Stella

by Helen Eve

  ‘Didn’t you hear Penny screaming?’ She was agitated. ‘The crown is gone. She took all my Diazepam when she found out, so I had to help Lila look for it.’

  ‘What?’ I said in outrage. ‘Someone stole my crown? Did no one hire security?’

  ‘We don’t know for sure that it was stolen,’ she said. ‘Penny swears it was in the hall this morning, but no one seems to know what’s happened to it.’

  ‘First the sash; now the crown,’ I said. ‘Does Stella really think stealing them is the same as winning them?’

  She looked worried. ‘I don’t think she’d do that. The sash has been missing for years, ever since Siena died. Have you seen Stella this afternoon? I’m worried about her.’

  Katrina’s attitude had become so distorted that I didn’t see how I was going to tell her about all the photographs I’d found in Stella’s room. She might even blame me for snooping and let Stella off the hook for her own behaviour. That was a pity, because the Stars deserved to know that Stella had never considered them friends at all.

  ‘What do you think is the matter?’ I asked, pretending I cared. ‘Luke? Or Edward?’

  ‘Maybe,’ she said. ‘Edward’s known her for such a long time, but whatever exists between them is weird. Sometimes he seems really possessive.’

  ‘Hardly,’ I said derisively. ‘She controls all her relationships. Edward’s just collateral damage.’

  She looked miserable. ‘Who knows? I’m not sure any of us should be Head Girl. This was supposed to be the best night of our lives, and now the crown’s missing and everyone’s fighting. I really don’t feel like going to a party.’

  ‘It’s still going to be great!’ I said, thinking about the replacement crown I could order from Harrods. It was better this way because the original crown was a little gaudy. If I were allowed style input this time around, I could ask for my name to be studded into it with sapphires. ‘The crown doesn’t make a Head Girl; the votes do. And we’ve worked too hard not to enjoy ourselves.’

  She forced a smile. ‘I haven’t even decided what to wear yet. Can you help me?’

  She was throwing dresses onto the bed when there was a timid knock at the door and Lucy and Hannah came in.

  ‘Wow,’ Lucy breathed, staring at all the discarded clothes that probably added up to more than most people’s yearly salaries. ‘You’re going to look amazing.’

  I was embarrassed that they were being so over-familiar. Sure, we’d hung out when I didn’t know anyone else, and I’d allowed them to sit with me at lunch when there was strength in numbers. But I’d been Edward’s girlfriend; I’d made out with Luke; I’d overthrown Stella and was about to be crowned Head Girl. Why would they think we still had anything to talk about?

  Lucy was wearing her usual mom jeans and a shapeless tank top. Her face was shiny and her frizzy hair was unforgivably mousy. She wore glasses with little frames, even though everyone was wearing oversized frames right now. It was frightening to think that only a few months ago I wouldn’t have known how much this mattered. And she was presentable compared to Hannah, who, in her off-duty sweats and tee, looked like a before picture in a Jenny Craig infomercial. She was even eating a candy bar. There was really no excuse.

  ‘You have to choose the perfect outfit, Caitlin,’ Lucy said. ‘This is the only way Stella can claw back the advantage, so you mustn’t give her the opportunity.’

  What other criteria are there? Penny had asked months ago.

  ‘But the hall was full when voting opened,’ I said, my mind suddenly exploding with the memory of the white dress from Stella’s room. ‘Whatever Stella wears for Elevation, it’ll be too late.’

  ‘Hardly anyone’s voted yet,’ Lucy said in a timid don’t-shoot-the-messenger voice. ‘They all vote online during Elevation; no one uses the booths anymore. Didn’t anyone tell you that Penny and Lila have pushed the announcement back? It used to be made at nine, but this year it won’t be until nearly midnight. Penny said it wasn’t ethical if the dresses weren’t on view for at least three hours.’

  I turned to Katrina in disbelief. ‘People won’t vote until they get a good look at her dress?’

  Katrina looked embarrassed. ‘You always knew this election wasn’t about policies.’

  ‘No, it’s about popularity,’ I said. ‘Not dresses! I can’t believe how shallow everyone’s become.’

  ‘You just have to make sure that everyone prefers your dress,’ Lucy said. ‘It’s a shame we don’t know what Stella’s wearing.’

