Jess and I are sitting wrapped in soft fluffy bath robes by the edge of the pool. She’s booked us both a massage in a while, but right now I’m happy to just sit and do nothing.
“Thank you for this, Jess. It’s exactly what I need.”
“You’ve been through a lot in the last few days. Having some time to yourself is the least you deserve.”
“I know. Just being on my own has helped. I’ve been able to get my head in shape, understand what I need to focus on. Divorcing Phil is the top of the list. Then I can work on the rest of it.”
“And what exactly is the rest of it?” Jess asks.
“Talking with Seb. Telling him I’m not comfortable with some of the elements of our relationship. I want to take my time with Seb. I feel like Seb’s rushing me. He’s doing it to try and give me reassurance, at least that’s what I think, but it’s the exact opposite.”
“Have you told him that?”
“No. But I will.”
“Good for you. Remember he loves you.”
“I know.” I hold on to that little bit of information and pray it’s enough to get me through the next couple of days.
After leaving the spa, I pack up my bits from Jess and make my way home.
The space, even for a couple of days, has done me the world of good. I can think clearly. I’ve got some fight back in me and I’m determined not to show Phil that I’m scared of him.
I’m home. I’m just coming up in the lift. See you in a minute. Love Izzy
As I was expecting, Seb is waiting for me at the door when I get to it. He smiles at me, but I can see the tiredness around his eyes. He engulfs me in a huge hug and I let my body slump into his. He presses soft kisses into my hair and I hear him breathe deeply, like he’s relaxed now that I’m back in his company.
I ease from his hold and we move into the living area. He sits down and pulls me down on top of him. I wrap my arms around his neck and just enjoy being this close to him again.
Although it’s only been a few days, it feels like everything has changed. I left feeling overwhelmed and confused. Now, I know what I want—Phil out of my life—and I know it will happen.
“The case hearing is on Monday. Then it will be just a matter of time before I’m rid of Phil,” I whisper as I’m wrapped in Seb’s arms.
“Good.”
“Will you make love to me? Just… I missed you.” I kiss his jaw, the rough bristles tickling my lips.
“Yes, baby.”
6 weeks later
The decree nisi has been granted by the court and Mr. Osbourn is putting the application for the decree absolute together. It’s been nearly seven weeks since Phil attacked me. Seeing him in court was the hardest thing I’ve done, but the judge ruled that there was evidence to grant the decree. Phil didn’t have a say.
After court, I knew that I could start putting what Phil did behind me and focus on the problems I was having with Seb. We talked. Properly. I told him that I wanted to take a break from the D/s side of our relationship. Part of what was so overwhelming to me was the difference between my past relationship and the amount of changes to my new life. I wanted some time to adjust, for us to find what was right for us.
I knew that I still wanted to submit to Seb. That part of me had finally been given the chance to grow, thanks to Seb, and I didn’t want to give it up. However, I needed to know that Seb and I could work as a couple as well as a Dominant and submissive. I knew that part of our relationship worked. It was the rest of it that I needed time to trust in.
I was scared that calling a halt to the D/s would send Seb running, but I should have had more faith. I was also scared that if I let Seb dominate me and tie me up, I’d remember Phil’s attack, although the vanilla sex has been great.
My saving grace is work. The hours I need to pour into my new position are now a welcome distraction. Mark gave me my promotion. I’m now the senior account manager at White Cube. Seb took me out to celebrate. We had one of our first ever dates. It was perfect. Great food, good wine, and, I’m hoping, fantastic sex.
As soon as we’re back in the apartment Seb drags me to the sofa and sits down, manoeuvres me so that I’m straddling his hips, the soft denim pressed tightly to my thighs. He holds my hands and places them on his shoulders and then moves his hands to rest by his side. He doesn’t kiss me, pull me closer or creep his hands up my thighs. He waits.
“I want you to be in control tonight. Anything you want, you have to tell me. I won’t touch you without your instruction first.” I hear his sexy smile through his words and it sets my sex throbbing in anticipation.
