“Just shut the fuck up!” Phil roars in my face. His fist slams into my face, pain erupting from the contact and dulling everything else around me. I slump into Phil’s hold as my vision blurs. All my strength evaporates and I fight to keep my eyes open, but they don’t get the message. Tears and swelling take their toll and my eyelids cast me into darkness.
I come round, lying face down on what feels like a bed. I try to open my eyes but only one of them is cooperating. As the light and dark shapes come into focus I recognise my old bedroom. I move my arms to help me up but I can’t. They are bound behind my back.
I move the rest of my body, trying to shift position, but my legs won’t budge either. I’m wide awake now; the fear has chased away my lingering haze. I’m lumped over the bed with each leg tied to the foot of the bed, anchoring me.
“Awake, I see,” he barks. I start thrashing my body but it isn’t enough. His voice triggers the panic now swamping my system.
Adrenaline and fear pump through my veins. I’m gasping for air. No, no, no. Please, no.
“You wanted to be tied up, Izzy. I said I would. I said I’d do what you wanted, but noooo, not good enough. Well, you’re my fucking wife and I say how it’s going to be. Do you like this, Izzy, being at my mercy? Your legs spread for me—God, you haven’t done that for me in fucking years.” His cruel words ring in my ears and my tears soak into the bed. I’m helpless. I’m helpless and I can’t do anything to stop it.
“Please, Phil. I don’t want this. Don’t. Don’t do this to me. I’m begging you. I’ll do anything. Just no, please don’t…”
“Oh, I know you’ll do anything. Anything I want. Bent over our bed, offering your cunt to me like the little slut you are.” He shoves my skirt further up my hips. “Never wore lace for me, Izzy, or stockings. Fuck me underwear. Well, you asked for it.”
“No I’m not! Get off of me. Don’t. I fucking hate you.”
I’m sobbing into the bed, my body shaking with fear. He’s really going to do it. He’s going to rape me. He rips my knickers from my body and gropes me, squeezing and smacking my bum.
“Nooo, please, no.” My voice is panicked and desperate but it doesn’t stop him. His fingers drive into me viciously and I cry out at the intrusion.
“What’s the matter, Izzy? Am I not doing it right? I thought you liked this?”
“No. No, no, no. Stop! Stop it. Please, stop it. You’re hurting me!” My throat is raw from shouting. My lungs heave to pull in the needed air. “How could you? How could you, Phil?”
“You ruined everything.” He plunges another finger inside me and I cry out at the pain. “I’m going to fuck your pretty cunt and spank your arse until you say you’re sorry.”
“Don’t do this. Please, don’t.” I feel sick. My arms and legs are numb from where he’s tied me in the wrong position for too long. He slams his hand down on my bottom and red heat blazes across my skin. He smacks again and again, not holding anything back.
“And to think if I’d just done this to you all those months ago, none of this would have happened.”
Bile rises in my throat. The man I loved is physically abusing me. We loved each other once, right? Smack, smack, smack. My bottom is on fire and it’s overwhelming. My eyes are squeezed shut and I’m preparing for another blow. I try to zone out, to think of a happy place, warm and safe, but the pain throughout my body is stopping me from finding it. I wait for the bite of his hand on my skin, but it doesn’t come.
“What the…?”
“Isabel!” Seb. He’s here. “Get your hands off her.” His voice is like ice.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“Move away from her now.”
“She’s my wife, arsehole.” I can’t see what’s happening, so I turn my head, and through my puffy eyes, I can make out Seb standing by the door, a murderous look trained on Phil. At Phil’s claim on me, Seb storms over to him and I hear clattering and banging. There’s the unmistakable thud of a punch and the sound of skin hitting bone.
“You. Will. Never. Touch. Her. Again.” Each of Seb’s words is emphasised with a blow. My bleary vision still sees Seb’s fist connecting with Phil, punching him over and over again. Phil’s body goes limp as Seb drops him to the ground. He’s bent over his knees, breathing hard.
