Gabriel

by Melissa Meintjes

  She then smiled and said “nice to meet you,” and began to walk out the door.

  He then said “you will find your clothes downstairs.”

  She then walked out and down to the little room where she had met her main employer, and asked for her clothes back. He then pointed to the chair and she got dressed in front of him.

  After getting dressed she asked “when do you think I will hear from you?”

  He responded, “any time, because we are always shooting new scenes. I look forward to working with you.”

  He then gave her his card and she left while saying goodbye.

  On her way home Dorothy felt slightly ashamed for embodying a person who society hated, but she felt enthusiastic about the money she would make. She also felt proud to have been photographed for her beauty and could hardly wait to see herself on the internet.

  When she arrived home in her tiny one bedroom studio, she switched on her computer and navigated to the website of the Dungeon. Then she navigated to the index of models, and found no Dorothy Clever. She felt disappointed, and decided to take a shower.

  Before showering, she investigated the different poses she had taken in front of the camera in front of the mirror, and felt proud to have been photographed. She felt enthusiastic about her new life and the money she would make, and then got dressed, put on make-up and drove to the strip club.

  Once in the strip club, she was told to dance after Meredith, and then go to a back room in case some customers wanted her to dance for them privately. When it was her turn she strutted out on to the stage, in a school girl’s uniform, and with a lot of childish make-up on. She wore knee high socks, and school girl shoes. She then sat at a desk and then when the bell rang, she stood up and gradually removed all her clothes, while dancing. At the end, she only wore, her school socks, shoes, and then hid her underwear acting shy in front of all the observers. She then sat on a chair after removing her panties, and opened her legs, to expose a false piercing, as if to say, she was naughty even though she was a school girl. She then removed the socks, shoes, and the bra and walked back stage.

  While Dorothy sat waiting in the back room, an Asian gentleman walked in asking for her, saying “I want the red headed school girl to do the genie dance for me.”

  Then she walked with him to a private back stage, and told him to sit while she went and changed. She came back dressed like a genie. Wearing a pink sparkly bra, and a see through nylon hot pink genie pants. She also wore sparkly, genie shoes that curled up. She had on extra make-up around her eyes, to make her green eyes shine like gems. She also carried a little lamp. She then began to move around on stage to Arabic music. She started belly dancing, and moving her waist around. The gentleman seemed to have an erection, as he greatly enjoyed what he saw. After wiggling around on stage, she then took off her bra, and exposed her breasts which bore little stick on gems around the nipples. She then danced around stage with her gems. She then took off her nylon see through pants exposing her black lace thongs and then removed them also, to dance around nude. She eventually bent over and flipped her hair back. After about twenty minutes the show came to an end with her blowing a kiss at the gentleman. Then she asked the gentleman if he wanted anything else.

  He responded “do you do any private entertainment at people’s houses?”

  She responded “no. I am sorry. I feel unsafe about it.”

  Then he responded “I understand. I will just bring my friends here.” He then walked out after having given her some money.

  The following morning Dorothy investigated the Dungeon porn site for her photographs, but could not find them.

  She then called up her employer to inquire about her employment saying “Hi, I am Dorothy Clever, I was wondering if I still have the job since I do not see my photos up.”

  He responded, “that is strange, since we placed them up last night.”

  Then she said “I checked, and they were not there.”

  After a few seconds he responded “We put them up under a different name because we do not approve of your name because we find it too innocent and ordinary for a beautiful girl like you. We have decided to call you Celia Rose instead; because of the exotic and beautiful sound of the name, and the rose like quality of your hair.”

  Dorothy felt complimented and humiliated at the same time. She felt complimented by her new name, but at the same time felt objectified by their decision to rename her without her consent. She did not say anything about her feelings, and understood that she had become a public piece of business property; to be used as they wished.

  So she thanked him for the name change and said “goodbye.”