I wiggle on his lap to test if he’ll stop me. A slight moan and a momentary closure of his eyes is all he gives away. My hands slide up into his hair and give a gentle tug, enjoying the rush of power that it brings. With my fingers clutched in his hair, I drop my lips to his and kiss him. He matches my pace, only taking what I give him. My tongue strokes against his, dipping in and out as our lips dance against each other. Still, he doesn’t speed up or overpower. I kiss him harder, pressing my whole body against his. I want him to react, to growl and flip me over, and to feel his power over me.
My frustration mounts, as does the ache of my clit. “Touch me, Seb.”
“Where? Tell me. You need to tell me exactly what you want.” I moan into his mouth as I try to understand exactly what I want.
“Squeeze my bum. Feel my breasts. I’m already hot for you.” My body aches for his touch, and something about saying exactly what I want makes it sexier. His hand strokes the underside of my breast before he rubs my nipple with his palm. His other arm slips around my thigh to squeeze my bum, pulling me closer into his hard erection. My clothes are still a barrier and I want to feel skin on skin. I want him naked. I want to explore the lines of his muscles and worship his chest.
“Carry me to the bedroom,” I mumble between kisses. He lifts me and I wrap my legs around his waist. He sits me down on the bed, but waits for what I instruct. “Undress, Seb. I want you, I don’t want…”
“Shh. Not going to happen.” He sheds his shirt and jeans as I slip out of my dress. He’s pulling me back on top of him before I know it. Now there is nothing between us, and his thick erection is waiting for me to sink down onto it. I lean over him to re-capture his lips, and at the same time, I wrap my hand around his cock and slide his head to my entrance before sitting back down on him. I lower myself slowly, taking him inside me. My hands press against his pecs as I rock back and forth, seeking that delicious friction against my clit. My eyes drift to his stomach, his muscles taut with tension as I speed my pace. I spread my legs wider and lean back, making sure that I take every inch of him.
I groan out at the pleasure sparking through my body. His hands have stayed away from me, but I miss them. I want to reach the places that Seb takes us when we’re together—the abundance of pleasure and passion that can’t be contained by either one of us.
“Touch me, Seb. Please. Touch my clit. Make me come.”
“Fuck, yes.” Seb’s curse makes me smile in triumph. His thumb moves to my clit and he runs the pad over the swollen nub. A wave of heat rolls through me and my head goes slack. I want what we had back. As good as this is, there is something missing between us.
Seb’s thumb presses harder against my flesh and spikes my pulse, his gaze insistent upon me. My hips work in time with his thumb and I’m racing towards my orgasm. My body tenses as I reach the edge. All I need is a few more stokes, a few more thrusts, and I’ll come apart. “Please, Seb. Just a little bit more…” He flicks at my clit and that’s all I need. My body contracts around him, making me shudder and arch my back, grinding down harder onto his cock. As I come, Seb follows, his jaw tensing and straining as his body releases.
I slump down against him and match my deep breaths to the rise and fall of his chest. “Mmm, thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome, Izzy.”
I take advantage of the evening light and meet Jess for a dri
nk after work. Spring is arriving, slowly. The hope of a warm summer isn’t far off.
“Hey, you. I’ve ordered gin and tonics.” Jess has an outside table at one of the bistros in town.
“Thanks.” I sit and sip my favourite drink.
“Izzy, are you alright? You look… tired.” Her eyes hold the concern that’s in her voice. She’s been like this since I stayed with her—always checking, always asking. She’s avoided telling me I don’t look great until today.
“It’s alright. I’m not sleeping particularly well at the moment. I’ll try and catch up at the weekend.”
“Still bad? How are things with Seb?” She reaches for my hand and I appreciate the comfort.
“I’m just… I’m frustrated and confused. I wanted us to have a break. To live and be in a relationship without the Dominance and submission stuff. I thought that was what I wanted. But now…” I reach for my drink and take a long sip.