“Fuck! Hold on, Izzy.” I feel soft hands around my ankles. “Hold on. I need to cut you out, sweetheart.”
“Scissors. Bathroom.” He’s back in a moment and finally frees my legs, then my arms. I pull my legs together, sealing them, trying to protect myself. I finally sit up and wrap my arms around my knees. Seb has his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace. I’m still crying, I think. I don’t care. I look over the bed at Phil on the floor. He’s out cold and his face is banged up and bloody. “You… You knocked him out?”
“He’s lucky I didn’t kill him. God, Izzy.” I feel a shiver run through both of us as he pulls me tighter. “Did he…” Seb pauses and tries again “Did he…” His words are soft and filled with sadness—so much so that he can’t get them out.
“No. He just… touched me and hit me.” Saying it makes me feel sick. The acid in my stomach is churning and clawing at my throat, pain flaring in my sore backside. I start to panic again, sobbing and struggling to breathe.
“Shh. Shh, Izzy. It’s alright. I’ve got you and nothing bad will happen again. You’re mine to protect and I’ll do anything and everything to do that.”
“He hurt me.”
“I know, sweetheart. I’m so, so sorry.” Although his words are kind, I can feel the tension keeping his body rigid.
Garbled murmurings come from where Phil is on the floor. He’s obviously coming round.
“I should fucking kill you,” he seethes.
“Don’t kill him. Please, Seb.” As much as I despise Phil, I can’t let Seb do it. There would be dire consequences for us all.
“That’s the only thing stopping me, Izzy.” He grabs Phil by the collar and hauls him to face him. “You listen to me. You will grant Izzy the divorce. You will sell the house and Izzy gets the money. End of story.”
“No,” Phil’s words are slurred. “Who do you think you are?”
“If you don’t, Izzy will press charges for attempted rape, and you’ll go to jail. Understand?” Phil doesn’t say anything, so Seb shakes him.
“Okay, stop.” He groans. “Fucking bitch.” Seb punches him hard enough to make me flinch. Seeing him so visibly aggressive is so out of character, but I’m beyond relieved that he’s here.
“My lawyer will be in touch.” Leaving him on the floor, he gently scoops me up in his arms and carries me downstairs and into his waiting car. Before I know it, we’re heading home.
Safe. He came for me. I’m safe.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anyone ever hurt you again.” Seb tucks me up in bed and pulls me in close. His hands run over my head, cradling me like a precious child. “Shh. It’s alright.” His hushed voice soothes my frayed nerves. My limbs are numb and my ankles ache. I want to sleep. I want to go to sleep and forget that tonight ever happened.
“I won’t ever let you go, sweetheart. Go to sleep. You’re safe. We’re home.”
The next few days I spend locked in my bedroom or in the shower. As much as I try, I can’t scrub the feel of Phil’s hands off of my skin. My face reminds me of just how bad it got. My cheek has an assortment of colours decorating the bruising. Each time I catch my reflection the terror grips my stomach again.
Seb comforts me, but I don’t want to talk to him about it and I can see that he struggles to know exactly what to say.
I email Mark over the weekend and tell him that I need to work from home for the next few days. I need some time for the bruising to go down before showing my face at work. Luckily I don’t have any client-facing presentations coming up and I can focus on work.
On Wednesday, I’m ready to throw my computer out of the window. Being at home with my work should
have been the distraction I needed from being stuck in my head. Yet I feel like I’m going around in circles. I can’t concentrate, so I’ve opted for other distractions. I’ve cleaned the apartment, put all of the laundry away and drunk half my body weight in coffee. Still no luck.
I replay Phil’s attack over and over. I then play over everything else that led up to the moment he grabbed me. Seb and I fighting, the idea of a house, of marriage. I want it all to stop. I want to go back to a normal life. One that isn’t complicated or hurts. I want the pain to go away.
My phone distracts me from tossing the computer.
“Hello.”
“Ms. Fields, it’s Mr. Osbourn, do you have a moment?”
“Yes, is everything alright?”
