Then he took a deep breath and tried to pull his thoughts back together. Out of the darkness, out of the cold, out of the humiliation. It was going to take a long time. But, Richard knew, he had all the time in the world. He closed his eyes grudgingly and tried to forget the world.
Chapter 24
After Richard angrily protested the gift she had tried so hard to bring together for him, Louise couldn’t prevent the tears from rolling down her cheeks.
Ducking her head, she wrapped her hands around her face and ran inside. She nearly tripped over the threshold before hurrying down the hall. Though Louise meant to go straight to her room, she realized she would need something to clean up her tears.
She almost laughed, realizing that was her priority as she made her way into the kitchen.
Upon finding the room was empty, she had hardly found a towel before she felt the panic erupting in her throat.
Louise opened her mouth and a soft sob escaped. It felt like all the snow outside had fallen onto her, burying her under a thick, heavy cloud of gray.
Louise didn’t know where she had gone wrong. How she could have done something wrong.
It didn’t make sense. She had tried so hard to make things right, to make Christmas better. And yet, she hadn’t been able to do it.
If anything, she had ruined things.
She leaned against the counter and slowly slid down. The knobs for the cupboards nudged her back painfully but she didn’t do anything about it. One pressed against her skull above her ear as she leaned back to catch her breath.
“What am I even doing here?” Louise asked herself between her gasps for air.
She buried her face in her hands, wishing she were stronger than her weeping state had resigned her to on the floor. There were snowflakes melting on her hands and she could feel herself sitting in a puddle of water.
It must have come from her skirts or her boots. Perhaps her hair. She wasn’t certain. Louise didn’t care. She didn’t even know why she was thinking about it.
After all, her clothes didn’t matter. Whatever was wet would eventually dry.
But what about her? What about the time she was spending on the ranch? Luanne didn’t want to be there. Richard didn’t want her there anymore. And her?
Louise didn’t know anymore.
She had been so hopeful, so certain that Richard would be pleased with her idea. After all that effort with Jacob, after going into town and finding the perfect pony, it had only been reasonable for him to be happy about the gift.
It had come together so perfectly that it felt like it was meant to be.
Now, Louise wasn’t certain where she had gone wrong. She had tried to do everything right. Even now she could remember the way Richard had written those notes to her in a way that had made her heart soar over the clouds.
She was nowhere near the clouds today.
“Louise?”
A fool. That’s all she was. Louise could hear Richard’s words still ringing in her ears.
Even as she closed her eyes and shook her head, they wouldn’t go away. She was a fool and she had made a terrible mistake.
She didn’t know where it had started, but she had to end it somehow.
“Louise?”
She hiccupped in surprise. Clasping a hand over her mouth, Louise hurriedly stood up. She faced the cupboards as she wiped her face clean.
That was why she had come to the kitchen in the first place.
After attempting to sniffle quietly, she managed, “I’m sorry. I just - I dropped something and I only came in here for a moment.”
Mrs. Pennyworth sighed behind her. “Oh, Louise. You poor thing. Whatever is the matter?”
“I’m not crying,” Louise said in a shaky tone.
But her voice cracked in just those three words to betray her. She was never a good liar.
The woman behind her tutted as she placed a comforting hand on Louise’s shoulder. “It’s okay to cry.”
“No, it’s...” But she couldn’t finish saying it. Such kind words only prompted another sob.
She clapped her hand over her mouth in an attempt to muffle the noise. Though she leaned against the counter, no longer hiding herself completely, she didn’t turn to the woman for comfort.
Mrs. Pennyworth stood there to offer her support. She squeezed Louise’s shoulder and took a corner of the towel herself to wipe away the trickle of tears. “There, there,” the older woman murmured.
Such a kind action reminded Louise of her mother. Someone who she had never been far away from before like this all her life. The woman had always been within reach.
Though she never disobeyed her husband and his wishes, her mother had always tried to support her however she could.
Louise inhaled shakily. It was a deep breath where she grabbed all of her resolve to pull herself together.
She didn’t like how she felt so weak and helpless.
It wasn’t something she was used to feeling and she wanted to fix that. She swallowed and wiped away the rest of her tears.
Just another second and she found the strength to compose herself.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured as she worked up the courage to look the housekeeper in the eye. “I don’t know what came over me.”
Mrs. Pennyworth accepted the towel when she was finished drying her tears. “Of course you know why, Louise. You have a heart. A very big one. Jacob just told me what happened. That was a very unfortunate reaction you received.”
Louise almost laughed. Unfortunate was one word for it.
She shook her head as she ran her hands over her cheeks again to make sure they were dry. Her face felt very puffy and she knew she was making it worse.
But she needed to do something with her hands, and she was more than embarrassed for being found in this state.
“Yes, but I shouldn’t have put so much hope and - and expectation into it. That was only a silly idea, after all. I should have asked Richard first.”
Louise ransacked her thoughts for everything she could have done better. She could have done this or said that. Anything could have influenced what had happened only minutes ago.
With a sigh, she shook her head. She couldn’t keep blaming her circumstances. It was time to take responsibility for her actions and move forward. She could do this.
She had to, because she was all out of tears.
“Don’t give up hope,” Mrs. Pennyworth urged her softly with wide open eyes. “Certainly things will get easier from here.”
That was a lovely idea. “How?” Louise sniffled. “Richard… I thought I knew him. But now I’m not so certain. It’s like I can’t reach him, who I thought he was.”
Mrs. Pennyworth shook her head as she ran a hand through Louise’s hair to pluck out some of the snow that still hadn’t melted.
“It’s a tough situation he has found himself in. Any of us would have a hard time surviving what he is being forced to endure.
“But don’t give up hope, Louise. You came here for a gentleman. He is still somewhere in that body.”
Her mouth turned dry. She tried to think of Richard when she had first arrived. He had smiled at her and charmed her. Those warm eyes. She thought he’d even had a dimple. But she wasn’t sure anymore.
She wasn’t certain about anything more.
“Louise,” Mrs. Pennyworth touched her cheek. “I believe in Richard. And I believe in you. Perhaps it will just take some time to bring that gentleman back to the surface.
“We’ll give him time and we’ll give him space. And soon, I’m sure, we’ll see him smile again.”
By the time she had finished talking, Louise had managed to pull herself together. She took deep breaths and was feeling much better.
Whether it was her breathing or the other woman’s soft tone, every moment passed stripped away some of the panic that had gripped her only minutes before.
“Perhaps you’re right,” she allowed with a soft breath. “Perhaps we should wait a short while longer.”
Mrs. Pennyworth nodded. “Exactly. Although, he should be with us for supper. Finish the corn, would you? I’ll see if he’ll come out. Perhaps he just needs some food in his stomach.” With a wink, she walked away.