“You’re not sure anymore?”
“I miss it. I miss the connection that it gives us. It’s like we’re stronger, more together when we play.”
“So just tell Seb, or give it time, but don’t shut Seb out. Perhaps you should speak to someone?”
“What, like a counsellor?”
“Yes, did you ever speak to anyone about what happened to you? I know that he didn’t actually… you know, but he physically assaulted you.” I finish my drink, thinking over her advice. I haven’t talked to anyone. Maybe it would be good for me.
“I’ll think about it. I’ll call you later in the week.” I get up and rummage in my bag for my wallet.
“No, don’t worry. These are on me.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, you buy next time.”
“Okay, thanks, hun.” I give Jess a quick hug and make my way back to the office to pick up my car.
It’s past eight before I slide my key into the door to Seb’s apartment.
“I’m home,” I call, already knowing that he’ll be in the kitchen. I walk through and find him sitting at the breakfast bar with his iPad in front of him. He turns as I come into the room and gives me his sexy smile as my welcome.
“Good day?”
“Not bad. You?”
“Better now you’re home. I want us to spend some time together. First, I want you relaxed.”
“Relaxed?”
“Yes. I’ll run you a bath. You relax.”
“Deal.”
Tonight is the fourth night in a row that I’ve been home late, so spending some time with Seb sounds great.
“I’ll even rub your shoulders, take some of that stress away.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, you do. Go and get undressed and I’ll set it running.” I do as I’m told and head off to the bedroom.
I feel like a shell of the woman I was only a few weeks ago. I’ve fallen into a routine and I don’t want it to continue. The divorce is all but finalised, Seb’s shown me that we are more than just a couple in a D/s relationship. I want to feel that special tie between us, where I was so caught up in him that nothing else mattered. I wrap my robe around me, trying to pull myself together with its tie, and walk over to the bathroom.
Steam and citrus mist the air and I breathe in the comforting aroma.
“Tie your hair up.” Seb perches on the edge of the bath, shirt sleeves rolled to the elbow, making for a very sexy sight. I slip the robe from my shoulders and step into the bubbles. It’s exactly what I need. The warmth seeps into my muscles, unknotting the tension as it travels through my body. I sink back and sigh with pleasure.
“Good?” Seb’s velvet voice is at my ear, his lips a hair’s breadth away from my ear.
“Wonderful, thank you.”
“Sit up and let me rub your shoulders.” I lean forward and wrap my arms around my knees, finding a comfortable position that will allow Seb the access he needs.
“Just relax.” He starts by simply placing his hands on my shoulders, making sure I’m expecting his touch. He strokes down my shoulders before running a firmer touch from the base of my skull down between my shoulder blades. The pressure melts through my tension and sends tranquillity through my body. It’s bliss. Seb continues working his magical fingers across my skin for another few minutes until I’m so relaxed I can barely hold my head up. “Ready to get out?”
“Hmm,” I respond, content with drifting in this hazy state.
“Out you get. I’d like us to talk, just spend some time together.”
“That would be nice.” Seb holds up a bath towel for me to step into. I pull it around myself before Seb pulls me to him.
“Go and get your hair brush and join me in the front room.” I smile into his chest. I love it when he plays with my hair. I obediently head into our room to retrieve my brush. He’s sitting in his chair with a cushion by his feet. He knows I like this, that I feel content being close to him and sitting with him. It feels like a lifetime since I was last seated at his feet. Here, I have the space and the reassurance to speak to him.
Seb’s positioned the cushion so that I can lean against his leg. I hand him the brush and lower myself to the floor. He shifts, moving his body forward so he can continue to pamper me. Seb’s fingers work the tie from my hair, spilling my brunette tresses down my back. He places the brush at the crown of my head and gently tugs it through, carefully un-knotting the strands.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good. You know I love you playing with my hair.”
“I know. Comfortable?”