“It’s just to say that the management hearing date has come through. I have no question that the judge will grant us the decree and we can then make the application for the decree absolute.”
“Okay… thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll email you over all the details and I’ll be in touch before the hearing.”
The line goes dead and I let out the breath I was holding. This is what I want. Getting the divorce will mean I’m rid of Phil for good.
I text Seb but the words dance in front of my eyes. Tears roll down my cheeks as I realise that I’ll have to see Phil again. The relief I felt is swamped by the nausea now building in my stomach.
Come home, please. Izzy
I curl up on the sofa and wait for Seb, feeling lost despite the good news.
“Izzy, wake up, sweetheart.” Seb’s hushed voice pulls me awake. I blink up at him and see him smiling down at me. He instantly makes me feel better.
“Will you hold me?”
“Of course, sweetheart.” Seb’s arms pull me into his chest. I sigh with contentment. Seb’s fingers slide through my hair, relaxing me further. He’s still wearing his shirt, the top button open, giving me a tempting target to kiss. I press my lips into his throat, working my kisses and nips up his neck. He drops his head back, allowing me room to explore. His stubble scraps my cheek as I move to take his lips.
“Will you take me to bed? We haven’t… since, and I don’t want to give him any more power over me.”
Seb lifts his head back up and searches my eyes. Lust sparks and I feel that wanton ache in my stomach. He kisses me. Hungry lips attack mine, biting and sucking as he takes his fill. Without missing a beat, he curls his arm under my knees and lifts me clean off the chair. Seb walks us, still locked together, up to the bedroom before we fall onto the bed. His body presses me down into the mattress and I moan into his mouth.
“Let me hold you. I want to touch you and let you feel me. Slowly. We’ll take it at your pace.” His words are meant to be soothing, but they remind me of my attack.
“Yes. Please, Seb. I need this.”
“I’m here. I’ll give you what you need.” He starts to undress me, meticulously slowly. His patience builds the anticipation of what’s to come. The slightest touch against my skin heats my blood. I focus on Seb, holding the memories at bay. He stands and takes his fill of my naked body, spread out for him to behold. This is what I need, to get lost in him.
“You’re beautiful and you’re mine. Never forget that.”
“I won’t.” It’s the truth. His clothes hit the floor before he smothers my body with his, skin on skin. I wrap myself around him, my arms stretching over his back, pulling him down closer to me. He’s nestled between my thighs, his cock tantalisingly close to where I want it. He rolls his hips and presses his hard shaft against my labia and clit, spiking my arousal and my heart rate. He pushes up, exposing my breasts, but only so he can tongue my ripe nipples. He’s not giving me a chance to focus on any one thing. He’s bombarding my body with pleasure.
After my breasts, his hand pushes my arm above my head. He does the same with the other arm before clutching them together at my wrists. I pull against his hold but it’s firm. I move beneath him but gain no purchase. Panic flashes through me, drowning out everything around me. I’m back on my bed. I can’t move. Phil’s hands bite into my skin…
“Relax, Izzy. It’s me. I’m not holding you down.” I hear Seb, but everything I was feeling is dowsed in cold water.
“I’m sorry.” I relax under him, but the desire isn’t there. “I want to, I do…”
“Shh, it’s alright.” He puts his arms around me and I snuggle into his chest.
“I think I need to get away for a few days. I can’t concentrate on work, I keep going over the attack in my head and all the stuff leading up to it. Mr. Osbourn called today and told me that the hearing date has come through as well. It’s all so… It’s too much. I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
“Okay. Let’s get away.”
“No, I mean I want to get away on my own.” I feel his body tense, but I need to do this for myself.
“Where will you go?”
“I’ll speak to Jess. I’ll still text you, I don’t want you to worry, but I need… space. Just for a few days. Get my head clear.”
“If that’s what you need.”
“Thanks for letting me stay.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re always welcome. I’m just sorry you feel that you need to get away.”