  ‘How would that help?’ Katrina asked.

  ‘She likes to stand out from the crowd, doesn’t she?’ Lucy said, glancing at my blonde hair. ‘She’d hate someone to wear the same colour.’

  ‘The Stars’ dress code is gold,’ Katrina reminded everyone.

  ‘Do you really think she’ll take any notice of that?’ I asked scornfully. ‘Plus, she’s not a Star anymore. She’s not eligible to wear gold.’

  Katrina shrugged and looked away.

  ‘So what time are you going to Elevation, Lucy?’ I asked casually, zipping myself into one of Katrina’s dresses.

  Lucy looked surprised. ‘We’re coming to pre-victory drinks in Lila’s room.’ She looked at Katrina for affirmation.

  Katrina was about to reply when I stepped in. ‘See, I’m not sure there’s space. We might have counted wrong when we invited you.’

  ‘No, we didn’t.’ Katrina ignored my raised eyebrows. ‘There’s plenty of space.’

  I wondered when she’d become such a bleeding heart. It wasn’t long since she’d been spewing out insults at them herself.

  ‘Really, there isn’t,’ I said through gritted teeth.

  Lucy wasn’t dumb, and for that I was grateful. ‘I see,’ she said slowly. ‘Well, I suppose we’ll just meet you over at the hall. Let’s go, Hannah.’

  I called to her as they reached the door: I didn’t want to sound mean, but it needed saying. ‘Lucy, are you at least going to wash your hair and put on some concealer?’

  She swallowed hard. ‘I’d hate to embarrass you,’ she said in a brittle voice.

  Katrina turned to me when they’d gone. ‘What was that about?’ she asked in amazement. ‘I thought they were your friends.’

  ‘Were is correct,’ I sniffed. ‘I’ve worked hard for this. I don’t want them tagging along and ruining it. Plus, they’ve already voted! We don’t need to be nice to them anymore.’

  She looked upset. ‘Have you forgotten that Lucy forfeited her own election place for you? You should think more carefully about how you treat people.’

  Katrina was suddenly another obstacle. No wonder Stella hadn’t wanted her as a campaign manager; she was even more boring than Mary-Ann.

  She was trying out a dress that I hadn’t seen before. It was short and form-fitting, its gold tassels showing off her tan as well as her slender legs. She must always have been pretty, but being close to Stella was like standing in shadow. Now I saw for the first time the distracting golden lights in her hair; her careless elegance; the determination so evident in her heart-shaped face. And I started to wonder if Stella had known more than she’d let on when she’d replaced her with Mary-Ann. The Katrina I thought I knew, defined by her giggling bitchy comments and professionally accessorized boho outfits, didn’t exist any more than the Stella I thought I’d seen that day in the clock tower.

  I unzipped the dress, which gaped, and put my own clothes back on. Katrina’s closet was a total disappointment, and there was nothing here that resembled Stella’s masterpiece.

  ‘I’m going out,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you later – if you aren’t busy hanging out with total losers.’

  She nodded slowly. ‘It’s probably best if you find your own dress – you’ve got so skinny that I doubt any of mine will fit you.’

  I grinned to myself as I left the room. I got the feeling she’d been trying to insult me, but it didn’t feel like anything other than a huge compliment.

  Chapter Fifty-two
>
  Stella

  When it’s time to get ready for Elevation, I pull back the curtains to fetch my dress. Then I close the curtains and open them again. I circle the room as if it’s hiding from me. I check the wardrobe; under the bed; even in cupboards that are too small to house it. I touch the mannequin in case it’s become invisible. And then I face the truth: my dress is gone.

  I hear the Stars getting ready, clattering along the corridor in their high heels, screaming about waterproof mascara and rowing about music choices. I gather one of them – probably Lila – trapped her ear in her hair straighteners and injured herself. Rihanna pumps out of her room as their pre-victory party begins.

  There are false starts as girls come back in search of keys, cigarette lighters and lip gloss, and then it’s silent. I open the window and put my head outside, not so much for the fresh air as for the music I can now hear from the boys’ rooms in Riverside. It gives me a link to the world, even if I can’t be there. The mirror crack’d from side to side, I suddenly think, and duck back in. There’s no need to freak myself out even more.