  Chapter 7

  Although most would have felt pleased in the grand big house, that Fredrick had bought, the house felt like a prison of pain for Natasha, for she constantly felt a sense of fear and persecution, because her step mother would constantly make her feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. During dinner her step mother never cooked enough for her, nor invited her. If the family went biking, then nobody invited Natasha, and therefore Natasha constantly felt hated and victimized.

  One day, Natasha told her father that she could hardly ever get hold of Juliet, whenever she had tried to contact Juliet on the cell phone. Upon hearing the criticism, Juliet lost her temper and yelled a bunch of Spanish words at her and then yelled “shut up bitch. I hate you.” Natasha replied “the only bitch I see is you,” and began to cry about her victimization. She walked upstairs and felt overwhelmed with pain, and her father became overwhelmed with guilt. Fredrick threatened Juliet with divorce if she did not apologize, and therefore Juliet apologized. After a hug and a kiss, Natasha forgave Juliet, and everything went on as before. Natasha drowned her dismay in school work and took great pleasure in fashion. She would often wear high heels and a wide variety of skirts with various tops. She liked looking beautiful because she always felt precious despite Juliet’s abusive nature.

  One day Juliet did not include her at Christmas lunch. Juliet continued to only speak Spanish, and watch only Spanish television. Natasha never understood the potential for such hate, and began to feel like the Snow White princess, instead of herself.

  Eventually, Fredrick married Juliet, in the garden of their house, and despite the fact that he did not want children, she fell pregnant. She claimed to have forgotten to take her contraception. They eventually had a beautiful baby boy and the whole family seemed happy. She called her son Luis, and with his big brown eyes, chubby little face, and big smile he won the whole house over.

  Juliet felt like she did not have to be as nice anymore after having had a son, and secretly still resented the presence of Paulina and Natasha. She especially hated Natasha because of all the tension that had accumulated and the belief that Natasha somehow represented evil. Since Natasha’s serious illness, she felt a strong inclination to argue that Natasha had been born evil and therefore deserved punishment. While other women would have seen the big pink house as a reason to rejoice, and to feel enthusiasm and love, Juliet felt it a reason to look down on others and brag. Therefore she would at times order Natasha to clean up the kitchen, and if Natasha refused, she would start yelling “this is my house, you hear. My house.” And stomp off to her bedroom. Natasha felt frightened and attacked. On other instances, Juliet would sometimes talk to her friends on the phone in Spanish and say words like “puta,” Natasha would feel overwhelmed for she felt the conversation to be about her. She looked up the word “puta” in the Spanish English dictionary, and found out that she had been called a ‘bitch’ in Spanish. Her feelings of terror at the realization that her stepmother so hated her, made her feel overwhelmed, angry and scared. So one day as her step mother stood washing something at the kitchen sink, Natasha moved the faucet to wash something at the same time. Then Juliet moved the faucet back to her side, and then Natasha moved it again to her side. Eventually Juliet lost her temper and attacked Natasha by hitting her on the face. Then Natasha, frightened, ran upstair
s, and called her father. Several minutes later the police came and told Natasha to leave because Juliet had lied and claimed Natasha to have attacked her. Since the police found no evidence, Natasha merely left after telling her side of the story, and called her dad to tell him what had happened.

  After a few hours, Natasha went back home as her father had instructed her, and Juliet left to a friend’s house with her baby son. When her father returned from the business trip he had been on, he asked Juliet to apologize and then Natasha denied forgiveness because she had felt that lying to the police was the last strike, and constantly forgiving seemed foolish. Also an apology based on her father’s request seemed like a false apology.

  Natasha had felt animosity since the beginning of the relationship with Juliet. Even though they had spent a lot of time together in Miami, they had initially met each other in Caracas, Venezuela and there too, Natasha had felt the hatred of Juliet. Juliet had spoken to Fredrick in Spanish, and then got angry when Fredrick had interpreted what she had said. For the rest of that night she was grouchy and non-communicative and exuded hatred towards everyone by not talking.