“Just for a little while. I can’t think clearly at home or around Seb. Plus I’m not going into work until this has cleared up.” Jess winces, taking another look at the bruising that looks like a rainbow now with yellow, green and purple patches.
“I can’t believe Phil went this far.”
“I don’t want to think about it. Sorry, but that’s part of the problem. It just keeps playing over and over in my head.”
“Okay, well, whatever you need, I’m here. We can talk, go out, watch movies. You’ll have the place to yourself tomorrow as I’ll be at work, but I’ll come right home.”
“Thank you, Jess. How about a film? Or you can finally tell me what’s going on between you and Gregg?”
“There isn’t anything to tell. I’ve told you.”
“But you’ve been seeing each other for weeks now. That’s a good thing?”
“Not so much lately. You know how I am. I like my own space. Now, action film? You can’t beat Daniel Craig as Bond.” She steers the conversation onto lighter topics as we sit and get comfy for the night.
After a restless night I finally make it downstairs to make a cup of coffee. Jess has left me a note on the fridge telling me she’ll be home for dinner. I check my phone and I’ve got a message from Seb.
I missed you last night. I hope you’re feeling better. If you need to go out, please make sure Jess is with you. Or phone me and I’ll take you where you need to go. S
I missed you, too. I didn’t sleep well. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I’m with someone. Thank you for giving me space. Love Izzy
Whatever you need, sweetheart. S
I check my emails and make sure there isn’t anything pressing that needs to be dealt with. I fire off a quick message to Mark and tell him that I’ll be working from home and that I’ve had a few personal issues involving my divorce.
I sip my coffee and look around Jess’s kitchen. My head feels like it’s going to explode. My life has gone from predictably boring—a routine that gets me through the day—to a chaos of changes. Being allowed to be myself, my submissive self, with Seb, finally understanding what that actually feels like, but having the other elements that come with Seb. His need to take care of me, his constant contact and want to control other aspects of my life outside of the bedroom, a new house and even marriage. I was being honest when I told him I felt overwhelmed.
Getting through the divorce is my priority now. Having Phil out of my life forever is the one thing I want more than anything. What he did to me, taking something that I thought of as special between me and Seb—my submission—and using it against me, hurts me more than the physical pain he put me through.
Phil ignored me in our marriage, cheated on me, us
ed me for his own personal gain. Now he’s physically assaulted me. I hate him for it, I hate him for all of it. I pull up my personal emails and find the most recent one from Mr. Osbourn. Four days’ time and I’ll get to move forward with the divorce and put him behind me.
After my mini pep talk, I focus on work and actually get it done. The one thing that I allow my mind to wander to is finally getting my divorce. By focusing on that, I am able to forget everything else that has been swamping me and find the headspace I need.
“Izzy, I’m home.”
“I’m in the kitchen.” I’ve made the kitchen into my mini work den today. When I peeked in the mirror, even the bruising looked better.
“Good day?” Jess asks.
“Yes, actually. Much better. You?”
“Same old. But tomorrow will be better. I’m taking you to the spa for the afternoon. My treat. You can forget all this shit and relax. It will do you a world of good.”
“Really? Are you sure you don’t have work?”
“My work is fine. I’m hoping that you can sort yours.” She looks at me hopefully.
“I told Mark that I had some divorce stuff happening, so I think it should be alright. Thank you, Jess.”
“My pleasure. Now, what are we having for dinner?”
“Pasta?” I offer, thinking it would be lovely to have a big bowl of carbs and sit in front of the TV again.
“Sounds good. You cook, I’ll do the dishes.”
“Deal.”
Off to the spa with Jess. Feeling much better today. Love Izzy
That sounds like a great idea. Have fun. I’m glad you’re feeling better. S
I miss you. Love Izzy
I miss you, sweetheart. S
As much as the space is doing my head the world of good, I’ve missed Seb. I’ve not been sleeping well, and now that I see the end of Phil in my life, I know that Seb and I have some things to work on.
The Izzy and Seb Collection: The Evermore Series Books 1, 2 and 2.5 Page 46