  A knock at the door makes me jump, and I call out ‘Come in’ before I can think about what I’m doing. I don’t know whether to be pleased or disappointed when Mrs Denbigh’s head appears.

  ‘What are you still doing here, Stella love?’ she says. ‘Why aren’t you at Elevation with the others?’

  Part of me wants to tell her that, for the last time, my surname isn’t Love, but it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. ‘I’ll go soon,’ I say.

  She sits awkwardly on the bed, ankles crossed in the way she taught us to sit when we were Shells in her Manners class. She doesn’t mention the fact that I’m crying, or try to feed me a Garibaldi, and I’m grateful on both counts. ‘It might not be as bad as you imagine.’

  I nod stoically but ruin it by sniffing, exactly as she always instructed us not to. ‘You’re right. It might be worse than I imagine.’

  ‘Maybe,’ she concedes. ‘But the chances are that nothing very dramatic will happen. And perhaps it will help to face everyone.’

  ‘I doubt it.’ I hope it’s clear that she doesn’t understand the situation.

  ‘I know you girls all think I’m about a hundred years old, but I was your age once. I do remember what all this is like. And you’re not yourself at the moment, Stella. Is there something you want to tell me?’

  I look at her off-duty wardrobe: her brown skirt and flat shoes, her green polo neck and wayward, bushy hair. She looks a bit like a tree, but a reliable one, offering shade. I’ve never thought of her in this way before, but now I remember having appendicitis when I was a Remove. Seraphina was unavailable so Mrs Denbigh stayed with me in hospital, even though it was unnecessary, and, when I couldn’t sleep, she read to me from Practical Horseman. She held my hand as I had my anaesthetic, and when, to my everlasting shame, I called her Mother as it wore off, she didn’t tell anyone.

  For a split second I consider talking. Then the feeling passes. ‘I don’t want to go, thank you.’ My tone offers no room for doubt.

  She stands up and shakes out her skirt. ‘Well, I can’t force you. But I do think you should know that Luke looked very lonely tonight. Perhaps you’d consider going just to keep him company. These things are tough on boys too.’

  ‘He’s with Caitlin.’

  ‘Maybe he’s trying to protect himself,’ she suggests. ‘He has his pride, after all. Maybe Caitlin’s not really the one he wants to be with.’

  She ducks out of the door and returns a second later holding the gold dress I left in Luke’s bedroom this morning. ‘I’m under instructions to bring you this,’ she says.

  I nod mutely, wondering how many lifetimes could pass without me ever deserving Luke.

  ‘I’ll let you get on with your book,’ she says. ‘I’ll be in my office if you need me.’

  Damn her.

  * * *

  I sit for what feels like a long time with the dress laid out in front of me. I’ve never talked to anyone about my intended Elevation dress, so Luke couldn’t possibly have known, but I see in his offering a different, freer future than the cage I constructed for myself. This flowing silk doesn’t imprison me with steel that suffocates my idiosyncrasies; it accommodates them, encouraging me to be a better shape.

  Gold fabric streams endlessly over my hands and I’m transfixed by shimmering sequins that reflect Siena’s face in their stars like a million brilliant lights. And I’m fortunate to have experienced through Luke one thing that she never could. I may not have been able to keep him, but I’ll never forget how it felt to love him.

  I brush out my hair and apply my make-up as I learned when I was too young even to hold the brushes for myself, and I leave Woodlands. I glance up at the clock tower, half-expecting it to read something other than twenty to twelve, and then I throw open the hall doors.

  Chapter Fifty-three

  Caitlin

  For once no one had exaggerated: Elevation was a huge deal. And it was going better than I could ever have imagined.

  ‘How did they get it so wrong?’ Penny had wailed when we’d arrived. Despite all the coffee Lila had forced down her, she was still baked and over-emotional. ‘It’s supposed to be Stars! It’s supposed to be gold!’

  ‘Penny, the theme is Stars and Stripes, and it’s Independence Day,’ said Katrina patiently. ‘You can see how the party planners got confused, especially left unsupervised.’