  As a result of the unfixable break between his daughter and wife, Fredrick filed for divorce. He had constantly felt Juliet’s animosity and had finally realized the gravity of it when Juliet had called the police and lied. The thought of his daughter being hauled off to prison terrified him, and he felt a desire to protect her from the monster that Juliet had become. Although Juliet had always moved him with her beauty, her pregnancy had made her overweight with thinner hair, and therefore her usual youthful beauty had disappeared leaving her powerless over Fredrick. Her bigger than usual face seemed ugly to his refined male taste and her short stocky figure seemed repulsive.

  Despite Juliet’s ugliness, she possessed an inner sense of pride which made her hungry for all she could possess out of the divorce. She wanted everything and tried everything to get it. Although the prenuptial agreement would not let her take everything, she got half of the big pink house, a lot of money, and most of Fredrick’s paintings. Painting’s that he had always treasured, she took and relished taking. For example, a painting of a chess board come to life, he had gotten as a gift for his good management strategies from his employers; he lost to her. His picture of manatees, he also lost to her. He felt terrible, but relieved that he had lost a woman who could be called an evil step mother. He felt confident that he would maintain a relationship with his son and maintain a happy full life without Juliet, for he could not feel pride in the thought that she was his other half.

  Chapter 8

  After work, Gabriel Hatfield, felt devastated, about the way he had been called a “faggot.” Even though he loved himself, the hatred still hurt. As he looked in the little mirror in his car, he realized the boy had noticed residual mascara, and he felt ashamed for being unprofessional. He felt his make-up to embody a naughty secret rather than a constant everyday thing. He had been told off at school by teachers for wearing it, and he had been made fun of by some heterosexual boys. He could remember sometimes, crying, about being bullied. He eventually learned to accept it and began to see himself as the superior entity to his bullies. They would often throw stuff at him, on the school bus, call him bad names, such as “sodomite,” “faggot,” and “dick sucker.” As if they knew his sex life, and him, just because he chose to be gay. The word “faggot” sounded like maggot and it hurt. He felt pathetic, weak, and psychologically raped.

  He eventually began to feel that he could only like men because of the abuse, and therefore became completely homosexual instead of bisexual; because he saw homosexuality as a rebellion against evil. He remembered his high school crush. He had never taunted him, and therefore Gabriel loved him. His name had been Thomas, a tall athletic, blonde basketball player. Thomas dated a variety of women, but despite the women Thomas dated, he had always made Gabriel feel special. He had been Gabriel’s friend for a while. While they were friends, Gabriel often felt that Thomas’s casual touches symbolized something more than just friendship. He often secretly hoped that Thomas’s summer of not dating women, perhaps meant he had become gay. Then Gabriel decided to tell him the truth; to risk it all for just the possibility of loving him once. Gabriel often fantasized about Thomas; about kissing him, touching him, and making love to him. Although Gabriel’s fantasies about Thomas were sometimes sexual and masturbatory, more often they seemed romantic. He would listen to music, close his eyes, and imagine flying with Thomas on a pony, and imagine traveling to distant lands with him. He became so filled with love at times, that his whole body seemed to vibrate with it. The music and him became one, as every pulse in his body seemed to just love more than ever. So he eventually fell in love with Thomas, barely being able to function around him at times.

  He would wonder, what Thomas thought of him. Did the part that loved fashion, or knew to wear his jeans with just the right amount of tightness, and knew how to cut his hair to make his eyes look so beautiful, secretly admire Gabriel? Did Thomas on some level feel gay too? One summer, Gabriel decided to find out. He looked in the mirror and with admiration thought his friend must like him too. Although Gabriel’s massive lips, bright blue green eyes, and slender slightly arched nose seemed to say with pride, the world is yours he could not ask the one question that could break him, and make him cry. So he instead decided to ask Thomas what he thinks about gays.

  A Friday afternoon, during his sophomore year, Gabriel asked, “what do you think about homosexuals?”

  Then Thomas flashed his perfect smile and replied “why are you one?”