“Yes, I could fall asleep if you’re not careful.” I absolutely would. My eyelids grow lazy with every brush stroke.
“Before you fall asleep, I want you to talk to me. Tell me how you are feeling about us, about what’s happened over the last few weeks. You wanted to leave the D/s out of the relationship. How do you feel now?”
Sitting here like this, I feel I can open up to him.
“I was pleased that you did that for me—gave up something so important to you—or rather a part of you, for me. For me, I needed things to slow down. I needed time.”
“And now?”
“I miss it. It’s fun being with you, you know, in a vanilla way. We play, like the other night. But…”
“Something is missing.”
“Yes.” Seb echoes my own feelings. “I gave you my submission freely. I love everything that you do to me, but Phil made me feel vulnerable and afraid and I hate him. I don’t want to feel like that. I only want to feel you and your touch. Your command. But there is a shadow of him in my memory and I can’t shake it.” Seb’s rhythmic strokes keep me focused on the now, sitting at his feet.
“The sub always has the control, Izzy. You say no, or black, that’s it. Your submission is a gift, but I can only hold it for as long as you allow it. You have the power. I miss you and I know you miss us as well.” He stops brushing my hair and pulls me onto his lap. I open my eyes and look at him. He holds my gaze and waits.
“I love you, Seb.”
“I love you, sweetheart.”
“Can we take it slowly? I want to get back to what we had before. I don’t want to be afraid.”
“We’ll take it at your pace. Remember, you’re in control.” His eyes roam over my face and I can see them dropping to my lips. I part them in invitation and he takes it. As his mouth plunders mine, his hands lock my wrists in place behind me. His lips grow more urgent, more forceful, and I moan into our kiss. With his free hand he holds my neck keeping me hostage to his desires.
I miss being able to lose myself in his hands, to feel what he wants me to feel—the bite of his teeth, the smack of the flogger or the sting of his palm. Safe in his arms, I relax and feel my body melt into his hold.
“Don’t move,” he whispers across my lips. He lifts me from his lap and sits me on the sofa. Firm hands press my legs wide, spreading myself for him. His hands continue to trail down my legs and clasp my ankles. My body flinches, automatically fighting his gra
sp. His hold remains firm and adrenaline spikes, setting my heart pounding in my chest.
“Seb,” I cry out, fear already drowning my desire. “Not my ankles. He…” Seb releases his hold and picks me back up.
“Shh, shh. We’ll work up through the parts you have a bad response. You want to try, though?”
“Yes, I’m sorry.” I bury myself against his chest. “Everything before the ankles was good.”
“Okay. We’ll get there, sweetheart.”
After my mini freak-out, the sexual strain has started to show between us. I’ve been working longer hours and Seb has several trips away coming up. He’s avoided spending any time away over the last few weeks, but he can’t keep putting them off.
He leaves for London on Monday morning, and I don’t want him to leave with questions over us. I want him to know that I am his submissive as well as his lover. He’s in the bathroom and I know just what I want to do for him. I take off my pyjamas and kneel at the end of the bed, facing the bathroom. I let my body relax and try to clear my mind, thinking only of what I want to show Seb.
I listen for the water to stop and hold my breath for Seb to walk back into the bedroom. My head is bowed, so I listen for his movement. After what feels like hours, I hear movement, followed by nothing. My entire body vibrates with the apprehension of what Seb will say. What he will do. I refuse my desperate need to look up to him and keep looking at the carpet.
“Isabel, you’re a very pretty sight like that.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
“Was there something you wanted to say to me?” His voice rumbles low and deep and ignites my desire for him.
“No, Sir.”
“Is there something you want to do?”
“Yes, Sir.” I hold my breath.
“Tell me what you want to do. Now.” My skin flushes at the thought of what I could say.
“I… I want to suck you. I want to make you come like I did the first night I came here.”
The Izzy and Seb Collection: The Evermore Series Books 1, 2 and 2.5 Page 47