  Penny had described at length the venue that would be entirely decorated with gold stars, ensuring that the night belonged only to our comeback. Evidently something had been lost in translation. The room was decked out with American flags. The band was playing ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’. The buffet was American-themed. Star-shaped decorations were plentiful but only in red, white and blue. Instead of being a party for the Stars, it was a party for me.

  ‘You can’t wear that!’ Lila had said in horror when she’d seen my beautiful white dress. ‘We’re all in gold!’

  ‘Gold doesn’t suit me,’ I’d complained. ‘Anyway, we can’t all match! We don’t want to look twelve, do we?’

  ‘I clash with the walls!’ said Penny. ‘And there are carbs in the buffet! Someone is so getting fired for this.’

  ‘I think it’s great,’ I said happily, taking a red Statue of Liberty cocktail and raising my glass. ‘Cheers!’

  Luke, who was acting distant, was the only thing making the evening less than perfect. ‘Are you okay?’ I tried to focus his attention on me.

  He smiled guardedly. ‘Of course. I just can’t get used to you…’

  I shook out my hair. ‘Are you surprised?’

  He nodded. ‘It’s … it’s unexpected. What made you do it?’

  I tried to keep my voice light. ‘I wanted a change. Stella doesn’t have the monopoly on being blonde, you know. Don’t you like it?’

  I could see my reflection in the window. My new sleek hair hung loose to my waist and the lights in the room made my golden highlights shine. I looked sensational.

  He nodded. ‘You’re always beautiful. But you look very different.’

  I thought back to kick-off when he’d told me not to copy the Stars. You’re a beautiful girl, just as you are, he’d said. But what did he know anyway? It wasn’t his opinion that mattered.

  Edward and Katrina joined me when Luke went to fetch us more drinks. ‘Don’t you care that Luke’s just trying to make Stella jealous?’ Edward teased.

  ‘Don’t you care that Stella only dated you to copy her sister?’ I shot back.

  Edward thought for a moment before replying. ‘No, I don’t think I do.’ He sounded surprised, as if he hadn’t realized that he’d made his peace with it.

  ‘You’ll always love her,’ I said. Although he’d been my boyfriend only hours before, it didn’t hurt me to admit this.

  ‘At least you two have one thing in common, then,’ Katrina said. ‘Now will you stop fighting?’

  ‘Perhaps we should make a
toast to winning,’ I suggested after an awkward silence.

  ‘Don’t you think we should wait for the announcement?’ Katrina sounded uneasy. ‘It’s bad luck to count your chickens.’

  Ignoring her, I held up my glass. ‘To beating Stella.’

  Edward joined me, but Katrina stubbornly looked the other way. It was as if she’d totally lost sight of what was important. It wasn’t even clear to me whose side she was on.

  * * *

  As always, Stella was preceded by her own hype; as always, I watched her arrival as intently as everyone else did. And, as always, she was way ahead of me.

  ‘She’s incredible,’ Penny whispered. ‘She looks like an angel.’

  Penny might have been totalled, but she was right.

  Stella had unexpectedly adhered to the dress code, but even in the same colour as the other Stars she looked entirely distinct. Her dress streamed like liquid gold. Her hair, in loose waves around her face and cascading down her back, was a glittering extension of the star-shaped sequins. And her face was restored like a remastered painting. Possibility and hope radiated from her like sunshine.

  She walked slowly towards us through the centre of the room, her dress sparkling in the spotlights, and the crowds parted for her.

  ‘What are we toasting?’ she asked, taking a champagne flute from a passing waiter.

  Edward smiled. ‘Victory.’

  She raised her glass as cameras flashed around us like lightning bolts. ‘Perfect.’

  ‘You’re like a flame, Stella,’ Penny said, swaying dreamily. ‘And all the boys – and girls – are hypnotized by you, like creatures hovering around a lighted candle.’

  Stella smiled at her. ‘Can the candle help it?’

  ‘No, but can’t the Stella help it?’ I said.

  She gave me a contemptuous once-over and then spoke quietly so that no one else could hear. ‘I know what you’re doing, but you will never be me, and you’ll be sorry you tried.’

  Luke looked as though his sun rose and set with her face. She turned from me to him, and if I weren’t wise to her powers of manipulation I might have believed that her sun rose and set with his face too.