  Then Gabriel replied, “no.” Then, as he felt his fantasies come to life, his longings emerge, a sense of betrayal against the one person he loved overwhelmed him, and a blush passed through him, and he said “yes, actually.” He paused, and then asked “do you hate me?”

  Then Thomas began to feel uncomfortable, like his best friend had suddenly been taken over by a women. He had been raised to have compassion though, and as a result loved his friend for all the memories they had together. He then looked at his friend, and said “I don’t believe you. You always talk so much about women.”

  Then Gabriel shrugged and responded “I like some women, but I also like men.”

  Then Thomas asked, “why don’t you choose to be straight? Why don’t you try? The life of a homosexual can be very difficult.”

  Then Gabriel responded “I cannot deny what I feel. I love men and women. To me they are both beautiful, like twin forces in the universe. To me they are both incredible, and meant to be enjoyed.”

  Then Thomas pulled a face as he imagined his friend making love to him. The notion seemed disgusting.

  Unfortunately, Gabriel noticed the face that Thomas had pulled, and apologized by saying “I am sorry, I will try and be straight.”

  Then Thomas said “you do that. It is late, I better get going home.”

  Then they parted as friends, but with secret emotions they each resented in each other.

  Although, Thomas had not dated, for a while, and his singularity had given Gabriel courage and an added longing, Thomas began dating a girl who had been crushing on him for a while; the very next day. He asked her out that night over the phone. Her name was Trisha. Although he had previously found her curves flat and badly structured in comparison to Violet, the girl he considered the best looking; he decided to settle for Trisha and her imperfect shape, because of her cute smile, pretty face, and Violet’s commitment to Paul. Thomas felt like he desperately needed a girl, to take his mind off of Gabriel. He felt that female love would protect him from the gayness around him. He felt somehow victimized, as if his friendship had turned in to something vastly different from what he had wanted. He thought about Gabriel in a way that could never be friendly again. He constantly summed up his beauty, felt Gabriel’s love, and at times liked Gabriel, for Gabriel possessed an extraordinary attractiveness. He seemed to embody everything elite and perfect. Despite the manly beauty Gabriel pos
sessed, Thomas preferred the small irregular lumpy shape next to him, that seemed to want to do anything to please him. By looking at him and Trisha, one would think that Thomas’s ego felt bolstered and therefore fell in love with standing next to such an imperfect little shape because of the feeling of superiority. On the contrary, he felt imperfect because, to him, the little lumps were perfect, rounded balls of bliss. To him gayness would never be, and could never be something he could accept as part of himself. For he had been raised a Christian, and as part of those raisings he was taught that man had a choice to be like Adam with Eve, and that man should always make that choice.

  That night Thomas told Trisha about Gabriel, and eventually the whole school believed the most beautiful boy in school to be completely queer. Women stopped coming on to him, for as the rumor spread the bisexual part just got left out. Eventually people started calling him “faggot” and only a few outcasts socialized with him.

  Thomas and Gabriel’s relationship gradually fell apart, because Gabriel felt too embarrassed to be the best friend of his rejecting love. He thought about Thomas a lot, and felt that Thomas had started dating because of him. The humiliation drove him crazy with grief. He could not bear to look at Thomas and therefore felt grateful that they shared no classes. He began to avoid Thomas in the hallways, and often fell asleep crying because he still loved Thomas, but he felt that Thomas hated him. He decided that he could hardly function as Thomas’s reject, and therefore tried to fix the problem by trying to stop liking him. He tried to feel anger over the way Thomas told everyone his secret, but to no avail, he only began to feel shame, because the betrayal only hurt. He could not be angry at the love of his life. So he tried to love women more, but then he wondered how he could live in a lie like heterosexuality. The lie that claimed one sex to be superior to another. A lie that forced humiliation upon each and every human, forcing them to feel self-hate in the shadow of an opposing object. Gabriel could not bear the thought of his mind becoming so fractured with lies and humiliation, and therefore developed a sense of pride, he would never be able to deny. He was a homosexual, and the word “faggot” would always be beautiful for that.